Found
by WordRunner
Summary: Repost. Sequel to Lost. Following the worst year of their lives, Ana and Christian struggle to get their lives back on track.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything Fifty Shades related. It all belongs to EL James.**

 **A/N: This is a repost of a story I had up a while back and is the sequel to _Lost._ Enjoy.  
**

"Ana, good morning."

Ana entered the office, gave Dr. Flynn what was, by now, her customary tight smile, and sat in one of the leather couches. Flynn crossed the room to sit in his armchair with his notepad and pen, and gave her his customary genuine, friendly smile. So far, Flynn was the only person she'd encountered from her "old life," as she'd taken to calling it, that always seemed pleased to see her and didn't harbor any bitterness towards her for what she'd done a year ago. Though, she admitted sardonically, he was being paid one hell of a fee to hold back that bitterness... Still, it was comforting.

"Morning, Dr. Flynn," she said quietly. "How's Rhian?"

"She's well," Flynn said warmly. "I'll tell her you were asking after her." He paused a moment, posing pen over paper. "How are you, Ana?"

She sighed. _Always the tough questions, John..._ "All right, I suppose."

Flynn nodded and he very briefly pursed his lips in what she thought might be disappointment. She'd been giving him the same answer without fail for two weeks. "How are you sleeping?"

"Fitfully," she said dully. "Tossing and turning a lot. Waking up every few hours."

"Nightmares?"

She nodded, staring down at her fingers.

"Shall we discuss them?"

"They haven't changed," she whispered, still not looking up at him. Her eyes filled with tears every time she thought of the nightmares. She and Flynn had dissected every detail of every one of them, and the only result she'd seen for that so far was _more_ nightmares.

"So, no?" Flynn checked wryly. She shook her head. "Okay. How's Teddy?"

Ana finally smiled genuinely at him. "He's great," she said sincerely. "So sweet and so funny. He doesn't seem to resent me for leaving..."

"Well, small children like Teddy don't really know anything about feelings like resentment. It's something we learn as we grow, typically from being hurt over and over," Flynn said matter-of-factly.

"That I know," Ana muttered. "Christian's a master at it."

Flynn straightened up a little more in his chair. "Christian," he said quietly. "How are things between the two of you?"

Ana laughed bitterly. "Horrible," she said bluntly. "He's barely spoken to me in weeks. He keeps me at arm's length. I can't even tell you the last time he looked me in the eye."

"Have you tried insisting the two of you have a holiday together, just the two of you?"

"Yes," she said sadly. "He always makes excuses of having to work longer hours or entertain visiting business partners, or that he doesn't want to leave Teddy... It's almost like he doesn't even want to _try_ to fix us."

Flynn scribbled something in his notepad. "Have you tried just talking to him, telling him how you're feeling?"

Ana gave him a _don't-be-stupid_ look. "Of course I have. Whenever I bring any of it up, it ends in an argument. He's not even sharing our bed anymore. He claims he comes to bed after I'm asleep and gets up before I wake, but the guestroom bed is always unmade when I've checked. I almost wonder why I bothered to come back if this is what I'm going to have to endure for the rest of my life."

Flynn gave her an admonishing look, but didn't comment.

"I just don't know what to do anymore," she said tiredly. "I know I can't expect to just walk back into this wonderful life I had a year ago and have things be exactly as they were. Everything is different, especially with me and Christian. And I know you can't say anything since you're treating him as well as me, but..." she trailed off, biting her lip. "Has he at least been talking to you?"

Flynn sighed, seemingly debating what he was going to tell her. "Yes," he finally said. "He's been very forthcoming about what he's going through."

"And I suppose you can't tell me anything," she said.

"As a doctor, no," he told her bluntly. "Doctor/patient confidentiality and all that. As a friend, however..." He hesitated as she looked up eagerly, silently begging for some small clue to her husband's psyche. "I don't think I need to tell you how horrible the last year was for him, Anastasia. For a few months, he stopped coming to see me." This wasn't news to her; Kate had told her this. "He refused my calls, refused my visits, even though they were purely friendly in nature. I believe it was Christian's brother Elliot and your mother-in-law that finally managed to get him back here. All I can tell you about how he's currently feeling is that he's afraid."

Ana's mouth dropped open slightly. "Afraid..." she said, testing the word.

"Yes," Flynn replied. "He's lost you once. He's gotten you back. He's angrier than I think he's ever been in his life, and that anger is directed at a multitude of people, including you to a degree. Christian is afraid that if he doesn't keep you at arm's length until he's managed to get his anger under control that he'll either chase you off again or hurt you. Some of his anger is directed inwardly; he feels inadequate and lost. Much like you, Christian has many issues to work through. And with time, I do believe you both will come out on the other side happy and together. Patience, Ana. You will get through to him."

Ana sighed and shook her head minutely. She and Dr. Flynn had been having this same discussion for the two weeks that she'd been seeing him. So far none of his suggestions had done anything but annoy Christian, even though she was certain Flynn had been telling him the same things in regards to her. The only conclusion she'd been able to make was that either Christian truly wasn't ready to get past the last year or his wife had fucked up so thoroughly that he couldn't find it in himself to forgive her, but he still didn't have the heart to kick her out of the house.

Half an hour later, Ana left her session with Dr. Flynn feeling like she did after every other one: bemused, slightly cheated, and just as lost as ever.

* * *

Christian stood in his study, back to the door as he stared out the window at the gray, dreary, rainy Washington day. He'd intended to spend the entirety of the day at work finalizing negotiations before he and Ros flew to Taiwan next week. This deal had been six months in the making and they were so close to closing. But of course, as had been the case since Anastasia had come home, he'd been unable to focus on his work. Ros had been understanding about it so far, telling him to go home and relax with his family, but it couldn't possibly be much longer before she became just as fed up with his behavior has he himself had become.

He just couldn't seem to shake his wandering thoughts. Everything was jumbled and confused in his mind. He was happy to have his wife home, elated actually, but at the same time, every time he looked at her or thought about touching her, all he could think of was that he was no longer the only man who had been with her. He thought he'd come to terms with what had happened between Jack Hyde and Ana, and he thought understood what she said her reasoning was, but whenever he attempted to make things right again, something held him back. It could have been her, it could have been him, or it could have been a combination of the both of them. They somehow managed to play happy-couple in public or around their son, smiling at each other, holding hands. Christian even kissed his wife briefly over the weekend; he still couldn't get the thought of Ana's entire body stiffening in shock as their lips met for that few seconds. Afterwards, Ana hadn't been able to meet his eyes; if she had, she'd have seen the longing and the desperation he'd felt to get back to normal. And he was certain her body language had told him that she was disappointed to have lost that contact with him as well.

"This is so fucked," he muttered under his breath, running his hands roughly through his hair. A moment later he stiffened, catching movement behind him reflected in the window. He took in a deep breath and let it out slowly before addressing her. "I thought you had an appointment with Dr. Flynn?"

Ana sighed warily. "I did," she told him quietly. "Just got back."

He nodded and turned to face her, and sucked in a surprised gasp. It looked as though she'd been crying. Again. This certainly wasn't the first time he'd seen her like this, and every time, his first instinct was to go to her, hold her, comfort her, then find and beat the hell out of whoever had made her cry. Problem was he was pretty certain he was one of the biggest reasons for her tears. "How'd it go?" he asked softly, crossing his arms.

She shrugged, mirroring his posture. "Same as always."

He nodded again, this time in disappointment. This was the only answer she'd given him over the last two weeks. Then again, it was the only answer he'd given her after his own sessions with Flynn.

"Thought you were working all day?" she asked tentatively.

"Finished early," he lied. "I was considering taking Teddy out on the boat, but..." He gestured uselessly at the window, clearly showing it was not good boating weather.

"Oh," she said awkwardly, looking down at her feet. Her brow furrowed and she looked as though she wanted to say something. After a moment, however, she shook her head minutely and looked back up, a fake smile in place. "Well, I think I'll go have some lunch. Teddy's playing with his legos in the living room and watching cartoons."

Christian nodded. "I'll be down in a little while," he told her. She gave him another smile that was more of a grimace than anything, then turned on her heel and started off down the hallway. He called out to her before he lost his nerve again. "Ana." She turned back to him again, a look on her face so hopeful that all he wanted to do was take her in his arms, take her to bed, and lose himself in her. But again, the wall was back in place. _Fuck..._ "Don't forget. There's a fundraising dinner at my parents' on Friday night."

He then closed his eyes to avoid seeing the disappointment and hurt on her face. "Right," she said, her voice choked with emotion. "I remember."

When his eyes opened, she was gone.

 _Nice one, Grey. Back in high school, are we, with the inability to talk to a girl, even though she's your fucking wife?_

Half an hour later, after inwardly berating himself for his recent behavior, Christian decided to make his way downstairs for a bite of lunch. Four years ago, there never would have been any hesitation about what he would do in regards to Anastasia. He'd have taken her into his playroom, taken out a bit of frustration and anger and pain on her, then he would have fucked her into oblivion, and afterwards, they'd have had a thorough discussion about everything. But he'd changed since Teddy had been born. He no longer considered himself a Dom, at least not seriously, and he knew that no matter how therapeutic it might be, he couldn't make these issues go away with spankings and punishment fucks.

He found his wife and son in the living room, drawn to them by Teddy's infectious giggle. They were seated on the floor in front of the television where some cartoon was playing quietly in the background while they built what looked to be a helicopter out of legos. He leaned against the doorframe, hands tucked in his pockets, and just watched them. There had been no hesitation on Teddy's part to welcome Ana back into his life. He'd been a little shy to begin with, as he was with people he didn't really know, but it had only taken Ana tickling him and making him laugh before he began treating his mother the way he did Christian. They played together, Ana read stories to him before tucking him in for the night, did all the things a mother and son would do together. Much as he didn't want to admit it, there had been times over the last few weeks when Christian was quite jealous of his son. It had all been so easy for the little boy—there was no resentment, no anger, no loss of trust. In fact, Teddy hadn't ever seemed happier.

Christian sighed audibly, drawing the attention of his son. "Daddy!" he said happily, reaching out to very carefully pick up the lego creation he and his mother were building. "Look, it's Charlie Tango!"

Ana glanced up at him nervously, smiling at Teddy's eagerness. When her eyes met Christian's, he felt the longing between them and had to swallow hard to subdue his wanting of her. "Very good, Teddy," he praised, pushing off the wall and crossing the room. He sat down on the floor with his family, keeping a bit of distance between himself and Ana, and he felt rather than saw her entire demeanor change. Her breathing had become shallow, her pupils dilated, and her cheeks and neck were slightly flushed. It took every ounce of self-control not to give in to her silent pleas for him to drag her back up the stairs. To distract himself, he reached into the pile of legos and picked out a few thinner pieces, explaining to Teddy what the rotors on helicopters did. Every so often, his eyes darted out towards Anastasia, seeing her eyes darting _away_ from him as she tried to control her breathing. He spotted her biting her lip and managed to bite back a groan. Over and over, he had to remind himself that tackling his wife to the ground and having his way with her in front of their son would only traumatize and scar him for life.

 _Fuck. It's going to be a long day..._


	2. Chapter 2

Friday arrived quickly. After her session with Flynn, Ana had met Kate for lunch and together, they'd gone shopping for dresses before the Greys' fundraiser that evening. For the first time in far too long, Ana actually felt herself letting go and enjoying herself. It was amusing to watch Kate, normally so elegant and confident when buying new clothing, frowning between the dresses she'd like to wear and her seven-months pregnant belly. She easily recalled when she'd been pregnant with Teddy and how Kate and Mia routinely dragged her out and about for new clothing. Whenever she complained about the way things fit when she tried them on, both of them rolled their eyes and impatiently pushed her to try something else.

 _Oh, how the tables have turned Kavanagh..._ She smirked as Kate stalked back off to the dressing rooms.

Her hip buzzed, causing her to jump before pulling her BlackBerry from her pocket. There was a new e-mail from Christian and Ana's heart rate sped up at the sight; she'd nearly forgotten all about the banter she and Christian used to exchange throughout their days to make them a bit more exciting. With slightly shaking fingers, she opened the e-mail and read eagerly.

* * *

 **From:** Christian Grey

 **Subject:** This evening's fundraiser

 **Date:** August 15, 2015 11:23

 **To:** Anastasia Grey

Anastasia, though I am certain you've not forgotten, I thought it prudent to remind you of the fundraiser this evening and that the dress code is black tie. I will be home shortly after 6 o'clock and we will be departing for Bellevue at 6:45. Please make yourself ready by then.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

Ana tried not to feel too disappointed. At least Christian was communicating with her, even if it was to simply remind her about their evening's plans. Before she realized it, she was responding with her own e-mail.

* * *

 **From:** Anastasia Grey

 **Subject:** This evening's fundraiser

 **Date:** August 15, 2014 11:25

 **To:** Christian Grey

Mr. Grey,

I have not forgotten about the fundraiser, but I appreciate the reminder. Kate and I are currently searching for something to impress all of your parents' rich acquaintances. I will be ready to leave at the aforementioned time. I look forward to seeing you.

Ana x

* * *

She stowed her BlackBerry back into her pocket as Kate emerged from the dressing rooms in what Ana estimated to be the fifth dress she'd tried on since they arrived in this store. Kate raised a tentative eyebrow, silently asking if this dress was any better than the others. Ana narrowed her eyes, critically examining the dress and Kate all the while trying to hide her amusement. As always, Kate looked incredible. The dress fitted her well, managing not to accentuate her belly the way the others did.

"Well?" Kate asked after about two minutes of Ana's inspection.

Ana smiled at her and Kate relaxed immediately. "Perfect," she confirmed.

"Finally!" Kate sighed exaggeratedly. "Shit, if I'd realized this is what would be like, I don't think I'd have let Elliot anywhere near me to get me pregnant."

Laughing, Ana rolled her eyes. "Come on," she said, snickering. "We've still got to get our hair done..."

* * *

"So how are things between you and Christian?" Kate asked an hour and a half later as they grabbed a quick bite to eat before heading home to prepare for the evening.

Ana sighed, taking a bite of her salad.

"That good?" Kate asked sympathetically.

"Could be better," Ana admitted. "Much better. We're not arguing, but we're not really talking, either. It's almost like we've reached an impasse and neither of us wants to be the one to jump over the edge in order to move on to whatever's next."

Kate nodded thoughtfully. "Is he still sleeping in the guestroom?"

"Yes," Ana said sadly. "I think he thinks I have no idea about it, since he comes to bed so late and gets up so early, but..." She shrugged uncertainly.

"Do you think he's accepted what happened with you and Hyde?"

"No idea. There are times I think he has, but other times, he's so angry. And yes, I realize anger is nothing new for Christian Grey, but this is above and beyond almost anything." She shuddered. "He won't talk to me about any of it. He won't talk about what happened at Elena Lincoln's that night. Hell, he won't even talk about what happened to Ryan."

"Not much of a talker, him," Kate agreed distractedly, taking a sip of her drink. She was silent for a few moments before glancing back up at Ana, her determined expression in place. Ana inwardly steeled herself for whatever would come next. "And how are you?"

Ana's eyebrows rose slightly. The question wasn't the same one posed by the others in her life—the only time most people asked her how she was when they were trying to be polite. Flynn was the only person so far who'd placed any real depth into the question. To have her best friend finally displaying some real curiosity and concern about her well-being was... refreshing, to say the least. "I'm doing better," Ana finally said softly. "I think I'm still getting used to being back and the feeling of being safe again." She hesitated. She hadn't told anyone but Christian and Flynn about what had happened with Hyde in any real detail. Did she really want to open this can of worms with Kate? Would she understand any of it or would she look at Ana in disgust and walk away from her forever?

"What?" Kate asked softly when Ana didn't go on. "Come on, Steele. You can tell me..."

Sighing, pushed away her salad, her appetite suddenly long gone. "Nightmares," she said very quietly. "So many nightmares. Flashbacks almost..."

"About what?" Kate whispered. The expression on her face said she was reluctant to hear the answer.

"Everything," Ana said. "Jack mostly. I've spent the last year living in complete and utter fear every second of the day. When I wasn't concerned about myself, I was concerned about Christian and Teddy. There were so many times that I almost wished Jack would have killed me, just so I wouldn't have to face any of it anymore."

Kate's jaw had fallen open. "Oh, Ana," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

"Not even the worst of it," Ana said, managing a wry, humorless smile. "Even now there are nights I wake up in bed and think it might have been better for everyone if Jack _had_ killed me."

"Stop," Kate said forcefully. "I swear to god, Ana, if I ever hear you say something like that, I will kick your ass. I know you haven't told me even a quarter of the things that happened with Hyde, but most of us have done our fair share of assumptions..." Ana stared at Kate in shock and dismay; of course the family had been talking about her behind her back, she'd expected that. To hear Kate admit it out loud, though... "We've all been hesitant when it comes to you, because none of us knows how you're coping. But that doesn't mean we don't love you or that we've not missed you. Don't you ever think for one goddamn second that we wish you weren't here. Got it?"

Ana nodded meekly, slightly surprised at Kate's outburst. "Got it," she agreed quickly. Kate continued to glare for a few minutes before nodding and returning to her meal. "Jack's been released from the hospital."

Kate looked up in surprise, eyeing Ana's probably terrified face. "He's not getting to you again, Ana," she said confidently. "If Christian isn't there to protect you, you've got an entire army of over-protective family members to do it. Besides, Carrick is going to ensure that bastard doesn't see the light of day. Ever."

Ana smiled slightly. "Yeah, I know," she said quietly. "I still have to face him, though. At the trial."

"You'll be fine. We'll all be there for you," she promised.

For the first time since her return to Seattle, Ana felt completely reassured and safe. After paying the bill for their lunch, both women stood. "Come on, I need to get home to my son and get ready for tonight..."

* * *

Entering the house just after six o'clock, Christian tried to switch his mind from CEO to family man. His day had been frustrating and tedious, only made worse by the anticipation of the evening. This would be the first time since Anastasia's return that the two of them would be in a truly social setting apart from their family together and he had no idea what to expect. The details of what had occurred two weeks ago with Teddy, Hyde, Elena, and Christian weren't public knowledge, but there hadn't been any way possible to keep things entirely secret. Elena's death had been huge news in the community. She had been a staple in the local business world, she had many friends, and some people, namely those who didn't know the truth about her and her proclivities for BDSM and much younger men, would miss her. Christian often believed it was more of the shock of her death that had caused such an uproar. Then there had been the deaths of David Callahan and Ryan, which were shadowed by Elena's, but were still topics of conversation. Christian certainly didn't feel like talking about any of it, not to his family, not to Flynn; though, admittedly, Flynn had somehow coerced him into discussing those things.

When it came to Elena, Christian didn't really know what to think. He hadn't seen the woman much over the last few years—every so often, their paths had crossed, but Christian had studiously avoided her whenever possible. Some portion of his mind was sad over the loss—Elena's death had been unnecessary, and he couldn't stop thinking he'd been at fault for it. The number of times he'd gone over what he'd seen in Elena's playroom had been infinite—whenever he closed his eyes, he saw Elena reaching for Hyde's gun, then Hyde's surprise at her nerve, then Hyde pulling the trigger and Elena's shocked expression as she was shot. Christian still saw her wide open eyes staring at him from the floor, almost begging him to help her.

Sleep had been nearly impossible these last few weeks. Every time he prepared for bed, his first intuition was to go into his own bedroom, climb into bed beside his wife, pull her into his arms, and experience a nightmare-free sleep. He hadn't, though, and he knew Ana had noticed, even if she hadn't brought it up. He just wasn't ready yet and he didn't think she was either. Until they were, it was best to keep on the way they were, no matter how much it hurt.

"We'll be leaving in forty minutes, Taylor," Christian muttered to his head of security.

"Yes, sir," Taylor acknowledged. The two men split off in different directions—Taylor to his and Gail's apartment; Christian to his bedroom.

Teddy was nowhere to be found, which probably meant he was eating his dinner before his parents left for the evening—it seemed to be the only time Teddy kept quiet for any length of time. As he reached the upstairs, he heard the shower running in the master bedroom, which meant Ana was showering. He entered the bedroom, finding the dress she'd picked out for the evening and he began to smile. There was no doubt in his mind that she would look absolutely stunning in this...

Setting that thought aside along with the ones of the things he would normally do when he found his wife in the shower, Christian removed his suit and tie and left the room, heading to another bathroom to dress for the evening.

When Christian finished dressing, he quickly made his way downstairs, noting he and Ana would need to leave in about ten minutes. He arrived in the family room where he stopped cold at the sight that met him. Ana was kneeled on the floor with Teddy talking to him or playing with him or something—Christian's mind couldn't quite decide what she was doing—and she looked absolutely delectable. Her hair was down and curled. She wore earrings he immediately recognized as the "second chance" earrings he'd given her after their reconciliation four years ago. He'd been right; she looked absolutely incredible in her black dress that came just above her knees. The low-cut front revealed just enough of a view for Christian's eyes to widen.

It took him several moments to snap himself out of the daze and clear his throat to attract his wife and son's attention. They both looked up and Christian saw his wife's eyes widen and glaze over as she took in his appearance.

"We should go," Christian said hoarsely, tearing his eyes from Ana and clearing his throat again. "Teddy, you'll behave for Mrs. Taylor, won't you?"

Teddy stood up and nodded gravely at his father. "Yes, Daddy."

Christian smiled and crossed the room to take his son in his arms. He'd found a new appreciation for his son—the day Teddy had gone missing had been the worst Christian had ever endured and while before then he thought he couldn't possibly love or appreciate his son anymore, he'd somehow managed to do so. He'd come far too close to losing his son and he would never take him for granted again.

"We'll be home late, Teddy. And I have to work for a little while tomorrow, but we'll spend some time together before I leave for Taiwan on Sunday, okay?" Christian said.

"Do you have to go?" Teddy pleaded, playing with his father's tie.

Christian smiled sadly. "Afraid so, son. It won't be for long, though, okay?"

Teddy sighed, but nodded resignedly. "Okay."

A few minutes later, Christian and Ana were in the back of the SUV with Taylor driving. If it were at all possible for them to be sitting any farther apart from one another, Christian was sure they'd manage it. As they drove, Christian's eyes were continually drawn to his wife, watching her staring out the tinted windows with a frown on her face, fidgeting with her clutch purse. She looked as nervous as he felt and he didn't know how to ease her concerns since he couldn't seem to ease his own.

"Hey," he said quietly to her, tentatively reaching over to run a finger over the back of her hand. She shivered slightly at the touch—whether in a good way or bad, he wasn't sure—as she turned her head to look at him questioningly. "You okay?"

She forced a smile onto her face. "Yeah, of course," she said in a falsely light voice.

He sighed. "It'll be okay," he told her, uncertain to what he was referring to—the fundraiser or them. "Everyone will be pleased to see you."

She nodded distractedly, turning back to look out the window again. He rolled his eyes at himself and hit his head on the window. Whether the people at the fundraiser would be pleased to see her or not, there would still be whispers and suspicious glances. These people hadn't seen her in a year and in that time, they'd all come to their own conclusions about what had happened between her and Christian. Gossip spread like wildfire in communities such as theirs and the Greys had sparked more than their average share.

* * *

When they arrived at Christian's parents' house, the fundraiser was in full swing already. Before Ana could open her own door, Christian had hopped out of the SUV and walked around to do it for her. He had his shy smile in place as he held out a hand for her to take and she couldn't help but smile back.

"Thank you," she said to him with her own shy smile.

"My pleasure, Mrs. Grey," he murmured to her, placing her arm through his as he led her up the front path of the house.

Carrick and Grace greeted them happily and ushered them through towards the backyard where the standard marquee had been set up. After Christian consulted the seating chart, he led Ana through the crowd, stopping every so often to greet and talk to people. Perhaps it was her imagination, but everyone's eyes seemed to linger on her a little too long, their smiles and polite words a little too brittle, and she wanted nothing more than to just go home and curl up in bed.

That wasn't an option. And she knew it.

Finally they arrived at their table. Kate and Elliot, and Mia and Ethan were already there, talking happily. All of them greeted Ana and Christian warmly, and Ana finally felt herself begin to relax as Christian pulled out a chair for her and sat down at her side. Conversation was light as they discussed the preparations Kate and Elliot were making for the impending arrival of their first child, and it didn't take much of this for Ana to begin feeling guilty. It wasn't only Christian and Teddy she'd abandoned; she'd abandoned her best friend, the woman who had been there for her through the worst times in her life. They'd always planned on being there for each other throughout pregnancies and all the other important times of their lives. Ana had failed in that aspect, and hundreds of others.

Just before dinner was to be served, Christian's parents and grandparents rounded out their table and Ana could finally pretend that this wasn't some big fancy fundraiser, but a family gathering. Grace's parents had greeted Ana warmly, almost as though she hadn't disappeared on their grandson at all. But despite the warmness, Ana continued to feel out of place. She hadn't thought this fundraiser would be a big deal, but her thoughts continued to dwell on the last year of her life, the darkest she'd ever experienced. She didn't belong here and everyone around her knew it.

She knew Christian was gazing at her concernedly all throughout their meal, but he wasn't even chiding her to eat, something he tended to do no matter what happened between them. What did that mean? Perhaps this was a hint of things to come; perhaps it meant Christian didn't care anymore about her or them.

Willing herself not to cry, she was jolted from her thoughts when Christian's grandfather's voice boomed across the table.

"When're you going to take that beautiful wife of yours out on the dance floor, Christian?" he demanded.

Only now did Ana realize dinner had been cleared from the table—she didn't think she managed more of a few bites of anything—and people were beginning to move towards the dance floor. Ana's eyes widened as she glanced slightly fearfully at her husband. She wasn't sure what she wanted his answer to be. Christian had turned towards her, his head cocked to the side, a slow smile growing on his face as he raised his eyebrows at her.

"Very good question," he murmured to Ana, pushing his chair back and holding a hand out to her. "What do you say, Mrs. Grey?"

Ana could only blink at him in shock. Two weeks of no real interaction between them, and now twice, in one evening no less, he'd held out his hand to her and called her Mrs. Grey. When was the last time he'd done that? Omaha...? The longer Ana sat staring at her husband's hand in disbelief the more uncertain he became. His eyes darted around the table and a faint blush crept up his neck, his eyes turning sad. It hit Ana suddenly that Christian believed he was being rejected. And in front of his family no less...

She let a smile appear on her face and tentatively placed her hand in his, feeling relief fill his body as he closed his fingers around hers to pull her to a standing position. "Only if you'd like to," she told him shyly.

His smile reappeared and he looked genuinely happy for the first time in her presence. The only time she saw that smile on his face was when he was interacting with Teddy. "It would be an honor..."

* * *

As she turned into his arms, Christian finally allowed himself to feel comfortable. He hadn't forgotten how he felt with his arms around Ana, how at home he felt, but he had forgotten the sense of wonder and belonging that filled him. He pulled her closer, resting a cheek on her hair and just inhaled her scent for a moment. Part of him was becoming annoyed; he was still angry and here he was, letting a dance that he was goaded into having by his grandfather go to his head. He tried to tell himself nothing had changed, but when Ana rested her head on his shoulder, he knew it was a lie. Everything had changed.

"Having a good time?" he murmured into her ear.

She tensed slightly, and though he couldn't see her face, he knew she was smiling. "I am now," she replied.

He gasped almost inaudibly, understanding the meaning of her words immediately. 'Me, too," he whispered, kissing her hair.

All too soon, their dance was over and they were returning to their table, hand-in-hand. Christian had no real memory of the rest of the function. He kept a firm hold on his wife's hand, and she his, and thought about what to do next. He didn't think either of them was ready to just leap right back into things; they still had so much to discuss. Not to mention he still didn't know whether anything could even work out between them again, depressing as that thought truly was.

The night was drawing to a close when Christian finally made up his mind. "Walk with me?" he said quietly to Ana.

She jumped a little in surprise as she turned, her wide, nervous eyes telling him she'd been having the same thoughts. "Okay," she whispered.

Giving her a reassuring smile and wink, he pulled them both up to their feet again, giving his curious family a murmured explanation that didn't make sense even to his own ears. He could feel anxiety rolling off Ana in waves as they left the marquee and headed off into the backyard.

"The boathouse?" she asked, her voice high-pitched in what he perceived to be panic and maybe even a little bit of excitement.

He smirked slightly. "Certainly holds its own appeal," he murmured to her. "But no."

She didn't question him any further as they bypassed the boathouse and stepped out onto the dock.

"Sit," he ordered gently, holding both her hands as she stepped out of her heels before sitting, her legs dangling over the edge. He took of his own socks and shoes and sat beside her. For a few minutes, they sat in silence side-by-side, their legs pressed together while Christian got his thoughts in order. He was nervous, unsure what would come out once he opened his mouth. Finally, he decided just to get on with it. "I know I haven't really been what you need these last few weeks. I want to be so badly, but I just can't right now."

"Christian," she said quietly.

He shook his head. "Don't," he said firmly. "Let me say this." She sighed, but closed her mouth. "I can't even begin to tell you what it means to me that you've stayed with me even though I've been acting so coldly towards you. I'm still trying to wrap my head around everything that's happened, and yes, I'm still fucking angry, but Flynn's been helping me channel that into other things and I'm trying. I want to get back to the way things were and I know that can't happen, no matter how hard we try. What I don't know is whether I can get past all this shit enough to attempt anything resembling normal."

She nodded slowly. "Or whether it would work out if we did attempt it."

"Exactly," he whispered.

"I hate this, Christian," she finally said, her body heaving as she began to cry. Immediately he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her against him. "I want _us_ back. But I'm absolutely terrified that no matter what I do or say, you'll never stop seeing me as someone who hurt you. I can't erase what happened, Christian; I wish I could, but I can't. I hate what happened and I'll never forget it."

He swallowed hard, deciding not to mention that he'd seen and heard the reactions to some of her nightmares.

"I just want to know that it doesn't disgust you to look at me," she pleaded in a whisper.

His eyes widened in shock at her words. "Ana, you could _never_ disgust me," he told her emphatically. "I could look at you all day, baby."

She met his eyes steadily. "You haven't touched me in weeks, Christian."

He glanced down at their thighs and the hands they'd entwined at some point. "We're touching now," he countered.

"That's not what I mean, and you know it," she said exasperatedly. She sounded borderline angry and it sobered his teasing mood immediately.

"I know," he said softly, bringing their hands to his lips and kissing her fingers. "Please don't think I don't want to." _If you knew what I wanted to do to you, you'd probably be running for the fucking hills..._ "I just need a bit more time." He sighed heavily. "Look, I leave for Taiwan on Sunday night. When I come home, I want to take you and Teddy somewhere, just the three of us. Maybe out on the boat for a few days. You and I still have a lot to think through, and while I'm gone, I want you to really think about what you want in terms of us and I'll do the same. Until we work through our issues, we're not going to get anywhere. What do you think?"

She nodded, a small smile on her face. "It's a good idea," she told him shyly. "I'd really like to get away and I'd really like to work things out."

He nodded his own agreement. He wanted to say he wanted to work things out as well, but he couldn't quite get the words out. "Until next weekend then," he concluded, kissing her fingers again. "Would you like to stay here a bit longer or go home, Mrs. Grey?"

"I like it here," she said hesitantly, looking at him to check it was okay to make up her mind. "Can we stay a little longer?"

He smiled his response and held her closer. When they eventually decided to call it a night, Christian felt his shoulders drop several inches and he felt as though the world had been taken off his shoulders. He didn't know if that feeling would linger, but now there was a light at the end of the tunnel and nothing had looked more wonderful to him.


	3. Chapter 3

The next week both dragged on and flew by for Ana. She spent all her waking moments with Teddy, playing in the yard, taking him out shopping and for lunch, taking him to movies when the weather wasn't the best. And she loved every second of it. As much as she tried not to dwell on the last year, every night in bed, she lay awake staring at the ceiling wondering how she had possibly lived without her baby for so long. At every meal they shared, Teddy talked about anything and everything that came to his mind. He talked about his toys, his family, his father, his favorite cartoons, and Ana couldn't think of anything more incredible than continuing to learn every little thing about him.

Naturally, Teddy was a carbon copy of his father, down to the foods he ate and his occasional bossiness or temperamental moods. If Teddy was over tired and hadn't gotten his nap during the day, he tended to throw fits that would make his father incredibly proud. Even in these moments, Ana couldn't stop smiling.

When she did find some time to herself, usually in the evenings when Teddy had gone to bed, her thoughts lingered with her husband. She replayed their conversation at the fundraiser over and over in her mind, thinking about everything he'd said and the things he hadn't. There hadn't been any definite answers as to whether he believed they had a future together, but his tone had been hopeful, especially when he'd been talking about getting the three of them away from Seattle for a few days. She couldn't wait for his return and their subsequent departure for _The Grace_.

Not much else had transpired between her and Christian the night of the fundraiser apart from an awkward kiss between them that left both of them wanting more. Christian had muttered something and shuffled off to do some work in his office, leaving Ana to, once again, sleep alone in their bed. Before he'd left for Taiwan, he had sought her out, reminding her of his promise to take her and Teddy away for the weekend, and to remind her to think about what it was she wanted for them. He'd kissed her then once more, filling his kiss with gentleness, longing, and something else she couldn't quite name. Whatever that was, she felt it too, and she couldn't wait to see him again.

Just as she had promised him, she'd been thinking almost nonstop about her future with Christian. She knew she wanted him back in whatever way she could get him, but she wasn't sure whether she could handle the tense distance between them for the rest of her life. It was a lonely existence, having her husband with her under the same roof, but sleeping without him every night. They were both experiencing nightmares—she'd heard his from their bedroom several nights since she'd been back. A few of them had been so bad that she'd actually gone to the guestroom where he'd been sleeping to try to quiet him down a bit before he woke Teddy. It had only taken a simple, gentle brushing of his hair back from his forehead to calm him again, and she'd returned to bed, crying into her pillow and wishing she could have crawled into bed with him to help him sleep better. Hadn't he always told her he never had nightmares when he slept with her? She wondered often whether the same would be true for her as well, whether if Christian was holding her as she slept she'd have any of _her_ nightmares.

Really, they were more flashbacks than anything. Anytime she closed her eyes, she saw Jack Hyde and his evil, lust-filled smirk. She recalled all the feelings of his slimy, chilling touch. She remembered in vivid detail everything he ever did to her and how it had taken her nearly three months to find her "happy place," the place she took herself whenever Jack was with her.

Then there was the overwhelming feeling of finding out she was pregnant, all thanks to Jack's routine, forced pregnancy tests. It was her belief then that it had been Jack's intention all along to impregnate her, probably so that if Christian did somehow manage to find her, he couldn't possibly want her back when she was carrying another man's child. Until she made the decision to abort the pregnancy, something that continued to cause her great strife, she couldn't help but focus on the thought that a pregnancy should have been an incredibly happy time for her. Thanks to Jack fucking Hyde, though, she couldn't enjoy it the way she had her pregnancy with Teddy. There were still times that she wished she had kept that baby, regardless of its father. The baby hadn't done anything wrong; it hadn't been the baby's fault that it was conceived through such vicious, cruel means...

Maybe, if things ever improved between her and Christian, they might be able to consider having a second child, one that would be loved unconditionally, with two parents who would do anything for it.

 _Getting a little ahead of ourselves, aren't we?_ asked her subconscious grumpily. _For all you know, he's in Taiwan debating on the best way to deliver the divorce papers—in person or by courier service..._

Ana rolled her eyes, refusing to allow herself to think like this. Yes, there were still things she and Christian needed to work through—a mountain of things—and she needed to have a little faith. Faith that her husband still loved her and wanted her. Faith that she could move past what was the darkest time in her life and be the woman she'd been just a year ago. Faith that one day she'd be truly happy again.

She woke rather suddenly in the very early hours of Friday morning, her eyes wide. It was still dark outside and it took her several moments to realize what it had been that woke her: Beside the bed, sat a dark, solitary figure. For one terrible minute, she thought it might be Jack Hyde; she then recalled Jack couldn't be here. Carrick had called her in the middle of the week to tell her Jack had been transferred to a maximum security jail and was under 24/7 surveillance until his trial. She let out a heavy breath she realized she hadn't been holding feeling comforted by this memory. That still didn't answer the question of who was sat beside her bed, apparently watching her sleep. Once her sleep-addled mind cleared a little, she realized there could only be one possible person.

"Christian?" she asked sleepily.

For the first time since she woke, her husband moved, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. "Hi," he whispered through the dark.

"Hi," she replied awkwardly, pushing herself up in the bed. "I thought you weren't back until this evening?"

He shrugged his answer. "Caught an earlier flight," he murmured.

"Oh." She wondered if she should turn on a light, but felt as though that might ruin whatever moment seemed to be passing between them. "How long have you been here?"

"Half hour, maybe," he told her. "It's nearly six. I thought we could get an early start on our little getaway. If you still want to go, of course."

She knew Christian Grey well enough to hear the anxiety in his tone. "I do," she told him quickly to calm his nerves. "That's fine."

"Good." He sighed before standing up and reverting to his brisk CEO tone. "Pack enough for three days, two nights for you and Teddy. I'll get breakfast sorted for us."

Before she could question when he'd learned how to sort out anything in the kitchen, he swept out of the room, leaving her feeling confused at the sudden grand return of Mr. Mercurial. With a roll of her eyes, she got out of bed and prepared for the day and weekend.

* * *

Christian's idea of "sorting out breakfast" meant loading his family in the car along with their bags for the weekend and driving them to IHOP. As he pulled into a parking space, put the car in park, and shut off the ignition, Ana was fighting hard to subdue her giggle.

"What?" Christian asked, his voice lilting in amusement at the look on her face.

"Nothing," she said airily, unbuckling herself and getting out of the car. Teddy had fallen asleep in the backseat during their drive—he'd barely woken long enough for his mother to dress him and get him in the car in the first place—and Ana carefully pulled him into her arms, reveling in the feeling of him moving into a more comfortable position against her and putting his arms confidently around her. Christian had walked around the car and stood there watching his wife and son, a small, adoring smile on his lips as he closed the car's back door.

"Come," he said quietly, placing a hand at the small of her back to direct her into the restaurant.

Teddy grudgingly began to wake up when the hostess took them to their table. When he realized where they were and that his father was back, he perked up instantly and began to tell Christian everything he'd done with his mother that week. Christian listened attentively, occasionally darting his eyes to his wife and smiling. Whatever might happen this weekend wasn't a big concern to Ana at that moment. For now, she could pretend they were just a normal family having an early breakfast before leaving for vacation, and it was blissful.

Two hours later, the Greys arrived at the dock where _The Grace_ waited for them. Ana held Teddy's hand while Christian took their luggage. Ana felt a smile growing on her face as the boat came into view. She felt giddy and eager to be out on the water with just her husband and son, where they could be themselves.

"There's Mac," Christian said quietly, nodding ahead of them. Ana looked up and felt a pang of disappointment when she spotted Liam McConnell finishing the boat's preparations before departure. So much for private family time...

"He's not going with us," Christian told her quietly, glancing down at her. "I just asked him to get everything ready so we can leave as soon as possible."

She nodded her acknowledgement, blushing slightly at the thought Christian could still read her mind like an open book then put a genuine smile on her face as Mac hopped off the boat to great the Greys. He shook Christian's hand then Ana's, then looked down at Teddy whose face was split into a wide toothy grin.

Mac narrowed his eyes at the boy. "And young master Theodore," he said gravely, offering Teddy his hand. Teddy tried to rearrange his features to match Mac's, but failed miserably as he eagerly shook Mac's hand. "Come on, then, all aboard. Mr. Grey, I've only got a few more preparations before you're underway if you don't mind assisting."

"Not at all," Christian responded easily, gesturing for Ana and Teddy to board the boat before him.

It only took forty-five minutes before Mac was saying his goodbyes and jumping off the boat onto the dock. "Have a good trip, Mr. and Mrs. Grey. Teddy my boy, look after your parents."

Teddy giggled as he waved goodbye to Mac.

Christian took the wheel of the boat while Ana and Teddy, already in their life jackets, sat on the deck until they were safely out of the harbor and in open water. Teddy sat beside Ana, shaking in excitement and when Christian turned around to smile at them, the little boy jumped out of his chair and ran to his father. It didn't take Ana too long to realize coming out on the boat for a weekend wasn't exactly a rarity for her son. She imagined her son and husband retreating to the boat whenever Christian's busy schedule permitted. It was a given that Christian would share his love of sailing with his son and from what she was seeing, that love had rubbed off on him.

For the better part of the morning, she felt like an outsider as she longingly watched Christian and Teddy interact. And it wasn't until they were miles from shore and the boat had been anchored, rocking gently in the open water that Christian paid her any real attention.

"Hungry?" he asked gently, watching out of the corner of his eye as Teddy ran around the boat looking down at the water. It seemed to Ana that Teddy was well-trained on the boat—he approached the boat's railing, but didn't even try to look over the edge like most children might do.

"I could eat," Ana told Christian.

"Good," he said simply, turning away from her. "Teddy, lunchtime!"

* * *

While Christian bathed and prepared Teddy for bed, Ana quickly showered and changed into a pair of pajamas before climbing into the large bed. Her intention had been to read, but she soon realized her mind was far too distracted. Today had by far the best day she'd had since coming home. Christian had been in an amazingly relaxed mood since they set foot on _The Grace_ , eager to show Teddy every in and out of the boat, regardless that Teddy was only three and probably only understood and retained a handful of things. Teddy himself had hung onto his father's every word, watching him do everything with a look of worship on his small face. Ana had mostly kept to herself, preferring to watch her husband and son interact. The amount of patience Christian had when it came to Teddy was infinite and the love the two of them had for one another more than obvious. More than once, she'd found herself wondering if she'd ever really have a place with them again. They seemed perfectly happy and they had managed the last year without her... It certainly hadn't escaped her that she and Christian hadn't had any more in-depth discussions since the night of the fundraiser—granted, he'd been out of the country most of the week—and Ana still had no idea if he'd come to any real decisions in terms of their future together.

But if any serious conversations were to occur, this weekend would be the time for them.

She'd known immediately why Christian had deemed it necessary to get his family away from Seattle for a few days; even if she had managed to completely ignore the press who was still overly eager to get firsthand accounts of what happened at Elena Lincoln's, there really wasn't anywhere either of them could go for any real length of time for a bit of peace and quiet. Her own thoughts tended to run round in circles—they were making less and less sense the more she tried to sort them out—and she doubted it was any easier for Christian.

Hope had begun to stir, though. Things were still tense between them, they still behaved in an overly polite manner towards each other, but she'd caught Christian glancing at her when he thought she wasn't looking, his eyes slightly glazed over. It almost reminded her of the early days with her husband, back when they were newly in love and learning about each other. She knew from those days it was best not to push him into anything; he had to come to his decisions on his own. Even Flynn had said it: Christian still had a difficult time channeling his emotions into something besides anger; it was his default setting.

Truth be told, she had no idea what to expect tonight. The day had been picture perfect, but Teddy had been there to act as buffer between his still estranged parents. What would happen now that he was asleep? Would they sleep in the same bed? Would he want sex? Would _she_?

Well, that was the easiest question in the entire world: Yes. Undoubtedly. Over and over again. She knew, though, that sex wouldn't solve anything; in fact, under these circumstances, they might make everything worse. Of course they'd had sex since their reconciliation. She relived that night in Omaha more than what was probably healthy, but that had been before Christian knew the worst of what had happened while his wife was away.

Throwing her book onto the bedside table in nervous frustration, Ana looked back at the bedroom door and felt her heart jump up into her throat. Christian was standing there, leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets, watching her with an unidentifiable emotion.

"Teddy asleep?" she squeaked out after several quiet moments.

Christian nodded slowly. "Out like a light," he confirmed, pushing himself off the wall. "I was going to have a drink on the deck before bed. Join me?"

She nodded dumbly and slipped out of bed, glancing at her husband in time to see the slow, sexy smile on his face. They walked up to the deck in silence. Ana's heart was back in its original position and now beating a wild rhythm, hundreds of thought flitting in and out of her mind, one of which she discarded immediately as paranoid and ludicrous: This would undoubtedly be the perfect place for Christian to get rid of her should the inclination strike him. They were in the middle of the ocean with only their son to bear witness, and Teddy was certainly young enough for Christian to lead him away from the truth when and if he was asked...

As frustrating and strained as things were currently between them, Ana didn't believe for a second Christian would really and truly do anything to harm her. Still, she'd spent the last year living in fear and thoughts like these seemed to be a byproduct of that sort of treatment.

Pushing away her ridiculous thoughts was easier than she could have believed possible. When she reached the deck, she realized more time must have passed from when she'd left her husband to bathe their son than she originally thought. Two deck chairs were arranged side-by-side near the end of the boat. Between them, on a small table sat an ice bucket with a bottle of chilled wine sitting in it, and all around the chairs on the floor were small candles. It was an incredibly romantic scene on one hand and the perfect talking scenario on the other hand. There wasn't too much light that either of them could make out the other's expression unless they were studying one another closely. There weren't any distractions. They could _finally_ hash out their issues in their own way, in their own time, and privately.

"Sit," Christian commanded quietly, reaching the table. He carefully poured one glass of wine and waited for his wife to sit before pouring his own and taking his own seat. She took a tiny sip, glancing at Christian as she did so. If she didn't know any better, she'd say he was nervous, which matched her mood perfectly.

When he continued to not say anything, Ana pulled on her big girl panties and spoke first. "Thank you for this," she said quietly. Christian met her eyes questioningly. "Bringing us out on the boat. I think we need it."

He seemed relieved at her words as he nodded. "We do," he agreed. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I've made it a habit to bring Teddy out here whenever I could and whenever the weather permitted. It's something we both enjoyed and we were able to get away from everything. I don't have to think out here. Not about work, not about my family..." His eyes darted over to her. "Not about you. My only concern was Teddy having fun and it was..." He smiled a little in wonder. "Liberating."

Ana was certain her face would hurt from smiling so much. "You're so good with him, Christian," she said wistfully. "He adores everything about you, didn't stop talking about you all week, and I'm so glad he's had you to be there for him this last year." She blinked, not bothering to wipe away her tears. "I should have been there, too, for him and for you, and you will never know how sorry I am that I wasn't."

Christian was staring out at the water pensively, brow furrowed. "I brought you out here this weekend to tell you I've made a decision," he practically whispered. Her own brow furrowed then her heart stopped when he clarified. "About us."

"Oh?" she squeaked.

He turned towards her, placing his glass on the table and gently taking hers to place beside it before taking both her hands in his, running his right thumb over her engagement and wedding rings. "I want there to be an _us_ , Anastasia," he said in a low determined voice, slowing raising his eyes to meet hers. "More than I've ever wanted anything else in the world. And I have no idea whether it will even work out. We will never be what we were before you left, and I think once we both accept that, we can work on the other things."

 _Yes,_ she thought to herself, _Dr. Flynn has been talking to him and he's been listening._

Christian took a deep breath, closing his eyes briefly as though in pain. "I've thought over every single option available to us during this last week," he told her in an almost business-like tone. "And I think you and I need to discuss each of them if we're to come to any real agreement."

Ana felt her lips twitch. "So we're back to mergers and acquisitions?" she asked wryly.

Christian rolled his eyes at her, but smiled briefly. "Something like that," he murmured.

She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay. So what is the first option?" she asked tentatively, wondering if his options were anything close to the ones she'd come up with.

"Well, I think the first one would be for us to go our separate ways for now," he said quietly, almost painfully. "There is every chance in the world that we won't be able to fix what's wrong between us as a couple until we fix what's wrong with us individually."

Though she didn't say so aloud, she knew this was something he'd discussed with Dr. Flynn and therefore, weren't necessarily his own words. Naturally, she'd wondered about this first option herself. It was the least attractive one she'd come up with and she would do absolutely anything to avoid it. Perhaps there was merit in this option, though. Separation after everything that had happened might just be the best thing for them. They could each think a little more clearly without worrying about how they should act around one another.

Ana shook her head. She didn't want that. And she didn't think Christian did, either, not if the pleading expression on his face was anything to go by. "I've just spent a year away from you, Christian," she told him quietly, "and I'm not eager to spend any more time than absolutely necessary away from you again."

His eyes closed and he let out a shuddering, relieved breath. "I feel the same," he told her. "The second option would be for us to keep on like we have been, but I don't even want to discuss that. It's only making both of us more miserable than we need to be." Ana quickly nodded her agreement. "The third option would be to ignore everything that's happened and try to go on like nothing's changed."

"That's not an option," she breathed. "Not for either of us."

"No," he agreed before taking a deep breath. "The last option would be for us to start over. We have to learn to trust one another again; we have to deal with all our fears and anxieties, and try to find common ground."

She smiled shyly. "I like that one," she told him.

He gave her his own shy smile. "Me, too," he said.

"So how do we go about doing that?"

He snorted a humorless laugh. "No idea," he replied. "I just want us to be able to talk like we used to, Anastasia. I miss that, almost more than anything. We need to be able to be open with each other if we have any chance at this." He hesitated. "I know I've flown off the handle every time we've discussed Hyde, and as much as it hurts me, I think I need to know everything. You've told me quite a bit already, but there's more to it, Ana, and we both know it. In return, I want to be able to tell you everything I went through this past year. Do you think we can do that?"

Ana didn't answer right away, knowing this question deserved more than a moment' thought. Could they do that? Could she tell him everything about Jack Hyde without having a full blown panic attack? Could she in turn listen to him telling her about the pain, torture, and despair he'd gone through without her? Inwardly she thought this was the longest Christian had spoken about something so painful for the both of them without shouting and getting overly angry. And that alone was enough to convince her of her answer. She squeezed his hands briefly. "Yes," she whispered to him, meeting his gaze full on. "Yes, I think we can do that, Christian."

He closed his eyes and she thought she recognized a blissful expression pass over his face in the candle and moonlight. "Thank god," he breathed. He suddenly yanked her hands, pulling her into his lap as he settled back into his chair, hugging her tightly against his chest. "I don't know what I would have done if you'd said no." She closed her eyes contentedly as he rested his lips against her forehead.

They sat in silence for the longest time, neither of them speaking or moving. Ana knew she could fall asleep like this, listening to her husband's beating heart, his slow, rhythmic breathing. It always seemed to overwhelm her how much she loved this man, how much he clearly loved her, and the fact that he wanted to fix them—start over with her—meant everything to her.

"It won't be easy," she whispered against his neck.

"No," he agreed softly. "But if it was easy, I'm not sure it'd be worth it."

She smiled a little, snuggling up against his shoulder. "Where do we start?"

"I don't know about you," he began, "but I think it's time for bed."

Her head jerked up in surprise, her eyes wide.

He smiled at her. "I meant to sleep, Anastasia," he told her, pushing a lock of her hair behind her ear. "I take it you had something else in mind?"

She squirmed a little on his lap and felt rather than heard his sharp intake of breath. "Maybe," she replied.

Swallowing heavily, he took a few moments to compose himself before speaking again. "Don't think I don't want to," he said cautiously, moving his hips against her to show just how much he _did_ want to. "But we're not there yet, baby. Soon, I hope, but not tonight."

She bit her lip in disappointment, only releasing it when he tugged on her chin lightly. Of course he was right, and it actually surprised her how much she wanted him to make love to her. More than anything, she wanted him to touch her in _that_ way again, but the more she thought about it, the more anxious she became. They had slept together in Omaha, but that had been a spur of the moment thing and neither of them had given the other any real time to think about it. If she had time to think about it, she had no doubt in her mind she would have imagined she was with Jack again, not Christian. She couldn't do that to either of them.

"Sleep, then," she said quietly, letting him help her to her feet.

Five minutes later, Ana and Christian were curled up together in bed, her head resting on his bare chest, one of his arms wrapped protectively and possessively around her shoulders while the fingers of the other one traced paths up and down her arm. Neither of them was the least bit sleepy, so Ana initiated their "starting over" conversation.

"Can I ask you something?" she whispered.

The arm around her shoulders tightened briefly. "Of course you can," he told her. "Ask me anything."

She bit her lip nervously, wondering if she even wanted to ask. "Why did you go to Elena's that night?" she asked into his chest, unable to look at him.

Christian stiffened and he slowly dropped the arm that was wrapped around her shoulder. "I don't know," he said eventually. She looked up, expecting to find anger in his face; instead she found confusion. "All I wanted was to get away that night, from you, from my family. I needed time to think and to calm down, and I couldn't do it around any of you. I don't think I even realized where I was until Elena answered the door. I knew I shouldn't have been there—fuck, I hadn't even spoken to her in years—but I couldn't think of where else to go. I wasn't there more than fifteen minutes when I wanted to leave. After that..." He shrugged, looking down at her. "If I hadn't gone, I don't know if we'd have seen Teddy again. I know Elizabeth called Taylor to tell him where Teddy was, but if Hyde, Callahan, and Elena hadn't been occupied with dealing with me, she probably wouldn't have been able to call."

She nodded in acknowledgement of his words, inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. She hadn't known what to expect when she brought Elena Lincoln up in conversation, but in the back of her mind, she realized she'd been terrified that Christian might tell her he and Elena had renewed their old relationship.

"Hey," he whispered, using a hand to raise her head to meet his eyes. "I told you years ago things between Elena and me ended." Again, he had the uncanny ability to read her thoughts. "I meant that. It wasn't only for you that I made that promise—it was for me and my mother and my son. I never would have put myself in that position again, especially not with her."

"Okay," she muttered, mostly to herself. Christian relaxed again, his arms back in place around her and her eyelids started to become heavy. She tried to fight it, not wanting to sleep when she and her husband were finally being open with each other again. If they went to sleep now, when they woke, she might find that he'd changed his mind and would start shutting her out again. Worse than that, what if she went to sleep and started having one of her nightmares again? How would Christian react to that? Feeling claustrophobic all of a sudden, she tried to pull away from him, only to have him tighten his embrace.

"Shh," he murmured soothingly, rubbing her arm and back comfortingly. She could tell he was fighting sleep as well. "It's okay. Sleep now, beautiful girl." Just before he drifted off, he whispered, "I love you, Ana," and she felt herself relaxing against him.


	4. Chapter 4

_One year earlier..._

 _Christian tiredly crossed the threshold of his house, closing the door behind him and quickly stripping off his jacket. It was nearing ten at night and all he wanted to do now was have a bath with his wife and curl up next to her to sleep the night away. He'd been working nearly nonstop all week, only breaking long enough for a quick lunch of whatever takeout Andrea brought into his office. There had been a few nights when he'd fallen asleep on the couch in his office, waking in the mornings to find annoyed voicemails from his wife about informing her that he wasn't coming home. For the most part, she understood his absence that week. He and Ros were in deep negotiations with an Australian company they had been hoping to acquire and it had required their 24/7 attention in order to ensure things went their way._

 _Tonight, finally, the deal had been made and finalized. Though they were too exhausted to celebrate immediately, Christian and Ros had every intention of celebrating over the weekend, preferably with their families' company._

 _And speaking of his family... There were no signs of his wife and son, not that he was surprised: it was hours past Teddy's bedtime and Ana had probably, once again, given up on him coming home tonight. He'd make it up to her at his earliest convenience, which just so happened to be right now._

 _He slipped into Teddy's bedroom and crossed over to the little boy's bed, feeling a soft smile form on his face. His son was fast asleep, curled up with the teddy bear Mia had given him for his birthday a few months back and his thumb in his mouth. Could anything be more perfect? It still never ceased to amaze him that he'd had a part in creating Teddy at all. He was such the perfect mix of both his parents' best attributes—or so Ana told him. Teddy was almost a carbon copy of Christian visually, but he was his mother when it came to personality. Having not realized what a joy it would be to have a child of his own, or that he could possibly be a good father, Christian continued to be amazed at how much he loved his son. He couldn't wait to see Teddy grow up. He couldn't wait to have more children with Anastasia._

" _Love you, son," he whispered, bending over the bars of the crib to kiss Teddy's forehead._

 _He left the room in search of his wife, finding her, as he assumed he would, in their bedroom. Blinking a few times, it took Christian a moment to realize Ana wasn't curled up under the blankets fast asleep, but on the end of the bed, fully dressed and staring down at her feet. His heart stopped beating as he took in the suitcase on the floor beside her._

" _Ana?" he said weakly._

 _She looked up at him slowly and he gasped. Her blue eyes were dull and vacant, though her expression was terribly sad. "Hi," she whispered._

" _Ana, what's going on?" he asked, cautiously stepping into the room and closing the door behind him. He approached her as one would a wounded animal, uncertain if their presence would be welcome. She didn't reply and he was becoming fearful. "Ana. Is something wrong? Has someone been hurt?"_

 _Her head shook minutely. "No," she breathed, her voice cracking._

" _Why is the suitcase out?" Christian asked, fighting against his temper. He could very easily get answers from her right now, but he waited, wanting to hear her say it._

 _She took a deep, shuddering breath, letting it out slowly, and met his eyes. The expression on her face was one of absolute terror. Terror over what? Him? "I have to go," she finally whispered._

" _Go where?" Christian asked, feeling panic rising in him._

 _Her brow furrowed as she considered his question, as though she had no idea where she was going. She shook her head. "I just have to go."_

" _For fuck's sake, Ana," Christian said exasperatedly. Then realization hit him. He'd been neglecting his family over the last week. Had she gotten fed up? She couldn't really be leaving him... He walked in front of her and dropped to his knees, ignoring the flinching she did when he placed his hands on her hips. "Ana... If this is about this week... Baby, it's over, the deal has been made. Everything will go back to normal now."_

 _She shook her head. "It's not about that," she muttered. He had the impression that she wished it_ had _been that, maybe all this would be easier for them._

" _Then what?"_

" _I can't do this anymore, Christian," she said quietly, her voice growing stronger. She took his hands from her hips and pushed them away from her. "This life... It's not me. I thought I could do it, but I can't."_

" _What are you talking about, Ana?" he asked desperately. "You're not leaving me."_

 _She met his eyes and he saw the answer in her eyes. He felt as though the wind had been knocked out of him and he sat back on his heels, willing all this to just be some nightmare._

" _No," he whispered fearfully. She couldn't be doing this to him, to them. They'd been so happy together, hadn't they? She wouldn't have been discussing having another child with him if they hadn't been happy. No, this couldn't happen. "Ana, no." His voice was growing stronger. "We can talk about this. Whatever the problem is, we can work it out. You're not leaving me."_

 _She closed her eyes as though in pain and he watched impassively as tears slipped from her eyes and down her cheeks. "It's not open for discussion," she said quietly, her voice dull and flat. "I'm not happy, Christian. I haven't been happy for years, but I thought I could get over it. And I can't. You're too much for me. All of this," she gestured rather wildly around their bedroom, "is too much for me. And I'm sorry, but I have to go."  
_

" _What about Teddy?" he asked, grasping for anything as she stood up from the bed. "You can't just abandon your son!"_

 _She flinched again, whether at his words or the growing volume of his voice, he didn't know. "I don't want him," she breathed, turning away from him to grab her suitcase so that he missed the crumbling expression on her face as she spoke the words. "I didn't want children so soon, Christian. Hell, I didn't want to be married so soon! But as always, it's your way or no way at all."_

 _He stared at her dumbfounded, barely seeing her remove her engagement and wedding rings and placing them on top of her dresser. He didn't know what to say, watching her grab the handle of her suitcase. This couldn't be happening... Before he knew it, she'd left the room and him. It wasn't until he heard her retreating footsteps on the staircase that he sprung up from his position on the floor and chased after her._

" _Ana!" he shouted before she reached the front door. He took the stairs two at a time, desperate to reach her. "Ana, please! You said you'd never leave me!"_

 _She froze, her hand over the doorknob, hesitating. Listening._

" _We can fix this," he pleaded. "Ana, I love you. I can't lose you! Teddy needs you!"_

 _He saw her shoulders shake as she began to cry, but she didn't turn back to him. "I can't, Christian," she whispered. "It's better this way. Please, just let me go..."_

 _All he could do was stare at her as she pulled open the door, grabbed her suitcase, and walked out of his life._

* * *

Christian woke suddenly, gasping for air and disoriented. It took several minutes to remember he was aboard _The Grace_ with Teddy and Anastasia. He snapped his head to the right, desperately needing to reassure himself. She was there, curled on her side as close to the bed's edge as she could get before actually rolling off. Sighing in relief, he wondered faintly how they'd started out pressed so closely together that he hadn't been sure where he ended and she began, but were now as far from each other as possible.

 _Because neither of you is used to sleeping with someone else anymore_ , said a quiet voice in his mind. He then wondered if their sleeping distance was a way for their subconscious to tell them they were wasting their time trying to work things out; that things between them were beyond repair.

He shook off the unwelcome thought and got out of bed as carefully as he could without waking Ana, then headed out of the cabin. He quickly poked his head into Teddy's room to check he was still sleeping soundly and headed up onto the deck.

As he leaned against the boat's railing, closing his eyes as the wind blew through his hair, he couldn't think of anything more perfect and relaxing than being out here in the middle of nowhere with a cloudless sky, bright moon, and thousands of twinkling stars above him. The only noise around them was the occasional creak as the water rocked the boat. He imagined living out on the water with his family for the rest of his life, his only concern being to catch the fish around them for meals.

No work. No pressure. No stress. No fear.

It was an incredibly appealing prospect, improbable though it was.

With a sigh, he thought back to his nightmare, the one he'd relived countless times over the last year. Ana leaving. The despair and loss. The feeling that there was nothing worth living for anymore. Not without her. There was nothing in the world he hated more than feeling helpless, and that was exactly how he'd felt when she'd gone.

But she was back now, and he already felt a thousand times better, especially after their earlier talk. They both wanted to get past this nightmare and find a way through together. Christian clung to that as though it were a life raft.

A piercing scream cut through the silence, causing Christian to jump so much he nearly went over the edge of the boat. Without hesitation, he sprinted back down the stairs, assuming it was Teddy. The screaming continued and he realized it wasn't his son, but his wife. He entered the cabin he and Ana shared and stopped in his tracks, his eyes wide. Ana was thrashing around in the bed, throwing her head around furiously as she continued to scream bloody murder.

"Christ, Ana," Christian breathed weakly before rushing to the bed and climbing over, unsure how to proceed. He'd never really dealt with anyone else's nightmares before and he had no idea how his family dealt with his. The only thing he could think to do was crawl over to her, straddle her legs, and reach for her arms in an attempt to keep her from harming herself. To his horror, things only seemed to get worse when he held her arms down at her side. She was fighting him and it seemed she'd gotten much stronger in their year apart; her legs joined the fray, trying to kick him off her.

"Fuck, Ana!" he cried when she wrestled one of her arms free and punched him in the face. "Wake up, baby! You're having a nightmare!"

Her eyes snapped open, wide and fearful, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Christian?" she whispered pleadingly.

He nodded, releasing her arm and rolling onto the bed, immediately pulling her into his arms. "It's me, baby," he murmured into her hair while she cried into his chest. "It's okay, you're safe."

It was a full thirty minutes before her sobs tapered off and he felt her breathing return to something approaching normal. He continued to rub her arm and back, murmuring comforting words to her. Somehow, she'd managed not to wake Teddy with all her screaming. Finally, she started trying to pull away from him. He increased his grip on her. "Stay," he commanded. "You okay?"

She sniffed, silent for several moments until finally taking a shuddering breath. "He was so brutal, Christian," she whispered into his chest.

Christian stiffened, not needing to ask which _he_ she was referring to. _This is what you wanted, Grey. You wanted her to tell you about everything that happened with Hyde. Well, she's about to tell you._

 _Doesn't mean I have to like it..._

"It was never about my comfort or enjoyment, only his. Every time was so painful and no matter how much I begged and pleaded, he wouldn't stop." She shifted against his chest, huffing what he thought might have been a bitter, humorless laugh. "I even safe-worded, Christian. Over and over again, even after I realized safe-wording means exactly shit to him." She looked up at him, rolling her puffy, blue eyes bitterly. "I tried to convince myself that I deserved that treatment, because I left you and Teddy. I thought if I just took it, it'd be easier for me. Jack didn't like that. He tried to find ways to liven me up."

Christian's eyes closed tightly and he took a deep breath to control his temper. "And what did that entail?" he asked quietly, his teeth clenched.

She eyed him speculatively. "You really want to know?" she asked in a small voice.

He met her eyes. "No," he answered honestly. "But I think I need to. Seeing you like this, Anastasia..." He shook his head helplessly. "I need to know what it was that caused this reaction and these nightmares."

And so she told him. Horrified though he was to hear about the continued physical abuse Jack Hyde inflicted on Anastasia whether she cooperated with his sexual advances or not, Christian held his peace. She needed to get this out. More than once, she'd taken herself to emergency rooms due to a variety of injuries. The verbal abuse was just as bad, sometimes worse.

Nearly an hour and a half later, Ana had talked herself hoarse. Christian hadn't said a word. He knew that if he did, he might start screaming and that was the last thing she needed to deal with right now. Inside, he was fuming. He wanted to find the nearest bottle if liquor and drown himself in it, then maybe break a few things while pretending they were Jack Hyde's bones.

When he'd first met her, Anastasia Steele was an innocent, sweet, ambitious young woman who thought the best of everyone, even the man who wanted nothing more than to make her his submissive, tie her up in his playroom, and beat and fuck her every weekend—especially him. For some reason, she'd given Christian a chance, and they'd both found something they couldn't live without—each other. After their marriage, she'd managed to remain sweet and innocent. It had only taken Jack fucking Hyde a matter of months to destroy that girl and turn her into this shell of a woman that was falling asleep in his arms.

It sickened him to think of what she'd been through. To hear her say that she'd tried to convince herself she was deserving of that abusive treatment because she'd left her husband and son broke his heart. No one deserved that, least of all her. Regardless of everything she'd put them both through, he was determined to one day have that sweet girl back.

* * *

When Ana woke, she was vaguely aware that the boat was moving. She felt utterly exhausted as though she'd run a marathon the night before. Her throat was dry, her eyes puffy and itchy. Sitting up in the bed, she looked at Christian's side, noting he'd probably not been there for several hours. On the bedside table was a glass of orange juice, which she quickly downed before getting dressed and finally making her way topside.

At first she wondered if she was alone on the boat; there was no noise, no giggling from Teddy, nothing. Panic gripped her as she looked around the, finally locating her family in the wheelhouse. Christian sat in the captain's chair with Teddy in his lap, and it seemed the three-year-old was steering the boat with careful, quiet instruction from his father. Ana smiled as she walked up to join them.

Christian saw her first, looking over at her with a hesitant smile. "Good morning, Mrs. Grey," he said softly.

Teddy turned towards her as well, giving her a bright, toothy smile. "Look, Mommy, I'm driving the boat!" he said happily.

"I see that," Ana said proudly, coming to stand beside both her men. "And such wonderful job you're doing."

"How'd you sleep?" Christian asked in a falsely casual manner, his eyes roving all over her, not missing a single thing. She wished she'd thought to put on a little makeup at least.

"Well," she replied in the same manner, understanding they were doing this for Teddy's sake. So far they'd managed to keep their issues between them and not involve their son, and they didn't want to start involving him now. "Better the second time, at least."

A slow smile grew on Christian's face. "Good," he said softly. "Are you hungry? It's nearly lunchtime."

She blinked in surprise. "Lunchtime?" she said blankly.

"Hmm. Teddy wanted to wake you for breakfast, but you were sleeping so peacefully..." Christian trailed off, eyeing her uncertainly.

She quickly filled in the blanks: _And after that disturbing display in the middle of the night, I decided it was better to just leave you be..._

It wasn't until Christian sat down at the table across from her and Teddy, dishing out the macaroni and cheese he'd heated up for their lunch that Ana noticed the black eye her husband had been hiding behind his sunglasses. Her mouth dropped open in horror, her eyes widening. "Christian," she said weakly, reaching over to gently touch the bruise. He flinched slightly at her touch and she withdrew her hand. "What..."

Christian gave her a warning look, his eyes darting to Teddy who was happily ignoring her parents and eating his lunch. The meal progressed mostly in silence. Ana studiously kept her eyes on her plate, her brow furrowed deeply. He knew she was trying to remember what had happened between them the night before for any reason why Christian's eye would be black. Teddy had already asked, of course; Christian's response was that he'd tripped coming onto the deck and hit his eye. Naturally, Teddy had accepted his father's word as truth and let the subject drop. Ana wouldn't be convinced as easily.

After lunch, Christian set up the fishing gear for Teddy, double-checked his son's lifejacket, and let him try to catch something while he and Ana stayed near enough to get to him should he find himself in need for help but far enough away for them to carry on a private conversation.

"Sit," Christian told his wife, keeping his eyes on Teddy as he gestured at one of the deck chairs they'd occupied last night. She did so after a moment's hesitation and he sat on the chair beside her. "How are you feeling today?" He spared her enough of a glance to see her watching him warily.

"Okay," she whispered. "Christian, your face..."

He gave her a slight grin. "Hell of a right hook you've got, Ana," he said lightly. "Always knew it'd be a bad idea to cross you."

Her eyes closed in horror as she realized she had been the one to blacken her husband's eye. "I'm so sorry," she breathed. "I didn't realize."

"Ana..."

"I just got caught up in the nightmare and so often the nightmare was real—"

"Ana," he said warningly.

"I didn't realize it was you, Christian. I'm so sorry."

"Stop," Christian said through clenched teeth. She did. Her eyes widened. "Considering what I saw last night before I woke you and the things you told me, a black eye is the least of my worries." He took a deep breath to calm himself. "We told each other we wanted to be honest. That's what last night was. If you hadn't had that nightmare, would you have told me everything you did?"

She stared down at her hands thoughtfully. Would she have told him everything? After the nightmare, her emotions had been heightened and her defensive shields weakened. She'd been in her husband's arms, the one place in the world she'd always felt safest and she'd told him things she didn't think she'd ever be able to speak about. Looking up at him again, she found him watching her carefully.

He nodded and sighed, turning his gaze back on Teddy. "I didn't think so," he muttered under his breath.

Silence reigned for quite a while, giving Ana time to think about everything she and Christian had been through, just over the last day. She had been walking on egg shells since she'd gotten back to Washington, trying not to do or say anything that might send her husband's temper right over the edge. The more she thought about it, however, the more she realized that she hadn't been the only one who'd gone through a drastic personality change over the last year; a year ago, he would have yelled and raged and gone on a rampage if she'd told him even half the things she'd gone through. And yes, he was angry—rightly so—but his reactions hadn't been anywhere near what they might have once been. Perhaps he'd just been holding in all his emotions and reactions from her. Or perhaps he'd simply gotten to a point in life where he was able to let go of certain things, pick his battles, as it were.

She admired him for that. Since she'd gotten back, she'd held in so very much, things she hadn't even told Flynn about in great detail. It had all been held inside and she often wondered when her breaking point would come—and how.

"How do you do it?" she choked out tightly.

Christian looked at her questioningly.

She took a deep breath, needing to phrase this correctly if she wanted a real, honest answer. "You're not the man I left behind," she whispered. "You're better somehow. Stronger. How do you do it?"

He eyed her speculatively, his eyes narrowed in thought. "I had to change," he told her simply, turning back to Teddy. "If I hadn't, I'd have lost him."

Ana's brow furrowed again, following his gaze to their son. "What do you mean?" she asked quietly, uncertain if she really wanted an answer.

He sighed heavily. The moment he opened his mouth to speak, though, Teddy made himself known. The boy turned around excitedly, a huge Christian Grey-patented megawatt smile on his face. "I caught something!" he announced, pulling on his fishing rod.

Christian's eyes closed briefly, possibly in irritation at having been interrupted. "Tonight," he told her firmly, locking his eyes on hers.

"Okay." She nodded and stood behind her husband to help Teddy with his fish.


	5. Chapter 5

For the second night in a row, Christian and Ana waited for Teddy to be tucked neatly into bed before heading back up to the deck together. The tension surrounding them that day was beyond palpable. They'd taken Teddy for a swim in the ocean and had somehow managed to relax enough to actually have a good time; they had _played_ in the water, picking up their son and tossing him between them, splashing one another, pointing out sea life that swam around them. It was calming and fun and reassuring to Christian that despite everything, he and his wife could still enjoy each other's company so much.

He was dreading the conversation he knew they would have that evening; he'd already resolved to tell her everything and he knew that whatever he told her, she would end up blaming herself for what he'd gone through—what he'd put himself through—when she'd left him. She needed to know, though; if they had any shot of complete reconciliation, he had to tell her the truth, no matter how painful. And really, compared to what she'd gone through, his issues had been simple. He'd had his family to shake him back to reality when his inner turmoil got to be too much for him; she hadn't. Some of his outlets had been unhealthy, true, but he'd gotten through it eventually.

 _Now or never, Grey,_ his mind told him. _Either get it all out now or give up any hope of really getting her back. Full disclosure._

Again, each of them sat on separate loungers, the tension between them that had been broken during the day when they played with Teddy had come back full force. Christian took a few moments to get his thoughts in order while Ana watched him anxiously, obviously thinking through the worst possible scenarios. It was then he'd recalled telling her the worst thing a husband could tell his wife: that there had been a risk of losing their son. At the time, he'd been beyond angry at the mere suggestion—hell, he'd been beyond angry about everything. Now, though, in hindsight, he understood why.

"After you left, Ana," he began quietly, unable to meet her eyes, "I was a fucking mess. Drinking like crazy at all hours of the day and night. I stopped seeing Flynn, stopped training with Claude. I just didn't give a shit about anyone or anything." He shook his head in disgust about himself. "Two months after you left, our family essentially gave up looking for you. I didn't. Finding you became an obsession. I took Teddy to stay with my parents, because I couldn't look for you and take care of him at the same time. I barely saw him for weeks at a time. Then it got really bad."

He met her gaze and the expression on her face suggested she already didn't want to hear anymore, but she remained silent and he could almost read the thoughts going through her mind— _you let me get all my shit out; the least I can do is show you the same consideration._ "How bad?" she breathed.

He swallowed, not wanting to discuss this, not wanting to admit his weakness to her, but now he'd started, he couldn't stop. "My parents came to me telling me I needed to get my shit in line. They were scared for me and they said if I couldn't handle everything that was going on, they'd petition for custody of Teddy. That was the point where I got really pissed off. It was completely irrational; I knew I wasn't up for taking care of him, not the way I was, but I couldn't seem to do anything to fix it. I hated my parents for even suggesting taking him away. He was mine and they wanted to take him. That was the breaking point. I got hold of a couple of bottles of painkillers and holed up in my office at work with a few bottles of whiskey. It was Kate that found me. That night's still a blur and all I really remember is her yelling at someone before helping me off the floor. Next thing I knew, I was waking up in the hospital—they'd pumped my stomach. Carrick and Elliott were both there, and I've never seen them so pissed at me. They called Flynn in and he sat with me nearly round the clock for two days, waiting for me to start talking. Eventually, I did. When I got out of hospital, I started going back to Claude and let him beat the shit out of me until I finally got back to normal."

Only when he stopped speaking did he realize there were tears falling from his wife's eyes. He gently wiped them away as he continued. "That was when Kate and I started getting along. I still don't know why she was at my office at all that night, but I guess it doesn't really matter. She saved my life and I thought I owed it to her to at least be civil towards her. Not to mention she was the only person around me still speaking to me at all. My mom and Mia could barely look at me. Dad and Elliott—every time they looked at me, I felt about this big," he held his thumb and index finger about half an inch apart. "I had to beg Gail and Taylor not to quit. Gail was ready to walk, told me it wasn't in her job description to watch me kill myself. Taylor said the same, but managed to talk Gail around. Kate was the only one who listened besides Flynn. She wasn't passive about what she'd thought about what I'd done. We got into a few screaming matches, which was therapeutic for both of us, I think. She got me fit enough to get Teddy back from my parents, after I spent several hours begging their forgiveness and promising I'd changed." He shook his head a little. "It wasn't easy. I can't tell you how many times I felt myself slipping again, but eventually I got back to where I needed to be. I wasn't happy, I was still beyond angry, but I knew if I didn't regain control over my life, I'd lose the most important person in my life. And losing Teddy was not an option for me. He was all I had left of you and I did everything possible to keep us together."

He finished speaking and looked at Ana. She was currently staring ashen-faced out at the sea and he had no idea what she was thinking. Was she disgusted by his weakness and selfishness? Was she now realizing what fifty shades of fucked up really meant? The longer she remained quiet, the more he could feel her slipping away from him.

"Ana?" he said quietly. "Please say something."

Slowly she turned towards him and he flinched at the expression on her face and in her eyes—sadness, self-loathing, being genuinely at a loss for words. "What am I supposed to say to that?" she asked him in a whisper, her voice cracking. "I'm so sorry, Christian."

Again, for the second night in a row, Christian reached over and pulled his wife into his arms as she began to cry. When she finally began to calm down, Christian went about reassuring her. It struck him how often he'd blamed her for his state of being over the last year, not bothering to turn that blame inward, where it belonged. "That's over, baby," he whispered into her hair. "I got past that shit months ago."

She pulled away from him, looking angry. "And if it hadn't been for me, you wouldn't have gone through it at all," she said scathingly. "But because I was too stubborn, you went through such a severe depression that not only did you nearly lose our son, but you tried to kill yourself! And don't you fucking dare try to make me feel better about this, Christian! We both know it's true, so why not just admit it?"

Without realizing, he'd let his arms fall from around her and she'd scooted away from his embrace, feeling his own anger building. "Fine," he said, his voice deceptively quiet. "You want to play the blame game, let's play. Teddy spent months going to bed at night, crying and begging for his mommy. I barely slept the entire time you were gone. Your mother was so distraught at your disappearance that her marriage to Bob nearly ended. Ray got drunk one night and went for a drive. Luckily, he didn't hit anybody, though he did wrap his car around a light pole—he was in the hospital for a few weeks, but as you've seen, he's back to normal." He paused for a moment, glaring at her as she stared at him in shock. He wondered whether the shock was due to what he was telling her or the cold way he was reeling off everything. "I could keep going, you know. Kate, Gail, Mia, my parents... They all went through hell. And since you've insisted, yes, it is your fault, because you didn't trust me enough to keep you and our family safe. You'd think you'd've learned your lesson after the last time Hyde tried to blackmail us for revenge, when you nearly got yourself and our unborn son killed."

He took a deep breath. Despite the look of utter despair on his wife's face, it felt good to finally let go of some of his pent up anger. "I've tried so hard to be patient with all this, Ana, and as desperately as I want this to work out between us, you blaming yourself for everything isn't doing either of us any favors. We both fucked up. Obviously I didn't do a good enough job; regardless of every reassurance that there was nothing in the world I wouldn't do to keep you safe and happy, you still didn't have enough faith in me." He recalled a thought he'd had on the flight from Omaha to Seattle while Ana slept in the seat beside him. "Maybe you leaving was inevitable." Even to his own ears, he sounded defeated. "You can sit here and tell me how much you enjoyed our life, but we both know deep down this isn't what you wanted. You were just starting out when we met, you were young and innocent and wide-eyed. Who the hell knows where you would be if I was able to exert any amount of control over myself and stayed away from you like I should have from the beginning. You wanted more for yourself than just being a wife and mother, Anastasia. Maybe I was wrong to make you come home—"

"No!" she said suddenly, looking horrified as she clumsily climbed back into his lap. "Christian, I am so grateful that you found me. And I'm so grateful you let me back into your life after everything. I just..." She sighed heavily; he wrapped his arms around her again. "I never really believed I could ever be what you needed. I was always defying everything you said, just because I could. I never fit in with all those people at the fundraisers, no matter how much I try. I was just waiting for the day that you came home to tell me you were sick of me fumbling around all the time." She cautiously rested her head on his shoulder. "You have to admit, Christian, we were in a rut before I left. We were going through the motions of being happy and normal. How long could we have gone on like that before one of us finally threw their hands up and walked away?"

Christian closed his eyes, resting his cheek against her hair. "As much as I'd like to refute everything you just said, I don't think I can," he said softly.

She looked up enough to smile sadly at him. "We went from all the excitement of a new relationship and discovering everything that went along with it to routine. I never stopped loving you, though, and I never wanted to lose you; life was just getting so hectic that it was becoming easier not to just let some things go."

Christian sighed his agreement, increasing his grip on her. "You know, it hasn't escaped my notice that it's only been twenty-four hours since we decided it 'start over,' and it already sounds like we've given up."

"I haven't given up," she told him. "I just don't know how you can possibly still love me after everything I put you through. It's more than I deserve." She twisted around in his lap, causing him to suck in a sharp breath, and took his face in her hands. "I do want to start over, Christian, more than anything. Any idea how we do that?"

A slow smile spread across his face as he rearranged her to straddle him. "Well," he said huskily, "I could go to work on Monday and you could stumble into my office to interview me."

She giggled; his smile widened. "Not sure we can jump quite that far back. When I came to interview you, we didn't have a son."

"Haven't you ever heard of role play?" he teased. They grinned rather dopily at each other for a moment before the reality of their situation returned. "Look, the only way we can successfully start over is by laying all our cards on the table. That includes everything that happened last year, any blame we place on the other person. We have to be open and honest, Anastasia, or this will not work—and I don't know what I'll do if it doesn't work. I spent a year without you; I'm not eager to relive that ever again."

"Neither am I," Ana whispered, reclaiming her spot on his shoulder.

Silence reigned as Christian focused only on the gentle breathing of his wife against his neck. So much had been said. He'd lost his temper and she'd lost hers, and it felt great. He tried to recall how things were between them before she left. Of course, she was right: they had been in a rut. Everything they did had been scheduled—either Christian's schedule or Teddy's. Ana hadn't really been given a chance to do what she wanted to do. Where in the beginning of their relationship everything was exciting—both in the good way and bad—as the years went on, life was comparatively boring. It was full of stuffy fundraisers, family dinners, bath times, and business trips. They'd both taken their relationship for granted.

 _Never again,_ Christian silently promised, looking down to find his wife had fallen asleep on top of him. For a moment, he considered picking her up and taking her to bed, but then decided they were both far too comfortable to be bothered moving.

 _Besides,_ he thought with a slight grin as he reached down to the floor to pick up a blanket beneath his chair, _this way neither of us can roll away from the other in our sleep..._

* * *

All too soon, the Greys' mini vacation was coming to a close. Christian had woken on Sunday morning in confusion as to why he was asleep on a deck chair on his boat. He then remembered the talk he and Ana had had the night before, and falling asleep with her in his lap. He couldn't remember the last time he'd slept so well.

Standing from his chair, Christian stretched, wincing at the slight pain in his lower back due to his sleeping position then headed below the deck in search of his family. They were in the kitchen—Teddy sitting up on his knees in a chair and leaning on the counter while Ana cooked breakfast. Teddy was talking at a rapid pace about god only knew what—Christian wasn't quite awake enough to accurately process what his son was saying—and Ana looked over at him often, smiling fondly and chipping in her own two cents to the conversation. For a moment, Christian just watched, leaning unseen on the doorframe. Ana and Teddy were perfect together and it was heartwarming to see them enjoying each other so much, even if there was a faint sadness in her eyes. She'd make up for lost time, Christian would make certain of that. His family would reacquaint themselves with each other and would grow from it.

And that would only happen if Christian kept his son from falling off his stool as he pushed himself off his knees and onto his toes to better lean over the counter to see what his mother was doing. Christian quickly strode across the room to prevent the disaster that presented itself in his mind.

"On your butt, Theodore," he said sternly, grabbing his son around the waist and sitting him back down again.

Teddy gave him a sheepish smile. "Sorry, Daddy," he muttered, sounding more amused by his father's words and actions than duly chastised.

Looking up, Christian found his wife watching him with dancing eyes as she held back her amusement. "And just what are you laughing about, Mrs. Grey?" he asked in the same stern tone he'd used with their son.

"Oh, I would never dare dream of laughing at you, Mr. Grey," she shot back flippantly, her lips twitching. She went back to preparing breakfast—pancakes and bacon, if he wasn't mistaken.

"I disagree, Mrs. Grey," he told her. "I think you do laugh at me. Often."

"Is that so?" she asked innocently, managing to wipe her grin off her face.

Their eyes met and they spent a few minutes staring one another down until Christian finally lost control and smiled at her. "Good morning, Mrs. Grey," he murmured, walking behind the counter to kiss her. "How did you sleep?"

She smiled back shyly, briefly biting her lip. "Very well, Mr. Grey. Thank you. And yourself?"

"Remarkably well," he replied huskily. "What's for breakfast?"

A blush began to creep up her neck and cheeks, making him think they were talking about two completely different things. "Pancakes," she squeaked out, stepping to the side to put a bit of distance between them. He inwardly smirked at the realization he still had the exact same affect on her he had before she'd left.

"Sounds delicious." He smirked again as he heard her take in a sharp breath. Rather than risk her burning his boat down while she cooked breakfast distractedly, Christian walked back around with the intention of sitting beside his son. But for the first time since they set foot on _The Grace_ , Christian's BlackBerry began to buzz in his pants pocket. Ana looked at him in surprise, apparently having forgotten about his phone, while Teddy actually scowled at the pocket where he knew his father's phone was hidden. Sighing, Christian fished his phone from his pocket and gave the caller id his own scowl. He thought he'd been very clear with his instructions that no one was to interrupt his family's weekend. Taylor didn't seem to recall those instructions.

"I'll just be a minute," he promised his family before pressing the answer button. "This better be good, Taylor."

"Yes, sir," Taylor said briskly. "There's been an incident, Mr. Grey."

Christian's stomach tightened as his mind worked through the vast amount of meanings of this statement. "What incident?" he asked, heading up onto the deck for privacy—though she seemed to be concentrating solely on her cooking and Teddy, Ana was clearly keeping one ear on her husband's conversation.

"Sawyer spotted an unsub parked outside your home late last night. There was no confrontation, since the unsub made no move towards the property, but Sawyer ran the vehicle's plates anyway," Taylor reported.

"And?" Christian snapped.

"The plates were fake, sir. We were unable to get a good shot of him since his windows were too darkly tinted to see through, but CCTV caught a glimpse of him rolling down a window briefly to throw out a cigarette."

"Who was it?" Christian asked impatiently. He was eager to get back to his family. They only had a few hours before they had to return to reality and he wanted to enjoy every second of that time—was this really something that couldn't possibly wait until their arrival home?

"No one we recognize, sir, but we're emailing you the photo nonetheless."

Christian pulled the phone away from his ear as he received the photo from Taylor, putting his head of security on speakerphone as he studied the unsub. As Taylor said, it wasn't anyone they knew of, and though the quality of the photo was shitty at best, Christian was able to make out a few key details. The male unsub was around his own age, perhaps a few years older, and had a twisted, mean-looking face. There were deep scars running down his left cheek and unless he was mistaken, Christian thought the man might be missing a finger or two.

"Who the fuck is this?" Christian asked, still studying the photo. "And why the fuck was he outside my house?"

"We're working on that, Mr. Grey," Taylor informed him, sounding tired. "We just wanted you to be aware since you're scheduled to return home this evening."

Christian sighed, wondering why shit like this kept popping up. _You already know the answer to that, Grey. Either it's because of you attracting the whack jobs with your wealth and notoriety or it's something to do with your wife._ Before he could speak another word to Taylor, to wonder if perhaps this man was somehow involved with Jack Hyde, another voice interrupted them.

"Christian?"

He spun around on his heel, finding Ana had come up looking for him. "Keep me updated, Taylor," he snapped, simultaneously ending the call and closing the email he'd received.

"Breakfast is ready," Ana told him cautiously. He imagined the expression on his face wasn't exactly the most welcoming. "Is everything all right?"

Stuffing his phone back into his pocket and pushing his worries to the back of his mind, he managed a smile. "Yes, everything's fine, baby," he assured her, holding out his hands to her. She took them hesitantly and allowed him to pull her towards him. As they wrapped their arms around each other, Christian actually, for a very brief moment, forgot all about the phone call from Taylor and the email and the unsub that had apparently been staking out his family's home. He took a deep breath, inhaling jasmine soap and pancake batter and Ana, and couldn't imagine being anywhere else. "Whatever happens," he whispered into her hair, holding her closer, "I'm just glad you agreed to this trip."

Ana stiffened in his arms. "Christian, what's wrong?" she whispered almost fearfully.

He hesitated. He didn't want to keep her in the dark, especially after their earlier agreement to be open and honest with each other, but at the same time, he didn't want to needlessly worry her. She'd spent much too time over the last year living in terror of the unknown, and his over-protective instinct and constant drive to give her peace of mind overruled all agreements, at least until he could give her more information.

"It's nothing, baby," he told her. "Really." He pulled away and kissed her forehead. "Come on; let's go have breakfast with our son."


	6. Chapter 6

The drive back to Seattle was tenser than it probably needed to be. Christian was silent most of the time, intent on driving to the  
untrained eye, but since Ana was so familiar with her husband's moods, she knew he was more focused on whatever he and Taylor had discussed on the deck of _The Grace_. Christian could deflect all he wanted, could give her all the assurances in the world that everything was perfectly fine, but she knew the only thing that put that particular brooding expression on his face was something that threatened his family. Luckily, she also knew better than to press the subject too soon; with Teddy in the car with them, Christian wouldn't dare get into arguments with his wife about anything more serious than what they would be having for dinner that evening.

So Ana continued to bide her time despite her overwhelming curiosity and anxiety to get information from Christian. In the meantime, her mind wandered to all the different possibilities of what might be wrong this time. The first to come to mind, of course, was Jack Hyde. Despite constant reassurances over the last few weeks from any number of people, Ana still feared that something might change and Jack would somehow make bail or even escape. It had happened once before, after all. Jack wasn't stupid—he was cruel, but not stupid. His circle of friends was just as cruel and he wouldn't hesitate to do whatever it took to escape from police custody, even if it was just long enough for him to find Ana and her family and exact his revenge.

But if that were the case, Christian wouldn't be taking them home. They would have been safest aboard _The Grace_. She found a little more breathing room when she realized that.

Perhaps it was something simple, like a business deal gone sour. Naturally that would put Christian in a horrible mood and he wouldn't want to burden his wife with something like that. Over the years, Ana had become aware of enough of Christian's business dealings to know that they weren't always as smooth and simple as he hoped they would be. Several times, Christian had been made known of threats from business rivals he may have angered; once or twice, Christian had informed Ana of these threats, usually only when he and his security team felt her or Teddy's personal safety might become an issue.

As they rapidly approached their home, Ana wondered if perhaps it was as Christian said: nothing was wrong. It could simply be a matter that the call from Taylor reminded him of the reality that awaited them that evening. The weekend hadn't exactly been carefree and relaxing like it would have been under better circumstances. Both Christian and Ana had faced some pretty dark demons and overcame quite a few hurdles that they might not have managed if they'd remained at home. One of the biggest walls between them had been demolished after their talks—the one involving a lack of full, open honesty between them. There were still issues to deal with, but for the first time, Ana could actually see them on the other side of this misery they were currently stuck in.

Christian had been absolutely right about the two of them needing to regain trust for one another. He needed to trust that she wasn't going to run again—only time would truly prove this. She was fully aware her record was against her in this; twice now she'd actually left him; once he believed she was leaving him, and that was devastating enough for both of them. She had to prove to herself she wouldn't leave again no matter what might happen. There was a new appreciation for her family since her return, but with things between her and Christian being as murky as they were, she couldn't even promise to herself she was back for good. That thought alone was enough to make her feel like the worst person on the face of the planet.

Ana needed to trust that Christian would do everything in his power to keep her and their son safe. She couldn't let her fears dictate her actions like she had done in the past. She couldn't sacrifice herself and her happiness for her family. It didn't help anybody in the end and only served to make situations worse. Christian knew what he was doing, even if his ways of demonstrating that knowledge weren't always the best. There desperately needed to be some form of communication between them, a form that lasted longer than telling each other the misery they'd experienced during their time apart. And she was determined that that communication would begin upon their arrival home.

* * *

Christian pulled into his parking spot in front of the house, parked, and shut off the engine. For a few moments, he just sat there, hands on the wheels. He knew that the moment he stepped out of the car, he would be forced back into a reality filled with business meetings, headaches, and mysterious stalkers. The longer he and his family remained in the car the longer he could pretend that this was how life was—him, his wife, and his son—without the need for a specially trained security team and emergency procedures the average American wouldn't even bother thinking about.

"Christian?" Ana asked quietly, tentatively reaching over to put a hand on his thigh.

His automatic response was to stiffen his body at the touch, but after a moment, he relaxed, releasing one of his own hands to rest over hers. "I'm fine, baby," he told her quietly, managing a slight smile to help put her at ease. "I just don't want to go back to the real world."

"Me neither," she told him, giving him her adorably sexy shy smile. "We don't have to go in," his smile widened at her teasing words, "we could leave now, drive to Aspen, and hole up there for the rest of our lives."

Christian laughed at the excitement in her voice at the prospect, impossible as it was. "That would be ideal," he told her softly, taking her hand and bringing it to his lips to kiss her knuckles. "If I thought we could get away with it, we would do it in a heartbeat. Unfortunately, duty calls." He released her hand and glanced into the backseat to find their son sleeping deeply. "Come. I need to meet with Taylor before dinner and if Teddy sleeps any longer, he'll be awake all night."

Resignedly, Ana nods, her teasing mood fading away as she sighed and opened her car door. Christian retrieved their bags from the back of the car while Ana retrieved their son. They entered the house and headed up the stairs; Christian dropped their bags just inside the bedroom, gave his wife a tight smile, and turned towards his study where he knew Taylor and Sawyer were waiting dutifully. Both men tensed when Christian entered the room, closing the door behind him. He put off the inevitable conversation by slowly making his way around his desk to sit in his chair. When he looked up finally, both men's eyes were steadily on him, both men looked utterly exhausted after their apparently busy weekend.

"What news?" Christian asked quietly.

"Nothing since this afternoon, sir," Taylor reported. "We're working with Welch to get photo recognition from the shot we caught on CCTV. So far, nothing's come up, but it's only been a few hours and we're widening the search to statewide."

"What are the chances that this bastard is in league with Hyde?"

"It's certainly not something we're prepared to rule out just yet," Sawyer began slowly, "but we don't think it's likely."

Christian raised an eyebrow at him. "Not likely," he said dryly. "We didn't think it was likely that Hyde could get into my family's home to threaten my wife and son, so what you think is likely doesn't really mean shit, does it?" He was fully aware he was taking out his frustrations of having to return home on his employees again; he found he didn't really care. If they had done their jobs correctly in the first place, they wouldn't be in this mess. Really, they were just lucky they still had jobs at all.

Fairness didn't have any meaning in Christian Grey's life right now. It didn't matter that Taylor had taken the blame for Jack Hyde's injuries at Elena's—the whole intention of that was to keep Ana from catching any of the heat—and Christian hadn't even needed to order him to do it. Taylor had gone above and beyond the call of duty more times than Christian could even begin to count, but that didn't mean he was immune to facing the consequences when he fucked up.

Sawyer and Taylor exchanged a brief glance. "Sir, if he is working for Hyde, Mrs. Grey might be able to help identify him," Taylor said boldly. Sawyer flinched, telling Christian they'd discussed this before his arrival and had anticipated him exploding in reaction.

"You think so?" Christian murmured distractedly. Of course this thought had gone through his mind. He'd immediately decided he would have to eventually tell Ana everything, at least to the point that she wasn't letting her imagination run away from her. No matter what happened, he wasn't going to let her run again, that much was for certain. Hell, he'd take her to Escala and tie her up in the playroom if it kept her from running. It was one of the reasons he'd made a habit of keeping some things from her, things that might frighten her or panic her, things that would cause her to run.

Christian sighed heavily, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. "I'll talk to her," he said grudgingly.

"Sir," both men acknowledged, realizing they were being dismissed.

Waiting until they'd left his study and closed the door behind them, Christian turned on his computer, started his email program, and quickly scrolled through the list of new messages, ignoring them until he found the one Taylor had sent him earlier this afternoon. He opened the attachment and leaned back in his chair, glaring at the photo on the screen. Despite all their efforts thus far, nobody had succeeded in what should have been the very simple task of finding this fucker. It was Ana's leaving all over again. The security team had worked for weeks all day, all night, barely getting time in for an hour of sleep as they searched for her. Christian still didn't understand how it was that she'd gotten out of the state undetected—obviously she'd avoided public travel, public places that employed CCTV cameras for surveillance, and had kept herself unseen. This had to be Hyde's doing; Christian had to give it to him: he'd done his research, knowing exactly how to avoid being tracked. It frightened Christian to know how easy it was for Hyde to take control from him.

 _Who's to say he won't do it again?_ he wondered to himself, still staring at the photo.

Knowing he needed to keep his promise to his wife, Christian headed down to the kitchen where Ana and Teddy were already settled at the table in front of plates of pot roast dinner Gail had prepared for them.

"Smells delicious," Christian said, walking around to his own chair across from his wife, ruffling his son's hair along the way. "Sorry I took so long."

Ana met his gaze, obviously not falling for the everything-is-just-peachy act Christian was trying to pull off. "Is everything okay?"

Christian paused in eating a carrot. "Yes." They both knew he was lying, but they also both knew there wouldn't be any sort of serious discussion in front of their son.

Sighing inaudibly, Ana resumed eating her mean, carrying on a conversation with Teddy about what they wanted to do tomorrow. Christian listened distractedly knowing he'd need to tell his wife something if she planned on taking their son out of the house at all in the near future—she had never and probably would never be the type to just accept or ignore the number of bodyguards that would be accompanying her and Teddy.

It wasn't until later in the evening, after Teddy's bath and bedtime that Christian realized he really did have to face this head-on. He'd procrastinated all he could—reading his son a bedtime story, tucking him in, kissing his forehead, and finally heading out towards his and Ana's bedroom. This would be the first night in weeks he would be sleeping in his own bed and the first time in a year that he would have his wife there beside him. He felt nervous and excited at the same time—it meant they were one step closer to getting back to normal.

When he entered the room, he heard the shower running, but for the first time in his memory, Christian wasn't considering getting in with her. He changed for bed distractedly, wondering if the man in the photo would be back that night. With the Greys away for the weekend, security had taken a more lax attitude towards the unsub. But now they'd returned, if the unsub returned, he could bet his ass there would be confrontation or at least a member of security politely requesting he park his car elsewhere. There was every chance in the world that what happened the other night across the street was a one off. It could have been something completely innocent and harmless.

Unfortunately, Christian had learned cynicism early in his life. Until proven otherwise, the bastard in the car with fake plates was a threat and that was all there was to it.

The bathroom door opened and Christian looked up to find his wife walking out wrapped in a towel. He sucked in a sharp breath, his mind instantly switching from angry and brooding to utterly aroused at the sight of her. Ana's hair was wrapped in a towel, her visible skin was slightly pink from the heat of the shower water, and there were drops of water running down her body.

"Mighty fine sight, Mrs. Grey," he said huskily, shifting into a more comfortable position to accommodate the sudden strain in his pants.

Ana jumped slightly, apparently having not seen him. "Christian," she said, flushing. "I take it Teddy's asleep."

Christian nodded slowly as he stood to cross the room to his wife, reaching out to softly stroke her shoulder with his fingers.

Ana tensed. "Christian," she repeated, her voice wavering slightly.

"Shh..." he coaxed, sliding his hands down her arms to her hands. He pulled her with him until he sat on the bed, Ana standing between his legs. He heard her breathing change and he knew if this was going to happen, he'd have to be patient with her. Slowly, he put his hands on her hips and softly moved them up to the edge of the towel just above her breasts. Meeting her gaze, his own breath caught in his chest at the expression in her eyes. She was terrified, but at the same time, aroused. Both emotions were fighting a war within her and he longed to wipe away the fear.

"Baby, don't over think this," he whispered, stroking the skin above the towel gently. "We'll go at your pace, but you have to know how much I want this, want you. The last few weeks have been absolute hell for me, and I know you want this, too." Her eyelids fluttered closed at his words and touch, and she swallowed hard. "It's okay, Ana, it'll be okay..."

He waited for her to say something, whether it was to agree with what Christian wanted or to deny him, and the longer she remained silent the worse he felt. Did she not want him anymore? Had she realized how fucked up he truly was after their talks this weekend that she'd decided she couldn't get past the things that Hyde had done with her after all? Or maybe Hyde had traumatized her so badly that the very idea of sex terrified her?

If he hadn't been watching her as closely as he was, he'd have missed the nearly imperceptible nod. As it was, he had been watching and it took him a few long moments for his mind to register her agreement. He felt the smile forming on his face and the one she'd given back was as shy as the first time they'd ever done anything like this.

"You're sure?" he breathed, needing to know right now that she was doing this because she wanted to, not because he wanted her to, before they got to the point that he wouldn't be able to stop.

She bit her lip very briefly before raising her two trembling hands to her towel. Christian let his own hands fall to the bed as he watched her release the towel, letting it fall to the floor. He groaned deeply at the sight of her. It wasn't the first time he'd seen her naked since she'd come back, but it was the first time since they'd agreed on full disclosure and honesty. It was the first time since finding out exactly what Hyde had done to her. And it certainly wasn't lost on Christian that if this didn't go well, everything else would be almost impossible. Almost from the beginning their relationship had been built on a foundation of sexual attraction, on both their sides. It had been what had kept Ana at his apartment after telling her exactly what it was he'd been looking for at the time. They'd experienced vanilla sex together and Christian couldn't imagine his life without that now. He'd taken her to a darker part of her that she never would have discovered if it hadn't been for him, and she'd loved it.

Hyde had ruined all that for her. Besides their relationship being strained after being apart for a year, Christian had been reluctant to touch her in this way because he was uncertain how she would react, especially since he knew the truth. If she'd had any sort of panic that night in Omaha at the hotel, Christian hadn't noticed it; he was too caught up in having her back. Now, he'd be aware of every flinch or gasp or hesitation she made, wondering if this was too much for her too soon.

Instead of answering, Ana reached out for his hands, placing them on the soft skin of her hips and slowly moved them up her body. Halfway to her breasts, she dropped her own hands, allowing Christian freedom to touch her on his own. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her on top of him and scooting back onto the bed so he his head rested on the pillow.

"Your pace, Ana," he told her softly, running his fingers up and down her back. "If anything makes you uncomfortable, I really need you to tell me; we have to trust each other. Understand?"

She nodded, placing her hands on either side of his head, leaning down and kissing him deeply. Christian held her against him as their tongues explored one another's mouth, reacquainting themselves with this part of their lives. Gasping for air, Ana pulled her mouth from his, reaching down to unbutton his shirt. "Too many clothes, Mr. Grey," she told him quietly and teasingly.

Christian smirked and released his grip from around her waist to allow her to work better. He sat up enough to let her remove his shirt before he flopped back down, biting his lip as she kissed her way down his throat and onto his chest, mumbling encouragement every so often as she made her way farther down his body until she reached the waistband of her jeans. When she reached for the waistband of his pajama pants, she actually looked up at him for permission.

"I'm not stopping you," he told her huskily. "You have no idea how good this feels, baby..."

She made short work of his pajama pants and boxers then slid back up his body, kissing him deeply. Christian took this as a sign to roll her onto her back, pressing her body into the mattress. "Much as I want to explore every inch of you," he told her breathlessly, "it's been far too long and I need you."

"Please, Christian," she begged. "I need this."

Carefully, he positioned himself over her and sank into her slowly, placing his elbows on either side of her head and kissing her as they moaned together. He stopped for a moment to make sure she was okay; when she wrapped her legs around the backs of his, and splayed her hands across his back to encourage him to move, he was lost.

* * *

Breathing heavily, Christian rolled off his wife and onto his back, pulling her with him to rest on his chest. When his brain returned to something resembling normal function, he realized he had, once again, used sex to avoid a serious discussion. Avoidance hadn't been his intention and he was certain she hadn't planned on having sex instead of demanding information, but both of them were more relaxed than they had been in months and it felt absolutely amazing.

"Well, Mr. Grey," Ana said breathlessly from her position against his chest, "that was certainly unexpected."

"But good?" he asked hopefully.

She turned his head to look at him, smiling. "Very good," she answered happily.

He chuckled and held her more tightly. "I concur."

They fell into a comfortable silence and just before Christian felt himself falling asleep, Ana brought up the subject he'd hoped she'd forgotten.

"Do you plan on telling me what happened today?" she asked sleepily.

Sighing, Christian opened his eyes again. "Yes," he began slowly. "However, I'd like to wait until I know a bit more. For all I know, Taylor is overreacting and if that's the case, I'll just have worried you needlessly."

She pulled away enough to fix him with raised eyebrows. "And when was the last time Taylor overreacted?" she asked dubiously.

"You'd be surprised," Christian said grimly.

"Christian, I deserve to know," she insisted. "Remember, full disclosure."

His eyes fluttered shut. "Yes, I do remember," he told her, his patience becoming strained. "And I will tell you when there is something to tell. For now, though, please, just let it go, Ana."

The expression on her face suggested she wanted nothing more than to argue and he was inwardly preparing himself for the battle. After a moment, she shook her head a little. "I'd rather not ruin what's been a very lovely evening," she said resignedly. "I trust you, Christian, but you need to trust that I can handle whatever it is that's bothering you."

He would have loved to tell her he did trust her, but he didn't want to lie to her. And that would be what would happen if he told her he trusted her right now—he did to a point; but it was still his job to keep her safe and happy and worry-free. Telling her about the unsub would be counterproductive to that.

Whether she realized he hadn't responded yet, she eventually rested her head back on his shoulder. "I love you, Christian," she murmured before sleep claimed her.

He was smiling as he replied, "I love you, too. Sleep now, sweet Ana."


	7. Chapter 7

It was just past one in the morning when Ana woke. She was far too warm and there was a heavy weight covering her body. Blinking her eyes open, she realized Christian was draped over her, both of them were completely naked, and the dream she'd had about her husband making love to her had been real. She felt relief at this realization, but when she began waking a bit more, she began to feel claustrophobic. As carefully as she could manage, she slipped out of bed. She winced when Christian grumbled something in his sleep, but instead of waking up, he only rolled onto his side of the bed and went on sleeping.

 _This has got to be a first,_ she thought idly, going to the closet to retrieve a the past, every attempt to get away from Christian in his sleep woke him immediately, usually with panic in his eyes. Slipping out of the bedroom silently, Ana walked through the hall of her home, stopping briefly in front of Teddy's bedroom, but shook her head before making her way to the downstairs. The house was dark and quiet, just as it should be at this late hour, and it strangely made Ana feel comforted. Miserable as the year without her family had been, she had been made to appreciate silence and being alone. She'd been free to do as she pleased, which usually meant reading or curling up on the couch watching television, with only her thoughts for company. For a while, she could pretend she'd never met Christian Grey and could momentarily forget the overwhelming sadness and depression that had taken over her life, though that always led to worse depression and more drinking of cheap wine.

Being home after so long was surreal. Every morning that she woke up and her life wasn't ruled by Jack Hyde was still a complete shock to her, and she feared the day she would wake up and find that it had all, indeed, been nothing more than a dream.

She eventually found herself on the back porch, sitting on the steps that led into the yard. The way Christian continued to keep things from her was as frustrating as she remembered, but in some ways, it was comforting. It was a glimpse back into their old life together and only further proved she was back. Truthfully, if he had come right out and told her the truth the first time she'd asked what was on his mind, she'd have been suspicious. Not knowing still pissed her off, of course, and she'd give him one more day to get his thoughts in order before she finally lost her cool with him. His behavior showed he still cared enough to keep her safe.

Still, something had to change. Considering everything she'd been through over the year, she was more than entitled to know what was going on around her, especially if it concerned hers and Teddy's safety. She knew it was fear that caused Christian to hold his silence. He was afraid telling her the truth would cause her to panic and flee again. Misplaced as his fear really was, Ana couldn't blame him for thinking like this. Her record was against her after all and it had always been Christian's worst fear that she'd leave him—a fear that had been realized twice in their relationship.

To avoid making herself miserable after a wonderful weekend with her family, Ana instead thought about her schedule for the coming week. She had two appointments with Dr. Flynn—Tuesday and Thursday—Kate had asked her to go shopping for baby things on Wednesday, there was a dinner at Christian's parents' house on Friday night, and beyond that, she had a three-year-old to reacquaint herself with.

At some point this week, she would have to schedule an appointment with Carrick Grey at his law office to discuss the upcoming trial for Jack Hyde. Though everyone around her tried to convince her it wasn't necessary to put herself through the torture, Ana had stubbornly announced that she would be in the courtroom to testify against him. The meeting with Carrick would cover what would and wouldn't be needed to ensure a conviction. It should have been enough that Jack had murdered both Elena Lincoln and David Callahan, kidnapped Teddy Grey, held Christian Grey hostage; those charges alone would give him several years in a maximum security prison, but Ana was determined to keep him in that prison until the day he died. The only way she saw to do that was to get on the witness stand in front of her entire family and god knew who else, under the scrutinizing gaze of her abuser Jack Hyde himself, and relive the hell she'd experienced. Christian was the only person who currently knew everything and he would be in the courtroom with her, giving his own testimony of the night at Elena Lincoln's, but she wasn't sure if she could bear seeing the anger and fear on his face on her behalf, as she had this weekend.

First, though, she had to get through a mortifying meeting with her father-in-law. Carrick would remain professional, she knew, but when she finished telling him the truth, would she ever be able to look him in the eye again?

Working through her thoughts was making her sleepy again. Still on the stairs, resting against the stone wall, she felt her eyes begin to close. Just as suddenly, her eyes snapped open again and she was rapidly approaching panic-mode. She was being watched. She could feel it. The rational side of her mind tried to tell her that of course she was being watched, there were security guards all around the property, not to mention the security cameras.

It was more than that, though. She looked directly ahead of her, narrowing her eyes to focus on the area of the water to make out the difference between shadows made by the light of the moon and something more sinister. There was something on the shore, a figure of some sort. It wasn't moving like she knew the security team members would be doing if they were patrolling down there. She could feel a penetrating gaze on her, chilling her to the bone. And then she saw a tiny amber light that she immediately recognized as the light of a cigarette.

"Oh fuck," she whimpered, beginning to tremble from fear and realization. "No... Not happening, Grey. You're tired, you're paranoid. It's a hallucination..."

She wrenched her eyes shut, silently praying that when she opened them again, the shoreline would be empty. A hand gripped her shoulder and she jumped several inches, yelling in fright. She was halfway down the path towards the shore when she got a look at her attacker.

"Christian?" she practically begged.

"What the hell was that?" asked Christian with both confusion and concern.

Not answering immediately, she turned around, her eyes scanning the shore for anything out of place or anybody watching them. Nobody was there and she could actually convince herself she'd imagined seeing what she had—it had only been a couple minutes before that she'd been asleep on the stairs.

"Ana?" Christian asked cautiously, slowly approaching her as one would a frightened, wounded animal. "Baby, what's wrong?"

As his arms encircled her, she allowed herself to relax, breathing in her husband's comforting scent. "Nothing," she breathed into his bare chest. "I just had a bad dream."

He held her tighter, thankfully not asking for any more details. She realized suddenly that they were both withholding things from each other. It wasn't a good feeling.

"Why are you awake?" she asked, trying to divert her mind's attention on what she was now fully convinced to have been a hallucination.

"I woke up and you weren't there," he said quietly, vulnerably. "I wasn't sure where you'd gone so I've been walking around the house looking for you. Why'd you leave?"

"Couldn't sleep," she mumbled. "I just wanted some fresh air; I'm sorry I woke you."

He kissed the top of her head. "It's okay. I was just worried."

Without a word, he began leading her back into the house, sitting her down at the kitchen bar while he retrieved the both of them a glass of water. "Christian?" she asked quietly, staring into her glass.

"Yes?"

She took a deep breath, knowing they had to clear the air. Before Christian had come into their bedroom after tucking Teddy into bed, she'd had every intention to get the truth out of him; but as always, Mister Sexpertise had distracted her the best way he knew how. She'd very much enjoyed what they'd done and was relieved that he still wanted her in that way, but sex wasn't the cure-all he tended to hope it was. "Please, can you tell me what's going on?" she whispered, dreading his reaction.

"Ana..." he said exasperatedly.

"Full disclosure, Christian," she reminded him.

He let out a groan of frustration but turned to her nonetheless. Judging by the look on his face, he was fighting his temper. "I thought we discussed this already?" he said through feigned patience.

" _You_ discussed it, Christian," she responded, refusing to back down this time. "As always, you made up your mind and made me go along with it. We can't go back down that road, Christian. It almost destroyed us once and I don't want to risk that again."

He winced as if in pain. Desperate as she was to know the truth, she almost wanted to back down just so she wouldn't have to look at that expression on his face. "You're right," he whispered, opening his eyes again. "You deserve to know."

She tried hard to disguise her shock at his words and bit her tongue to keep from cheering. He'd actually agreed. Without a fight. Things really were going to change between them this time around.

Sighing, Christian finished off his glass of water, gesturing for her to do the same. Once she had, he led her out of the kitchen and up the stairs to his study where he flipped the light switch and walked briskly around his desk to sit in his chair. "Sit," he ordered distractedly. Slightly dazed, she did as she was told while he busied himself firing up his computer. "Yesterday afternoon I got a call from Taylor." He began speaking, surprisingly calmly. "He'd called to tell me that Sawyer located an unsub across the street from the house." Immediately, Ana began to tense up. "Since we weren't here and the person occupying the car didn't seem to be an immediate threat, he didn't find it necessary to take action."

"Do you know who it was?" she whispered. It almost sounded as though she was hearing herself from the end of a very long tunnel.

"No," Christian said regretfully, clicking a button on the computer. "But Sawyer and Taylor were able to catch a glimpse of him when he rolled down his window to dispose of a cigarette butt."

She managed to block out the disgust in his voice. "And?" she asked reluctantly.

He hesitated, taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "It's probably nothing, Ana," he tried to tell her, but she was already nervous about whatever he was about to show her. "But I told Taylor and Sawyer I would ask you..." He slowly began turning the computer around for her to see. "Do you recognize him?"

Though the image was blurry, Ana immediately felt as though the breath had been knocked out of her. It was one of two faces she'd hoped to never see again in her life—the first, of course, being Jack Hyde's. Thousands of sounds and images flew through her mind—whispered threats, lustful smiles, eyes that undressed her and did things to her she was far from comfortable with.

"Fuck," Christian muttered, immediately turning the computer away from her again. He stood from his chair and walked around to her, kneeling before her. "Baby, it's okay. You're safe. I'm not letting anyone get to you ever again. Do you understand?"

She felt herself nodding, but she was now thinking back to sitting on the steps outside and seeing the figure on the shore. In light of what Christian had just showed and told her, she still refused to believe what she'd seen down by the water. It had to have been her paranoia...

"Ana," she heard Christian say, "who is he?"

Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to meet her husband's eyes. "Roger," she whispered. "His name is Roger. He's a friend of Jack's. I don't know if it's his first name or last, or even if it's his real name at all, but that's what I know him as. Whenever Jack was away for extended periods, Roger was there in his place. I suppose you could say he was my babysitter."

"Did he touch you?" Christian asked, his voice not quite a growl.

Ana shook her head. "No," she assured him. "But he didn't really need to. There were nights I would wake up and he'd be standing in the doorway of my bedroom. Not doing anything, just standing and staring. Sometimes he was smoking a cigarette and the only light was from the end of it. He never needed to touch me to terrify me, though; he would threaten things, mostly things about me, telling me what he wanted to do to me, but that Jack wouldn't let him. I went a week straight not sleeping, knowing he was in the house." She shut her eyes, trying to remind herself that that phase of her life was over. It was pointless, though, since Christian had just given her proof that it wasn't over.

Next thing she knew, she was on the floor of Christian's study, curled in his lap, crying into his shoulder while he muttered platitudes she couldn't understand and kissed her hair. When she finally calmed a bit she looked up into his face and winced at his expression. He was beyond angry, beyond livid, but for once, she didn't think it was anything she'd said or done. His expressions softened a touch when he realized how fearfully she was eyeing him and he gently kissed her forehead, letting his lips linger.

"I'm sorry," she murmured to him sleepily.

"No," he replied, his voice cracking a little. "Ana, you've nothing to apologize for. I'm just sorry I couldn't keep you safer. Never again, though," his voice was becoming stronger, hardened, "I don't care what it takes, I will keep safe."

As she drifted off to sleep in his arms, she actually managed to feel comforted.

* * *

Christian sat on the edge of his bed, watching his wife sleep, his mind reeling. Her reaction to the unsub—this Roger fucker—was worse than what it had been every time she'd spoken about Hyde. Her terror was palpable and he knew there was more to it than what she'd told him, but he wouldn't be the one to demand answers from her, not after what he'd just seen in his study. He reached over and pushed a few strands of hair off her face. How had they gone from making love and falling asleep in each other's arms to this?

Glancing over at the clock, he saw his alarm was set to go off in half an hour. With a heavy sigh, he leaned over to kiss her forehead before getting out of bed and gathering his clothes for a shower. Security would be increased, that was a given. And if this fucker came within a mile of his family's home, he would regret it.

After dressing, he once again checked that his wife was sleeping soundly before heading down to the kitchen where Gail and Taylor were already having their morning coffee.

"Mr. Grey," Gail said in surprise, immediately setting aside her cup. "You're up earlier than expected, sir. What would you like for breakfast? I was going to make Jason an omelet and bacon..."

"That'll be fine, Gail, thank you," he muttered, accepting the cup of coffee Taylor poured for him with a grateful nod. "Taylor, a word?"

"Of course, sir," was the response. The two men headed out onto the back porch to give them some semblance of privacy.

"Any news?" Christian asked, sipping his coffee.

Taylor shook his head. "No, sir. Everything was quiet last night. The only movement on the property was that of Mrs. Grey, but I'm sure you know that."

"I do," Christian affirmed. "We have a name to go along with our picture."

Taylor blinked incomprehensively for a moment; Christian attributed it to the early hour. "Oh?"

"Roger," Christian told him. "He's a friend of Hyde's. But other than the fact that my wife is absolutely terrified to even discuss him, I don't really know anything more."

Taylor's expression hardened. Christian was aware his security team had become very fond of his wife over the years, to the point that any one of them would gladly risk their lives for her, even if they weren't being paid to do so, and anything that threatened her affected them on a personal level. "Understood, sir. I will inform Sawyer and Welch, and see what they come up with. How would you like us to proceed if this Roger shows his face again?"

"Do what you need to do," Christian said coldly, knowing full well what this phrase would mean to Taylor. Almost half of the security team was armed at all times, and though Christian would have preferred them not to be, even he had to admit that the situations sometimes warranted drastic action. For all they knew, Roger was carrying his own gun and Christian wouldn't risk losing another member of his team just because of his own discomfort with firearms. "Sawyer is to be with Anastasia at all times if she leaves the property. He can take whoever he thinks is best, but I want two people with her at all times until this shit is sorted out."

"Of course, Mr. Grey," Taylor agreed.

"Good," Christian murmured, finishing off his coffee. "Come on, I'd hate for your wife's breakfast to get cold..."

Taylor actually cracked a smile and followed his boss back into the house.

* * *

By midday, Ana had mostly put everything that happened in Christian's study and the immediate events beforehand out of her mind. She couldn't ignore the fact that Roger was probably somewhere nearby, probably looking for her, but she was finally beginning to trust Christian's words and promise of her safety. He wouldn't allow a repeat of the year before when Jack had gotten into their home in the middle of the day. Ana could only imagine the belated tearing down her husband had given his security team after finding out the truth about why his wife had left—she shuddered at the very thought.

Despite the impending threat of yet more trouble in her life, Ana was starting to fall back into her old routines. After lunch, while Teddy napped, she and Gail discussed the family's meal schedule for the week, and Gail made her shopping list, then discovered they had a bit of down time. On the back porch, the two women sat with cups of tea and just enjoyed the view. Before she had left, Ana and Gail had become quite close—it was difficult for them not to have become so when they only really had each other for company throughout the day or when their husbands were travelling. Since her return, however, Ana felt Gail had reverted to the more formal relationship they'd had when they'd first met.

Everybody in her life had reacted differently to her leaving and return, but Gail's response had somewhat surprised Ana. It probably shouldn't have; Gail had had a front row seat to Christian's downward spiral and it wasn't a secret that she was very fond of Christian despite only being his employee.

What was becoming frustrating, though, was that while people said they understood what Ana had gone through, she couldn't help but feel when she wasn't around, they were all discussing it, and that they all seemed to maintain Christian, not Ana, had been the victim in all this. Not that she _wanted_ to be the victim, nor did she want to belittle the pain she'd put her family through, and on some level she supposed she understood their points of view—only Christian and Dr. Flynn knew the full extent of what Ana had gone through. Still it would have been nice to have someone on her side.

 _How selfish can you be?_ her subconscious hissed. _You've got Christian on your side. What more do you need?_

Before she could respond, a loud cry sounded from within the house.

"Teddy!" Her son's name was out of her mouth before her mind even fully processed anything, and she'd dropped her teacup to the ground, flying out of her chair before it had even completely shattered. She could feel Gail right on her heels as she threw open the door into the kitchen.

A thousand thoughts flew through her mind in the few seconds it took to find her son: Jack had somehow gotten out of police custody and had gotten back into the house; Roger had gotten through all the Greys' protections; there was some new threat brought on by either Christian's former lifestyle—Leila couldn't be the only ex-sub with mental problems—or Ana had brought something back with her.

As she reached the staircase, she indeed found her son in somebody's arms, but she felt herself nearly collapse in relief to discover Sawyer had been a little closer than Ana and Gail. The two of them sat at the foot of the stairs, Teddy's face bright red and wet with tears while Sawyer seemed to be cradling the little boy's arm.

"What happened?" Ana asked, dropping to her knees in front of them. Immediately Teddy wanted to go to her, but Sawyer kept a firm hold on him and his arm.

"I was just coming in the house and he saw me and slipped on the stairs," Sawyer told her fretfully over Teddy's cries. "I tried to catch him, Mrs. Grey, I just wasn't quick enough."

Gail caught up to them. "I think his arm may be broken," she said regretfully, looking at the way Teddy's arm was bent in a rather unnatural angle. "We should get him to hospital."

Ana didn't respond immediately. She watched her baby boy crying and in pain and frightened, and she felt utterly helpless right now. And Christian... He was going to go thermonuclear when he found out his precious son had gotten hurt.

"Ana," Gail said firmly, drawing her attention away from Teddy. Finally looking away from her son, she saw the older woman looking at her sympathetically. "We have to go now."

Nodding, Ana stood up, allowing Sawyer to carry Teddy out to the car. Ana got into the backseat and Sawyer placed Teddy carefully in her lap, careful not to jostle his broken arm any more than necessary. "I'm so sorry, Mrs. Grey," he told her emphatically.

She managed to give him a weak smile. "No need to apologize, Sawyer, it was an accident," she told him.

The look he gave her suggested they were both thinking about Christian's response and how he certainly wouldn't see it that way. Regardless, he closed the door and rushed around to the driver's seat. While Sawyer drove, Ana did everything she could think of to calm down her son. "It's okay, sweet boy," she murmured into his hair, kissing his forehead. "It'll be okay."

"Hurts, Mommy," Teddy sniffled and sobbed.

"I know it does," she said soothingly. "We'll get you all fixed up soon."

"Mrs. Grey," Sawyer said from the front seat. Ana looked up and met his eyes questioningly in the rearview mirror. "I think I should call Taylor, ma'am."

Ana sighed, knowing he was right, but really wanting to put off Christian's reaction for as long as possible. "I think you should, too, Luke..."

* * *

 **A/N:** I apologize for the delay in updates considering this is an already completed story, but I've had some things come up that take precedent. I'll try to get the next batch out as soon as I can!


	8. Chapter 8

"I want that fucking paperwork signed and on my desk by Friday, Ros. I don't give a fuck what their excuses are," Christian barked irritably from behind his desk. His day thus far had been frustrating due to his lack of sleep the night before and all the work that had built up over his three-day weekend with his family. Truth be told, he'd have much preferred being home with them rather than glaring at his second-in-command, but he had an empire to run.

Ros opened her mouth, probably to speak some sort of reassurance, but she was interrupted by a brisk knock on the door.

"What?" Christian snapped loudly.

The door opened and Taylor entered, as always, unaffected by his boss's tone. "Sir, I've just had an urgent call from Sawyer," he said briskly.

Immediately, Christian switched from pissed off to worried; there was only one reason Sawyer would call or why Taylor would be interrupting—something was wrong at home.

"What happened?" Christian heard himself whisper.

Taylor hesitated for half a beat. "Sawyer is currently driving Mrs. Grey and Teddy to the hospital, sir. It seems there's been a minor accident and Teddy may have a broken arm."

"Fuck!" Christian shouted, already out of his chair and reaching for his jacket. "Ros—"

"It's fine, Christian," she told him quickly. "Go, be with your family."

Taylor held open the door as Christian rushed through it, finding Andrea seemed to have taken the initiative of calling the elevator and holding it open for her. Christian gave her a terse nod, ignoring the pleased expression on her face. While he waited for the impossibly slow elevator to hurry the fuck up and reach the ground floor, all Christian could think about was his son. The only injuries Teddy had had in his young life had been minor scrapes and bruises. The adults around him had seen to it that he'd remained in the safest possible situations and was never any place where he might come to harm. So of course, this begged the question of where the fuck Ana and Gail and Sawyer had been when Teddy was apparently breaking his arm.

"The car has been pulled around," Taylor informed him when they reached the ground floor and made their way for the front door.

Christian didn't reply, but he didn't think Taylor had expected him to. The drive to the hospital was a long one, even with Taylor's speed and expert maneuvering around the assholes on the road. They reached the emergency room entrance and Christian hardly waited for Taylor to slow down before throwing open the door and jumping out.

Fortunately for him, and everyone around him, it only took Christian a few barked demands to find out where his family was and he saw Sawyer standing guard outside an examination room door looking pale and fearful as Christian approached.

 _Rightfully so,_ he thought darkly. "Start talking," Christian practically shouted.

Sawyer paled even more and swallowed hard before speaking. "Teddy slipped on the staircase, sir," he told Christian, his voice wavering very slightly. "I was walking in the house as it happened. I tried to catch him, Mr. Grey, but—"

"You'll be lucky if all I do is fire your ass," Christian growled, pushing past the other man and deciding to wait on determining Sawyer's fate for the moment.

His eyes immediately sought and found Ana and Teddy, both sitting on a hospital bed. Teddy was in his mother's lap, practically asleep on her chest, his arm in the hands of Grace Trevelyan—Christian sighed in relief at the sight; at least he knew his son was in the best of hands. Ana and Grace both looked over at him as the door opened, the former seeming to be utterly fearful of him, the latter giving him a warning look—warning him about what, he wasn't entirely certain.

While his first instinct was to lose his temper and demand how his son had been allowed to hurt himself, Christian closed his eyes, counted to ten, and took a deep breath. "How is he?" he asked in a calm, measured tone that seemed to surprise both his wife and mother.

"He'll be fine," Grace told him reassuringly. "We took an x-ray and his arm is broken, so we are preparing to set it in a cast. He's been given a mild pain reliever to calm him down enough so we could take care of him."

Christian nodded and approached, reaching out a hand to smooth down his son's hair. He winced as he caught sight of the little boy's bruised arm. There wasn't anything he hated more in the world than to see his son in pain. The day he'd been born, the first time Christian had held him in his arms, he'd made a silent promise to him that he would never do anything that might harm him in any way and he would keep him safe from every bad thing in the world. Having his own history that involved abuse as a small child, he vowed to keep his son from ever experiencing even a fraction of the pain he had. It was nothing short of torture to see Teddy like this now, especially since he knew there wasn't really anything he could do to make it better.

Glancing at Ana, her expression mirrored his internal feelings almost exactly and his heart wrenched as he bent down and kissed her forehead. She looked at him in surprise, obviously having expected a much different reaction from him. There would be time for all of that later on, once they took care of Teddy's needs.

"Well, we should get his arm set and wrapped in his cast before the pain medication wears off—knowing this boy like I do, he won't sit still long enough to let us do much without a fight," Grace told them wryly.

Ana started to stand, trying not to jostle Teddy, but judging by the whimper the boy emitted, she wasn't doing a very good job of it. "Give him here," Christian ordered quietly. Without waiting for a response, he carefully took their son into his arms, ignoring her expression of hurt that she tried to hide from him. She hugged herself as she followed Grace and Christian down the hall to a private examination room where Grace gestured for Christian to sit with Teddy on a table. Ana remained near the door, just watching Christian and Teddy. He wished he knew what she was thinking, what had brought the sudden look of longing onto her face. In the past, more often than not, he could get the gist of what was going on in her head; now, however, he had no idea and it made him feel even more useless than he did with Teddy.

The room was tense as a nurse entered to assist Grace in the setting of Teddy's broken arm—a process that made Christian want to know what the hell kind of tranquilizer they'd given Teddy while they worked. With how quickly and simply the process went, it reminded Christian that these things happen often and it wasn't the end of the world. They finished up by wrapping the dark blue tape around the padding and Teddy didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

"All done," Grace told them happily. "You should be set to go home. We'll want to see him in a few weeks here at the hospital and of course, I'm only a phone call away in case everything goes wrong. I'll give you a prescription for him, but only give it to him when you think he's truly in pain—it will make him sleepy, so be ready for that. Other than that, keep a plastic bag or something wrapped around his arm while you bathe him—do not let the cast get wet—and just keep him away from staircases."

"That won't be an issue," Christian said coldly, already planning on how to avoid any future dangers, taking the prescription and instructions for taking care of Teddy's cast from his mother. "Thank you. We'll see you this weekend."

She gave him a sympathetic smile. "Teddy's going to be fine," she told him quietly. "Small children are very resilient. I've got the perfect example of that standing right in front of me." Christian's brow furrowed, uncertain what his mother was getting at. "Just keep in mind accidents happen, Christian, and everything will be fine."

"Right," Christian muttered, standing and following his wife out of the room.

After a few last minute instruction reminders and goodbyes, the Greys left the hospital finding Taylor and Sawyer waiting beside the car. Christian didn't bother asking what happened to the one Sawyer had driven there, but instead shot Sawyer a look that assured him there would be a very long conversation later on. Gulping, Sawyer held open the backseat door for Ana while Christian walked around to the other side, carefully buckled his still sleeping son in the car seat that separated Ana and Christian, and climbed in beside him.

The drive home was silent. Whenever he glanced over at Ana, she was staring out the window, just as she had been the morning they'd arrived back in Seattle from Omaha. Obviously she was waiting until they got home for Christian to start in on her about Teddy's injury. Much as he wanted to, he'd already made the decision to wait until he heard her side of the story. He was fully aware that kids were accident prone and at some point, Teddy was going to get hurt, and there would be nothing Christian could do to stop it. You can't just throw money at an accident like this to fix it. Looking at Teddy now, he obviously wasn't fazed by a broken arm—though that could have been the medication Grace had given him at the hospital—and he recalled Grace's words about children being resilient. For the moment, he ignored the sentence that had followed.

As they pulled up to the house, it occurred to Christian that with Teddy's injury he'd forgotten all about the mysterious Roger. He and Ana would need to talk about that as well. It was going to be a long night...

* * *

Teddy started waking up just before dinnertime. He was groggy and confused, but didn't seem to be in any pain, much to his parents' relief. Once he realized one of his arms was heavier than the other, Ana and Christian explained to him what had happened then asked him what he remembered.

"Um," he began, poking and prodding the cast curiously, "I woke up and wanted to play, so I went to find Mommy and I thought it'd be fun to slide down the stairs, so I tried and fell."

His parents stared at him for a few moments, Ana fighting the ridiculous urge to laugh at the matter-of-fact way Teddy told them what had happened. It only took one glance at Christian's obviously angry face to quell that sensation, and she waited to see how he would react to this.

"How many times have I told you not to play on the stairs?" Christian asked through gritted teeth. Teddy immediately stopped playing with his cast and looked up at his father in surprise. "It's dangerous, Teddy! You could have hurt yourself worse!"

Ana felt her heart breaking a little at the sight of her son's bottom lip quivering, either in fear of his father's outburst or whatever punishment he knew would be coming. "Sorry, Daddy," Teddy said meekly.

Ana's eyes darted between her husband and son, and watched in utter fascination as her ever-mercurial Christian transitioned from angry to concerned father within a few seconds. Christian sighed, running his hands through his hair, calming his temper. "It's all right, son," he said quietly, holding out his arms for Teddy. The boy immediately closed the distance between himself and his father and hugged him closely. She could almost see Christian's thoughts running through every possibility of what _could have_ happened, along with the thoughts that just a few weeks ago there had been a possibility that Christian might never see his son again.

She had expected him to walk into the hospital screaming at the top of his lungs, demanding to know where his son was, what had happened, and why it had been allowed to happen. She'd expected to face the full Christian Grey wrath in that examination room, but it hadn't happened. He'd told her over the weekend how he'd had to change how he handled things, especially when it came to Teddy, but until this moment, watching them, she hadn't really understood. They were now sitting, Teddy in Christian's lap, as they talked quietly with one another, and she felt as though she was intruding. Unable to really deal with her emotions, she quietly slipped away without drawing their attention.

* * *

Gail called that dinner was ready and Christian stood, Teddy in his arms, and turned towards his wife. He blinked rapidly as he found the chair she'd occupied just a few minutes ago to be empty.

"Where's Mommy?" Teddy asked tiredly.

"I don't know," Christian replied, his heart beginning to race for some unknown reason. He knew Ana couldn't have left the house without alerting the security team, not since that Roger fucker had been sighted across the street. Perhaps she'd gone to the bathroom or something... That thought comforted him slightly and he placed his son in his seat at the table, sitting beside him. Gail left them to enjoy their dinner, and Christian waited for his wife to join them, but her chair at the table remained unoccupied.

Teddy was falling asleep in his chair, having eaten half his dinner. With a sigh, Christian cleared all three plates from the table, picked up his son, and took him to bed. With Teddy tucked neatly in bed, Christian went off in search of his wife. Luckily for both of them, it was a short search: Ana was curled up in their bed, with the lights off, and unless he was mistaken, she was crying.

"Ana?" he said quietly.

He heard her breath catch, but she made no other acknowledgement of his presence. Taking off his shoes and socks and tie, he climbed into bed beside her, pulling her into his arms. "Baby, what is it?" he whispered against her hair.

She didn't respond, only continued to cry, so he continued to hold her. Somehow, he knew he was to blame for this, but fuck if he knew what he'd done. It hadn't escaped his notice that he'd been fully prepared to lay into her for not being near to keep Teddy from getting hurt and now she'd distracted him with tears. It certainly wasn't the first time this had happened, and he was still clueless as to how he should handle it.

"I'm sorry," she eventually said, her voice raspy.

"What for?" he murmured.

She sighed. "Everything. Teddy. Roger. Just... everything..."

He only thought for a moment before making his decision, rolling her onto her back so he could look at her. "Stop apologizing," he told her sternly. "None of this is your fault, Ana." She gave him a look of such skepticism that he couldn't help but crack a smile. "Well, maybe it is your fault, but I'm here to help keep some of this shit off your shoulders. I told you I would do whatever it took to keep you safe and make you happy, and that's not changed in the slightest. We still have a mountain of shit to work through and I need you to help me."

She nodded slightly. "I know," she said, her voice barely a whisper. "I just wish I knew how."

He closed his own eyes. "Me, too." He lay on the bed on his back, pulling her against his chest and hugging her to him. The same things had been on his mind—they'd come so far in such a short amount of time, but there were things neither of them were able to get past, and that held them back from both each other and their future together. Every time he thought they were taking a step forward, something happened to knock them back ten steps. As much as he wanted to take his wife back to Escala and the playroom to sort things out, he didn't want to do any more damage to her. She was still having nightmares—not quite as bad as the one on _The Grace_ had been, but bad enough that he'd lain awake at night to keep an eye on her in case she needed to be awoken in a hurry.

It really surprised him that she'd let him make love to her the night before; he'd half-expected her to panic halfway through and push him away. And what was worse, he wasn't sure he _could have_ let her push him away. Being without her for so long had created an almost desperate need for her—his body craved her more than it ever had before—and he'd been so caught in the moment he probably wouldn't have even realized she was protesting. If that had happened, he'd have been no better than Hyde and when he finally came to his senses, it would have destroyed him to realize how he'd made her feel.

He had to get away from those thoughts. "You didn't join us for dinner," he said softly.

She started shaking again and his heart stopped for a moment, thinking he'd made her cry, until she looked up at him and he was able to see the watery smile on her face. "I wondered how long that would take you," she said, her voice still a little hoarse.

"Well, Mrs. Grey, you know me, I can't stand to see anyone go hungry—you're far too thin as it is," he said sternly, trying to soften his tone so as to not upset her anymore than she already was. At the same time, her far too thin frame had been bothering him since the first night he saw her in Omaha.

"I'm really not hungry, Christian," Ana told him wearily.

"Not an acceptable answer, Anastasia."

Without waiting for her response, he got out of bed, pulling her with him by the hand back down to the dining room. "Sit," he commanded, pulling out her chair for her. Once she sat, he ignored her rolling eyes and headed into the kitchen to make her a plate of food; to be fair to her and her insistences that she wasn't hungry, he kept the portions relatively small, much smaller than he would have normally made even for Teddy. "Here, eat." He placed the plate in front of her and sat beside her, watching with narrowed eyes as she reluctantly picked up her fork and slowly began to eat. He sighed in relief when after a few bites and relaxed completely when she picked up her pace a little. "Hungrier than you thought?"

She shot him a half-hearted glare and he smirked at her. "Christian, please don't be upset with Sawyer," she told him a few minutes later.

His eyebrows rose. "Why?"

"Because what happened with Teddy was an accident. He told you himself that he was playing around on the stairs and he got himself hurt."

Christian's jaw tensed; they were back to this already. "And where were you?" he asked more coldly than he'd intended.

She stopped chewing her food and just stared at her plate. "Outside having a cup of tea with Gail," she admitted resignedly.

He took a deep breath and held it for a moment, trying to control his temper. He'd known it. She wasn't around when their son had needed her and look what had happened. _Accident_ , his mind reminded himself over and over.

 _But if she'd been in the fucking house, she'd have caught him playing around on the fucking stairs and he'd have never fallen down._

Ana was gazing about him fearfully, waiting for him to start screaming at her. He hadn't ruled it out just yet. "Finish your dinner," he muttered, standing from the table and walking away before he did or said something he'd regret. When he returned to the dining room only a few minutes later, he found her chair empty—again.

"Fuck," he growled, taking her plate into the kitchen and depositing it in the sink so forcefully that it nearly broke. He didn't know if she'd gone back to bed or went somewhere else, but he did know that if he sought her out again, things would not end well. So instead, he did what he did best when he was angry and frustrated: he went into his office and took care of work.

* * *

Next morning, knowing nothing had been resolved between her and her husband and wondering if he'd even come to bed the night before, Ana got up, showered and dressed, then headed down to the kitchen. She had just enough time to have a quick breakfast with her family—if Christian hadn't already left—before her appointment with Dr. Flynn. She felt exhausted just thinking about everything she'd have to discuss with him that morning—everything from her talks with Christian over the weekend, to Roger's sudden appearance, to Teddy's broken arm. And immediately following that meeting—which would undoubtedly leave her feeling emotional and vulnerable—she had an appointment with Carrick to discuss Jack Hyde's upcoming trial and that was almost as terrifying as facing Flynn and Christian at the same time.

In the dining room, both Christian and Teddy were at the table. She hung back a little for a moment, watching as Christian apparently signed his son's cast. Teddy was giggling about something and Ana felt herself moving forward to see what Christian was doing to cause that lovely sound. It seemed her husband was attempting—and failing—at being an artist. Teddy giggled as his father drew a little house with a stick figure family standing beside it and a little sun hanging above them. Ana grinned, thinking Teddy probably could have drawn a better picture on his own cast with his off hand than his father was doing.

Teddy looked up and grinned widely at her. "Look, Mommy, Daddy's decorating my cast," he announced happily.

"I see that," she replied, running her fingers through his copper hair. "It's a lovely picture."

Christian paused in his drawing and gave Ana a skeptical look. "You don't have to lie, Ana," he told her sardonically.

"What makes you think I'm lying?" she replied, sitting on Teddy's other side and reaching to the center of the table for the bowl of fresh fruit and one with granola and yogurt. She caught a small, satisfied smile on her husband's face as she spooned out her breakfast into a bowl. "I almost want to break my own arm so I can look at a pretty drawing like that for the next six weeks."

Christian glared at her. "Don't even think about it," he warned in a growl that made Teddy look between them questioningly.

Ana put a smile on her face for Teddy's benefit and started on her breakfast. "How is your arm feeling, Teddy?" she asked in order to change the subject.

"It's good," Teddy told her simply, using his free arm to spoon cereal into his mouth. "Doesn't hurt like I thought it would."

"I'm glad," Ana told him warmly.

"What are you plans for the day, Anastasia?" Christian asked abruptly, putting a stop on mother/son bonding for the moment.

With a sigh, Ana took a bite of her yogurt before answering. "I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn, then with your father," she told Christian lightly. "I should be home by early afternoon..."

Christian nodded. "I'll be home late," he informed her, finishing up Teddy's cast. "Don't hold dinner for me..." Ana nodded disappointedly. "And I'd like the two of us to have a conversation when I do get home."

"Really?" Ana asked, raising an eyebrow.

Christian's eyes narrowed on her. "Do you have a problem with that?" he asked coolly.

Biting back the response of _am I allowed to have a problem with that?_ , Ana shook her head silently and continued on with her breakfast. Only a few minutes later, having finished his own breakfast, Christian stood to leave for work. "Be good for Mrs. Taylor today, Teddy," he told his son sternly, though his lips were twitching into a teasing smile as he leaned down to kiss Teddy's forehead. He gave Ana a small, uncertain smile and started to leave for work.

"Aren't you going to kiss Mommy, Daddy?" Teddy asked, turning around in his chair.

Christian froze mid-step and turned around, looking like a deer in headlights. Ana raised a challenging eyebrow at him, causing to raise his own in response, his eyes sparkling with intent. "Of course, Teddy, where are my manners this morning?" Without hesitating anymore, he closed the distance between them, bent down, and kissed his wife in a way that left her breathing heavily and wanting more. "Have a good day, Mrs. Grey," he told her in his husky, breathless voice.

"You, too," Ana squeaked. Smirking, Christian winked at Teddy and left Ana fanning herself with her hand. She couldn't recall the last time he'd kissed her like _that_ when it wasn't leading directly to sex—it'd been at least a year—and suddenly wished her day out was over and Christian was back home with her so he could finish what he'd started.

"Wanna sign my cast, Mommy?" Teddy asked, jolting her out of her thoughts.

She blinked several times. "Of course I do, baby..."

* * *

The appointment with Dr. Flynn had gone better than Ana could have possibly anticipated. For the first time in days, she found herself talking without thinking, telling Flynn everything that came into her mind; she couldn't even recall whether he'd gotten more than a dozen words in the time they were together. She admitted her guilt at what Christian had put himself through during her absence—she felt responsible for him nearly killing himself. She felt guilty for Christian having to witness her nightmare that night on _The Grace_ —she could still recall the look of horror and pain on his face as he listened to everything she told him. She admitted to her fear about Roger resurfacing and what it might mean for her family. She felt terrible for Teddy's accident and wished she could take away all his pain.

She talked so much that Flynn retrieved a few bottles of water for her because her throat was so dry then watched in amusement as she gulped down both bottles in under a minute. By then, their time was up, but Flynn reminded her they also had an appointment on Thursday and could continue their discussion then.

" _In the meantime, however_ , _" Flynn said as Ana began to grab her things to leave, "I really want you to try and be more open with Christian rather than closing yourself off all the time. You've both got to work on yourselves in order to fix the things that are broken between you, but in order to work on yourselves you've got to be open with one another. It's a two-way street; I've told Christian exactly the same thing. This weekend was a wonderful start to all that and if things keep on like this, I'm confident the two of you will get back to where you want to be. I've also suggested to Christian that the two of you might consider coming in for a few sessions together, clear the air in neutral location. Think about it."_

Ana was thinking about it as she left the office and got into the waiting car, smiling briefly at Sawyer as he held open the door for her. The neutral location thing for clearing the air was certainly appealing. At the house, she and Christian were on egg shells with each other almost constantly, especially when Teddy was awake, and she never knew what might set off his temper, so she tended to keep her mouth shut. Even when Christian seemed to want to say something to her, he held back, not wanting to upset her either.

The whole thing was giving her a headache and in a dark way, she actually looked forward to her meeting with Carrick—the things she would be telling him would be straightforward, but also wouldn't require much thinking. It would be painfully embarrassing, but at least she wouldn't be stressing herself out over thoughts of Christian.

With a sigh, she rested her head on the back of the seat and turned to look outside the car window as Sawyer drove them to Carrick's office. She watched distractedly as cars flew past them, noted that the weather was turning grayer and drearier, which seemed to fit her mood, and wondered how much more of this she could take. Despite telling her he wanted to get past all of this and move on, Christian seemed to be reverting to his angry-all-the-time mood. Whether he was worried about Teddy or Roger or whatever else might be going on in his mind, he tended to direct his negative feelings at her.

The car stopped at a long red light and Ana found herself looking into the window of another car, and her heart stopped beating. Sitting in the driver's seat of the SUV beside them was Roger, curled lip smile and cigarette hanging out of his mouth. She gasped in fear.

"Mrs. Grey?" Sawyer said concernedly from the front seat.

Ana looked over at him, meeting his eyes in the rearview mirror, blinked a few times, and looked back at the other car. Her confusion mounted when she saw not Roger, but a young blonde woman chatting away on her cell phone. The light turned green and Sawyer put his foot on the gas, still looking at Ana through the mirror. "I'm fine, Sawyer," she told him, her voice shaking. "Just a little tired, I suppose..."

Sawyer nodded and turned his eyes back to the road, though Ana knew, even as she turned her own eyes back out the window, he was glancing at her every few minutes or so. Okay, so that had been a hallucination. It had been undoubtedly brought on by her over-emotional state and the constant fear she'd had ever since Christian had told her Roger was around.

 _Get a grip on yourself, Grey,_ her subconscious told her firmly, _before you drive yourself into an early grave..._

Easier said than done...


	9. Chapter 9

At nearly nine o'clock that night, Ana sank gratefully into the warm bathtub that was nearly overflowing with jasmine-scented bubbles. She'd gotten home from Carrick's office, had a few glasses of wine to subdue the mortifying recollection of the meeting, had dinner with her son, bathed him, read him a story, tucked him in bed, had a few more glasses of wine, and finally managed to find time for herself. She hadn't heard from Christian since breakfast when he'd told her not to hold dinner and that they would be having a discussion tonight. Rolling her eyes, she sank deeper into the water and bubbles, wondering whether she'd have enough energy for this _discussion_ that would undoubtedly end up either with an argument or sex, neither of which were particularly appealing after her day.

Carrick had been a consummate professional during their meeting. She couldn't have asked for a better experience, all things considered. After first reminding her that her testimony at the trial wasn't necessary, that they still had enough on Hyde to lock him away for the next several lifetimes, he'd assured her anything they discussed would remain between them and would never be shared with Grace or Christian, or any other member of the family. Ana had never seen him more sincere than he had been at that moment, and while this had been the same man that had gotten into a fight with his middle son about making his new fiancée sign a prenuptial agreement, Ana found herself trusting him implicitly. More so than she did Christian at times, a thought that made her feel rather uncomfortable; surely she should have more trust in her husband than in her father-in-law. But Carrick had listened stoically as she told him details about her time away from Christian, his slowly paling complexion the only thing that gave away how he was feeling in reaction.

When she'd eventually finished, Carrick reached into his desk with shaking hands, retrieved two stout drinking glasses, a bottle of what looked to be scotch, and filled the glasses half full with the liquid, pushing one of the glasses towards Ana. He had looked sick as he drank, but went on doing his job, discussing with Ana which points would need to be discussed and which wouldn't. Unfortunately, some of the worst bits would probably be brought up and dissected thoroughly, probably by Hyde's attorney. But they could discuss the rest another time, Carrick had informed her, finishing off his scotch rather quickly. Ana agreed, knowing both of them needed a break to get their minds around what they had been sharing.

Groaning in embarrassment, Ana wondered how she'd ever be able to face Carrick Grey again after this meeting—and she knew they would have to endure one another's presence on Friday night for a family dinner.

"There you are."

Jumping enough to slosh water on the bathroom floor, Ana twisted herself to the door, finding Christian standing there. "Hi," she said, unconsciously sliding down in the bubbles to hide herself.

Christian's eyes widened almost imperceptibly at the move, but didn't comment. "Hi." He moved farther into the room, looking pale and exhausted from his day. He sat in a chair beside the tub, loosening his tie and unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt. "How was your day?" he asked wearily.

She shrugged a bare shoulder out of the water. "Better than I thought it would be," she told him honestly. "But still long and tiring."

He nodded at her words. "How'd it go with Flynn?"

"All right," she said. "He wants us to go in together and talk."

"He's told me the same." Christian rubbed a hand over his face. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

She bit her lip and nodded shyly, having no clue whether he agreed with her or not. "Yes."

"Me, too."

Sighing in relief at avoiding the argument she was fearing, she pushed herself more upright. Christian watched her, swallowing hard as her body was revealed. "Good," she said quietly. "I'll make an appointment Thursday."

"Fine."

They were silent for a few minutes while Ana washed her arms and legs, and Christian stared at the floor deep in thought. Finally, he broke the silence again. "How did it go with my dad?"

She shrugged again. "About as well as I expected it to. I don't know what I was thinking, wanting to testify; I could barely tell Carrick what happened. How am I going to share any of that with a courtroom full of people?"

Christian sighed deeply. "I've told you, Anastasia, you don't have to share it with anybody, but as always you're stubborn and disobedient and do as you please."

Ana bristled. " _Disobedient_?" she hissed at him. "That's what you think this is? I'm not doing this because I want to piss you off. I'm doing this because I feel like it's the one thing in my life that I can control right now. This is my way of taking back my life, Christian, and if you don't want to support me, fine. I'll do it on my own."

Christian blinked several times at her, taken aback; it was rather satisfying to see. "That's what _you_ think? That I don't support you?" he managed to whisper, his tone becoming the lost little boy's that always broke her heart. "Fuck, Ana!" He shot up from his chair, pacing the bathroom. "This isn't about support! It's about protecting you! Do you think I want to see any of this shit in the newspapers after the trial? It's all going to be public information and I don't want that hanging over your head. You've been through enough and you deserve privacy!"

Ana stared wide-eyed and openmouthed at her husband as he ranted and ran his hands through his hair. She hadn't thought about it that way, hadn't even considered the fact that the press would be in the courtroom writing down every single word and would have zero hesitation in publishing every single one of those words. She'd have to seriously think about the repercussions of her actions if she went through with testifying against Jack Hyde.

Still, Christian could find a way to express his concerns without making her feel like a child. She'd meant every word she'd said to him: she truly needed to find a way to take control of her life again and she needed to do it on her terms, not Christian's. If only he would let her.

"I'm doing this, Christian," she said, trying to put strength she didn't quite feel into her voice. "Whether you want me to or not. And if you really consider this disobedience, then I feel compelled to remind you I never vowed to obey you."

He stopped pacing to stare out the small bathroom window, his hands fisted in his hair. When he finally turned to face her again, his face was full of anguish and she had to fight to maintain her own composure. He silently walked back to his chair and sat down, and she suddenly realized this was about more than just her testifying at Jack's trial.

"Christian? What's wrong?" she asked, pushing herself out of the bath and immediately wrapping herself in robe, forgetting that she was still covered in bath soap.

Shaking his head despondently, he didn't even seem to realize she was out of the tub and now sitting on the edge. "It's nothing," he said tonelessly. "Just a long day."

Closing her eyes in frustration, she pulled out one of the last weapons in her arsenal. "Full disclosure, Christian."

He growled his own frustration. "Not in here," he muttered petulantly. "Get yourself washed off and we'll talk."

Her eyes widened. _That was easy..._ "Okay."

He nodded and left her in the bathroom staring after him in shock.

* * *

Having changed into a t-shirt and pajama pants, retrieved a bottle of wine intended to be a form of liquid fortification needed for the evening ahead, Christian returned to the bedroom and poured a glass for himself while Ana rinsed in the shower. He considered the glass briefly before raising it to his lips and gulping it down before refilling it and the second for his wife just as she entered the bedroom wearing her own pajamas.

"Hi," she said shyly.

"Hi," he said dully, collapsing into the bed. "Good shower?"

She shrugged and sat down beside him, accepting the glass of wine he offered her. "Could have been better," she murmured, her shining eyes darting over to him. It took him a minute to get her meaning and when he did he choked on his wine. She smiled teasingly at him and he shook his head at her while he coughed.

"I thought you wanted to talk, Mrs. Grey?" he croaked.

"I do," she assured him. "Just trying to diffuse the tension a little."

He nodded. "That's what the wine's for," he told her, fighting his own smile.

"Of course, how silly of me," she said, rolling her eyes as she took a sip of her wine. He raised a pointed eyebrow at her, causing her to choke on her own drink; he smirked and she giggled. Once over her choking fit, she set aside her glass, her neck and cheeks flushed. "So you wanted to talk..."

Christian's amusement subsided quickly. "Right..." he said slowly. "Well, you wanted to be kept in the loop about things, so I wanted to bring you up to speed about the developments about this Roger."

She paled immediately. "What?" she breathed.

"There are none," he said dully. "Since Saturday night, he's disappeared again. I've had everyone on our security team searching for the bastard and there is no sign of him." He expected this news to comfort her, to set her at ease, but instead she looked even more worried than she had after telling her about Roger to begin with. "We'll keep security up and we'll keep vigilant. He comes back, we'll take care of him."

Her eyes widened fearfully. "Christian, don't approach him," she begged. "You don't know what he's capable of."

"I might, if you'd tell me something about him without having a fucking panic attack," he said through gritted teeth. He softened a little at her sagging shoulders, realizing this was still a touchy subject for her. "Ana, I'm sorry. I don't mean to snap at you all the time—"

"Then why do you?" she snapped back at him. "I get that you're angry at me and angry at the world in general, but if you want us to work, you need to start treating me like your wife, not your fucking sub!"

His mouth dropped open at both her words and the anger on her face. "Is that how I treat you?" he asked in a whisper.

Her expression softened slightly. "Sometimes," she told him. He felt his heart sink. "I don't feel like I can talk to you when I need to because I don't know how you'll react, especially if something bad has happened. Rather than feeling like your wife, I'm absolutely terrified that you'll snap at me. I felt like shit when Teddy broke his arm, but instead of being a concerned mother, I had to be afraid of your reaction when you showed up at the hospital. I don't know what subjects will set you off. Half the time, I don't think you even want me around or that you need me here..."

It felt as though he'd been thrown off the roof of the house and slammed into the ground—all the breath had been knocked out of him, leaving him gasping for air. "You really think I don't want you here?" he heard himself whispering, every word stabbing his heart as he watched tears fall down her cheeks. How was it he always seemed to do this to her?

She shrugged her shoulders jerkily, her fingers tracing shapes in the bedspread. "I just feel like my mere presence pisses you off," she told him. "Unless I'm following every last one of your rules, keeping toe in line, you want nothing to do with me. And I shouldn't feel like that, Christian, not around my husband."

Christian closed his eyes, ashamed at himself for putting that expression on her face. "I'm sorry," he whispered in an almost begging tone. "Ana, I didn't realize."

"You never do," she cried. "You told me over the weekend you wanted to start over, get past everything that's happened, but we can't do that if you're hanging on to all this anger. I want to be your equal, Christian; I want to be your wife again."

"I just want to keep you safe," he said despairingly. "I'm doing that the best way I know how, Ana. I don't want you to have to deal with any of this, not after everything you've already dealt with."

She sighed. "Christian, I'm an adult," she told him wearily. "Not a child. And after the last year, I think I can handle a hell of a lot more than you think I can."

"Doesn't mean I want you to," he replied, sounding like a petulant child even to his own ears.

Turning towards him slightly, she gave him a sad smile. "You can't protect us from everything," she whispered, tentatively reaching over for his hand. He met her halfway and gripped her fingers tightly within his. "I know you want to, but you can't. All I want is for you to trust me again, Christian. And I know I have to earn that trust again; I just don't want to feel like I'm under attack every time I try to have a discussion with you."

Under attack. He'd never intended to make her feel like that. She should feel safe in her own home, happy to be back with her family. She shouldn't have to deal with his mood swings on top of everything else... "I'm sorry," he told her again, softly running his thumb across her knuckles. "I don't want you to feel that way. I just..." He trailed off, gazing around the room as he tried to vocalize his feelings, something Flynn had been urging him to do for years. "I'm scared, Ana."

Her eyes widened in surprise. "Scared?" she repeated. "Of what?"

He met her eyes again reluctantly, finding curiosity and unconditional love shining at him. "Losing you. Pushing you away. Hurting you. Name it and I'm afraid of it right now."

She started to crumble again, scooting across the bed to wrap her arms around him. He dropped his head onto her shoulder and they awkwardly lay down in the bed, holding one another. "Oh, Christian," she whispered against his hair. "What am I going to do with you?"

Unbidden, he felt a grin spreading across his face. "I could think of a few things," he told her huskily, feeling her laugh in response. "But first, we still have something to talk about." She pulled back enough to meet his eyes. "What can you tell me about Roger?"

She tensed; he rubbed her back comfortingly. "I don't know much," she eventually whispered, snuggling into his chest. "He's former military, Navy SEALs, I believe. He never goes anywhere without a gun. He's cut from the same cloth as Jack—crazy and unpredictable. Like I said before, he's never actually done anything to me, but the possibility that he might left me terrified most of the time. I don't know what his connection is to Jack or how they became acquainted, but the fact that he's somewhere here in Seattle is enough to scare the shit out of me."

Christian sighed heavily, holding her more tightly against him. "He's not going to touch you," he promised her firmly. "I'll handle this, Anastasia; I won't let you live in fear anymore. Not of me and certainly not of any piece of shit psycho."

Finally she seemed to relax. "Thank you," she breathed. "Just please, Christian, be careful. I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't," he told her. "Tomorrow's a new day, Anastasia Grey, and I intend to make it count."

She pulled back, a shy smile on her face that was so reminiscent of the early days of their relationship that he relaxed completely. "And how do you propose to do that, Christian Grey?"

He smirked at her, leaning towards her to meet her awaiting lips. "I'm sure we'll figure something out," he murmured against her mouth.

* * *

Ana woke the next morning feeling more relaxed and happy than she could remember being in far too long. She blinked, looking to the other side of the bed—Christian had already gotten up and judging by the time, he was probably long gone for his day to work. With a sigh, she got out of bed and began her morning routine, but when she started to head down to the kitchen for breakfast, the bedroom door entered. Teddy entered first, grinning at her, followed by Christian who was carrying a tray full of breakfast foods.

"Um..." Ana said blankly, looking from her husband and son in confusion. "Aren't you supposed to be at work?" Christian smirked at her question.

"They can handle a few hours without me," he told her, nodding his head towards the bed. Taking the hint, she climbed back in as Teddy crawled up beside her. "Teddy and I thought we'd make you breakfast in bed."

"I see that," Ana commented as Christian set the tray on the mattress in front of her and carefully sat on the other side of their son. "And am I really supposed to believe that you made me breakfast?"

Christian shot her a glare, though his eyes were laughing. "Gail might have helped just a touch," he conceded. "Now be quiet and eat your breakfast."

"Yes, sir," she muttered with her own smirk. She wasn't certain what to think about this, couldn't remember the last time Christian had brought her breakfast in bed for a reason other than because it was her birthday. He was watching her almost anxiously as she took the first few bites of her pancakes, smiling when she continued eating. "So what is this all about?" She tried to keep herself from asking the question, trying not to seem suspicious of her husband's motives, but couldn't quite manage it as she drank her orange juice.

Christian looked surprised at her question, then uncertain at his actions. "I just thought it might be nice," he said quietly, swallowing heavily. Teddy was looking between them curiously, but neither of them noticed. "It's a new day, a new start, a new _us_... I thought you'd like it."

Ana's eyes widened at his words. Of course she remembered their conversation last night and she had expected to see small changes in her husband's behavior as time went on, maybe a few hiccups along the way, but she hadn't expected _this_. "I do like it," she assured him. "Very much. I'm just surprised."

A playful grin appeared on his face. "That was kind of the whole idea," he informed her, putting an arm around Teddy. "So what have the two of you got planned for the day?"

Ana chewed and swallowed a piece of bacon before answering. "Going baby shopping with Kate," she said lightly, only realizing as she spoke the words that this was the first Christian was hearing of this outing. She braced herself for a blowup over the dangers of leaving the house and how Kate could shop on her own, but it never came.

Her husband's jaw tensed, but he closed his eyes, seeming to count to ten before replying. "You'll take Sawyer?" he asked, his tone questioning, his eyes demanding.

"Of course," she agreed comfortingly. "If you haven't fired him."

"Not this week."

Ana sighed in relief at the news; she'd been convinced Sawyer would be out on his ass after Teddy broke his arm. "Good," she murmured, concentrating on her breakfast.

Christian sighed, his eyes darting over at the clock on the bedside table. "I have to get to work," he said reluctantly, looking longingly between Teddy and Ana. "Much as I want to just lounge around with the two of you, I do have an empire to run."

"Do you have to?" Teddy whined, looking up at his father with puppy dog eyes. Ana watched in amusement as she watched Christian's inner war between wanting to stay and needing to go. She could tell he was seconds away from caving in when his BlackBerry rang.

Growling in frustration, Christian got out of bed. "Yes, Teddy, I have to go," he told his son, bending over to kiss the boy's forehead before getting his phone from his pocket. "Be good for Mommy today, got it?"

"I will," Teddy told him.

Christian winked then quickly crossed to the other side of the bed to kiss his wife. "Have a good day, Mrs. Grey," he murmured against her lips. "Be safe. I love you."

Ana smiled shyly at him. "I love you, too."

He smiled his thousand-megawatt smile, then scowled at his still-ringing phone, rolled his eyes and tromped out of the room. "Grey!" he snapped angrily into his phone.

 _I do not envy whoever he's talking to..._ Ana thought sympathetically. She glanced down at her son who seemed to be eyeing her bacon longingly. She chuckled. "Eat up, baby boy," she told him, sliding the plate towards him. "Then we go meet Aunt Kate."

* * *

Ana, Teddy, and Sawyer arrived outside a store front nearly an hour later, locating Kate immediately—she was the pregnant lady bouncing from foot to foot impatiently.

"Took you long enough," she practically snarled when Ana got out of the car.

Biting her lip against a smirk, Ana reached back in to remove her son from the car seat. "We're two minutes late, Kavanagh," she announced patiently, glancing at Sawyer, whose eyes were scanning every inch of the area around them, not missing a single detail. It was the one thing that could remind her that she still hadn't managed to have a normal life.

Kate's mouth was halfway open with some sort of annoyed retort, but then her eyes found Teddy and his arm. "What the hell happened to him!" she demanded, pointing at the cast.

Sawyer sucked in a breath, but otherwise didn't reply, while Ana gave him a sympathetic glance. "I don't know how long we'll be," she told the man. "You'll be out here I assume?"

"Yes, Mrs. Grey," Sawyer muttered, darting his eyes at her. "Let me know when you're ready."

Ana set Teddy on the ground to walk, holding onto his uninjured hand tightly, waved at Sawyer, and made her way towards Kate. The other woman was still staring at Teddy's arm in shock. "Teddy had a bit of an accident the other day," Ana told her friend.

"I fell down the stairs and broke my arm, Aunt Kate. See?" Teddy lifted his arm to better show off his cast.

"I do see," Kate replied, her eyes still a little too wide as she looked back at Ana. "How'd Christian take it?"

Ana snorted a laugh, gesturing for Kate to lead the way into the baby furniture store. "Much better than I could have possibly expected," she answered once they entered. "Hardly yelled at all. Didn't even throw a single thing."

"Nice," Kate snickered, glancing over her shoulder back at Sawyer. "What's with the babysitter?"

Sighing, Ana debated sharing the new threat to her family, then decided she wanted a pleasant day out without having to disclose the more depressing parts of her life. "Well, it's not like I'm married to the most overprotective man in the entire world," she said sarcastically, gazing around at the different baby cribs and highchairs and dressers, smiling. She remembered clearly coming here with Kate and Mia when she'd been pregnant with Teddy and happily designing her unborn son's nursery. Trying not to wonder whether she'd ever do that again in the future, she turned back to Kate, who was grinning.

"At least Christian hires security that's nice to look at," she said suggestively.

"Kate!" Ana said, trying to sound appalled despite her laughter. "I'm pretty sure you're married to my husband's brother and carrying his child."

Kate only shrugged, fingering a display of window curtains. "Doesn't mean I can't look," she replied dismissively. "Are you really telling me you've never considered any of them suitable eye candy?"

"Need I remind you my son is here?" Ana asked her pointedly. "I don't know how you plan on raising your kid, Kavanagh, but I don't want to expose my son to that sort of behavior."

Raising an eyebrow that Ana easily interpreted as _this coming from the woman's whose first boyfriend turned husband wanted to make her his sex slave_ , Kate smirked and dropped the subject. "Come on, Teddy, help Auntie Kate spend some of Uncle Elliot's hard-earned money."

Teddy cheered, probably more at Kate's tone than her actual words and happily ran ahead of his mother and aunt. An hour into shopping, a chore she normally hated more than anything, Ana couldn't remember the last she'd felt so normal. It was more being with Kate and Teddy, laughing and talking about nothing in particular that made it even the slightest bit enjoyable, and for the first time since reuniting with her best friend, found herself looking forward to the end of Kate's pregnancy so she could hold her new niece or nephew. At this thought, she furrowed her brow, trying to recall whether she'd been told which Kate would be having.

"So at the risk of sounding like the world's worst best friend," Ana said, watching Teddy play with a toy train table, "are we shopping for a boy or a girl?"

Kate laughed. "A girl," she said. "We're naming her Ava."

Ana smiled. "Beautiful name," she said quietly, still watching her son.

"Thanks," Kate replied, watching Ana closely. "So any chance you and Christian might..."

Snapping her head towards Kate so quickly it was a wonder she hadn't broken her neck, Ana's eyes widened. "No," she said emphatically. "Definitely not." She paused a moment, frowning. "Not for a while, at least. We've still got a lot to get past before we even consider that."

Kate nodded understandingly. "Well, I think we're done shopping for now," she announced, rubbing her belly. "I don't know about you, but these two Grey girls would kill for cheeseburger about now."

Ana laughed at her friend's wide, hungry eyes. "Teddy, time to go," she called.

"Aww, can't we stay a little longer?" Teddy whined, turning the puppy dog eyes he'd used on Christian just a few hours ago. She now knew why it had been so difficult for him to tell him no.

 _Honestly, who is the adult here?_ scoffed her subconscious. Ana inwardly rolled her eyes. "No, Teddy, we can't. It's lunchtime."

Only sulking a little, Teddy stood up and walked back to his mother and aunt, dragging his feet all the way. Predictably, Sawyer was waiting just outside the door when they exited and dutifully made his way towards the car to hold open the backdoor for Ana and Teddy. Kate agreed to leaving her own car at the store for now and picking it back up later so they didn't have to deal with multiple vehicles and expertly directed Sawyer to the nearest McDonald's.

Twenty minutes later, having ordered their meals, Ana and Kate sat at a table in the play area while Teddy was alternating between playing on the giant jungle gym which included a ball pit and running back to the table to take a bite of a chicken nugget or French fry. Sawyer, who had quickly ate his lunch before heading back outside to patrol the area. Ana kept her eyes locked on Teddy, hoping she'd made the right decision in letting him play regardless of his broken arm—Christian may not have overreacted about this injury, but she knew it would be too much to ask that he exhibit the same self-control if Teddy were to hurt himself again.

She jumped a little as her BlackBerry, currently stashed in her back pocket began to vibrate. Ignoring Kate's smirk at her jumpiness, Ana found an email from Christian waiting.

* * *

 **From:** Christian Grey

 **Subject:** Forgot to mention...

 **Date:** August 20, 2015 14:26

 **To:** Anastasia Grey

I sincerely hope you and Teddy are enjoying your day out—and hopefully not giving Sawyer too much trouble about tagging along. After work this evening, I have an appointment with Dr. Flynn. I should be home around seven, but don't feel the need to hold dinner.

Also, I just wanted you to know that regardless of my actions otherwise, the last several days with you have been nothing short of wonderful and I hope things will only get better for us from here.

I love you and I will see you tonight.

Christian Grey

CEO, Grey Enterprises Holdings Inc.

* * *

Ana smiled softly at the email, only looking away when Kate cleared her throat pointedly. "Sorry," Ana said, blushing as she stowed her phone into her back pocket again. "Christian."

"I sort of figured, what with the dopey expression on your face," Kate said teasingly. "So how are things between you two?"

With a sigh, Ana ate a few fries and thought about her answer; truth be told, she had no idea where they stood in their relationship. Christian's moods were all over the place all the time, and she could barely keep track of them. "Up and down," she finally told Kate with a wry smile. "I never know what he's feeling or thinking, he's working late hours..."

"So basically back to normal," Kate concluded.

Rolling her eyes, Ana nodded, her eyes following Teddy as he crawled through a yellow tube somewhere near the roof of the play area. "I don't know," she said with a sigh. "We've had some really good talks over the weekend and since we've been home. After every one of them, I think we're getting better, but then something happens to dispute that. There's so much healing we need to do together, Kate, and I'm not even entirely certain what I'm supposed to begin with myself, let alone with him." She paused, smiling as she recalled her morning. "He made me breakfast in bed this morning, though."

Kate's eyes widened. "Christian Grey made you breakfast?" she asked flatly, seemingly impressed by the concept.

Ana laughed. "Well, no, I think Gail did the actual cooking, but he did arrange it very nicely on a tray and brought it up to me."

"That's more like it," Kate said, grinning. "I'm glad you two are talking at least. The outing on the boat was productive, then?"

Ana nodded. "It was. I feel like there might actually be a light at the end of the tunnel, however far away it may be..."

Kate gave her a small smile and reached across the table to take her friend's hand. "You'll get there. That man's crazy about you, even if he doesn't always know how to show it."

Nodding thoughtfully, Ana hesitated, recalling all the things Christian had told her over the weekend about how horribly he'd reacted over his wife's leaving, and Kate's role in bringing him back to himself. "Thank you, by the way," she said quietly, smiling a little as Teddy slid down the plastic slide. Kate eyed her questioningly. "Christian told me you helped him a lot over the last year, and that he might not be here if you hadn't. So thank you."

"Oh," Kate said, blinking a few times, possibly in surprise that Christian had told her everything he had. "Well, it had to be me by default; after he got out of hospital, no one else was speaking to him." She lips smirked, but her eyes belied her words.

"Right," Ana muttered knowingly, giving Kate her own smirk. "We should probably go..."

"Yeah, I've got the nursery designer coming by at five to finalize the room," Kate replied, helping Ana get rid of their lunch remnants.

After calling to Teddy that it was time to leave, Ana and Kate headed out of the restaurant to meet Sawyer. Kate climbed in first, followed by Teddy. Ana waited with Sawyer outside the car for the other two to get themselves settled, her lips twitching as Kate struggled to buckle Teddy into his chair with the awkward size of her stomach.

She tensed suddenly, feeling a chill run down her spine. Fighting against panicking, Ana casually looked around them—nothing seemed out of the ordinary, nothing seemed sinister. Sawyer caught her eye and raised an eyebrow at her questioningly. And though Ana tried to hide her anxiety, Sawyer was trained to look through that mask she tried to wear. He nodded once, briefly, to acknowledge that he understood she felt something wasn't right.

"In you go, Mrs. Grey," Sawyer said briskly, assisting her into the car. "Home?"

Ana nodded as the door shut behind her, hoping she was only being paranoid and overreacting. Glancing at Sawyer's tense eyes in the rearview mirror, however, he didn't believe that, and Ana wondered how long it would take him to place a call to Taylor or Christian.

She looked to her left where Kate and Teddy were playing some game with each other and giggling, completely oblivious to Ana's near panic attack. She sighed heavily. _Can't we just have one normal day...?_


	10. Chapter 10

Promptly at five-thirty that evening, Christian grabbed his suit jacket, his laptop and bag, and a few of the documents he planned on looking over while he waited on his appointment for Flynn, and left his office. He muttered a goodnight to Andrea, nodding at Taylor as he stepped into the elevator.

The shutting doors were Taylor's cue to bring him up to speed of things happening outside Grey House that day. "I received a call from Sawyer," Taylor told him.

Christian looked at him sharply, immediately recalling that this was how Taylor had lead-in on the announcement that Teddy had broken his arm.

"No one's hurt," Taylor quickly assured him. Christian released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "While Mrs. Grey and Teddy were out with your sister-in-law, Mrs. Grey admitted to having a feeling of being watched. Sawyer assured me he didn't see or sense any threats in the vicinity, but he took no chances in getting them home quickly."

Christian's brow furrowed. "Does Sawyer believe she was imagining it?" he asked.

"He's not certain, sir," Taylor told him. "But considering recent events, he took her intuition seriously."

Nodding as the elevator doors opened, Christian let the discussion drop as he left the building, all the while wondering whether his wife was overreacting today. Not that it mattered much; Christian and his security team would treat her feelings as a true threat and act accordingly. He would talk to her tonight, find out what it was that made her feel so suddenly insecure after apparently having a full, easy day with their son and Kate. The thought that somebody might be stalking his family, evading his security, and making his wife feel uncomfortable wasn't something Christian could treat lightly. He needed her to feel safe; if she didn't feel safe, the chances that she might run again were high, and that wasn't something he wouldn't risk.

En route to Flynn's office, Christian decided to share the intel Ana had given him regarding Roger. "Ana believes this Roger fucker might be former military," he told Taylor.

His security head's eyes flickered at him in the mirror. "Why does she believe that, sir?" Taylor asked.

"Not sure," Christian admitted. "She did say he never goes anywhere without a weapon, and she was insistent that we have no idea what he's capable of, and therefore, we shouldn't approach him."

Taylor's eyebrows rose briefly. "How do you wish us to proceed if he shows up again?"

"With caution," Christian told him. "You know how I feel about firearms, but if this bastard really is packing, I'm not taking chances on anyone else getting hurt. I don't want to know that you're carrying anything and if one gun comes into my house, especially with my son around, you're all out on your asses. Understood?"

"Of course, sir."

They arrived at Flynn's office and Christian made his way up to the waiting room. He tried to work on reading the documents he'd brought along to pass the time, but his mind was far from interested. And by the time it was his turn with Flynn, he was impatient to get this over with so he could get back to his family.

"Evening, Christian," John said, smiling as he entered the office.

"Evening, John," Christian muttered, closing the door behind him. He crossed the room and flopped down on one of the leather couches as Flynn joined him.

"How are things?"

Christian shrugged, his fingers tracing a pattern on the couch back. "Could be better," he finally replied.

"How so?"

"I'm certain you're already aware that I took Ana and Teddy out on the boat this weekend." Flynn nodded. "That was... enlightening. Ana's finally starting to open up a bit more with me. She's relaxing a bit more..."

Flynn nodded. "What about you? Are you relaxing a bit more?" Christian could almost hear the laugh in the doctor's voice, knowing he already knew the answer.

"I'm trying," Christian replied.

"Last time we spoke, you were still dealing with some very strong feelings of anger and fear," Flynn coaxed. "Have you managed to rein those feelings at all?"

"Like I said, I'm trying," Christian answered. "Ana called me out on the anger last night—I knew I was being short with her, a little meaner to her than what was entirely necessary, but I hadn't realized the toll it was taking on her."

"This isn't easy for her," Flynn informed him gently. "She's making her own progress during our sessions, but there is still quite a bit of anxiety."

"I know," Christian sighed. "We made love the other night for the first time since she's been home..."

Flynn's eyes widened in surprise; apparently Ana hadn't shared this news. Then again, he wasn't sure how he would feel to discover his wife was advertising their sex life, even to Flynn... "And other than the obvious, how was that for you?"

Christian smiled a little. "Great," he replied. "I've been worried about it since I found out what Hyde had done to her; I didn't know how she'd react. While we were on the boat, she had a nightmare—worse than the ones she'd had since coming home—and when I tried to wake her, she tried to fight me off, ended up giving me a black eye... But once she was awake and calmer, she told me a bit more than I ever really wanted to know about what he'd done to her."

"How did you feel about that?"

Sighing, Christian thought for a moment before answering. "I mean, I'm glad she was comfortable enough to share those things with me, but at the same time, I had to keep myself from putting a hole in the boat. But I was able to listen to her, comfort her..."

"That alone demonstrates that you've made incredible progress, Christian," Flynn told him approvingly.

Christian rolled his eyes.

"I mean it, Christian; the fact that you've let her tell you what's happened to her rather than flying off the handle even considering discussing it is wonderful progress." Christian pursed his lips and tensed his jaw, unable to think of what he was supposed to say in response. "Do you still blame Ana for the things Jack Hyde did to her?"

Christian closed his eyes tightly; this was probably the most difficult thing he'd had to deal with since Ana had come home, and he still hadn't quite come to terms with it. "Sometimes," he admitted quietly, shamefully. "She let it happen, didn't she? At any time she could have put an end to it, but instead she let him do that to her over and over again. How am I supposed to ignore that she's fucked someone else?"

Flynn looked at him sternly. "Christian, we've discussed this over and over again. Ana's participation was not entirely consensual—she may have taken it as it came, but that doesn't mean it was welcome. She was afraid to do anything against what Hyde wanted because she believed it would put you and your son at risk."

"I know that," Christian snapped. "But there's still part of me that's pissed off and bitter that she's not entirely _mine_ anymore, not the way she was before. And it's not just about sex; she's withdrawn and quiet and not herself, and I don't know how to get _my Ana_ back! "

Flynn sighed in understanding. "I hate to say this, Christian, but the Ana you knew before might not be _able_ to come back. Some of the things she experienced have changed her irrevocably. She's making great strides to get back to her old self for your sake, and while I've told her several times that she needs to do things for herself before doing them for you, she's determined to make this best for you first."

Christian's brow furrowed. "So everything she's done and all the progress we've made as a couple... She's only doing it for me?" he asked incredulously. _Please, please, no..._

Flynn gave him a small smile. "No," he said gently. "She genuinely wants things to work between the two of you, but I think she's afraid that letting you see the parts of her that are still broken might cause you to not want to work things out, so she's doing everything she can to hide it from you." 

"Why the fuck would she do that?" Christian shouted, fisting his hair in his hands. "She knows she can come to me, that I want to help her!"

"Does she?" Flynn asked flatly, his eyebrow raised.

Christian blinked, feeling his anger subside briefly.

"Christian, your reaction to the things Ana has been through hasn't been what I would call supportive. You had your own problems over the last year. You've suffered from severe depression. But you've also recovered from that. While I can't trivialize what you went through, having seen the worst of it firsthand, we need you to acknowledge that in many ways the things Ana went through may have been more damaging, especially considering there was a pregnancy involved. I've touched on this with Ana and every time, she becomes too upset to discuss it in any real depth. She knows it's a topic that angers you and therefore, she doesn't want to dwell on it."

"Why would she want to dwell on it?" Christian shot back. "That fucker impregnated her on purpose! She did what she did, and yes, I'm fucking pissed that it happened and I haven't kept that secret. How would you feel if Rhian was in that situation?"

Flynn's jaw tensed and Christian realized he may have crossed some line. "I would be angry," he said, controlling his reaction. "Any man would be, knowing what his wife had endured, and nobody faults you for that anger. But you can't hold it against her anymore, Christian, not if you truly want her back."

Half an hour later, feeling dazed and slightly blindsided, Christian got into the backseat of the car as Taylor drove them home. Flynn had told him he hadn't been supportive of what his wife had gone through. He thought her experiences had damaged her in a way that might make it so Christian may never truly have his wife back. He told Christian that many of the strides Ana had made were done because he, Christian, wanted them. Christian couldn't bear to think his wife was only going along with things to make him happy; if that really was the case, they wouldn't ever be able to be happy together. They had to be in this together. Ana had to be able to share her troubles with him, and he had to be able to listen to those troubles without getting angry with her.

He arrived home, finding Teddy was already in bed, and went in search of his wife. Flynn wanted him to be supportive and not hold the things Hyde had done against her. Ana was still his wife, she'd been through something traumatizing, but she was still his. She needed his help to get past her problems and without that, Flynn was right, he'd never truly have her back.

It took a few minutes of searching, but Christian finally found her in the living room, curled up on the couch and staring into the flames in the fireplace. He stood back for a bit, just watching her. She looked sad and withdrawn, tears silently moving down her cheeks; she looked to be in pain. His heart broke for her. Without a word, he approached the couch, picked her up enough to place her in his lap. The only reaction she gave to show she knew he was even there was to wrap her arms around his waist and rest her head against his shoulder.

They sat that way for what felt like hours, neither speaking, neither moving. He wanted to ask her what was wrong, what brought on this sudden crying fit, but he didn't want to push her. He needed her to feel he could be open with him and that she didn't have to hide from him.

"I'm sorry," she whispered eventually.

"You've nothing to be sorry for, baby," Christian whispered back, holding her more tightly against him. "Anything you need, I'm here. You know that, don't you?"

She tensed, but didn't answer.

"I mean it," he said with conviction. "You can't keep hiding things from me. If you're upset, I want to help you feel better, but I can't do that if the minute I walk in the door you wipe away your tears and plaster on a fake smile for my benefit."

Sniffing, she readjusted herself in his lap. "I just don't want you to be upset. I want to be what you need and what you want, and this," she gestured vaguely at her messy, tear-stained face, "is not what you need and can't possibly be what you want..."

With a sigh, Christian placed his hands on either side of her face, forcing her eyes to meet his. "Believe it or not, you are everything I could need or want, and more, Anastasia. Your burdens are my burdens and it kills me to see you like this, knowing there isn't a damn thing I can do about it. _Tell me what I can do!"_

Ana sucked in a sharp breath, and as she let it out again, he felt her entire body relax against him. "You're doing it," she told him shyly, a small smile on her face. "I just need you with your arms around me, loving me."

"Well, if that's all it takes..." Christian said quietly with his own teasing grin, feeling slightly giddy that he seemed to have managed to do something right for a change. His grin faded slowly. "I will love you no matter what, Anastasia Grey, for the rest of my life, and I will do anything and everything you need me to do to get you through this. Okay?"

He felt her nod. "Okay," she whispered.

Christian sighed in relief, kissing her temple. "Have you eaten?" he murmured against her skin. She nodded. "How would you feel about a bath before bed?"

"That would be lovely," she replied, trying to get out of his arms in order to head upstairs to their bathroom.

He shook his head, rearranged her arms and legs, increased his grip around her as he stood from the couch, and carried her through the house. She giggled at the top of the stairs as he stumbled briefly before righting himself. Though he glared half-heartedly at her, he couldn't help but smile at the sound of her amusement at his expense. In the bathroom, he set her back on her feet, then immediately went about starting a bubble bath for them to enjoy together. Looking at her watching him, Christian wondered what she thought he expected. All he intended to do was hold her, try to get her to relax, maybe talk a little if she felt like it. Of course, he wouldn't object if she had other thoughts, but for once, it wasn't the primary thought in his mind.

"I think you're a little overdressed for a bath, Mrs. Grey," he told her softly, running the backs of his fingers down her cheek. "Why don't you remedy that, and I'll fetch us some wine to drink?"

She nodded a little, meeting his brief kiss before he left the room. Despite his frustrating session with Flynn and coming home to find his wife in tears—again—Christian felt good. He didn't know how the night would play out, especially knowing he still had to discuss what had happened in the afternoon when she was out with Kate, Teddy, and Sawyer. The more he thought about it, though, the more he believed she might be a little over jumpy. Sawyer hadn't felt as though there might be a threat—he'd reacted to Ana's fear and anxiety, and got her home as quickly as he could safely manage. All Christian could do was to assure her as much as possible that she was safe and loved, and he wouldn't let anyone or anything between them again.

Having selected a bottle of wine and pulled a couple glasses from the cupboard, Christian started to head back to his wife. He was just starting up the stairs when a loud _crack_ broke through the silence of the house. Instinctively, he dropped the bottle of wine and the glasses, and fell onto the stairs, covering his head with his arms. He remained there for several breathless moments. There was a commotion outside the house, and he briefly considered running out to see what the fuck was going on, but then he heard Teddy crying, and shoved himself off the stairs, taking them two at a time and ran full out until he reached his son's room.

"Daddy!" Teddy cried as Christian threw open the door.

"It's okay, baby boy," Christian told him, crossing the room and pulling his son into his arms. He looked up as Ana ran in, tying the sash of her bathrobe around herself.

"What was that?" she asked in a fearful whisper.

Christian shook his head. "I don't know," he said through his tensed jaw. "Come, sit."

She obeyed immediately, crawling across the bed until she reached her husband and son. Arranging Teddy so he sat partway on his both his mother's and father's laps, putting an arm across Ana's shoulders as he pulled his phone from his pocket and quickly dialed Taylor's cell number.

"Where are you, Mr. Grey?" Taylor demanded as he answered the call, sounding breathless.

"My son's room," Christian replied. "What the fuck happened out there?"

Taylor hesitated.

"You're not on speakerphone," Christian snapped, assuming Taylor's reasoning for not answering immediately.

"Someone got onto the grounds and slashed the tires on three of the cars before we spotted them, sir. I was doing my final patrols around the house and spotted the suspect approaching the front door. When he saw me, he pulled a gun and fired—he missed, but Sawyer and Mitchell heard the noise and ran out."

"Where is the suspect now?" Christian asked, his eyes darting over to Ana's wide, fearful ones.

"In custody," Taylor responded, hesitating again. "I fired one round, Mr. Grey."

Christian's eyes squeezed shut. Never before had there been a need for anyone on his team to actually fire the weapon some of them carried, and he never wanted to deal with the aftermath of such an incident. But considering it was Taylor, and considering what Taylor stopped this unknown suspect from doing, Christian couldn't bother being angry about it. Not yet at least. "Injuries?"

"Enough that he's not walking away," Taylor replied. "The police have been called and are on their way. I recommend that you stay with Mrs. Grey and your son until he's gone."

"I'll be there in two minutes," Christian muttered, ignoring Taylor's advice and hanging up the phone and looking at his wife. "Stay here with Teddy. I'll find out where Gail is and send her up here. Do not leave this room, Anastasia."

Her mouth dropped open and he had to pry her fingers off his wrist, ignoring her attempts to get him to stay with them. Teddy joined the fray and Christian had to force himself to walk out of the room. How was it that just ten minutes ago he was on his way to enjoy a bath with his wife and now he was dealing with an intruder who'd vandalized their vehicles and was intending to get into their house.

He hissed in pain when his feet hit the last stair, but he didn't stop to waste time to see what he'd done to himself. Instead he bolted out the front door, immediately finding Taylor standing partway down the driveway, surrounded by the rest of the security team, each of them carrying flashlights and pointing them at a spot Christian was unable to see.

"Well?" Christian barked, drawing all the attention to himself. He thought he heard Taylor sigh under his breath, possibly saw him roll his eyes, but Christian let it go for the moment.

"Here, sir," Taylor told him, gesturing with his flashlight to a spot on the ground.

There, curled up and bleeding, was a young man who couldn't have been much older than Anastasia. "Who is he?" Christian asked coldly. He'd expected to lay eyes on Roger, but unless his memory had failed him completely, this was not him.

"Don't know," Taylor told him. "He doesn't have any identification on him and he's not talking. Whining and crying, yes, but not talking."

"Where is his injury?"

"Upper left arm. More than a graze than anything. Sawyer patched it up enough until the EMTs arrive. Thought we'd keep the amount of blood on your driveway to a minimum."

Christian nodded in acknowledgement. "Give the police a statement when they arrive. We will be pressing charges for breaking and entering our property. When they're gone, get in touch with Welch and find out everything you can about him. Then I want you to tell me how the _fuck_ he got this far without being spotted. Clear?"

"Yes, sir," Taylor said.

Christian returned to the house, leaving his security team to deal with this for the moment. He needed to get back to his family before Ana panicked and decided to defy his orders by coming out to find him. The moment he entered Teddy's bedroom, Ana jumped from the bed and ran to him, wrapping him in her arms. He blinked in confusion for a few moments before returning her embrace, realizing this was a reaction of fear for him and his safety.

"It's okay, baby," he murmured into her hair. "We're okay."

"What happened?" she asked, refusing to remove the vice-like grip from around him.

He sighed, glancing over at Teddy, who seemed to be fast asleep again. "Come, let's not wake him. Still in the mood for that bath?"

Ana choked out a laugh against his shoulder. "Trying to distract me again?"

"No," he assured her. "I just thought we could be comfortable while I tell you what happened."

She agreed and let him lead her back to their bathroom. As he drained the bathtub of the cold water to refill it, she gasped. He turned around suddenly, finding himself tensed for a fight, until he found her gaze locked on his feet. Her eyes trailed the bathroom floor where he saw bloody footprints. He winced, suddenly recalling he'd managed to hurt his foot in his haste out into the yard.

"What did you do?" she asked him. "Sit down."

Smiling a little at her concern and bossiness, Christian did as she said, sitting on the edge of the tub to let her examine his injury. "I dropped the bottle of wine and the glasses. I think I must have stepped in some of the broken shards..."

Ana hissed through her teeth, pulling his foot up to look more closely. "Yeah, you've got glass in there. Stay still. I need to get it out..." She left his side long enough to gather the first aid kit, a couple towels, and two bowls, one filled with water before returning to sit on the floor in front of him. Very gently and with great care, Ana used a pair of tweezers to remove all the glass from one foot, then another, rinsing each one with the warm water from the bowl. Once his feet were cleaned, she inspected her handiwork before nodding in satisfaction. "I don't think you need stitches, but after the bath, I want to wrap them just to be safe."

"Thank you, baby," he said quietly, pulling on her hands until she was standing between his legs. She rested her hands on his shoulders while he made short work of untying the belt of her robe, looking up at her with a raised eyebrow to find she hadn't bothered to find any real clothes.

She shrugged a little. "I was in a hurry," she offered in response.

He only smiled and pulled her closer to place soft kisses on her belly, running his hands from her calves to her hips, around to her behind to hold her in place. Her breaths were coming in short gasps and while Christian was fully prepared to forego the bath and talk for other, much more exciting activities, he knew he couldn't put this off. Full disclosure.

It took a herculean effort to pull his mouth from her skin, but he managed it somehow, looking up at her wide eyes and slightly open mouth. "Get in," he said quietly, moving slightly to give her room to follow his directive. "I'm still slightly overdressed..."

He took her hand and helped her step into the bath, and when she was sitting, he went about discarding his own clothes in his haste to join her. He hissed slightly as his injured feet touched the water, but he somehow managed to arrange himself to sit comfortably behind his wife and pull her against his chest. Ana rested the back of her head against his shoulder and he spent a moment peppering soft butterfly kisses along her jaw.

"I thought we were talking?" she asked him breathlessly when he reached her ear.

"We are," he murmured against her skin, wrapping his arms around her torso. "Somebody managed to get onto the property this evening." He felt her stiffen against him and he held her tighter to comfort her. "This person got far enough up to slash all four tires on three of our SUVs, and would have gotten to the front door had Taylor not spotted him."

"Roger?" she asked in a fearful whisper.

"No," he assured her quickly. "It wasn't someone we recognized and I have a feeling once Taylor gives me more information, we'll find out this person is a nobody hired by somebody to scare us. It was probably intended that he would be caught."

"I heard a gunshot," she said hesitantly.

Christian swallowed hard, but nodded. "He fired first, drawing the attention of the rest of our security team. Taylor fired back in self-defense. Taylor's fine!" he added hastily when she twisted around in horror. "The other shooter was hit in the shoulder, but he'll live. We're going to get to the bottom of this, Ana."

 _And in the meantime, we're going to put this fucking house under lockdown. I'll buy electric fences if I have to..._

"How do people keep getting in?" she asked, probably mostly to herself.

Christian shook his head in frustration. "Lazy security," he growled. "I've half a mind to fire the lot of them. Only reason I haven't done it yet is because I don't have time to interview and hire a new team."

Ana sighed, but kept her thoughts to herself, and for a few glorious minutes, they just sat in the bath together. While Christian's intuition had been to kick the shit out of the fucker who'd broken into his property, they needed answers. If the kid hadn't been carrying a gun, Christian would have said he'd posed no real threat to his family beyond scaring them. As it was, he couldn't stop imagining what would have happened if Taylor hadn't stopped him—he could have gotten into the house, harmed his wife and son, and then Christian really would have killed him.

His priority was to keep his family safe above all else. Ana would need reassurance that she was safe, despite the repeated invasions into their lives. And speaking of which... "Sawyer said you had a bit of anxiety today..." he whispered. She tensed again and he gently ran his hands up and down her arms, nuzzling her hair until she relaxed.

"I was probably overreacting," she said weakly.

"What happened?"

She shrugged. "I just felt like we were being watched. I was uncomfortable and just wanted to be home."

Christian sighed. He hated seeing her so afraid. The threat to her should have ended with Jack fucking Hyde, but they were still dealing with fallout. "Is that why you were so upset when I got home?"

"I don't know," she told him sadly. "I suppose I'm just a little on edge."

He nodded. "Flynn and I had an interesting session this evening," he offered.

He felt Ana stop breathing altogether, possibly in surprise that he was openly sharing information. "Oh?" she asked cautiously.

Christian nodded, resting his chin on her naked shoulder. "As always, he has a way of forcing me to see things I've been blind to and coming home to find you in the state you were in was like a slap in the face."

"What do you mean?" her tone was genuinely curious rather than reluctant and nervous.

"I suppose I've been so caught up in my own issues that I haven't really paid your issues the attention they deserve," he said quietly. "Flynn says you're still not able to discuss a lot of it, and while I don't particularly like that you're so determined to carry all this on your own, I understand your reticence. I just want you to know that you can talk to me about any of it."

"I know," she whispered.

He took a deep breath, wondering if he should be pushing his luck right now. Her entire day had been stressful and the evening had been nothing short of a nightmare, but they'd been doing so well lately and he was almost desperate to keep them on that track. "Can I ask you about the baby?" he murmured against her shoulder.

She took a gasping breath and started to wriggle out of his arms. Christian just held her tighter against him, unwilling to back down. "Why would you want to?" she asked, pain lacing every word she spoke.

"Because it was part of you and despite the circumstances, I know it probably killed you to do what you did," he responded without hesitance. Truth be told, he hadn't really given the baby much thought; in his mind, it had only stood to demonstrate the abuse Ana had endured at the hands of Jack Hyde. But in light of Flynn's words he realized it was something she was still coming to terms with internally and he needed to know how she really felt about it.

"I don't know, Christian," she said, sounding exhausted. He could already see how this would play out: she would pretend she was tired and ready for bed, though he knew she was anything but, and if she eventually managed to actually fall asleep, she would wake Christian in the middle of the night with one of her nightmares.

"Please, baby," he urged, "tell me something to work with here. Anything."

She released a shaky sigh, but relaxed against him again. "It did kill me," she whispered weakly. "I felt horrible and cruel and guilty, because that baby hadn't done anything wrong. I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't put a child through what I'd been through; I didn't know what Jack might do to it. Hell, I don't even know why Jack wanted a baby to begin with! Other than rubbing it in your face, there was no clear reason."

Swallowing hard, surprised that his temper hadn't risen as much as he thought it might during this conversation, Christian continued. "If I'd found you before the abortion, would you have kept it?" he whispered, his heart racing.

"I don't know," she responded, sounding lost. "I think it would have depended on your reaction. I'm not going to pretend I haven't thought about it, and for every pro there would have been to keep it, there were two more cons against it. Honestly, Christian, at this point, I just want to put it behind me. You and Teddy are the only family I need and I wouldn't trade either of you for anything, not again." She turned around enough to look him in the eyes, and despite the bloodshot eyes from crying, he could see the complete and utter sincerity in her expression as she promised, "Never again, Christian."

Christian turned her around so she was facing him, her legs straddling his. He stared into her eyes, trying to find the words to express how he felt about her. After a moment or two, he shook his head slightly. "Fuck it," he breathed, taking her face into his hands, pushing his fingers into her hair as he kissed her. She gasped in surprise, but slowly opened her mouth, allowing his tongue to meet hers in carefully practiced and perfected movements. Her own fingers pushed into his hair, pulling herself even closer to him, making him groan as he moved his hands to her hips, pressing the tips into her skin. Slowly, the kiss went from sweet and comforting to feverish and desperate. Before either of them realized he was doing it, Christian slid a little farther down into the tub, pulling her on top of her, positioning her then sank into her. Her eyes closed and she threw her head back a little as she gasped.

"God, Ana," he breathed. "Always so fucking ready..."

She whimpered in response and he slowly began to move her, lifting her until he almost left her body, then bringing her down again and repeated those moves at an achingly slow pace that felt utterly incredible. Ana wrapped her arms around his neck, resting her face against his and allowing him to hear every gasp of breath she made until he couldn't possibly wait any longer. Without warning her, he picked her up once more and slammed her back down on her, grinding his hips into her pelvis. She cried out in ecstasy that he couldn't help but mirror. The now frantic pace was causing her body to tighten around his and he knew she was close.

"That's it, baby," he growled, nipping at her ear. "Let it go..."

Her muscles were contracting and he pushed her over the edge, causing her to cry out his name. It only took a few more thrusts before he was groaning his own release, holding her against him as they came back to earth and got their breathing under control. Just as he was considering getting them out of the now cold water before they pruned more than they already had, he felt his wife's shoulders begin to shake and he wondered what he'd done to make her cry again.

"Baby?" he whispered, putting his fingers under her chin to lift her head. "What is it?"

When her eyes met his, he found she wasn't crying, but laughing. He narrowed his eyes in mock-irritation. "And just what is it that you find so amusing, Mrs. Grey?" he asked her sternly.

She shook her head a little. "Just that half an hour ago we were dealing with an intruder on our property who was firing bullets at your head of security and now we're... here."

His lips twitched but he subdued his smile. " _Our_ head of security," he reminded her automatically. "And yes, I am aware that this is not how most couples deal with these sorts of situations, but I pay _our_ security team a small fortune so that I can be with my wife in times of crisis rather than dealing with such matters."

"Right," she murmured, leaning forward to kiss him briefly. "I love you, Christian Grey."

The smile he'd been fighting now shone through. "And I love you, Anastasia Grey. Shall we go to bed and forget this night ever happened?"

Through her soft smile, she bit her lip. "If it's all the same to you, I think there are some aspects of it that I'd rather not forget."

His heart swelled at her words. Tugging her lip from between her teeth, he helped her stand in order to step out of the bath. After wrapping his injured feet with gauze and medical tape, Christian allowed her to help him dress and lead him to bed where they immediately curled up together and fell asleep within minutes.


	11. Chapter 11

The sun shining through the windows woke Ana the next morning. She blinked sleepily and automatically turned to Christian's side, her shoulders sagging in disappointment to find him already gone. The alarm clock told her she'd slept much later than usual—it was going on ten in the morning.

"Shit!" she muttered, getting out of bed. Teddy was probably wide awake and running amuck around the house, keeping Gail from her work. She rolled her eyes at both herself and her husband. Usually, he woke her enough in the morning to tell her he was leaving and to have a good day. Or if he didn't, Teddy usually woke her himself. It wasn't until she was getting dressed that she recalled the events of last night, before her bath with Christian. Had they learned anything from the person who'd slashed their car tires and fired a shot at Taylor? Was it connected to Roger and Jack? Of course, deep down, she knew the answer to the last was undoubtedly yes and she longed for the day she could put all of it out of her life forever.

 _Going to be a while,_ her subconscious told her grimly. For once, they were in complete agreement.

She entered the living room, tying her hair back in a ponytail and stopped in surprise at the scene before her. Christian and Teddy were on the floor together, watching cartoons and playing with legos. "Um..." she said, drawing their attention.

Christian turned and gave her his full megawatt smile. "Morning, baby," he told her.

"Morning," she responded in confusion. "Shouldn't you be at work?"

Christian ruffled their son's hair, wincing as he pushed himself to his still injured feet, and padded around to her, placing his hands on her waist. "I should be," he confirmed quietly, "but Taylor and I discussed it and we both feel it might be best that I stay nearby at least for today, considering everything that happened last night."

She nodded, feeling surprisingly comforted to know her husband wouldn't be leaving the house today. Whoever had entered their property the night before could have been after either or both of them and at least this way she'd know he was safe. "Okay," she replied, pushing up on her tiptoes slightly to kiss his lips. "Speaking of last night, do we know anything?"

Sighing, Christian closed his eyes, obviously having hoped that he could put this off for a while. _No such luck, Grey,_ she thought to herself, raising an eyebrow at her husband. "Come," he muttered, placing his hand at the small of her back. "Teddy, stay here and play. Mommy and Daddy have to talk."

"Okay," Teddy replied distractedly, all his attention focused on his cartoons and toys.

Inside Christian's study, Ana sat in front of the desk while he walked around to his chair, sitting down and pinching the bridge of his nose. "The man's name was Richard Evans." He raised an eyebrow at her, silently asking if it rang any bells. She shook her head quickly. "He claims he was hired by somebody to get onto our property, cause a bit of damage and scare us a bit. He doesn't know who hired him, said he didn't even know us. We're pressing charges against him to the fullest extent of the law; we won't be seeing him again."

Ana nodded. "Do we know how he got onto the property?" she asked quietly.

"There was an electrical glitch with the front gates—they're supposed to alert security the moment anyone comes with in a hundred feet of them; they didn't. The glitch also allowed him to climb over the gate and get onto the property." Christian's jaw tensed in anger. "Taylor also thinks the same electrical glitch happened the day Hyde got in here last year." He leaned forward, looking into her eyes steadily. "That will not happen again. I have a security system company coming to the house this afternoon to replace our current system with a more state-of-the-art version. Nobody else is getting near this house unless we allow it."

Again, she nodded, knowing he meant his words with every fiber of his being. Her stomach clenched as she suddenly recalled the night she'd been outside and had fallen asleep on the patio stairs, then waking and thinking she'd seen a figure standing at the water edge. She still hadn't mentioned it to Christian, having convinced herself she'd imagined the whole thing, but in light of the night before, she thought she should probably say something, regardless of his possibly angry reaction at not being told sooner. "And what security measures do we have in place to protect from people coming onto the property via the water?" she asked hesitantly, watching his reaction closely.

His brow furrowed in surprise at the question as he considered it. "Well," he said slowly, possibly reluctantly, "other than assigning somebody to patrol all night on the boat, I'm not sure there's much we can do. Why do you ask?"

She sighed heavily. "The other night when I was on the patio, I fell asleep for a few minutes. When I woke, I thought I saw something down by the water. I could easily have been imagining it, but I can't get it out of my mind."

He froze, his eyes steeling over as he watched her. "What do you think you saw?" he asked.

"Somebody standing there, smoking a cigarette. All I could really make out was the end of a cigarette burning."

Christian stared at her impassively for a moment before his jaw tensed; a second later he slammed his hand down on the desk hard, making her jump. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me this before?" he shouted, his eyes flashing in anger.

Ana stared at him, her eyes wide in fear as he stood. "I... I thought I was imagining it," she told him meekly.

"Imagining it or not, you should have said something!" he replied angrily. "Dammit, Ana! If there really was somebody there, they could have hurt you!"

"I'm sorry!" she yelled back. "You hadn't yet told me about the threat from Roger so I didn't realize there might be a real issue!"

His eyes widened. "You're blaming this on _me?_ " he demanded incredulously. "You fuck up and you blame it on me! How fucking typical, Ana!"

With one last glare, he tore his eyes from her and walked around the desk—she found herself tensing and leaning away from him instinctively, and for a moment, he paused, realizing he'd frightened her. Instead of reassuring and comforting her, he headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked, turning to look at him.

"I have to find Taylor," he said curtly. "Apparently there's an issue in my security measures that needs our immediate attention." And with that, he left her alone in the room, feeling confused and scared.

* * *

Having met with his entire security team and the security alarm company, Christian managed to find a bit of downtime and spent it walking through his backyard, staring out at the water. He knew he'd overreacted to what Ana had told him, but how many times had _he'd_ told _her_ to share things as they came up? It was Leila all over again; the number of times she'd gotten far too close to Ana were numerous and Ana had brushed off every incident as it happened, deciding she'd imagined it.

To her credit, however, she had been right in pointing out that when she'd believed she'd seen someone out by the water, he had yet to share with her the information about Roger being across from their house. It wasn't really fair that he was expecting her to share things with him that he knew to be a real threat when she wasn't being kept in the loop.

 _She's been trying to tell you this for years, Grey,_ his mind told hm. How many arguments had they gotten into because he was keeping things for her because he didn't want her to be afraid or worry? And here he was, getting pissed off at her for not disclosing something she would have done immediately if he'd told her what had been going on.

"Fuck..." he muttered, turning to head into the house to search for her.

He found her in their bedroom, in the closet, obviously having just gotten out of the shower as she selected an outfit. "What are you doing?" he asked quietly, sitting on the edge of their bed.

She jumped as though he'd yelled the question directly into her ear. "Christian," she gasped, placing a hand on her towel covered chest. "You scared me."

He smiled slightly. "That much is evident," he teased, making her relax. "You didn't answer my question..."

Turning away from him, glancing at him nervously as she went back to her task, he heard her mutter, "I have an appointment in town."

Christian felt his mouth drop open incredulously. "In town," he repeated blandly. "Do you really think I'm going to let you leave this house after what happened yesterday and last night?"

She spun around on her heel to glare at him. "I have an appointment with Flynn, Christian!" she bit back. "And considering everything that happened yesterday and last night, I've got quite a bit I need to discuss with him!"

"You're not going," he told her sternly.

"Yes, I am," she said through clenched teeth.

He closed his eyes against his anger. "Ana," he said with strained patience. "No."

"Christian," she replied, mocking his tone. "Yes. If you're really concerned, you are free to come along, but I am going to this session."

Christian stared at her uncomprehendingly until she began to fidget under his intense gaze. "You would want me to go to your session with Flynn with you?" he asked. It seemed almost preposterous that even after the way he'd treated her that day, she still wanted to involve him in this part of her life.

She blushed. "Well, you don't have to," she said awkwardly. "I just thought since you're so concerned about my safety, you'd be willing to compromise a little. Besides, you said you wanted to us to have a session with Flynn together..." She bit her lip, letting it slide through her lips as she let it go in a way that normally would have had him jumping across the room to press her against the wall and fuck her until she screamed. She shook her head, lowering her eyes. "You're right, though; we should probably stay here, especially with Teddy."

His self-control broke suddenly. Before he knew what he was doing, he'd stood, crossed the room in a few long strides, and pulling her to him, meeting her lips in what began as a soft kiss as he tried to convey how very much it meant to him that she would even offer. When the kiss ended, he held her tightly to him, his chest against her cheek as she listened to his rapidly beating heart. She returned the hug, running her hands up and down his back in a comforting manner—it took him a few moments to realize why: he was taking short, shuddering breaths as he tried to control his unsteady emotions. "We can go see Flynn," he finally whispered. "I'm sorry about earlier; I'm on edge and terrified, and I feel like at any moment, I'm going to lose control and you or Teddy may be hurt. I couldn't bear that, Ana."

"I know," she whispered back, not moving from her position against his chest. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the other night."

He nodded curtly, not wanting to rehash that particular discussion; maybe later, with Flynn there to mediate. "Come. If we're going to see Flynn, we need to get Teddy fed."

The look of surprise on her face as his sudden change of heart was almost amusing. He ignored it for the moment and led her downstairs by the hand.

* * *

Half an hour later, after giving Sawyer and Taylor and Gail very strict instructions—which also outlined the repercussions of those instructions weren't met—to keep inside with Teddy within their sights until his parents arrived home, Christian was holding open the passenger side door of his Audi convertible, closing it behind her after she'd buckled herself in. As he walked around the car, he shot a scathing look towards the horde of reporters that had congregated outside their gate in an attempt to find out what had happened the night before. So far all the media had come up with was that Christian Grey's security personnel had apprehended an intruder on the property and that shots had been fired. While Christian knew it would be in his and his family's best interests to make a public statement, he wasn't ready to do so just yet. But the last thing any of them needed was to have reporters coming up with their own conclusions. Maybe he'd talk to Kate when they had dinner at Carrick and Grace's house tomorrow night...

"What the hell..." Ana whispered, looking wide-eyed at the crowd as the car approached the gates. "When did this happen?"

"This morning," Christian muttered, barely moving his lips as he drove his car through the parting sea of reporters. "Ignore them."

Ana nodded, trying to stare straight ahead, though she flinched and her eyes darted warily out the car window every time one of them shouted out a question.

"Christian! Is it true an intruder was killed on your property last night?"

"Is your son safe?"

"What measures have you taken to avoid a repeat event?"

Christian kept his mouth firmly shut, knowing that even one mouthed curse could be turned into a three-page headline story, until the reporters were specks in the rearview mirror. "Fucking vultures," he hissed. His eyes darted towards his wife and upon seeing the shaken expression on her face, he reached over and took her hand in his. "Okay, baby?" He lifted her hand to his lips, kissing her knuckles.

"Maybe we should have stayed with Teddy," she said fretfully.

"He's fine," he promised. "Nobody is going to get anywhere near him."

She nodded jerkily, but didn't respond. After a few minutes of the silence, he turned on the radio, searching the channels until he found something soothing that he knew they would both enjoy. By the time they finally reached Flynn's office and pulled into a spot in the parking garage, Ana had managed to relax at least enough that he didn't think she would have a panic attack just walking into the building.

"Ready?" he asked softly, turning towards her in his seat.

Her nod was nearly imperceptible, but it was enough. Without a word, Christian exited the car, walked briskly around, opened her door, and gave her his hand to help her out. They walked silently to the entrance of the office building and followed the familiar path to the elevators. Flynn's waiting room was empty when they arrived and his secretary greeted them warmly, informing them the doctor was still with a patient, but would be available shortly. Christian signed them in and joined his wife in one of the chairs, putting an arm around her shoulder. It wasn't lost on him that she hadn't even considered the possibility that the press would involve themselves in their private lives. She hadn't had to face that sort of scrutiny for a year and since she'd been back, Christian had somehow managed to avoid exposing her to it. Now, though, it was unavoidable. The press would be hounding her everywhere she went for a comment on what had happened at their house last night. He was tempted to demand that she not leave their home until this was resolved; past experiences, however, told him this would do nothing but start a fight. She was more than willing to accept a security escort wherever she went, and for the moment he thought he could accept that.

 _New beginnings, Grey..._

Ana tapped his leg, effectively jolting him from his thoughts. He looked up to her questioningly, finding her preparing to stand. Doing the same, he found Flynn's current patient leaving, and Flynn's secretary looking at them expectantly.

Taking Ana's hand, they walked together into the office and Flynn looked up at them in slight surprise. "Christian," he greeted warmly, extending a hand to shake his, then Ana's. "I wasn't expecting you to be joining us today."

Christian's only reply was a tight smile, knowing it was only a matter of time before Flynn was told exactly why he was joining in on Ana's session today. The Greys took their seats, Flynn across from them with his notebook and pen ready to go.

"So," Flynn began, "how are things?"

Christian snorted a laugh. "You're telling me you haven't been watching the news today?" he asked sardonically.

Flynn gave him a brief smile in return. "I have, but I didn't want to bring it up too early." He hesitated, eyes darting from Christian to Ana. "How are you after last night's events?"

Ana sighed. "Shaken," she replied heavily.

"As anyone would be," Flynn replied, nodding. "And you, Christian?"

Christian shrugged. How was he? Angry. Fucking furious. Stressed out. Worried. Afraid. The list went on.

"Okay," Flynn said, accepting the shrug as an answer. "So what made the two of you decide to have a joint session?"

"Precaution," Christian responded. "Considering last night's events, I didn't believe it wise for Anastasia to leave the house alone."

Flynn nodded as though this made perfect sense. "Can you tell me any of what went on last night?"

With a sigh, Christian looked over at his wife who was staring down at her knotted hands. Not taking his eyes off her, he gave Flynn the quick version of events, which included coming home to find his wife in tears and their eventual bath.

"And you didn't recognize the man?" Flynn asked Christian. Christian shook his head. "Did Ana?"

"No," Ana said quietly, regretfully. "Or at least not his name. Honestly, I've felt pretty useless in everything that's been happening."

Silence filled the room at her words. Christian stared at her in shock. Flynn's eyes were wide as they observed her. "What do you mean, Ana?" asked the doctor gently.

She sighed, straightening up in her seat. "Just what I've said," she said, sounding defeated. "All of this with Jack Hyde and Roger and that man last night... I can't seem to give anybody any useful information and all I _can_ do is frustrate my husband who has been nothing short of supportive and wonderful, despite the last year. But every time I turn around, yet another reminder of what I've done pops up and threatens us. It's getting to the point that I can't help but wonder how much more it's going to take before he decides it's too much and writes me off completely."

Christian continued to stare at her, wondering if he was really hearing those words coming out of her mouth. Write her off? Had he really made her think he was even _capable_ of doing such a thing to her?

"And even when things were good," she went on steadily even though tears were streaming down her cheeks. "Even before I left, it was getting to the point that I was losing myself."

Flynn's brow furrowed. "Losing yourself in what way, Ana?" he asked gently.

"Every way," she said with a humorless smile and half-shrug. "I was Christian Grey's wife. The mother to Christian Grey's son. My life was filled with security details and fundraisers for every charity organization imaginable and making sure everything was ready for Christian Grey's next directive. If I was lucky at the end of the week, I might get some quality time with my husband, just the two of us, that wasn't spent in bed. I'd always had such high ambitions for my life—working at a publishing company; which, granted, I did achieve, even though my boyfriend at the time bought out the company, effectively ensuring my future there. I was going to be young and clueless, and go through life without any real concerns about the world around me. But one incident of my best friend falling ill and convincing me to drive from Portland to Seattle in order to keep an appointment to interview some big shot CEO, and everything changes. _Every_ thing. Christian turned my life upside down, introduced me to things I never knew existed—things I'm pretty sure I could have gone my whole life without ever knowing they existed—and next thing I know, I'm married, I'm pregnant, and I'm living some fairytale life that I don't deserve."

It took several minutes, but Christian finally found enough words to form a worthy response. "How do you figure you don't deserve it?" he asked hoarsely, turning to face her as she absentmindedly wiped the tears from her face. "I thought we got past this years ago, Ana. I gave you everything you could have ever wanted. I gave you _more!_ And yes, our lives were becoming a little... routine, but I thought you were happy."

"I was content," she told him. "I love you and I love Teddy, and there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for either of you, but I told you before, that life wasn't me."

"If I may..." Flynn interjected softly, glancing between the couple. Christian nodded faintly, still staring at his wife. "Christian, Ana and I have been discussing some of the reasons why it seemed so easy for her to leave you last year. That's not to say it was an easy decision for her, but she'd already had several thoughts in her mind to justify leaving. If she convinced herself she was doing so under her own volition, she could go along with her captor's demands."

"That's bullshit!" Christian shouted, making both Flynn and Ana jump as he stood from the couch. "Fuck, Ana! If you weren't happy, why didn't you say something?"

"I did, Christian!" she shot back through her tears. "Over and over again! And do you know what your response was every single time?"

His jaw tensed as he shook his head, fighting to remember any instance of what she was referring to.

"Every time I said something to you about wanting to go back to work or needing a bit more time with you or feeling trapped, you'd buy me a new piece of jewelry that I would rarely wear or take me to bed or tell me I was overreacting. And the only time you ever made me feel better about what was going on was when we argued about it, because at least then I was the center of your world again, like I was in the beginning."

Collapsing back onto the sofa, Christian felt his world crumbling around him. "Are you saying I pushed you out the door?" he asked bleakly.

Ana sighed wearily. "I'm saying..." Her glazed eyes darted up towards the ceiling and scanned the walls. "I don't know what I'm saying anymore, Christian... All I know is that I fucked up and I don't deserve your forgiveness; you've done so much, tried so very hard to be what I needed and I'm not sure I can do it anymore."

Forgetting Flynn was in the room, forgetting everything that had happened over the last month or so, Christian felt fear and panic overtaking him, trying to drown him. "Is this your way of telling me you want to leave again?" he breathed, his eyes stinging.

Ana's head snapped over to him, eyes wide, mouth open. "No!" she exclaimed. "God no, Christian! All I'm saying is I don't think I can be the wife I was last year. I want to be, but..." She trailed off, looking lost.

Christian felt himself walking to stand in front of her, dropping down onto his knees. "Ana, I don't need you to be anybody other than yourself," he said, placing a hand on her cheek. "If you don't want that life anymore, fine. We can do whatever it takes to change it. Do you want to move? We'll go wherever you want to go. Just say the word..."

For what felt like hours to Christian, he kept his eyes locked on his wife's, silently begging her to believe his words. She stared back with such dull, desolate eyes that he nearly cried. She was so uncertain, so lost and he suddenly wondered if this was how he looked in her eyes the first time she told him she loved him, and all the times thereafter trying to convince him he was a good person with a good heart who deserved happiness. The realization that they'd somehow reversed their roles was like a slap in the face—she'd suffered abuse that left her feeling empty and inadequate, and he would have to be the one to bring her out of that.

 _How the fuck do I do that...?_

He startled a little when Flynn cleared his throat. Christian twisted around to meet the doctor's eyes. "Perhaps we should leave it here for now," he said quietly. "I'd like to see both of you again soon, but I think you're well on your way to getting where you need to be."

 _What the fuck does that mean?_ Christian wondered to himself as he stood.

Leaving the office, Christian kept a firm hold on his wife's hand, not willing to let go for even a second. This was not how he'd envisioned their session going—he thought they would talk about what had happened the night before, maybe a little about what Ana and Christian had discussed while they were in the bath together. But this...

Sitting in the driver's seat, hands gripping the steering wheel, Christian couldn't stand the silence anymore. "Is there anything else?" he asked hoarsely.

Ana sniffled a little from the passenger side, pulling her legs up to her chest and wrapping arms around them. She turned her head away from where she'd been staring out the car window to rest her cheek on her knees to look at her husband. Her head shook minutely, not understanding the question.

"Is there anything else I need to know about how you feel or what you've been through? Now's the time to share, Ana," he elaborated.

She sighed. "Not that I can think of at the moment," she told him, her lips twisting in wry humor.

"Well, should anything come to your attention," he said in the same calm, matter-of-fact tone she had used, "I would like to be the _first_ to know." He hoped she caught onto the real meaning of his words—she needed to be open and honest with them before she was open and honest with Flynn.

"You will," she promised quietly, tears in her eyes.

Nodding, Christian reached down to turn the ignition key, starting the car. They drove for several minutes before Ana realized what was going on. "We're not going home?" she asked confusedly.

He shot her a brief smirk. "Actually, I thought I'd treat my wife to dinner out," he told her.

Her eyebrows shot up and she looked anxious. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" she said. "What about Teddy?"

"Teddy is fine," he told her firmly, even though there had been several fleeting thoughts in his head about the care and safety of their son. "He's got Taylor and Sawyer keeping him safe, and Gail will have bathed him and read him a bedtime story." He sighed. "For once, even for just a little while, I want to pretend we have at least semi-normal lives. And semi-normal men take their semi-normal wives out for dinner when the notion strikes them."

Her lips twitched. "Okay, Mr. Semi-Normal Grey," she said teasingly. "Where are we going to enjoy our semi-normal dinner out?"

"The club?" he suggested. "We can be quick or we can be leisurely, depending on our mood. Anyone bothers us when we don't want them to, I fire their asses... What do you say?"

"Sounds good..." she told him, her shy smile in place once again.

* * *

Sitting in their booth, picking at their salads and sipping wine, Christian and Ana found themselves in silence again. Ana couldn't think what had come over her; one second they were discussing the relatively mundane topic of the intruder from the night before, the next second Christian was at her feet on his knees asking if she was leaving him. Again. Her words had been honest and hidden deep down, and they weren't anything she ever planned on sharing with her husband. At least not until she had a better handle on things.

Regardless, it had come out, and every time Ana's eyes glanced up for her wine glass, she caught Christian watching her cautiously, looking like a lost puppy. Whenever he was caught looking at her, he hastily cleared his throat, sipped his own wine or took a bite of his food. The closest comparison she had to it was two teenagers out on a first date, which in itself was pretty pathetic considering they'd been married nearly four years and had a son together...

Ana shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat, feeling a chill creep down her spine. Her heartbeat quickened its pace as the familiar feeling of being watched overcame her once again.

"Ana?" Christian said questioningly. She had no doubt in the world that he had picked up immediately that something else was bothering her.

She shook her head slightly at her, glancing surreptitiously over her shoulder for any hint of who might be watching her. It only took her a few seconds to notice several other diners hastily averting their eyes from her. Sighing in relief, Ana almost laughed. People had been watching her, but it hadn't been sinister in nature; they had all probably seen the news from the night before and were probably having their own discussions amongst themselves what had happened. Turning her attention back to Christian, she tried to give him a reassuring smile. "Sorry," she said quietly, picking up her wine glass again. "I guess I'm a little on edge..."

Christian's eyes darted around the restaurant, pausing at every table where Ana had seen somebody watching them. His eyes narrowed several times before he looked back at his wife. "Would you prefer to leave?" he asked her, shuffling a little closer to her in the booth.

"No," she replied, unsure whether it was the truth or not. "I'm enjoying this." Part truth. "Besides, I'm hungry." Blatant lie. As expected, however, Christian's attention was diverted from their onlookers and he looked pleased as punch that she actually had an appetite. Now the ice was broken, both of them were a little more relaxed with each other. They discussed mundane topics, nothing more serious than the doctor's appointment scheduled next week to check how Teddy's arm was healing. It was nice; for once Ana felt as though they really were a normal married couple out for a night on the town without their child. The look on Christian's face suggested he'd had the same thoughts.

After polishing off their bottle of wine and sharing a piece of cheesecake for dessert, Christian stood, wrapping his arm around his wife's waist and led the way out of the restaurant.

* * *

He was uncertain what time it was or what had woken him from his sleep, but as Christian reached over to his wife's side of the bed and found it empty, he began to panic. Sitting straight up in bed, his eyes scanned the room, trying to think rationally. She couldn't have gone far—between the security team and the new security system, she wouldn't have gotten past the backdoor without alerting at least three people and the police. Perhaps she'd merely woken up and had gone down to the kitchen for a drink of water or to check on Teddy. Perhaps she was in the library, reading and trying to fall asleep again.

A noise from the bathroom made his ears twitch. He threw the blankets away from him his body, both feet hitting the floor a split-second later and rushed to the bathroom. His relief at finding Ana was short-lived; she was kneeling on the floor, her head resting on the toilet seat, arms wrapped the base. He sighed as he moved towards her, pulling back her hair as she retched again and rubbed her back when she finished. It was nearly half an hour before her stomach's contents were gone. Gently, and without a word, he stood her up and led her to the shower, starting the water before peeling off her night clothes, then his own. He helped her get into the shower, sitting her down on the built-in seat that they had used for more... recreational activities than this. He shook off the thought, knowing this wasn't the time and stepped in next to her, adjusting the angle of the water from the showerhead. She rested her head against the shower wall, allowing him to wash her hair and the rest of her body. When he finished, he shut off the water and reached for a clean towel, tenderly drying her off.

"Be right back," he murmured to her, noting she was close to falling asleep again. Making quick work of gathering a fresh set of pajamas, he returned to her and dressed her, then carried her back to bed, tucking her in before climbing in beside her, pulling her against him, resting his lips against her forehead. "All right?"

"Yes," she whispered, beginning to drift off. "I think I ate too much. Thank you."

"You're welcome," he replied automatically, thinking through the possibilities for her sudden illness. It could have been simply that she _had_ eaten a bit too much too quickly at the club—he certainly couldn't remember the last time she had cleared her plate like that. She'd even finished off the complimentary bread the restaurant had provided while they'd waited on their meals. Not to mention how on edge she'd been lately—it was enough to upset anybody's stomach. He'd seen how pale she'd suddenly become while they were at dinner and when he had realized the reason, he'd been tempted to visit each and every diner who he'd caught watching them and teach them a lesson in manners. Obviously, he'd refrained, knowing his wife would frown upon such actions.

Nuzzling Ana's hair, Christian felt his eyes close as he drifted off to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

"Mr. Grey?"

Christian looked up from his computer screen as Taylor entered his office just before noon. He felt guilty for leaving Ana at home after her being sick the night before, but he'd taken the day before off work and the number of emails that awaited him were enough to keep him busy all afternoon. In typical Christian Grey style, he'd left very detailed instructions for both Sawyer and Gail to keep a close eye on his wife, to let her rest, try to get her to eat something, even if it was only a cup of chicken broth. They'd both assured him they would take care of her and would entertain Teddy so she could get her rest.

Upon arriving at Grey House, Christian and Taylor had gone their separate ways—Christian to his office, Taylor to seek out Welch to discuss any new developments that may have presented themselves overnight. Christian hadn't seen the other man since. Until now.

"What is it?" Christian asked wearily, pinching the bridge of his nose. The last few days had been a constant headache and the only things that did anything to soothe the headache were his wife and son. Unfortunately, much as he wanted to, he couldn't spend every single waking moment with them.

"The Evans kid is talking," Taylor informed him after closing the door. He crossed the office and took a seat uninvited. Christian was past the point where he had to tell Taylor to do much. "He's familiar with Hyde and said he received a request from some acquaintance of his to do a job."

"What acquaintance?" Christian growled. Something told him he already knew the answer.

"We can only speculate at this point," Taylor told him apologetically. "But we think it's this Roger fucker who was stalking the house last weekend. I have a contact in the jail where Hyde is being kept until his trial who tells me Hyde has gotten a few visitors since his arrest, never the same person and they never stay longer than about ten minutes. We think Hyde's passing messages to these visitors."

Christian's jaw tensed. "Any idea what the messages are about?"

"Again, we can only speculate. My theory is that Hyde feels there's unfinished business between him, you, and your wife." Taylor sighed heavily with looked like the utmost reluctance on his face. "Sir, there's something else I need to bring to your attention."

Still pinching the bridge of his nose, Christian rolled his hand in a _get on with it_ gesture.

Taylor removed a folded stack of papers from his suit jacket. "I would like to stress that these are still only whispers, but I don't think it'll be long before you're hearing about it through more official channels."

Christian lowered his hand, reaching out to accept the papers. Glancing at Taylor, he unfolded them and read, feeling his blood pressure skyrocket rapidly, his breaths were coming in harsh pants, and he felt the overwhelming urge to put his fist through something. "Are you fucking kidding me?" he bellowed. "How can this _possibly..._ " He slammed the papers down and pushed back his chair to stand. Taylor stood as well to face his boss head-on. "Fuck!"

"Sir, I know this looks bad," Taylor began.

" _Looks_ bad, Taylor?" Christian shouted. "That motherfucker is trying to... There can't actually be a case in this!"

Taylor raised his hands in surrender. "I can't give you my legal opinion, but it seems to me that with the right defense, he can do his damn best to see this through. I just thought you should be aware before anyone else could tell you."

Christian managed to close his eyes, count to ten, and calm his breathing. "Of course," he said quietly. "I appreciate your efforts, Taylor. Ana and I are joining our family for dinner this evening. I'll bring this to my father's attention and see which course of action he recommends. In the meantime, keep in contact with your man at the jail. I want the name and photo of every single person who comes in to see Jack Hyde. Get backgrounds on all of them."

"Sir," Taylor acknowledged before leaving the office.

Christian stared at the door as it softly closed, then went back to his desk, glaring at the stack of papers. He couldn't remember the last time he was this angry, and as always, he knew exactly to blame for this. Somehow, he managed to turn this from a personal problem to a business one and picked up the papers again, eyeing each and every word with a practiced eye of an incredibly successful businessman, planning every single one of his next moves carefully.

Jack Hyde would not win this.

* * *

Having slept most of the morning and after practically being force fed broth by Gail, Ana finally managed to get out of bed just after lunchtime. Her stomach was still a little queasy and there was one moment where she was forced to sprint into the bathroom, but luckily nothing came up, and she convinced herself it had been something she'd eaten the night before in combination with the stress and tension that currently filled the Grey family household.

And despite Gail's disapproving looks and pursed lips, Ana showered, changed into a pair of sweatpants and shirt, and went off in search of her son. She found him in the living room, on the floor, predictably in front of cartoons on the television and a pile of legos. What surprised her was the sight of Luke Sawyer sitting cross-legged on the floor beside her son, getting just as much enjoyment from the cartoons and toys as the three-year-old. Ana tried to recall whether she'd ever seen Sawyer actually laughing and acting like what she thought an older brother or uncle would.

"Having fun?" she asked, approaching the back of the couch. Sawyer started and turned to face her, horror on his face at being caught during playtime. Ana fought her twitching lips.

"Mrs. Grey," he stammered, beginning to stand. "I'm sorry, I—"

Ana waved him back to his position. "No need to apologize," she told him, smiling as she walked around to sit on the couch. "Clearly my son is enjoying himself and I certainly appreciate you keeping him occupied."

Sawyer relaxed. "Yes, ma'am," he said, glancing back at Teddy out of the corner of his eyes. "I hope you're feeling better."

"I am, thank you," Ana confirmed. "What are you two boys up to?"

"We're watching cartoons, Mommy," Teddy informed him without tearing his eyes from the television screen.

Fleetingly, Ana wondered how control freak Christian Grey justified their son spending so much time watching cartoons; she'd always had the belief that their children would have been forced to learn to read by age three, play an instrument, and study a foreign language. But while she wasn't one to advocate dumbing down her son by sticking him in front of the television all day every day, she was relieved to see Christian at least acknowledged Teddy's need to be a normal boy rather than the spoiled rich future CEO of Grey Enterprises.

 _Still, it wouldn't hurt to start preparing him for preschool next year,_ said her subconscious sternly.

Ana inwardly rolled her eyes and lay back on the couch, watching Teddy and Sawyer watching their cartoons. She'd been disappointed when she'd awoken to find Christian had already left for work. Of course she knew he had to return to the office at some point, but after last night, she'd felt like they'd finally understood one another— _truly_ understood one another—for the first time since her return and just being able to fall asleep in his arms had been euphoric. And the way he'd helped when she'd gotten sick. He hadn't questioned her. He'd just cleaned her up, held her, and comforted her until she fell asleep again. It was reminiscent of the days when she'd had morning sickness due to her pregnancy with Teddy.

She blinked rapidly, another thought popping into her mind. During her more recent pregnancy, she'd have given anything to have Christian there to take care of her. Hell, she'd have given anything to have been pregnant with Christian's baby.

 _Stop!_ she thought to herself firmly. _No use thinking like that..._

"Ana?"

Her blue eyes blinked open at the sound of her name and the feeling of someone gently shaking her shoulder. Christian was bent over the back of the couch, smiling softly at her. "You're home early," she murmured, stretching her arms above her head.

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Baby, it's five-thirty," he told her. "Apparently, you've been asleep all day." There was a slight chastising edge to his tone, but his eyes were dancing in amusement.

"Oh," she said in surprise. "I didn't even realize..." She sat up suddenly, gasping. "Your parents' dinner!"

Christian actually laughed as he walked around the couch, pushing her shoulders back down then sitting down beside her. "It's okay," he assured her. "We don't have to be there until seven; we've plenty of time."

She relaxed and just watched her husband. He looked as tired as she felt and thought he could use his own nap. Knowing him as she did, however, she knew naptime wasn't an option for Christian Grey; for him, sleeping more than five hours a night was a missed business opportunity. Sighing, he reached out his fingers to run them down her cheek. Looking a little more closely, there was something off about her husband. He was more stressed out than usual and considering everything he'd been dealing with, it had been something really bad to put that expression in his eyes.

"Baby, what is it?" she asked, pressing her cheek into his hand.

"What do you mean?" he asked in a would-be casual tone. The way his body tensed ever so slightly belied his words and tone.

"Something's bothering you," she said bluntly, determined not to fall for the distractions she knew he'd start throwing at her any second now. "What is it?"

He sighed, letting his hand drop from her cheek. His gray eyes dulled just before they clenched tightly shut and she felt her heart stop beating. When he opened his eyes again, she was disappointed to find his barriers against the outside world were in place once again. "It's nothing, Anastasia," he told her coolly.

"It's something, Christian," she responded, mimicking his tone. "Please, just tell me."

Shaking his head, Christian ran his hands through his hair. "Not now," he said through clenched teeth. "Something happened today and I need to get my head around it before I tell you, because otherwise, we'll both end up saying and doing things we will regret."

Now she really was concerned. The look on his face, however, kept her from pushing her luck any further. "Later, then," she said quietly, watching his entire body relax at her agreement. "Shall we prepare to have dinner with your parents?"

A corner of his mouth twitched before he placed a hand beside her head to brace himself as he leaned down to kiss her lips. It began chastely enough, but as it always seemed to be the case, it quickly became heated, and if one of them didn't end it soon, they would be putting on a floor show in the middle of their living room in the middle of the day, and risk their son wandering in. The same thought seemed to cross Christian's mind; he slowed down the pace of the kiss and slowly pulled away, his eyes darkened with desire and his breathing stalling as he observed her.

"Do you think my parents would mind if we asked for a rain check?" he asked huskily.

She giggled as she pushed herself into a sitting position. "I'm sure they would," she told him sweetly. "Besides, I've been looking forward to this all week."

He raised an eyebrow at her. "Have you?" She nodded. "Why?"

She shrugged, honestly unable to come up with a suitable answer. "It'll just be nice to spend an evening with family," she eventually told him. "Get our minds off things."

Nodding slowly, he leaned in to kiss her lips briefly before standing and holding out a hand to help her to her feet. "Perhaps you're right, Mrs. Grey," he said, smiling softly at her.

"Of course I'm right," she said airily. "When am I not?"

Without waiting for his response, she headed up the stairs and as she passed Teddy's bedroom, she was certain she could hear him laughing.

* * *

As it turned out, Ana had been right. It was incredibly relaxing sitting around his parents' back patio with them, his brother, and Kate. Mia wasn't present, having setup a meeting to purchase a restaurant in Seattle. Christian made a mental note to contact his baby sister first thing in the morning to make sure she knew what she was doing and to assure no one fucks her over. While they waited for dinner, wine was distributed to everyone but Kate, the adults passed their time watching Teddy run around the backyard, playing on the swing set his grandparents had bought him a year or so after his birth.

Naturally the topic of conversation was what had happened at Ana and Christian's house the other night, and Christian quickly set his family's minds at ease. He then engaged Kate in a discussion about what the local media had come up with since Christian hadn't put out his own statement yet. Kate rolled her eyes. The only thing that had been discovered with any certainty was that there was an incident at Christian's home and a gentleman had been arrested. Everything else was rumor and hearsay, and Kate assured both Ana and Christian that she would keep it from getting too far out of hand. She highly suggested some sort of statement, even if it didn't go into details about what exactly had happened and who the intruder seemed to be affiliated with.

Glancing over at Ana, he realized this subject was exactly the one she'd hoped to avoid discussing tonight. She looked nervous and upset and uncomfortable. He reached over for her hand, startling her. Her response was to squeeze his fingers and give him a smile that didn't reach her eyes.

"So, Elliot," he said, determined to change the subject. "Ready for shitty diapers and no sleep?"

Just as he knew it would, the topic of the impending arrival of the newest Grey distracted his family immediately. Not long after, Gretchen stepped out onto the patio to announce dinner, and once they'd convinced Teddy to leave the swing set, assuring him it wouldn't disappear in his absence, they headed to the dining room. Conversation remained light all throughout the meal, though Christian barely registered what he was eating. His mind had jumped forward, already thinking of how he was going to get his father on his own without rousing suspicions of the others so they could discuss what Taylor had brought to his attention early that afternoon. The papers were in his back pocket and it took every shred of self-restraint for him to not throw them into the fireplace then put his fist through a wall.

When his father announced he had some business to attend to quickly in his study, Christian took his chance, following Carrick's footsteps. His father glanced over his shoulder, his eyebrows rising in surprise. "Everything all right?" he asked cautiously, eyeing the expression on his son's face.

"No," Christian said tightly, gesturing at the study and silently asking if he could take a moment of his father's time.

Carrick nodded and entered the room, waiting for Christian to enter before closing the door to ensure their privacy. "Have a seat," he said quietly, going to the other side of the desk to his own chair. "What's on your mind, Christian?"

Christian took the papers from his pocket and handed them across the desk to his father. "Taylor and Welch discovered this today," he began. "It's not official yet as far as we know, but I don't see it being much longer before it _is_ official."

His father switched quickly into professional mode, reading the paperwork silently. When he reached the last page, he sighed heavily, calmly let the papers drop to his desk, and leaned back in his chair, pinching the bridge of his nose exactly as Christian had done earlier today. "Well, this puts a dent in things," he said wearily. "Does Ana know about this yet?"

"No," Christian said. "I didn't want to bring it to her attention until I spoke with you. There can't possibly be a case in this, Dad."

"Unfortunately, there could be, Christian," Carrick said reluctantly. "He is quite within his rights to make any claims he wishes to make and if there is a lawyer willing to take his claims seriously, no one can stop him."

Fisting his hands in his hair, Christian felt his temper rising. "Dad, this is bullshit! He tried this years ago after I fired his ass for making a move on Ana and it got him fucking nowhere!"

Carrick raised a placating hand. "I'm fully aware these claims are untrue. Unless you've forgotten, I have spoken to Ana about what went on while she was away; there is no doubt in my mind she was telling the truth. All we can do is be prepared for this to come to light, which I'm certain it will. We will fight every single one of these accusations and I will do everything in my power to make sure we win."

Christian trusted his father, knew his track record. He was among the top lawyers in Washington state and he hadn't gotten there by twiddling his thumbs, stammering through cases, and stomping his feet when things didn't go his way. If he was truly confident that this could be handled, Christian had to trust that. "What should I do in the meantime?" he asked quietly.

"Ana needs to know," Carrick told him immediately. "If you prefer, I can tell her myself, make it seem as though I got the word rather than you. But she needs to be prepared for whatever shit storm that's about to hit. When you are officially informed, call me immediately; do not accept anything from anybody you don't know. Instruct Ana to do the same as well as your security staff and work colleagues. Do not make a public statement about this. Do not do anything that might exacerbate the situation. And for the love of god, Christian, do not let this interfere with your marriage. I know you well enough to know how your mind works and though I know you believe everything Ana has told you, I also know you've still got doubts in your mind."

Christian's eyes widened slightly at how well his father knew him. "Yeah, I know," he muttered, slouching in the chair. "Why does this shit always happen to us?"

Carrick snorted a laugh and smirked. "Because you are Christian Grey, son. Somehow I don't think you'd know how to handle a calm, dull life."

Christian returned the smirk. "You're probably right." He sighed, running his hands across his face as he stood. "We should probably head home. It's long past Teddy's bedtime and apparently my wife and I have some things to discuss."

"It will be okay, Christian," Carrick told him confidently. "Just give it time."

With a nod of acknowledgement, Christian left the study in search of his wife. Elliot was sitting in the living room in front of the big screen television watching Sports Center; there's no trace of the women. "Where's Ana?" he asked his brother tiredly.

Elliot ignored him, probably hadn't even heard him. Christian walked up behind him and smacked him in the back of the head. "What the fuck!" he yelled, grabbing his head and turning around. "What the fuck was that for?"

"Where's Ana?" Christian asked, resisting the urge to hit his brother again.

"Oh, she wasn't feeling well. Mom and Kate took her to the bathroom or something," he said distractedly, turning back to the television.

 _Again?_ With a sigh, Christian turned away, running his fingers through his hair and went on search for his wife. They were back in the kitchen, Ana sitting at the table nursing a glass of water while Gail looked on sternly and Kate rubbed her back comfortingly. "Everything okay?" he asked, feigning a light tone.

The women looked up and Ana gave him a shaky smile. She was pale again, a little green, and she looked miserable. "I'm fine," she told him weakly. "I think it's from last night still."

Vaguely, Christian saw his mother and Kate exchange a skeptical glance, but he ignored it. "Do I need to fire a few chefs from the club?" he asked jokingly, crossing the room to kneel in front of Ana. She managed a smile and a head shake. "Do you feel well enough to go home or would you prefer to stay?" He reached a hand to her cheek, checking for a fever—she was slightly warm, probably from being sick—and she leaned her cheek into his touch.

"Let's go home," she requested softly.

"Okay." He stood up again, pulling her to her feet by her hands. "Where's Teddy?"

"Out back," Kate said. "I'll get him."

* * *

A quarter of an hour later, Teddy was buckled in his car seat, Ana was buckled into the passenger seat, her head resting against the window and her eyes closed, and Christian was backing out of his parents' driveway. The drive home was silent as Christian replayed the conversation with his father—mostly the bit about having to tell Ana what was going on. One side of him wanted to shield her from all of this, to not bring this stress and drama into her already stressful life. She'd been through enough already and she deserved some piece of mind for a change. For the moment, he felt he could justify it: she wasn't feeling her best and she needed her rest, and if he was any sort of decent husband, he'd wait until she was better.

The other side reminded him of all the progress they seemed to have made over the last few weeks and keeping something like this from her would only destroy that. Full disclosure. They'd both said it numerous times and he knew if he had any shot of getting her back to where she once was, he'd have to mean it.

So, within an hour, the Greys had arrived home, Teddy was in bed, and Christian was silently leading his wife by the hand to his study.

He gestured for her to sit and registered her surprise when he sat down beside her instead of on the other side of the desk like he normally would.

"Do you still want to know what was bothering me when I came home from work?" he asked, taking her hands in his, rubbing his finger across her wedding and engagement rings. While he desperately hoped the answer was no, he knew better. Ana was always eager for information...

She gasped a little at his question, probably in surprise that she hadn't had to argue with him to get him to talk. "Do you want to tell me?" she asked just as quietly.

His lips twisted in an approximation of a smile. "Not really," he told her honestly. "But I think you should be aware."

Taking a deep breath, she gripped his hands tightly. "Is it bad?" Her tone was that of a nervous child. He nodded, still not looking in her eyes. "How bad?"

"Well, it's not quite up there with a lot of the things that have happened to us lately, but it's made me a bit uneasy." He finally managed to look up at her, uncertain of what he was going to find in her eyes—fear, sadness, regret. What he did see was the quiet strength that had in part been what had made him fall in love with her in the first place. No matter what happened, she remained calm and determined to see it through, because she knew she had him at her side. And as long as he had her at his side, he could do the same. "Here," he said, handing her the stack of papers that had been in his pocket all night. "This isn't official yet—Taylor and Welch managed to dig it up from god knows where—but you deserve to be in the know."

Nervously, she began to read. He watched her face closely, watching her complexion pale as her mind registered the words. It was a full five minutes before she lowered the papers and looked at him again. "What exactly is this saying, Christian?" she asked in a whisper.

Sighing, Christian took the papers back from her again. "Well, in short, it means that Jack Hyde is intending to file a lawsuit against me for harassment, assault and battery, and a whole list of other bullshit charges. He's managed to convince some stupid fuck of a lawyer that you came to him willingly to get away from me, and that my coming to Omaha and bringing you home was somehow harmful to you. He's made it seem as though what was between the two of you was entirely consensual, that you were in love with each other, planning on divorcing me so the two of you could marry and provide your... _child_... with a stable family home." He was doing everything he could to disguise both his anger and disgust at what he was saying, but it was becoming more and more difficult. Luckily, Ana was focusing on his words rather than his tone, and she looked just as disgusted and angry.

"Christian," she said earnestly, practically begging him, "that isn't—"

He quickly raised a hand to stop her speaking. "I know, Ana," he told her quietly. "I know. Now listen, if this really comes to light, you're going to have to face all of this head-on. I know I've been saying all along that you didn't need to testify at Hyde's trial, and I am still determined to find a way that you won't have to, but if this becomes a big part of things like I think it might, there's a chance you'll be called to give your side of things."

"I was planning on doing that anyway," she told him tiredly. "And I appreciate you trying to shield me from this, Christian, but I need to do this, now more than ever, if for no other reason than personal closure."

Christian sighed again. "I know," he said heavily. "You always were too stubborn for your own good." He reached over to grab her hands, yanking her over to his lap. She happily curled up against him, and for a few minutes, they were able to go back to the days when it was just them without the threat of some fucking prick coming to ruin their lives hanging over them.

"Why does this keep happening, Christian?" she asked, nuzzling into her neck. "Why can't we just live happily ever after?"

Remaining silent, Christian tried to think of a suitable answer for her. By the time he realized she'd fallen asleep in his arms, he still hadn't come up with anything, but eventually came to the conclusion that there really was no good answer for that question. As gently as he could manage, he stood up with her in his arms and took her to their bedroom where he carefully changed her into her night clothes, then changed himself into his and climbed into bed beside her. It was minutes before he finally fell asleep.

* * *

The next few days passed as calmly and uneventfully as anyone could hope. There had been no further talk about what they suspected Jack Hyde was planning, or about anything that had been going on, really, and it was refreshing. They knew it probably wouldn't last long, but Ana was starting to get a glimpse at what life would be like if they somehow managed to achieve a "normal" life. It was boring and routine, and she was loving every second of it. Christian, for a change, was working more normal nine to five hours and when he was home, he was an attentive and loving husband and father. The only thing that broke up the daydream was looking out the front door and still seeing the reporters camped out on the sidewalk just outside their gate. Despite Christian's brief statement about the occurrences the week before, a few still remained, hoping to catch a glance and comment from the Greys.

Ana's upset stomach had finally managed to calm down and her appetite returned to normal, much to Christian's obvious relief. She still felt a bit off at times, but the feelings tended to pass quickly, usually after eating something. While both she and Christian were firm in their opinions of her illness having been caused by something she had eaten—regardless that Christian had eaten the same things and was perfectly fine—Ana's mind had been in overdrive as other thoughts presented themselves. She wasn't sure how she felt about those... other thoughts, nor did she know how she or Christian would react if those other thoughts were the reason for how she'd been feeling. It wasn't the right time for that kind of thing, not that it ever seemed to be, not for them, anyway. But this...

 _Borrowing trouble, Anastasia,_ said her subconscious. _Let's not jump to any conclusions. Besides, instead of worrying, you could take a bit of initiative and find out rather than waiting for it to come back and bite you in the ass. Again._

She supposed it wouldn't really hurt anything just to find out, one way or another. And really, she was probably overreacting; she'd been overstressed, hadn't been sleeping well, and was on constant edge what with everything going on around her. Security, however, had been tightened to the point that if Ana even thought about stepping foot out onto the back patio, at least three members of the security team swooped down on her. She was starting to feel like a prisoner in her own home, but she knew better than to bring it up to Christian as it would only start an argument.

An opportunity to get out of the house presented itself early on Tuesday morning in the form of a trip to the grocery store with Gail.

"Mrs. Grey," Gail protested when Ana offered to go along as company, "that's really not necessary. I've been making these trips every week for eight years, after all."

Ana smiled at her. "I know," she said. "And I'm not offering because I don't think you can handle it. I just need to get out of this house for a few hours, even if it's to the grocery store. Sawyer can go with us, I'll bring Teddy... I'm willing to beg on bended knee, Gail."

The older woman laughed. "Won't be necessary," she told Ana, shaking her head. "As long as Sawyer okay's it, I would be glad for the company."

Ana beamed then headed upstairs to get dressed and get Teddy ready to go. Forty-five minutes later, Gail was pushing a shopping cart through the fresh vegetable section with Teddy seated securely in the seat, Ana walking beside them, and Sawyer just a few paces behind them, keeping an eye on everyone and everything around them. Their shopping nearly completed, Ana located the aisle she needed; all she had to do was figure out how to get what she wanted without raising suspicions from either Gail or Sawyer.

"Oh, I just need to grab something," Ana announced suddenly. Gail was looking down at their shopping list distractedly as she planned her next move. "I'll be right back."

"Of course, Mrs. Grey," Gail responded automatically, shooting her a very brief smile.

Ana turned down the aisle and as expected, Sawyer was stuck to her like glue. She stopped in the middle of the aisle and turned to face him. "You really don't have to follow me, Luke," she said, her lips twitching as Sawyer's eyes darted embarrassedly around the shelves full of feminine hygiene products. "I'll only be a minute. Really."

"I'm supposed to stay with you at all times, Mrs. Grey," he objected in a murmur.

"You're supposed to keep an eye on my son, too," Ana shot back dryly. "And besides, I'm much more capable of defending myself than he is. Please, go catch up with Gail. I'll be with you in a second."

Sawyer hesitated, but eventually agreed. "Two minutes, Mrs. Grey," he said sternly.

Ana smiled in acknowledgement and waited for him to disappear around the corner before scanning the shelves and making her selections. Within thirty seconds, she was headed to the front cash register, glancing over her shoulder to ensure Sawyer was keeping his word in giving her privacy. Ten seconds before her time limit, she was catching up with Gail and Teddy, her purchases stowed safely in her purse. She ignored Sawyer's narrowed suspicious eyes and helped Gail finish their shopping, wondering all the while how she would possibly keep something like this from her husband.


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N:** After doing a reread of this story, I realize there are some inconsistencies when it comes to some of the timeline. Unfortunately, it isn't something I can go back and fix without rewriting the entire story, so I have to ask that should you pick up on the issue (and it is a rather obvious one), please just go with it. Thanks!

* * *

Christian stumbled exhaustedly up the stairs to his and Ana's bedroom. It was nearly eleven o'clock and he fully expected his wife to be fast asleep, and all he wanted right now was to curl up behind her in bed, forget about everything that was happening in their life, and sleep. When he entered the bedroom, he was surprised to find the bed empty. Ana's clothes from the day were in a heap on the floor of her side, which was weird in itself; he couldn't recall the last time his wife hadn't made certain her clothing found its way into the hamper.

"Ana?" he called out softly, loosening his tie and removing his jacket, tossing it on the end of the bed. Glancing over, he saw the bathroom door shut and the light shining through the crack beneath it. He smirked a little. Perhaps she was in the bath. Perhaps he needed to join her...

By the time he reached the door, he'd shed his shirt, shoes, pants, and socks, leaving himself only in his boxers. He pushed open the door as quietly as he could, hoping to surprise her, and felt his face fall when he heard the telltale sounds of muffled sobs. _Oh no..._ Throwing open the door, he found Ana immediately. She was curled up on the floor in the corner between the sink counter and the wall, her knees pulled to her chest, arms around her calves, her have hidden against her knees.

"Christ," Christian breathed. "Ana, baby, what's wrong?" He didn't waste a second, dropping down beside her and pulling her face up to meet his eyes. Obviously she'd been here a while: her eyes were bloodshot and puffy, the rest of her face flushed. It took her a few moments to see him through her blurry eyes, and when she did, she sucked in a sharp breath and her eyes widened in, if he didn't know better, fear. His brow furrowed, but he ignored the expression for the moment as he pulled her onto his lap, holding her against his chest. She buried her face in the crook of his neck, and he rubbed her back, rocking them from side to side, murmuring soothing noises against her hair.

Eventually her sobs slowed and her breathing evened out a little. Gently, he pushed her away from him just enough to look at her tear-streaked face. He blindly reached up onto the counter, feeling around for the box of Kleenex he knew was somewhere near the sink. Instead his fingers fell on something hard and plastic. With a raised eyebrow, he pulled the item into his fingers—it was thin, whatever it was—and pulled it forward to get a better look at it. He felt Ana's breathing stall as she turned to see what he was doing. It was a stick, maybe six inches long, white, and with a light blue cover over the tip. And in the center of the stick was a tiny window that very clearly displayed two pale blue lines.

Christian stared at the stick with wide eyes, feeling all the blood draining from his body as realization of what he was looking at struck. He managed somehow to look away from the item in his hand to Ana; her hands covered her mouth as she stared at Christian. "Ana," he croaked. "Is this what I think it is?"

He watched for her slight nod, tears filling her eyes.

He sucked in a breath. Anyone would know what it was—he knew what it was the moment he laid eyes on it. And he was pretty sure he knew what it meant, but he needed her confirmation before he could react appropriately. Even he didn't quite know what the appropriate reaction might actually be. "And are you...?" he asked weakly.

Her eyes closed tightly as yet more tears escaped down her cheeks. If he hadn't been listening as hard as he had, he never would have heard her response of "yes."

His head fell backwards against the wall, hitting it with a dull _thunk_ and the pregnancy test fell out of his fingers. To say this was unexpected was quite possibly the biggest and grossest of understatements. This wasn't the right time for this—it was _never_ the right time for this, it seemed; not for them—and he felt a cold sense of déjà vu fall over him. Only this time the anger wasn't there. There was confusion, uncertainty, and a million other emotions he couldn't begin to comprehend right now, but surprisingly anger wasn't one of them. They had, after all, discussed having another child at some point. Both of them had agreed they wanted one, preferably before Teddy was too old. Ana had told him several times how much she'd disliked being an only child growing up, and how much it had meant to her to have found Kate Kavanagh when she started college. She also wasn't fond of her children being so far apart in age that they had nothing in common.

Only then did it hit him. It had been more than a year since they had had this conversation. In that time, she'd been under Jack Hyde's influence, had gotten pregnant, and had terminated that pregnancy. Christian wasn't stupid. When Ana had been pregnant with Teddy, they hadn't stopped having sex; if anything, their sex life had increased in frequency and quality during that time. And Hyde had no idea what Ana had done, so there would have been no hesitation on his part to continue on exactly as he had been.

Trying to swallow the giant lump suddenly in his throat, Christian met his wife's eyes, not wanting to ask the question, not wanting to hear the answer. It was necessary. He had to know. "Ana," he asked shakily, "when was the last time Hyde..." He felt bile rising in his throat at the thought of the words.

She didn't need him to finish the question, though. "About a week before you came to Omaha," she whispered, unable to even meet his eyes.

Christian let out a breath that was nearly a sob as he did the math. It didn't take a genius to work out the answer to his question. And again, he didn't want to ask, didn't want to know the answer, but it had to be done. "Ana," he said after taking in a steady breath. He managed to keep his voice calm and cool. "What is the likelihood that I am the father of this child?"

Ana couldn't hold back her own sob as she shook her head. "I don't know, Christian," she said tearfully. "I'm so sorry. About all this."

He held her until he couldn't do it anymore. As gently as he could, he removed his wife from his lap, trying to block out the look of desperation and rejection on her face. "I have to go," he said quietly, standing. "I'll be home later."

"Christian!" she called after him, begging him to come back.

Feeling like the biggest piece of shit in the world, he redressed, slipped his feet back into his shoes, grabbed his car keys, and left the room. He knew history was repeating itself with his actions, but he truly couldn't think with her in such close proximity. Flynn had spent enough time dissecting his brain to tell him his reactions to such huge, life-changing news was unpredictable at best, and the last thing he needed to put Ana through, especially in light of her current condition, was one of what Flynn called his "temper tantrums." He passed Teddy's bedroom and felt his heart drop to his feet. For a moment, he considered running back into the bathroom to console and reassure Ana that everything would be okay. Only his uncertainty of whether it actually _would_ be okay kept him walking through his house and out the front door.

* * *

Ana stared in shock through the open bathroom door. Everything in her body was telling her to get up off the floor and run after him, but she felt paralyzed. It was happening again. Just like when she'd told him about being pregnant with Teddy. This time felt worse, though; there was doubt about whether this baby belonged to Christian, and she couldn't entirely blame him for leaving. Her mind had been numb for hours, having played through every scenario of what would happen when he found out about the pregnancy, and if she was honest with herself, she'd expected this reaction over all the others.

The brief moments when she hadn't wondered what Christian would do were spent wondering what _she_ would do if this baby turned out to have Jack Hyde as its father. She'd dealt with that sort of situation once already and she wasn't sure whether she could do that again. But at the same time, how would something like that affect her marriage when her husband was coming home every night to look at a child he hadn't had a part in conceiving? They'd been doing so well lately, regardless of all the drama around them, and now this...

Even if this child did turn out to be Christian's, the timing was horrendous. Which, she supposed, she should have expected, given the circumstances of her pregnancy with Teddy and the fact that she and Christian had only been married such a short time. At least this time they knew each other better and Christian would be confident about his ability to be a father—that is, if he chose to be a father rather than making her leave.

There was a small part of her—a very small part—that was over the moon about this pregnancy. After the abortion, she'd been told the chances of conceiving again dropped; not that she'd thought she might end up pregnant ever again. She'd started taking birth control pills after that, but Christian's arrival in Omaha and subsequent actions of dragging her home had distracted her enough that she'd left the pills at the house in Omaha. It had crossed her mind dozens of times that she should have done something to prevent another pregnancy, at least until she and Christian were back on their feet relationship-wise and actually had a chance to talk about it.

But now it's happened and both she and Christian had decisions to make. With any luck, he'd return before long, preferably sober and before breakfast to keep Teddy from asking too many questions...

"Mrs. Grey?"

Ana sighed, hastily wiping her tears as she pushed herself off the floor. "I'm in here, Taylor," she called softly, exiting the bathroom just as Christian's head of security entered the bedroom looking slightly panicked. Or at least what passed for panicked with Taylor.

"Is everything all right, Mrs. Grey?" he asked, taking in her red, puffy, tear-stained face. "Sawyer called to say he spotted Mr. Grey rushing out a few minutes ago."

Managing a tired smile that didn't reach his eyes, Ana nodded, pulling her bathrobe around her body. "Everything's fine," she said. "We just had some unexpected news."

Taylor nodded. "Should I send Gail down?" he asked tentatively, apparently unequipped to handle an upset, crying woman.

Ana choked out a short but genuine laugh. "No, Taylor, I'll be fine. I just need some sleep is all," she assured him. "Thank you, though."

"Of course, Mrs. Grey." He stood awkwardly in the doorway for a few more moments before clearing his throat. "Goodnight, then."

Ana gave him a little wave as he closed the door behind him, then collapsed exhaustedly in bed, rolling instinctively over to Christian's side. Clutching her stomach, she felt her eyes close and as she fell asleep, images of herself, Christian, Teddy, and a yet unknown child playing in the meadow moved through her mind.

* * *

"Christian!"

The front door opened, revealing his mother still in her hospital scrubs. Immediately Christian regretted his choice of coming here; his mother had probably only just gotten off her shift at work and the last thing she would want to deal with was her son showing up on her doorstep looking as horrible as he was certain he looked. Unable to think of where else he could go, who else he could talk to, Christian decided to stay.

"Mom," he said hoarsely. "Is Dad still awake?"

His mother's eyes blinked rapidly, changing from shock at his presence to concern. "Yes, he's in his study," she told him faintly. "Christian, you look terrible. Is everything okay? Teddy? Ana?"

He sucked in a sharp breath, not wanting to talk to his mother about this matter just yet. "Mom, please, I need to see Dad."

She nodded slowly, stepping back from the door and gesturing for him to enter. "Of course, sweetheart. Can I get you anything?"

He shook his head. "No," he told her quietly. "Thank you."

Without another word, he followed the familiar path to his father's study. The number of times he'd been here during his youth, normally when he was in trouble for some misdeed or another. It had been the location of choice anytime his father wanted to give him some big lecture about how he needed to get himself on the right path and about how much potential he had to do amazing things with his life. It had been the location of some of the biggest blowouts between Christian and his father, the worst one being after Christian had made the decision to drop out of Harvard and start his business with loaned money from Elena Lincoln. None of the arguments between Christian and Carrick had ever gotten physical, but that night, it had gotten almost completely out of hand. Christian managed to barge his way out of the house, past his mother, brother, and sister—all of whom were looking at him with wide eyes, pale faces, and open mouths—before he did something he'd regret for the rest of his life. After that night, however, it was months before Christian's temper had calmed down enough that he could stand to be in the same house as his father. It had been on Elena's urging that Christian had finally confronted his father. Apparently his mother had confided in her old friend about what had happened between her husband and son, not that Elena hadn't already been apprised of the situation through Christian, and it was Christian's guilt at hearing his mother had been in tears when talking to Elena about her family's troubles. Things between them were strained for months after their reconciliation, and while they'd never been terribly close while Christian was growing up, this had only driven the wedge farther between them.

It wasn't until he'd met Anastasia Steele that he'd worked on fixing things between him and his father. They were closer now, though they still regularly butted heads, and Christian trusted him almost above anybody.

Christian knocked on the closed office door and waited for his father to call for him to enter. Carrick sounded exhausted; for the second time in three minutes, he regretted coming here. Clearly his parents needed their rest, it was the middle of the night, and he was a grown man who should have been able to handle his own problems. He ignored this as he slowly crossed the room and dropped into a chair across from his father's desk, ignoring the look of shock on Carrick's drawn and weary face.

"Christian," Carrick said quietly. "This is a surprise."

Christian nodded. "I know," he responded. "Is this a bad time?"

If it hadn't been for the look of being utterly lost that was written plainly on his face, Christian was certain his father would have told him _yes, it's a bad time, perhaps come back in the morning?_ But Carrick recognized the expression and he kept his original answer to himself. "Of course not, son," he said. "Would you like a drink?"

Again, Christian felt himself nod and watched Carrick retrieve a bottle of whiskey and two glasses, filling each of them before sliding one across the desk for Christian. Christian took his and immediately gulping down the alcohol, relishing in the burning it caused as it travelled down his throat.

Christian fixed his gaze on a groove of his father's desk, knowing full well Carrick was watching him intently and wondering what the problem was. He wasn't sure how to broach the subject, unsure what to say about it, unsure what to _think_ about it. The look on Anastasia's face when he'd left her not an hour ago would remain etched on his mind for the rest of her life. She'd been genuinely frightened and beyond upset, not to mention uncertain herself about the situation in which they found themselves. He knew his reaction wasn't what one would call supportive, but what do you say to the woman who's just told you she's pregnant, and there was a chance the child might not be yours?

"Christian, what is it?" asked Carrick, finally growing weary of the silence.

His gaze rose slowly to meet his father's and he vaguely saw Carrick flinch at whatever emotion was currently displayed on his face. He took a deep breath. "Anastasia is pregnant," he said slowly.

Emotions flickered over Carrick's face—first surprise, then bemusement, and finally amusement. "Christian," he said quietly, obviously trying to quell his humor. "That is usually considered a good thing."

Christian only sighed and sat back in his chair, rubbing his hands across his face. Of course this was his father's reaction, and he was absolutely correct: under normal circumstances, a husband would be more than overjoyed at the news of his wife being pregnant. These, however, were not normal circumstances. Déjà vu washed over him again as he recalled the reaction he'd given her when she'd first told him about Teddy; this had been just as difficult as that had been, and he felt just as helpless. "You don't understand," he told his father painfully. "There's a chance it may not be mine."

Carrick's eyes widened in realization and his mouth dropped open briefly before he composed himself. "I see," he said quietly, his brow furrowed. "Who..."

"Hyde," Christian growled, feeling his blood boil just thinking the bastard's name.

With a sigh, his father nodded. "I see," he repeated more quietly. "And how much of a chance is there that it might be your child?"

Christian shrugged fitfully. "Well, working only with the information she has given me and assuming she's told me everything, I'd say the chances are somewhere around fifty/fifty. I don't think even Ana knows for certain. The timing between when she and I..." He trailed off, feeling the same embarrassment at talking to his father about his sex life that he had as a teenager. Of course, back then, he had known things his father probably wouldn't ever imagine. "And when Hyde..."

Carrick raised a hand to stop him, obviously feeling similar embarrassment at the topic. "I understand," he said quickly, his eyes darting everywhere but at his son. "How does she feel about this?"

"I don't know," Christian admitted ashamedly. "Upset. I found her curled up on the bathroom floor when I came home from work and she was crying. There was a positive pregnancy test sitting on the edge of the sink. Our conversation wasn't long—I confirmed she was pregnant and then I had to get out of there."

His father pursed his lips, probably biting back some lecture about how he'd been selfish by walking away from his wife when she'd needed him. "Let me ask you this... If it does turn out that this child is not yours, will you treat it any differently than you do Ted?"

Christian blinked at the question. "What do you mean?" he asked hesitantly.

"Exactly what I said, son," Carrick replied patiently. "If I recall, you and Ana were discussing having another child before she left, and now you've got one on the way."

Dumbstruck, Christian fought to arrange his thoughts, wondering why his father was even bringing that up. "Yes, we were discussing a child," he said quietly, fighting down his temper. "But not like this!"

"Do you love your wife?" Carrick asked bluntly, not backing off.

"What the fuck kind of question is that?" Christian demanded loudly. "Of course I love my wife!"

"But you don't think you could love something that was part of her because it's not also part of you?"

"Have you even been listening? My wife is carrying a child that may have been conceived during rape. How can I ignore that? Every time I look at it, I'll be reminded of what she went through— _she'll_ be reminded of what she went through!"

Carrick shook his head, an expression that Christian identified as disappointment—it was one he'd seen thousands of times directed towards him from his father. He watched Christian speculatively, sizing him up. Finally, he nodded to himself.

"Quite a while ago, your mother came to me and told me about a little boy she'd met at the hospital. Her heart was already given to that little boy and she was absolutely determined to bring him home. We already had Elliot, of course, since we realized we wouldn't be able to conceive a child ourselves, and we'd been discussing adopting again. I admit I was hesitant, especially when she explained to me the circumstances under which that little boy came to be in her care."

Christian froze, realizing what this story was about. He'd been told throughout his life bits and pieces about his adoption by the Greys, mostly by Grace, but he never really considered his father's feelings on the subject.

"Immediately, my heart went out to that little boy," Carrick told him sincerely. "I felt terrible for what he went through and beyond angry at the people who had put him through that hell. Naturally, I had my own concerns, namely about Elliot. The circumstances of his early childhood were relatively simple compared to the other little boy's and I worried about how a child with such a troubled life would affect Elliot. Grace was adamant that I at least meet the boy and the social workers caring for him. So I did. I walked into that hospital room with Grace and what I saw melted my heart." Carrick smiled softly, almost sadly. Christian couldn't seem to take his eyes from his father, nor could he force his mouth to form any words. "It was this little copper-haired boy curled up in a hospital bed who looked absolutely terrified. He had these beautiful gray eyes that never missed a single detail. Grace was a natural with him, which wasn't unexpected, and he seemed pretty attached to her already. When I finally left the room, I knew there was no way I could let that little boy rot away in some foster family. Grace and I met with the social workers and immediately went about arranging the adoption paperwork. I was still a little hesitant about introducing the boy to Elliot, but as time went on, it became much easier."

Christian swallowed hard, at his father's words

"And I will tell you this, Christian," Carrick sat forward in his chair, leaning towards him, the look on his face more serious than Christian had ever seen it, "there hasn't been a single moment that I regretted adopting that little boy. He's tried my patience over the years, frustrated and angered me more times than I can count, but I wouldn't give him up for anything. You, your brother, and your sister may not be mine or my wife's biologically, but I couldn't love any of you anymore even if you were. I know these circumstances are far from ideal, but that child Ana is carrying is not to blame, not for any of this, and neither is Ana. If she can love it, so can you. I remember how fearful you were before Ted arrived, but you've risen to the challenges of fatherhood wonderfully, and I know you'll only get better as time goes on. Just..." He sighed heavily. "In the meantime, your wife needs you. This will not be easy for her and she will need you more now than she did with Teddy. Be supportive, Christian, I know you can do it."

Finally, Christian felt himself crack a smile. "Understood," he said quietly, still processing what he'd just been told. He'd always known his father loved him, regardless of everything he'd put his parents through. He'd also known it had been Grace's idea to adopt him in the first place and believed Carrick had gone along with it to please his wife. To hear his father tell him his exact feelings, how reluctant he was to bring such a fucked up little boy into his home with his other, much less fucked up son, was a revelation. Christian couldn't recall another time when his father had been so blatantly honest with him and he didn't know how to tell his father how very much he appreciated it. Dealing with the pregnancy was still a terrifying thought, but at least Christian now knew he wasn't the only person in the world forced to make difficult decisions regarding his family, and he thought that, with time, he might actually accept things as they were.

"Thank you," Christian said hoarsely to his father.

Carrick smiled and stood, walking around the desk, pulling his son in for a hug. "I love you, Christian," he said quietly, his voice thick with emotion. "You'll do what's right, you always do. Have a little confidence, son."

* * *

After the most fitful sleep he'd experienced in years, since before he'd met Anastasia Steele, Christian opened his eyes, staring at the wall of his childhood bedroom. During what little sleep he'd managed to achieve, his dreams were broken images and sound, all of which centered on his wife, Jack Hyde, and an unknown child. The only clear memory he had was of him sitting on his back porch, staring out into the yard where Ana, Teddy, and this child played. Being a dream, Christian hadn't been able to tell whether it was a boy or girl, but it didn't matter; none of them acknowledged him, and the one time he did manage to draw their attention, the scathing looks he received in response were enough to have him waking in a cold sweat.

With an almost inaudible sigh, he turned away from the wall and froze. Ana was sitting across from the bed in his desk chair and from the looks of it, she'd been there quite a while; she was staring out the bedroom window, shifting uncomfortably every few seconds or so, and didn't seem to have noticed he was watching her.

"Ana," he said hoarsely, pushing himself up onto his elbow. She startled, snapping her gaze over to look at him, her eyes wide. "What're you doing here?"

She smiled slightly, sadly. "Your mother called me last night."

He sighed, rubbing a hand across his face. "Did she now?" he muttered.

"She said you seemed upset and thought it might help if I was here."

"Teddy?"

"He's here," she told him. "Sawyer drove us. Teddy's having breakfast with your parents now then they're taking him out for the day." She hesitated. "I suppose they know what's going on?"

Christian nodded, staring at his fingers. "Yes, I told them. They didn't think it was a good idea to drive home last night."

"Oh." His brow furrowed as he watched her reflexively place a hand on her belly. She was silent for several minutes, until she finally drew a shaky breath, meeting his eyes; he flinched at the determination in her expression, uncertain what her words would bring on this time. "I'm sorry you found out like this, Christian. I wanted to tell you myself; I guess I just got caught up, and—"

"Ana, no," he interrupted tiredly. "You've nothing to apologize for. I suppose I could have reacted a little better, but given the circumstances..." He watched her for a few minutes. "Did you sleep last night?"

She raised her eyebrow in response. "Did you?" she responded dryly.

He smirked a little; it disappeared almost immediately. "What are we going to do, Ana?"

Her head shook a little, telling him she'd been thinking through every single option imaginable. "I don't know. I don't know if I can do this again, Christian. I don't know if I'm strong enough..." He looked up as her voice cracked and saw tears streaming down her face.

"Why do you think that?" he asked with a still deeply furrowed brow.

"Because I'm not!" she insisted. "Every time I turn around, I'm doing something to ruin everything we've worked for. I'm scared, Christian. You think I want to face the possibility that this might not be your child? And if it isn't yours, how are you ever going to look at it or me again? What if you decide I'm not worth the heartache I'm causing? I don't know if I can face that."

Christian felt himself pale. "You really think that lowly of me?" he asked quietly. She met his eyes in surprise and he had to wonder what it was he'd done to make her think he could possibly ever decide she wasn't worth it. "Even if this child isn't mine, I'm not going anywhere, Anastasia, and neither are you. If you go through with this pregnancy, I'm going to be by your side at every turn. If this is what you want, I want to be a father to this child, regardless of its parentage."

She stared at him for long minutes with wide eyes, speechless.

He sighed. "Ana, please talk to me. I need to know what it is you want me to do here. I'm trying so hard not to lose control and it's becoming difficult..."

Ana swallowed hard. "I just need you to be here for me," she said in a small voice. "I can't do this alone, Christian, not again."

Relief swept over him. He wasn't sure what request she might make of him, but he was pleased it was something relatively simple. "You won't have to," he promised her, taking her hands and pulling her over to the bed. "I have absolutely no intention of letting you go again, Ana Grey." He wrapped his arms around her middle, his hands settling protectively around her belly. "We will get through this, baby. Whatever it takes. Understand?"

She nodded slightly into his chest.

"Good. Sleep now, baby. I love you."

Just before she drifted off to sleep, he heard her whisper back, "I love you."


	14. Chapter 14

Ana felt highly disoriented when she woke. The last really clear memory she had was sitting in Christian's lap on their bathroom floor and him finding out about the pregnancy. She opened her eyes and took a moment to take in her surroundings, finally realizing she was in Christian's childhood bedroom at his parents' house. It was then she recalled everything else and her mind quickly became overwhelmed with everything that had happened in such a short span of time. She recalled her utter shock at Christian's words before they fell asleep: he'd accepted the pregnancy, accepted the baby, whether it was biologically his or not. Of course she had to wonder what it had been to make him so... amenable, for lack of a better word. Yes, he'd had a moment of panic last night—really, who wouldn't?—but it hadn't been the same panic from four years ago when he found out about Teddy. He hadn't run off to an ex this time—there was some small comfort in that, realizing Elena Lincoln was dead and rotting finally. He'd gone to his parents for advice and comfort, and she couldn't fault him for that in the slightest.

She started to push herself up off the bed, but the door opened, revealing Christian carrying a tray holding at least two bowls which seemed to contain macaroni and cheese.

He smiled when he found her awake. "Well, good morning, Sleeping Beauty," he said softly. "I thought you could use a bite to eat, since I highly doubt you got around to eating this morning."

"You're right," she admitted sheepishly, feeling her stomach rumble. Briefly she wondered how much of that reaction was caused by the child growing inside her, though she knew rationally it was far too soon to actually feel anything. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Christian set the tray on the desk, bringing a bowl, napkin, and fork over to her before retrieving his own. "How are you feeling?"

She shrugged as she started to eat as though she hadn't eaten in weeks. "All right for now, I suppose. Nervous, tired..."

"What are you nervous about?" Christian asked, his brow furrowing as he took a bite of his lunch.

Shooting him a look that asked _what do you think I'm nervous about?_ , she remained silent.

"Okay," he said slowly, sighing. "We should probably schedule you an appointment with Dr. Greene soon—find out how far along you are..."

Ana silently finished his sentence: _find out just how possible it is that Jack knocked you up again..._ "Okay," she agreed, feeling her throat lock up. She continued eating just for something to do and to keep Christian from lecturing her about keeping herself fed. There was still so much for them to discuss and as much as Ana wanted to keep the peace between her husband and herself, she knew if they waited too long, their fears and anxiety would only make things worse. "Is anybody else here?"

Christian gave her an odd look, possibly due to the sudden shaking that she could hear in her voice. "No," he told her. "Mom and Dad took Teddy out for the day; they'll probably be gone until dinnertime."

She nodded. "Speaking of Teddy... what are we going to tell him?"

"What do you mean?"

"About the baby."

Christian actually grinned a little. "Of all the things going on around us, the one your most concerned about is how to tell a three-year-old he's going to have a sibling?" he teased her.

Though it took every ounce of self-restraint, Ana somehow managed to not roll her eyes. "Well, everybody else will understand. Teddy won't... And I realize he's only three, but he's not stupid; he's going to notice his mommy's changing."

He reached over and took her chin between his thumb and forefinger in order to look her straight in the eyes. "Teddy will be fine. We'll sit him down in a few months and explain it to him as best we can." He waited for her nod before releasing her chin so they could resume their lunch. "When do you want to tell the rest of the family?"

She sighed heavily. "I don't know," she admitted, shaking her head. "Not now. Maybe we could wait a while, make sure everything is going smoothly before we share."

"Whatever you want," he said quietly, smiling at her slightly.

"And what is it that you want?" she asked, barely registering the words as they came out of her mouth.

Christian's forkful of macaroni froze midway to his mouth and his eyes darted sidelong at her. "What do you mean?" he asked mildly.

"You know what I mean, Christian," she sighed, dropping her own fork back into the bowl. "All of what you're doing right now is being done for _my_ benefit, not yours. You're adjusting all your thoughts and feelings to cater to what you think I need, but you're not telling me how you really feel. Do we need to see Dr. Flynn to sort all of this out?"

His eyes closed briefly before he took her bowl and his, placing both on the bedside table. "You think I'm doing this for your benefit?" he asked, his tone hardening with each word. "I'm not sharing with you my thoughts or feelings on this matter? Do you not recall our conversation from last night, because I'm pretty sure I told you all my thoughts. Honestly, Anastasia, what the fuck do I have to do or say to convince you? No, I'm not particularly happy about the possibility that the child my wife is carrying may have been conceived during rape. No, I'm not happy about seeing you so afraid and worried. But I meant what I said: if this child is what you want, I'm going to be by your side the entire time, mine or not. There's nothing in the world that would make me happier than to know you're having my child again, but I'm prepared for the other outcome. This is supposed to be a happy time for us, Ana, and for any number of reasons, it's anything but. I'll tell you this, though, I will do everything in my power to make sure this _becomes_ a happy time for us, whatever it takes. And you can believe me or not, but the idea of another child in our home is an amazing feeling for me. There were times over this last year that I didn't think I'd ever feel like this again, times when I looked at Teddy, just knowing there would never be another child like him in my life. Now you've given me something incredible. My son will be a big brother. Even if this baby doesn't resemble me in the slightest, it's half you, and I'll happily watch that child grow up."

She didn't realize she'd started crying until Christian pulled her into his lap to wipe away her tears. "And how are you going to react if it doesn't resemble me _or_ you?" she asked, resting a cheek on his shoulder.

He shrugged his free shoulder. "About the same as how Carrick reacted when he adopted me. Or the same as how Ray reacted with you, treating you like his daughter even though there was no blood between you, even after he and your mother divorced. You're his daughter; I'm Carrick's son. End of story."

Letting out a weak laugh, Ana looked up at him. "Guess I didn't think of it that way."

"Neither did I until last night," he admitted. "I always thought Carrick went along with my adoption to appease my mother. I was nothing like Elliot, who was always active and outgoing and the perfect son who could never do any wrong. Turns out, after he met me, he helped push along the adoption process to get me home with them. He says he loved me at first sight, and I know regardless of what the future brings to us, Ana, I will love this baby just as much as my dad loves me."

Speechless, Ana could do nothing else other than crush her lips to his. He groaned against her, kissing her back fervently. When they eventually pulled apart, she scanned his face, searching for something that might show he was being less than truthful in order to spare her feelings. There was nothing. "When did you grow up, Christian Grey?" she asked quietly, only half-teasing.

He smirked at her. "I'm not sure, but perhaps we can consider this another one of my fifty shades?"

Laughing, Ana resumed kissing her husband and before she knew it, she was on her back, Christian looming over her, and they lost themselves in each other.

* * *

As Christian promised, Carrick, Grace, and Teddy stayed out of the house for most of the day. Neither of them discussed the reason for this, but Ana knew it was to give Christian and her time alone to adjust to what they'd found out last night, and she appreciated her mother and father-in-law more than ever. Having the house to themselves, Christian decided they should have a walk around his parents' property and as they walked, they talked about inconsequential things, at least compared to the things they'd been discussing lately—they talked about which room in their home would become a nursery; the furniture they would buy to furnish the aforementioned room—though they still had all the things from when Teddy had been born, Christian flat out refused to even consider reusing any of it.

"That stuff is years out of date, Anastasia," he told her firmly as they walked along the water. "Our child deserves all the best and that includes brand-new things as opposed to hand-me-downs. We can afford it, so why not give them what they deserve?"

Ana stopped in her tracks. Having not realized she'd stopped, Christian tugged on her hand, nearly making her lose her footing. He turned back to her, quickly reaching out to stabilize her and looked at her questioningly. "What?" he asked cluelessly.

She felt tears building up again as she explained. "You said _our_ child..." she whispered.

He smiled shyly at her. "Well, yes, I thought we'd already discussed this," he told her uncertainly. "It is _our_ child, isn't it?"

She nodded jerkily. "Yes, it is," she responded. "I just..." She shook her head, uncertain what it was she wanted to say. "I don't know; it's just nice to hear you say it."

"It's nice to be able _to_ say it," he replied, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and pulling her into him. Reflexively, Ana wrapped her own arms around his waist, and they stood there for what could have been hours, neither of them moving or speaking.

In fact, it wasn't until Christian's BlackBerry started to vibrate that either of them did anything. After both jumping at the sound, they broke apart, Christian scowling as he retrieved his phone. "Grey," he snapped. He took Ana's hand again and they continued their walk. "Keep an eye him, Taylor, I don't want you letting him out of your sights and if he makes one fucking move, you take him the fuck down. Is that clear?"

Ana stared at her husband in shock, wondering who he was talking about. There was only a short list of people she could imagine her husband telling Taylor to follow and "take down," and none of them were people Ana wanted anywhere near their security team, let alone her family. Christian ended the phone call briskly, shoving the device back into his pocket. "Christian?"

"What?" he growled, not looking at her as they walked.

Not to be put off by his mood change from sweet and loving to pissed off, Ana pressed the subject. "Who is Taylor following?" she asked quietly, trying to keep her voice strong.

Christian sighed, running his free hand roughly through his hair as they continued to walk. "Are you sure you want to know?" he asked softly. She squeezed his fingers and nodded. "Taylor was out running some errands and he spotted that Roger fucker out and about."

All of a sudden, Ana felt as though the wind had been knocked out of her. Again, she froze in her tracks, but this time, Christian had anticipated the move; he stopped and turned towards her, already enveloping her into his arms. "Where's Teddy?" she breathed.

"Taylor's not with my parents and Teddy," he reassured her. "Sawyer is. I've been assured my parents are on the opposite side of the city from where Taylor is currently."

"Why do you want Taylor to follow him?" she demanded, trying to pull away from his arms. He held her firmly against him. "He's going to know he's being tailed, Christian! I don't want anyone getting hurt!"

"Taylor is following him so we can find out what he's up to and we can keep an eye on him," Christian told her patiently. "Taylor knows not to approach him unless it's absolutely necessary and he will abide by that rule. If Taylor makes the first move against him, both Taylor and I could be sued, and there's more than enough of that going on right now. The bastard technically hasn't done anything illegal yet, so the police won't get involved."

"Is Taylor going to try and provoke him into doing something illegal?" Ana asked, knowing how her husband and his security team operated. They may not make the first move, but they'll never have an issue with provocation.

Christian sighed, but didn't answer, which Ana took as a _yes_ answer. "Come, let's get back inside. I'll call Sawyer and have him get my parents and Teddy home then we can go home and worry ourselves sick there." He rested his lips against her temple. "I told you before I wouldn't let that fucker get anywhere near you, Anastasia, and that promise still stands, more so now." She felt one of his hands move down her side to her belly.

* * *

Within two hours, Christian, Ana, and Teddy had returned home. Christian carried their son, who was fast asleep on his shoulder. Ana smiled at them noting that not ten minutes ago Teddy was wide awake and talking a mile a minute about the trip to the zoo his grandparents had taken him on. One arm was now wrapped loosely around his father's neck while his broken arm hung limply at his side. Unable and unwilling to ignore the thoughts, several images popped up in her mind, all of which involved Christian carrying their second child the way he carried Teddy, and all of a sudden, she was positively thrilled about her pregnancy and couldn't wait to meet the new addition to their family.

"I have to meet with the security team," Christian told her quietly, carefully passing Teddy off to her. "I don't know how long we'll be, but I'll find you afterwards, okay?"

Ana nodded and accepted his chaste kiss before he made his way up the stairs to his study. Luckily for everyone in the house, Christian had made it a point to have that particular room soundproofed; the number of times he'd left the door open, Ana had been treated to her husband yelling at the top of his lungs at one employee or another and the language wasn't exactly child-friendly.

After changing Teddy into his pajamas and tucking him in, Ana kissed her son's forehead and left the room. Deciding on passing the time reading, she headed to the library, which was possibly her favorite room in the house aside from her and Christian's bedroom. This was one of the only rooms in the house that didn't have cameras in every corner—bedrooms or bathrooms obviously, and Christian's study were also camera-free—and she could spend hours here lost in the pages of any one of the books that filled the shelves. She selected one at random and went to sink into a couch in the middle of the room that Christian absolutely loathed. Every time he sat on it, he sank into the cushions and had to struggle to get up again; Ana herself never had any trouble with it and enjoyed watching her normally poised husband flailing around to get back to his feet.

Flipping through the book she'd picked out, she wondered what was going on with Roger, whether Taylor had confronted him, and if she would have to fight with Christian just to get a few answers. She hated fighting him at the best of times and she knew every one of her emotions would be heightened with the pregnancy—they had had a few pretty heated arguments over the most mundane things when she was pregnant with Teddy, and it had taken Christian nearly four months to realize why she was reacting the way she was over his simple action of leaving the toothpaste cap on the counter or moving one of her possessions to another room without informing her.

She couldn't recall if she'd had any of these overreactions during her most recent pregnancy; if she had, she'd probably put it down to already being in an emotional state. She certainly never would have provoked Jack Hyde the way she tended to provoke Christian...

Shivering at the dark turn her thoughts were trying to take, Ana snuggled into the cushions, and began to read.

"Ana?"

Ana's eyes blinked open as she stretched herself into consciousness to find Christian kneeled down beside her, one hand resting on her hip, the other playing with her hair. "Hey, I was just reading," she replied sleepily.

"I can see that," he teased, nodding his head to the book that had landed on the floor beside him. "It's nearly eleven; are you ready for bed?"

"Eleven?" she asked incredulously. Hadn't she _just_ come down here?

Christian smiled. "Yes, eleven. I just now finished with Taylor and his men."

Now she was awake... "Roger?" she asked breathlessly, her heart racing.

Christian hesitated. "Gone again," he told her reluctantly. "He realized Taylor was following him and managed to shake him. From what Taylor says, he was just walking around the city with no real intentions. We think he may have been testing Taylor to see how good he actually is; Taylor tailed him for the better part of two hours before Roger figured it out and made his escape." The frustration he was feeling was palpable and Ana knew if this was how he was feeling, Taylor must be ten times worse. She made a mental note to steer clear of him for the foreseeable.

"So what you're saying is that Roger is good enough to ditch Jason Taylor," she said in a low voice, scanning his face for any reaction. He actually flinched a little, showing this revelation was worrying him; if Christian Grey, master of controlling his emotions, was worried, she should probably be terrified. Surprisingly, though, she felt calm. Yes, it bothered her that Roger managed to slip through their fingers again, but at least now they knew he was still around, and she knew Taylor wouldn't be making the same mistake the next time.

"Let's get some sleep," he said quietly. She knew he was changing the subject on purpose, and judging by the look on his face, he knew that she knew and it didn't bother him in the slightest. Taking his hand without argument, Ana allowed him to pull her to her feet, and once he was confident of her stability, he dropped her hands, using his to cup her face before placing the sweetest, most loving kiss on her lips. By the time he ended it, Ana actually felt herself beginning to cry, much to the bemusement of her husband. "What? What's wrong?"

She shook her head as he tenderly dried her tears. "Nothing," she whispered. "Just... I love you."

He beamed, looking his age for a change. "Well, I love you, too, Mrs. Grey." He took her hands again. "Come. Bedtime."

* * *

Much to nobody's surprise, the next few days ended with Christian coming home late from work. Between a new business opportunity that had him and Ros stressed out and pulling at their hair all day, there was the issue working out what Roger was up to, where he was, and what his next move was. Ana tried not to stress over things beyond her control, but she couldn't help looking over her shoulder every time she and Teddy were outside for any length of time. It certainly didn't help when Christian sent her an email one afternoon regretfully informing her that a trip to New York City was required to close whatever deal he'd been working out. Christian had tried to convince her that she and Teddy could come along with him, have a mini-vacation while he was working, and she'd been tempted, but she'd declined. She still wasn't entirely sure why; it felt to her that going to New York with Christian would be running from her problems at home and nothing would have changed when they returned. Besides, she knew her husband well enough to know the only place she and her son would be going was the hotel restaurant and the gift shop without a minute-by-minute schedule to be submitted and approved by Christian, and even if he vetoed half the things they wanted to do, whatever was left would involve half a dozen members of the security team.

Not long after declining Christian's invite, Ana received a call from Grace with another invitation, this one to take Ana and Teddy to lunch while Christian was away. They settled on having a picnic in the park the day after Christian left, as it would be one of the last nice days before the weather turned miserable. Christian had agreed to the plans only on the condition that Sawyer accompanied them. Ana thought he gave in pretty easily, then after thinking about it, realized Grace had probably called her son and informed him of her plans, and there would be no argument on his part about it. Ana had then made a mental not to ask her mother-in-law what her secrets were...

Ana found herself looking forward to the outing and happily packed a picnic lunch with Teddy's help before following Sawyer out to the SUV; Grace was meeting them at the park. Within twenty minutes, Sawyer was pulling into a spot and quickly getting out of the car to open Ana's, helping Teddy out of his car seat, and taking the picnic basket. They found Grace quickly; she'd already found them a nice spot just across from a playground and had laid out a blue blanket. Teddy briefly greeted his grandmother before bolting off to play on the swings. Ana warned him he could only play for a few minutes before lunchtime, but doubted he heard a word she said.

"Oh, to have that sort of energy again," Grace said fondly.

Ana rolled her eyes. "We wouldn't know what to do with it," she replied ruefully.

"Too right." Grace chuckled.

Sawyer cleared his throat from behind them. Ana had forgotten he was there. "I won't be too far away, Mrs. Grey."

"Thank you, Luke," Ana said with a smile. "We packed enough lunch if you want to join us..."

Sawyer cracked a smile. "Thank you, ma'am." With a nod to Grace, Sawyer retreated far enough to give them the semblance of privacy, but to allow him to see all the goings on in the park.

Ana sat down beside Grace on the blanket with a relaxed sigh, and they spent a few minutes watching Teddy run circles around the playground, smiling fondly and laughing at his made up games that seemed to seemed to change every ten seconds. For once, despite the fact that she could feel Sawyer's trained eyes on her the entire time, Ana felt completely normal and content. She had no idea how long the feeling would last, and she certainly held no illusions that it _would_ last, so she was determined to enjoy it while it _did_ last.

"How are you, Ana?"

Ana looked over at Grace, finding the other woman watching her intently. "Fine," she said uncertainly, not sure what it was he mother-in-law was questioning

Grace smiled kindly. "You've not exactly had an easy time of things lately," she prodded gently.

Ana sighed inwardly, suddenly feeling any and all relaxation and contentment drain from her body. "No, I haven't," she agreed. "But I'm getting through it."

"Forgive me for bringing up what I know is a terribly painful subject, but Christian has told me about your..." her eyes scanned the area as she apparently tried to find the appropriate words for whatever she would say next, " _uncertainty_ in terms of your baby's father." If the ground suddenly opened and offered to swallow her up to avoid this conversation, she would gladly jump at the chance. Her recollection of her mortifying meeting with Carrick not long ago was still fresh in her mind and she had no desire for a repeat performance with Dr. Grace Trevelyan of all people. At this thought, her eyes snapped form where Teddy was studying the monkey bars intently, trying to figure out how to cross them with only on arm, to Grace's face. She rather got the impression that Grace was just waiting for Ana to reach some sort of conclusion.

"Carrick didn't..." she breathed, unable to finish the sentence.

"No," Grace said quickly. "He never went into details, nor did Christian, but I think I got the gist of it..."

"Oh." Ana wasn't sure if this distinction was meant to make her feel better or not. She ultimately decided not to linger on the thought.

"I just wanted to tell you, Ana, that no matter what happens, we'll love you unconditionally, and we feel the same about the baby."

Ana nodded tightly, unable to even form a response.

"Christian seems to be taking this well," Grace said hopefully.

"Yes, he _seems_ to be," Ana murmured.

Grace raised a perfect eyebrow. "You seem uncertain..."

Ana shrugged. "On the outside, yes, he's taken the news remarkably well, and don't get me wrong, he's been positively wonderful, even more so than he was with Teddy. But there are times that I look at him and he looks so lost and scared, and I don't know what to do. And he _says_ he'll support me no matter how things turn out, but my greatest fear is that when this child gets here and not only does it not resemble Christian, but it doesn't resemble me either, he's going to change his mind and I'll lose him."

When she finished, she took a moment to be impressed with how she somehow managed to keep her voice steady. She risked a glance at Grace, realizing belatedly she'd been talking about the other woman's son, doubting his staying power and her lack of confidence in her husband. But Grace wasn't annoyed with her; her gaze was full of understanding and sympathy.

"Oh, Ana," she said quietly, reaching over to take the younger woman's hand into hers. "Christian loves you, more than anything. I've already told you what he was like while you were gone and I never thought I'd see my darling son again. But since you've come home, regardless of the troubles the two of you are going through, Christian is happy again. I certainly can't blame you for the doubts you're having, and all I can tell you is that Christian's fear is more for you than anything else."

Ana blinked in surprise. "What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

Grace smiled at her again. "Christian is concerned about how all of this is affecting you. I think he's realized you've had a more difficult time of this than any of us and all he wants is to somehow make this the best for you. He doesn't want to push you away after everything that's happened; he wants to go back to what you had before. Sweetheart, you're both worried about how this pregnancy will affect everything you've worked to achieve, but as long as you're keeping the lines of communication open, you'll come out on the other side."

Ana let out a shaky laugh. "You sound like you've been talking to Dr. Flynn," she quipped.

Grace gave her that kind smile again. "Everything will work out, Ana; just have a bit of faith, hmm?"

After a few minutes of calming silence, Ana called for Teddy to come back and the three of them enjoyed a lighthearted lunch. Strangely, Ana felt better having heard the things Grace had told her—she tried not to focus on how she knew what she did, whether Christian was indeed sharing things with other people rather than his own wife. At least he was talking to _someone._ Maybe Grace was right, maybe she was over-thinking the situation. Christian told her often she over thought things after all.

They finished lunch and Teddy returned to the playground for a little while longer, leaving Ana and Grace to talk about the lightest topics they could come up with, including the excitement surrounding the arrival of Elliot and Kate's baby. It seemed Grace had been waiting all her life to have grandchildren and she was more than in her element now that she had Teddy and two more on the way. They discussed Mia and Ethan, who had been engaged for going on two and a half years and still hadn't set a definite wedding date. Mia insisted there was just too much to plan and it was taking longer than she thought it might; Ethan, whenever he was questioned about the subject, just shook his head hopelessly. The rest of the family was convinced he was getting cold feet due to Mia's overwhelming personality. Poor Ethan...

It was nearly three o'clock when they decided to wrap up their picnic. Surprisingly, Teddy went along without a fight, even helped Grace fold up the blanket. It took them significantly longer than it probably needed to, but Teddy was giggling and enjoying himself, so neither woman could really find it in themselves to be annoyed. Ana vaguely saw Sawyer retreating back towards the car to drive it around as she repacked the picnic basket; when she stood up, the handle broke and the contents of the basket fell to the ground.

"Dammit," Ana hissed, kneeling down.

"Don't worry," Grace said patiently. "I'll help you."

"Teddy, stay where you are," Ana said sharply, seeing her son trying to edge his way back to the playground. It took less than two minutes for them to shove everything back into the basket, which Ana picked up to carry with both arms. Ana and Grace stood up again. "Okay, baby boy, time to go home."

It took a second for her to realize Teddy hadn't responded. Ana looked around for her son and felt her heart stop. He wasn't where he was and he was nowhere in sight. "Teddy?" she called out, feeling panic beginning to rise. "Teddy!"

Her shout drew the attention of Sawyer who had just reached the car. Sawyer raised his arm to his mouth, speaking into his sleeve, and out of seemingly nowhere, four more members of the security team came out of hiding.

"Ana, I'm sure he can't have gone far," Grace tried to say soothingly. Ana could hear her own panic reflected in her mother-in-law's voice.

"This can't be happening," she murmured weakly to herself. "Teddy!"

Without another word, Ana took off at a sprint through the park, shouting her son's name, begging every deity in existence that he'd just decided to play a game of hide and seek with his mother and grandmother. The security team members and Grace each took a different path in order to cover more ground; Ana barely acknowledged them or any of the other park visitors as she scanned every face for the one that resembled her husband. She could only imagine Christian's reaction—Teddy breaking his arm was one thing, but letting him run off out in public was something else altogether.

 _I'll deal with anything he decides to do, just as long as I find my son safe and untouched_ , she promised.

She reached a heavily wooded area and nearly fell onto her knees: Teddy was there, perfectly happy and unharmed, smiling even. Kneeling in front of him, their back to Ana, was a police officer.

"Hi, Mommy!" Teddy said happily, waving wildly at her.

"Teddy," she said, nearly crying in relief. "Baby, what are you doing? You can't just run off like that!"

"It's okay," Teddy responded. "The policeman woulda kept me safe."

Very slowly the policeman stood up, one hand on Teddy's shoulder, the other resting on Teddy's unruly mop top. The world moved in slow motion as the policeman turned to face her, standing directly behind Teddy. Ana's heartbeat sped up to a nearly impossible rate, then stopped altogether. Her mind threw her back in time as she gazed at the twisted face marred with scars and pockmarks. Her eyes darted down to the hand on her son's head, the hand that was missing two fingers. The eyes that watched her were cold and cruel, and she was fighting to not look away.

"Hello, Anastasia," said the deep, gravelly voice. "Jack Hyde sends his regards."

"Let go of my son, Roger," she heard herself say faintly. "He's nothing to do with this."

The twisted sneer of a smile appeared on his face. "That may be," he said, patting Teddy's shoulder in what could be perceived to be an affectionate manner, "but it resulted in getting you away from your guard dogs."

Ana forced her eyes to look into her son's. "Teddy, baby, are you all right?" she asked.

Teddy nodded. "I'm fine, Mom!"

"Your boy looks a hell of a lot like his father when he was the boy's age," Roger commented, bringing Ana back to the present. "The resemblance truly is uncanny; Jack was right."

Before Ana could react to any of what was going on, she spotted Sawyer standing beside Roger, heard the clicking of a gun, and knew she and Teddy would be fine. "Take your hands off the boy," Sawyer commanded quietly, "or I will sever your fucking spine."

Teddy's eyes widened at the language, but Ana paid it no mind. The moment Teddy was released from Roger's grip, she dove forward, snatching her son into her arms, and quickly backpedaled out of harm's reach. Within two seconds, the rest of the security team had closed in, tackling Roger to the ground, and Sawyer returned his gun to its holster beneath his jacket. "Mrs. Grey, we need to leave," he said briskly, grabbing her by the upper arm and practically dragging her away from the scene. Ana briefly glanced Grace standing a short distance away, her face pale, her hands covering her mouth as she looked between Sawyer, Teddy, and Roger. "Dr. Trevelyan!" Sawyer barked, effectively snapping Grace from her shock. They reached the car in record time, Sawyer wasting no time rushing them into the backseat, ignoring Grace's comment about her having driven herself to the park.

Ana held onto her son tightly, still in shock over what had just happened. It had to be a nightmare: Roger, there in broad daylight, his disgusting hands all over Teddy, relaying messages from Jack, telling her Teddy looked exactly as Christian had as a child... Her breathing stalled. How would Roger possibly know what Christian looked like as a child? She started to open her mouth, mention her thoughts to Sawyer and Grace, but Sawyer's phone rang.

"Sawyer," he answered with what sounded like resignation. Ana saw the man wince as he listened to whoever was on the other end of his Bluetooth. "Yes, sir... Of course, sir... I understand, sir..." Ana knew immediately who had called and she knew what was going to happen next. "Here she is, sir..." Sawyer hit a button on his phone to disconnect the Bluetooth, passing the phone over his shoulder. "For you, Mrs. Grey."

Ana took the phone, holding it between her ear and shoulder while she and Grace made quick work of buckling Teddy into his car seat. "Christian," she murmured, unsurprised that he'd already gotten word about what had happened.

"Ana, fuck!" he gasped in relief. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, Christian, Teddy, your mother, and I are fine," she said, trying to remain calm.

"I want to know what happened," Christian growled, "and I want to know right the fuck now!"

Wincing, knowing what was coming once she finished her explanation; she haltingly stumbled through the story, trying not to leave out any details. Christian remained silent until her words ran out. She heard him take in several deep breaths, letting them out slowly. "How the fuck could you let him out of your sights?" he demanded. She could almost see the sneer his lips were making. "Anything could have happened, Anastasia! And once again, you're off doing fuck all while my son is getting himself into danger!"

"Christian, please," she begged, trying not to cry. "I had my eyes off him for a minute; he's fine. I'm fine. Your mother is fine. Please don't yell at me about this."

Whether Christian was taking pity on her or just saving his lecture on how horrible a mother she was for later, he took another deep breath. "I'll be home this evening," he murmured into the phone.

Before Ana could tell him that wasn't necessary, the line had gone dead. With a sigh, she passed Sawyer's phone back to him and slumped back into her seat, glancing at Grace apologetically.

Ana smiled humorlessly. "That went better than expected..."

* * *

 **A/N:** Thanks for reading and reviewing. More coming soon! **  
**


	15. Chapter 15

Even if she wasn't awaiting the impending arrival of Hurricane Christian, Ana wouldn't have been able to relax with what was left of her day. Grace had remained at the house with her and Teddy until dinnertime, then had one of the security team members to take her back to her car as she and Carrick had their own plans for the evening. This left Ana to try and explain to her son what had happened at the park, why his daddy's security team had tackled the nice police officer. She had to tell him that even though he'd been taught to trust law enforcement, not all of them were good guys and he shouldn't wander off after being told to stay put and he should never, under any circumstances, talk to strangers. She had no idea how much Teddy actually understood, but she hoped he got the idea, even a little bit.

Not that it mattered really, because after today, she wouldn't be letting Teddy out of her sights for more than five seconds at a time in public, and Christian would probably hire a full team with the sole purpose of watching the three-year-old.

Sawyer, upon returning from taking Grace to her car, filled Ana in on what was happening now. Roger had been taken into custody by the police and was currently sitting in a jail cell with round the clock security personnel watching his every move. He was being charged with impersonating a police officer of all things, and Sawyer had somehow convinced them to add attempted kidnapping to the list; no one doubted this had been Roger's intention, whether Ana found him or not. There was a small comfort to be had knowing both Roger and Hyde were behind bars where neither of them could harm her or her family and where Ana and Christian could keep close tabs on them.

By ten o'clock that night, Christian still hadn't made good on his threat/promise of an early return, and Ana was almost desperate for a glass of wine. She settled on tea and took it into the living room, collapsing onto the couch facing the window. By midnight, she was starting to drift off to sleep and was startled awake by headlights shining through, the screeching of brakes, slamming of car doors, and, seconds later the slamming of the front door of the house.

"ANA!" Christian bellowed. Judging by his rapid footfalls, he was running around the house searching for her. She waited for him to finish his rounds upstairs, set aside her cup of tea that was half full and cold, and stood, wrapping her arms around herself as she went to meet her husband at the foot of the stairs.

He was halfway down when he saw her. Freezing in his tracks, Ana watched the rapid change of his expressions—fear, anger, anguish, relief—before he slowly made his way down to meet her. "Oh, Ana," he breathed, pulling her tightly to his chest. They held each other closely, Ana rubbing her husband's back to help soothe his rapid, raspy breaths. He was shaking in her arms and if she didn't know any better, she'd say he was fighting tears. They stood like that for what could have been hours before he pulled away enough to take her face in his hands, running his thumbs against her cheekbones, and staring into her eyes as though he was trying to see into her soul for any emotional injuries.

"I'm okay," she whispered, moving her own arms around to hold his face in her hands. "Teddy and I are okay, Christian."

He nodded jerkily, resting his forehead against hers. "To think what could have happened to you," he said quietly. "Ana... You've no idea of the hell I've been through these past few hours."

She choked out a laugh. "Oh, I think I disagree," she told him shakily. "I was there, after all."

"Yes," he said, his jaw suddenly clenched tightly. He swallowed hard and she was surprised when he didn't immediately start berating her for being a horrible mother. "Well, we can discuss that later." He moved his hands down to her shoulder, gently massaging them. "You're tense. I think a bath is in order, Mrs. Grey..."

* * *

Ana was asleep, dead to the world, and for once, Christian couldn't sleep, even with her in his arms. Repeatedly, his mind replayed everything Sawyer had told him and Taylor over the phone about what had happened that day at the park. The possibilities of what could have happened to his wife and son were endless, each one worse than the last, and the more he thought about it, the sicker he felt. He never should have left them, never should have entrusted their safety to anybody else. That mistake wouldn't be made ever again, that was for fucking sure...

During their bath, Ana had told him what that Roger fucker had said to her in regards to Teddy's resemblance to his father. Christian had downplayed his reaction to her words for her benefit, but he couldn't help feeling uneasy. There was a possibility Roger was just looking for a reaction from her or Hyde had told him to say something of that nature—psychological warfare and all that...

The only good thing to come out of this was the information they gained from the police about Roger, which, unsurprisingly, wasn't even his real name. It was Adam Duncan. Despite his claims otherwise, he had no ties to the military. He was a lowlife thug from Detroit, which helped explain his connection to Jack Hyde. And the longer Christian spent looking at his photo, the more familiar the fucker formerly known as Roger became, even though he couldn't even begin to place where he might have ever seen him.

Not that it really fucking mattered in the grand scheme of things. His family was safe for now. And if he had his way, they would never be faced with danger ever again.

He snuggled down next to Ana, rolling himself onto his side and resting his head on his elbow while his free hand made its way to her belly. He would absolutely do whatever it took to keep his family safe, and that included the little invader that was currently growing inside her. An appointment had appeared on his calendar that morning for a visit to Dr. Greene. He'd known Ana was planning on making the appointment so it didn't come as too much of a surprise, but he had been surprised at how nervous he was starting to feel at the prospect. Hopefully Dr. Greene could give them a date as to when the baby was conceived; that would help them narrow down whether Christian was the father or not. If luck was on their side, Ana was only around six or eight weeks pregnant; any more than that and they were back in the murky water. He had meant what he'd said to Ana in regards to the baby: he wanted it, his or not, and he wasn't going anywhere. Still, he couldn't deny it would be an incredible feeling to know he'd had a hand in expanding his and Anastasia's family.

Feeling restless all of a sudden, Christian slipped out of bed as quietly as he could manage, glancing over his shoulder to ensure he hadn't woken Ana. He left their bedroom and headed down the hall to Teddy's. As always, his son had kicked off his blankets which were now hanging over the edge of the bed while the boy himself was sprawled out all over the mattress sideways. His uninjured arm was behind his back, his broken one above his head. His little body was twisted in a position that wouldn't possibly be comfortable for an adult, though he seemed happy enough. With a fond smile, Christian crossed the room, gently rearranging his son so that his head was resting on his pillows, then covered him with the blanket he'd kicked aside. Just as Ana had said, Teddy was perfectly fine. He'd been convinced the man he'd interacted with at the park had been a police officer, an authority figure that children should be able to trust without question. Christian hated that more8i9 of his son's innocence had been broken that day, but it had been necessary; the possibilities of what _could have_ happened if Ana had been a little slower getting to Teddy were nothing short of terrifying.

 _Ana wasn't slower getting to him, though_ , his mind told him rationally. _They're both fine. It's over and done with. Move on with your life, Grey._

Unfortunately, it wasn't that easy. There were still the questions of why Roger— _Duncan_ , he corrected himself—had wanted to get to Ana in the first place. The easy answer was to screw with her head in Hyde's stead. Well, it had worked beautifully...

With a sigh, he leaned down and kissed his son's forehead, leaving the room quietly and closing the door silently. He was wide awake and he knew if he returned to bed, he'd only wake up his wife. Briefly he considered heading down to the piano to let out some of his fear and anger through his music. He'd not played in quite a while, the last time being about five months after Ana had left him. For some reason the music had only made his pain more palpable and raw, and it had become too much for him to bear, so he'd stopped.

Instead, he settled on heading to his study, determined to bury himself in his work until he was able to relax. He knew it was improbable at this stage, but hell, it couldn't hurt to try.

* * *

The next week went by quickly. For the first few days, Ana had found herself tiptoeing around her husband, waiting for the other shoe to drop in terms of Christian's inevitable blowup over what happened in the park. Eventually she realized there wasn't going to be any blowup, which worried her slightly; it wasn't like her overprotective, hotheaded husband to just let something like that go so easily. She even spent a little time wondering if Christian had fallen ill or had possibly become the victim of some sort of alien encounter.

After confronting him over this very subject, he assured her there wasn't going to be a screaming match over the incident. Yes, he was pissed off, but his anger was more directed towards Roger—while Christian had told her the other man's real name, Ana's mind still had trouble reconciling the two and resigned herself to always referring to him as his alias, much as she'd always referred to Elena Lincoln as Mrs. Robinson, or more preferably, Bitch Troll. The point was Christian, for once, hadn't taken out his anger and frustrations on his wife. It was refreshing, really, for Ana to be able to come to terms with something bad that had happened to her without the extra worry of setting off her husband's infamous temper. When all was said and done, Christian just seemed relieved nothing more had happened, that his family was safe, and that was the end of it for him.

The day of their first appointment with Dr. Greene arrived more quickly than they had anticipated. Christian had been distracted as he'd dressed for work, hardly saying a word to Ana, only picked at the white egg omelet Gail had made for his breakfast, and barely remembered to kiss both his son and his wife as he left. Ana was just as bad, if not worse. She'd felt nauseas from the moment she opened her eyes, and knew it was only partly due to her pregnancy. She had only managed a few bites of her yogurt and granola before it started tasting like sawdust and her throat had locked up, making it impossible to eat anymore. Every time someone spoke to her, she jumped several inches in the air, dropped whatever she happened to be carrying at the time, and on at least one occasion, she had spun around and reflexively slapped Sawyer in the shoulder—he was still rubbing the spot where he'd been hit whenever he saw her. In her defense, he had snuck up on her while she had been trying to read and take her mind off what the afternoon would bring. Even Teddy had stopped trying to get her to play with him. The latter part of the morning had been spent with him cuddling his mother on the couch, trying to comfort her in his own way.

Eventually the time came and Sawyer was awkwardly standing in the doorway of the family room, clearing his throat and reminded her it was nearly time to go get Christian. She managed a nod as Gail entered to retrieve Teddy for his lunch, giving Ana a sympathetic look as she passed.

She changed from her pajamas into clothes more appropriate for a public outing, hardly paying attention to what she'd chosen, and headed back down the stairs. Sawyer escorted her to the car and closed the door behind her. The drive to GEH was a complete blur and the next time she looked out the window, Christian and Taylor were walking out of the lobby. Ana unbuckled and scooted to the other side of the car, sitting herself directly behind Sawyer as the door opened and Christian slid into the car. Despite everything, Ana smiled at the sight of him. Crisp, clean, sexy, CEO Christian Grey. And he was hers. He met her eyes and most of the tension in his body faded, a slight boyish smile growing.

"Hello, Mrs. Grey," he said softly, reaching over for her hand.

"Hello, yourself, Mr. Grey," she responded with her own smile.

"How are you?"

"All right, all things considered," she told him as he lifted her hand to his lips to kiss her fingers. "Much better now you're here."

His smile widened. "Glad to hear it."

The ride to Dr. Greene's office was silent. It seemed as though Ana and Christian were drawing strength from one another in order to see themselves through this, and just the thought of that was more comforting than almost anything. This was how things should be, how they had once been. There was a reason they'd fit together so easily from the very beginning—or several reasons, counting the sex—and it was because each of them made the other a better person. As long as Christian was beside her, Ana knew she could face hell on earth and come out on the other side smiling.

"Hey, we're here."

Ana startled out of her thoughts at the words and the soft touch of her husband's fingers running down her cheek. "Oh," she whispered, blinking rapidly as she gained her bearings. "Right. Of course."

With a reassuring smile, Christian unbuckled her seatbelt, then his own, and opened his door, tugging her hand gently to get her to follow him. Christian muttered something to Taylor and Sawyer—Ana wasn't listening and didn't particularly care enough to—before wrapping an arm around his wife's waist and leading her into the building.

* * *

They were signed in, Ana was sitting in the corner of the waiting room, going through the motions of flipping through outdated magazines while Christian began filling out the paperwork for their visit today. His wife was a nervous wreck, her knee was bouncing at about as rapid pace as her fingers flipped through pages. He'd do anything to make her feel better about this, but he had no idea where to even begin. He settled on reading off every other question on the clipboard where he was filling out paperwork and getting her to answer. It seemed to be working, strangely enough; her mind was distracted just enough by the mundane family medical history questions that her knee stopped bouncing.

Twenty minutes after their arrival, a nurse was opening a side door, holding a blue folder. "Anastasia Grey?" she called out.

Christian swallowed hard and he was certain he'd heard his wife actually let out a slight whimper as they stood. "It's okay, baby," he murmured to her, rubbing the knuckles of her hand with his thumb. "I promise it's going to be okay."

She let out a squeak and a faint nod, and he wasn't sure she heard a single word he'd said.

Once in a small examination room, Christian stood in a corner, watching the nurse take Ana's pulse, her weight, and other vitals. The nurse then handed Ana a folded hospital gown, instructing her to change into it before telling them Dr. Greene would be along momentarily. The moment the door closed behind the nurse, Christian moved forward to help Ana change, not taking his eyes off her wide, nervous ones for even a second. She needed him to be strong and he was determined to be what she needed and more. He wanted to tell her this, but couldn't quite find the words. Instead, once she was changed and back on the examination table, he placed a long, lingering kiss on her lips that only ended after a brisk knock on the door.

Dr. Greene entered looking as tall, blonde, and immaculate as the last time Christian had seen her, a little over two years ago. "Well, hello, Anastasia," she said warmly with a smile. "It's been a while."

"Hello, Dr. Greene," Ana responded with her own smile, shaking the doctor's perfectly manicured hand.

Greene spared Christian a brief glance and smile. "Mr. Grey," she acknowledged.

"Dr. Greene," he responded politely, taking hold of his wife's hand.

"So," Greene said, sitting on a short stool, "you're pregnant."

Christian smirked at the business-like tone. She could have been talking about the weather.

"Yes," Ana said, looking as amused as her husband. "I seem to be."

Greene nodded, looking over Ana's chart. "You found out using a home pregnancy test? Was this something you were trying for or did you experience symptoms to prompt you to use a test?"

Ana sighed under her breath. "I was experiencing symptoms," she said quietly, any and all amusement dissipating immediately. "Nausea mostly. Increased appetite, general exhaustion..."

"And what is it I can do for you two right now?" Greene asked, setting aside the folder. "I assume you'd like a sonogram."

Christian glanced over at Ana, seeing her nerves returning full force. "Yes," she told the doctor. "In addition to that, of course, Christian and I were hoping you could tell us how far along I am."

Greene smiled kindly. "Of course, Ana." She stood up, pulling the ultrasound cart that sat on the other side of Ana a little closer to the examination table. As she prepared the tools, she instructed Ana to lift her gown to reveal her deceivingly flat belly. Christian knew this didn't necessarily mean much in terms of how long ago Ana had conceived; with Teddy, she hadn't started showing until she was around twelve weeks along, and even then it only looked like she'd eaten a large dinner.

The computer screen whirred to life with the press of a button from Greene's finger. She squirted gel on Ana's belly, causing the other woman to wince, presumably from the coldness then placed the wand against Ana's skin. Almost instinctively, Christian's eyes darted to the computer screen, staring avidly at the black and white image. It took a few seconds for Dr. Greene to locate the baby, and when she did, both Ana and Christian gasped at the sight. Ana's pregnancy was far enough along that they could make out different features of the fetus: little fingers, what looked to be a leg, the profile of a face complete with a nose.

"Oh god, Christian," Ana breathed, reaching out blindly for his hand. He grasped it without taking his eyes off the screen.

"Would you like to hear the heartbeat?" Dr. Greene asked softly.

"Yes, please," Christian replied weakly.

Another push of a button and they could clearly here a very rapid, soft thumping noise—the sound of their baby.

"How far do you think I am?" Ana asked, tearing her eyes away from the image to meet Dr. Greene's.

Greene set aside the wand for the moment, having already printed out several pictures for them to take home. "Well, it looks as though you're between eleven to twelve weeks."

Christian felt his heart sinking as he did the quick math. It still wasn't out of the question for him to be the father, but the chances were more uncertain than he'd have hoped they would be. Ana had clearly come to the same conclusion, though she did her best to keep a brave face in front of the good doctor. He listened distractedly as the two women discussed prenatal vitamins, future visits, and a multitude of other things. All he wanted right now was to get his wife home so he could once again reassure her it didn't matter to him. He had a feeling he would be doing this quite a bit until the moment they found out one way or another.

He sighed as his cell phone vibrated in his pocket. Removing it, he glanced briefly at the caller id and met Ana's questioning gaze. "My dad," he explained quietly. "Will you be okay for a moment?"

She nodded and smiled tightly. "Of course."

Giving her his own smile he briefly kissed her on the lips, nodded politely to Dr. Greene, and left the room. "Hello," he said tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Christian. Are you busy?" came his father's voice.

"Ana and I are at the doctor's office, actually," he replied.

"Everything's okay, I hope," Carrick said concernedly.

"Fine. Just checking up on the baby."

"Right, of course." His father was distracted. "Listen, son, there are some things I need to discuss with you, preferably in person. Is there any chance you could squeeze a visit in sometime this week?"

Christian raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure I could," he said slowly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Carrick responded. He sighed. "Well, not nothing obviously... I received the paperwork from Hyde's attorney regarding the lawsuit. It's exactly what we expected."

Christian's eyes closed tightly as he took a deep breath in an attempt to control his temper. "Guess we don't have to wait anymore," he said resignedly. "Is there anything else?"

He could almost see the hesitation on Carrick's face. "There is, but as I said, it's something we need to discuss it in person," he finally said.

"That bad?"

"That bad."

"Brilliant," Christian said exhaustedly. He looked up and saw Ana leaving the examination with Dr. Greene, carrying a stack of paperwork. "Dad, I've got to go. I'll let you know when I can drop by. Maybe Ana and I can bring Teddy over for dinner or something."

"That sounds fine, Christian. Give them my love," Carrick said.

"Will do, Dad. Bye."

Without waiting for a response, Christian ended the call and met his wife halfway across the room. "All set?" he murmured to her.

She nodded tightly. "Yes. I've got another appointment scheduled for Monday and I really need you to be there."

"Okay," he agreed immediately. "Can I ask why? I don't recall you needing such frequent visits with Teddy..."

"Can we talk over lunch?" she begged quietly. "Preferably not at the club."

He nodded at her, his brow furrowed as his mind pushed aside the conversation with his father until a time he could actually sit down and figure out what the hell was going on. It wasn't important right now. Ana was important. The baby was important. The rest was just details. They made it to the car. Christian directed Sawyer to a small restaurant a few blocks down the street before looking over at Ana. She was staring at the sonogram Dr. Greene had given her in what looked to be wonder.

"Boy or girl?" Christian asked softly.

Ana looked at him in surprise. "What?" she whispered.

Christian smiled. "Boy or girl. Which do you want?"

She frowned slightly and he barely resisted the urge to trace the little _V_ that formed between her eyebrows with his fingertip. "I don't know," she said quietly, turning back to the sonogram. "Either is fine, as long as it's healthy."

With an inward sigh, Christian leaned over to better look at the sonogram. He recalled how impressed he'd been every time Ana had brought home one of these pictures, and how they'd sat down at the coffee table in the family room and lined up all the photos in sequential order, pointing out to one another all the little changes their baby had gone through since the last sonogram. "Another boy would be nice," he mused. "I know how to handle boys. Girls, though... They're nothing but trouble."

Ana let out a shaky, surprised laugh. " _Girls_ are nothing but trouble?" she repeated incredulously. He nodded, grinning. "I disagree. See, girls can live their lives, keeping themselves out of trouble until they one day meet an overbearing, control freak CEO who turns their life upside down. So you see, Christian, boys are the real trouble."

His grin only widened at her smart mouth. "We're at an impasse, I guess," he told her, kissing her shoulder.

She cocked her head at him. "So you want another boy?" she asked curiously.

"I don't know," he said honestly. "Either would be okay, I think."

"Because when you thought Teddy might be a girl, I seem to recall abject terror in your eyes," she told him only half-seriously.

He shrugged. "That was before," he murmured. "Back then, I was terrified at the mere thought of having a child at all. They're so tiny and fragile and impressionable..." He shook his head slightly. "Honestly, it wasn't until I held Teddy for the first time that I had any idea I might actually be able to _be_ a father at all."

"You're a great father," she told him fervently.

"Maybe," he murmured. "No matter what I do I can't seem to keep him safe." He shook his head again, recalling what had happened last week with Adam Duncan aka Roger and the subsequent firing of four members of his security team. "You, though, Anastasia, are a great mother. I should probably tell you that more often."

Her eyes widened incredulously. "How can you possibly say that?" she whispered. "Our son has been in more danger since I've been back than he's ever been in his life—"

"Stop," he commanded. "I don't blame you for any of this, Ana, not really. I realize my behavior isn't stellar when it comes to showing you my appreciation, especially when something bad happens. And I really need to apologize to you for the things I said after that day at the park when I was in New York. I know you wouldn't put our children in any danger, Ana, not voluntarily anyway. So I'm sorry for that."

He looked up from the sonogram, where his eyes had drifted as he spoke, to find his wife's mouth half-open and tears streaming down her face. "Hey, none of that," he whispered, reaching out to wipe her tears as gently as he could. "I love you, Ana Grey."

She nodded, resting her head against his shoulder as best she could, given their positions in the car, and he held her as tightly as he could manage while she cried.

They'd reached the restaurant minutes ago, but Christian had made no move to get out of the car until she was ready. Finally she calmed down and Christian was able to retrieve his handkerchief to dry her face. "Okay?" he asked gently. She nodded, managing a smile. "Good. Come. Let's eat..."

* * *

As though her crying fit had never happened, Ana and Christian managed to have a nice lunch together. While the restaurant was busy they'd been given the most private table in the place, and Ana was able to share the information Dr. Greene had given her with Christian.

"I asked her about prenatal paternity testing," she told him as quietly she could in order to still be heard. He froze as he ate his grilled chicken, his eyes slowly rising to meet hers. "I think she was curious as to why I was asking, but I didn't offer and she didn't ask..."

"Ana," he said with a sigh. "We've talked about this; I don't need proof."

She tried not to roll her eyes. "Maybe you don't," she said exasperatedly. "But I do. I can't wait another five months to find out, Christian. I need to prepare myself for either outcome. If you don't want to know the results, fine, you don't have to know. I need to do this, though, and I need you to help me."

He swallowed hard, closing his eyes slowly before he nodded. "Whatever you need," he murmured. "Eat, then we can go home and see our son."

* * *

"So what are the options for this paternity test of yours?" Christian called from the bathroom as he prepared for bed. Ana was already changed and beneath the duvet. Their day had been nice, or as nice as it could be with the sort of things that were hanging over their heads. He couldn't recall the last time he'd seen his wife smile and laugh so much as she had when they were playing with Teddy. Christian had briefly mentioned to her the phone call from his father and the arrival of the paperwork for the lawsuit. Ana had only nodded at the news; it wasn't a surprise to either of them.

Exiting the bathroom, he switched off the light and joined her in bed. She had different printouts on her lap. "There are a few," she told him quietly. "Dr. Greene recommends this one," she hand him the third piece of paper. "It's the most expensive, but it's also the least risky option and the most accurate. The other two both involve needles, either through the uterus or the cervix. Both have risks of miscarriage. The last one is essentially a blood test. It isolates the baby's DNA which allows us to compare it to yours to find out if you're the father."

He couldn't help but smile at her. "You sound like quite the expert, Mrs. Grey," he commented, putting an arm around her shoulder and pulling her against him. "Very impressive."

She rolled her eyes; he ignored it. "This isn't exactly something you want to just jump blindly into, Christian," she admonished.

"Of course," he agreed. "I prefer the option with no risk to your or the baby. I'm not losing either of you."

With a nod, she set aside the paperwork, getting more comfortable against his chest. "I'll call Dr. Greene in the morning, let her know which procedure we chose."

"Good." He reached over to switch off lamp on his nightstand. They lay together in the dark, listening to each other's breathing. The only movement between either of them was Christian softly running his fingers up and down he arm and the goosebumps that popped up on her skin. He smiled as her breathing changed, catching and releasing erratically. Without a word, he rolled her over so he loomed over her, his elbows on either side of her head. He lowered his head, his lips a breath away from hers. "Something I can help you with, Mrs. Grey?" he whispered, his eyes darting between her parted lips and her eyes.

"Maybe," she gasped, her hands moving to his hips. Very slowly, she slipped her hands beneath his shirt, gently pushing it up his body until he was forced to pull away from her enough to remove it.

"And what might that be?" he asked after properly disposing of his shirt.

Her reply was silent; one hand reached behind his head, forcing him to close the distance between their mouths. It wasn't long after that Christian found himself in his favorite spot in the entire world: inside his wife. It was the one place in the world that he could ignore everything around them, he could pretend they lived perfectly normal lives. He could feel her building and building, as he kept up a slow, steady pace and before he knew it, her head was thrown back in ecstasy and she was gasping his name. Moments later, he followed her, making it a point not to collapse on top of her, quickly rolling to his side, pulling her with him as their breathing returned to normal.

"Wow," she breathed, her head resting on his heart. "That was..."

He grinned slowly. "We aim to please, Mrs. Grey," he murmured into her hair, causing her to giggle. "Sleep now, baby... I love you."

"I love you, too," she replied sleepily.

* * *

It was Friday night before Christian managed to find time enough to schedule dinner with his parents. He tried not to focus too much on what his father might want to discuss with him that couldn't be done over the phone. In order to get whatever conversation would happen over and done with in time to salvage a family dinner, Christian left work and headed straight to Bellevue. Ana and Teddy would be joining them later, and Grace was still working at the hospital, leaving Christian and his father alone in the house.

"Afternoon, son," Carrick said quietly, opening the front door.

Christian immediately noted there was no welcoming smile or glint in his father's eyes. Whatever was happening had really been bothering him, and Christian suddenly wished he didn't have to face this at all. "Hello, Dad," Christian responded, closing the door behind him and following his father to his study.

Carrick gestured at a chair across from his desk. "Have a seat. Would you like a drink?"

"Do I need one?" Christian quipped.

The older man watched him for a moment and silently poured to glasses of brandy, sliding one across the desk towards his son. "I don't think there's much point in beating around the bush," Carrick said, downing half his drink in one gulp. "Your mother doesn't know anything of what I'm about to tell you and you are not to bring her up to speed. Whether you tell Anastasia is up to you, though this may be the last thing she needs to know, especially in her condition..."

Though he should probably be concerned at the tone his father was using right now, the only thing he could focus on was the fact that Carrick hadn't told Grace whatever it was he was about to tell Christian. And he clearly didn't want Christian to share any of this with Anastasia. "Understood," Christian said warily.

Carrick took a deep breath, reaching into his desk for a manila folder. "Christian, this is going to open an entirely new can of worms for you and I've been on the fence about whether I wanted to tell you at all."

"So why are you telling me?"

"Because you deserve to know," Carrick responded immediately. "This affects you more than anybody and I don't want to drag up old demons, but I feel as though you can handle it. I just hope I'm right."

Christian only nodded.

Carrick opened the folder briefly, removing a photo and sliding it across the desk. "Do you know him?" he asked quietly.

Glancing down, Christian felt his eyebrows rise. "It's Roger," he said with a growl. "Or Duncan, whatever the fuck his name is... What about him?"

"Aside from the obvious, is he at all familiar to you?"

Christian half-shrugged, shaking his head. "A little," he admitted. "I thought he was familiar from the first time I saw his picture, but I can't for the life of me place him."

"I thought as much," Carrick said with a sigh. "Your mother, of course, shared with me what happened at the park with Ana and Teddy and this... Duncan. She heard him say that Teddy looks exactly like you did when you were his age—and he was right. That boy is a spitting image of you. What bothered her was the wondering of how he could have possibly known what you looked like as a little boy, so I started doing some digging. I thought maybe Duncan may have had ties to the foster family you were with before you came to us—it would help explain the tie to Hyde."

Christian sat up straighter in his chair. "I'd wondered that myself. First time I saw him, I thought he was somewhere around my age..." He trailed off as his father began shaking his head. "What?"

"He's older than he looks, son," Carrick said tiredly.

"What's the point in all this, Dad?" Christian asked, starting to feel impatient.

Carrick stared at him for a minute or so, sizing him up. With a heavy sigh, he nodded, opening the folder again and pulling out what looked to be another photo. He placed it face down on the desk, reluctantly sliding it towards Christian just as he had the last one. Christian started to take it, but his father kept his fingers on top of it. "This changes nothing, Christian," Carrick told him.

Uncertain what he was supposed to say that, Christian nodded and yanked the photo from beneath his father's hand, turning it over slowly. Almost immediately, he felt every ounce of blood drain from his body, he felt a fear he hadn't felt in decades as he gazed into the cold eyes that still haunted his worst nightmares.

"Fuck," he breathed, unable to tear his eyes from his birthmother's pimp.

* * *

 **A/N:** I apologize for the delay in updates. Life is a little complicated at the moment. Please be patient and I'll get the chapters edited and posted as quickly as I can.


	16. Chapter 16

Sawyer pulled into Carrick and Grace's driveway just before six o'clock and pulled in beside Grace, who had just returned home herself. Teddy spotted his grandmother and waved wildly at her, though through the dark tinted windows said grandmother probably had no idea he was doing it. Ana quickly unbuckled her son from his car seat, then herself, and opened the door, trying to convince Teddy that climbing over her in order to get out of the car more quickly wasn't necessary. Teddy, of course, ignored her and jumped out of the car, running around to meeting his waiting grandmother.

"Well, hello, sweet boy!" Grace said, bending down to pick the boy up. "Are you behaving?"

"Yes, ma'am," Teddy told her, giving her a toothy grin as Ana caught up with them. "Can Grandpa Carry take me fishing?"

Grace laughed, looking over at Ana. "Doesn't mince words to get what he wants, does he?" she asked wryly.

"No he does not," Ana confirmed. "He's becoming more and more like Christian as every day passes."

Her mother-in-law smiled fondly. "Well, for your sake, I do hope some of your genes made it through as well; if not, I can give you a few tips on dealing with moody teenagers."

"I might take you up on that," Ana said, smiling.

"And how is the little one?" Grace asked as they made their way up to the house.

"So far so good," Ana told her. "I've got sonograms to show you."

Grace beamed. "I don't think I'll ever tire of seeing those," she said happily, still carrying Teddy.

They entered the house and found it silent. Ana knew Christian had come earlier in order to talk to Carrick about something, so she'd assumed they'd be around, possibly having a few drinks before their wives arrived. Certain they would make their presence known when they were ready, Ana and Grace headed into the kitchen to start dinner while Teddy immediately made a beeline for the downstairs closet where he knew his toys to be. Making sure he was occupied, Ana reached into her purse for the sonograms, passing them to Grace, then awaited the typical grandparent reaction of awe and joy.

"How precious!" Grace gushed, flipping through the printouts. "Do we know how far along you are?"

Ana sighed. "Dr. Greene says around eleven and twelve weeks," she reported. "Probably closer to twelve." _Given my luck,_ she added silently.

"Is this a good thing?" Grace asked.

Ana knew she was trying to ask without asking whether this confirmed the baby to be Christian's. "We're not sure," she said quietly. "I've got an appointment setup for Monday to have a prenatal paternity test. Christian's insistent it's not necessary, but..." She trailed off, not knowing how to finish her thought.

Grace smiled knowingly. "Well, whatever sets your mind at ease, dear," she said, handing back the sonograms. "I know this can't be easy for you."

Shaking her head, Ana felt herself tearing up. "I just feel so guilty... And Christian is being so wonderful right now and every day I wake up and he's not reverted to angry Christian, I can't help but wonder how much more bad news we can take before he finally loses it completely."

Grace's smile had disappeared, replaced by a stern expression. "You have nothing to feel guilty for, Ana," she said quietly. "I'm sure you've been through this with every single person in your life, so I'll save you the lecture."

"Thank you," Ana told her, smiling weakly. "I just want a normal life for a change, Grace. Is that really too much to ask for?"

"Of course not. But I think you managed to forfeit 'normal' the day you agreed to marry my youngest son," Grace told her. Ana laughed. "Oh, and speaking of the devil."

Ana spun around, smiling as Carrick entered the kitchen, followed not so closely by Christian. Her smile slipped off her face when she saw her husband's expression—lost, scared, tortured. He was deathly white and looked as though he might collapse at any second. "God, Christian," Ana breathed, sliding off the stool beside Grace and going to him. "What is it?"

He raised his eyes slowly and she felt her heart skip several beats: he'd been crying. "Ana," he said weakly, immediately wrapping his arms around her shoulders. She vaguely noticed Carrick leading Grace out of the kitchen, despite her objections, and they gathered Teddy along the way, leaving Ana and Christian alone.

"Christian," she whispered against his ear. His face was pressed into her neck as he sobbed, holding her so tightly she thought she might pop. "Baby, what's wrong?"

He only shook his head, holding her tighter.

"Christian, I can't breathe," she gasped.

Immediately, his grip loosened and she was able to pull his head up to meet his eyes. "Please, baby, what's wrong?" she begged.

"I can't," he told her in tiny voice that sounded like something that might come out of Teddy's mouth rather than the mouth of a grown man. "Please don't make me..."

"Okay," she agreed immediately. "Okay, I won't make you."

They remained standing in the kitchen for long minutes as Ana tried to comfort her husband, wondering all the while what had brought him to this state. Eventually his breathing resumed something approaching normal and he pulled away, roughly wiping at his eyes. Ana batted away his hands, reaching into his suit jacket for the handkerchief he always carried, and continued his ministrations much more gently than what he was doing.

"I'm sorry," he whispered, taking a deep breath to regain his composure.

"Don't be," she told him, leaning forward to briefly kiss his lips. "It's okay. And I won't press you to tell me what's going on, but please remember I'm here to help you, Christian. God knows I've dumped enough shit on your shoulders lately..."

His lips twitched briefly into a smile. "I will tell you," he promised her quietly. "Just not now. I'm still trying to work through it and I don't want this shit running through your head until I figure out how I feel about it."

"Okay." Stuffing the handkerchief back into her purse, Ana gave him a small reassuring smile before taking his hand and leading him back through the house, searching for their family.

* * *

That weekend was one of the longest Ana could ever remember having. There had been no mention of what had happened at Christian's parents' house on Friday night, and as much as she wanted to bring it up, she knew she had to be patient. Rather than holing up in his study to work as was the usual routine—he usually spent at least a couple hours on the weekend checking emails or making phone calls—Christian hadn't left Ana and Teddy alone for any longer than he had to. He was quiet, much too quiet for Ana's liking, and when he did speak, it was in clipped syllables. The only real conversation he and Ana had was the discussion of Jack Hyde's lawsuit against Christian. He called it utter bullshit and ensured Ana he would be fighting it tooth and nail. Carrick was handling it, since he knew if Christian was left to his own devices, Jack Hyde would probably be found dead of some mysterious injuries before his trial date even arrived.

It wasn't until Sunday night, the night before their appointment for the paternity test, that Ana got any sort of answers from him. She'd finished her evening shower, during which Christian had offered to bathe Teddy and tuck him in. Nearly an hour had passed and there was still no sign of her husband, so she'd gone searching. He had been in Teddy's bedroom, sitting in a rocking chair beside the window and staring at their sleeping son. The look on Christian's face nearly broke Ana's heart in a million pieces; he looked every bit of the lost little boy she imagined he had been before Grace and Carrick had found him. So scared and sad and tormented.

"Christian?" she whispered, coming into the room. He looked up at her very slowly, his eyes dull and expressionless, and not fully acknowledging her presence. Without asking, she planted herself in his lap, pulling his arms around her waist. He stiffened at first and she thought he might ask her to move; within a few seconds, he'd relaxed, sitting back in the chair, resting his head against her chest. She held him for a long time, running her fingers through his soft copper hair, and when his shoulders began to shake and she felt his tears soaking through her nightshirt, she rubbed his back, offering every bit of comfort she had to offer.

Eventually he pulled away without bothering to wipe his face. "Thank you," he croaked.

"Anytime, baby," she whispered. "Should we go to bed before we wake Teddy?"

Christian hesitated, his eyes looking over at his sleeping son again.

"He's okay," she assured him. "Nothing's going to happen to him."

With a heavy sigh, Christian nodded his agreement, gesturing that she remove herself from his lap. Standing, he gripped her hand nearly to the point of pain, but she didn't complain. Clearly Christian needed comfort and control right now and she would be damned if she was the one to take that from him.

He sat on his edge of the bed, facing away from her as she climbed into her side. She lay watching him, waiting for him to lie down then realized it wouldn't be happening any soon. She nearly jumped out of her skin when he finally started speaking. "The day Teddy was born," he began quietly, still facing away from her, "there were about a million things going through my mind—I was worried about what you'd gone through with the C-section; I was scared that I'd be a horrendous father; I was worried about keeping him safe from anything and everything." He paused, sighing shakily. "Most of all, I thought about how my life began, how it was a miracle I'd made it through any of that shit at all. And I would give anything and everything in the entire fucking world to keep my son from feeling even a thousandth of the pain I experienced." He turned slightly to look at her. " _Our_ son," he corrected himself with a small smile of apology. She tried to smile back, but her muscles weren't cooperating. "And considering everything, I think I've done fucking good job. I've managed to, for the most part, lock away most of my demons—you've helped with that more than you'll ever know, Ana Grey, and I am forever in your debt for that."

He swallowed hard and lay down beside her, facing her, reaching over to trace the outline of her face with one of his long fingers. "You told me that whenever Hyde wasn't around, Roger or Duncan, or whatever, was." He paused, waiting for her affirmation of his words. "Did he ever say anything to you?"

Her first inclination was to say _yes, he said a lot of things to me, but nothing you're going to want to hear,_ but she bit her tongue. "Like what?" she asked warily.

Christian shrugged. "Anything about me."

Her confusion was mounting. The impression he was giving her was that she shouldn't just answer without thinking, so she thought. "Not that I can recall," she finally told him. "Why would he?"

He met her eyes reluctantly. "Because he is part of the reason I'm so fucked up."

"What are you—?"

"Roger was the crack whore's pimp, Anastasia."

Time actually slowed down. Ana felt as though she might faint and was suddenly happy to be lying in bed with her husband. She'd heard his words, all of them, but she wasn't sure they'd made any sense, because she couldn't have possibly heard him correctly. It wasn't possible...

 _Please, God, let it not be possible!_ she pleaded inwardly.

"No," she breathed, looking Christian directly in the eyes as she did so. He nodded almost imperceptibly, watching her as though she might lunge forward and attack him. "You're sure? How do you know?"

Letting out a deep breath, Christian reached over and took her hand. "Carrick did a bit of digging after the incident at the park, looking for connections between Roger and Hyde. He came across some mug shots, recognized the pimp, and made his own connection. It's definitely him."

"Oh god, Christian." Without hesitation, she scooted across the bed, suddenly needing her husband's arms around her, for both her comfort and his. He immediately gave her what she needed. "I can't believe this..."

"What I can't believe is how close that fucker was to you for so long. He had his fucking hands all over my son." Ana heard his voice cracking. "All I want to do is go down to that fucking jail, put my hands around that fucker's throat, and hold on until he's fucking dead."

He was shaking again, this time due to unadulterated rage. The grip he had around her had quickly become painful, had her gasping for air and on the edge of a full blown panic attack. "Christian," she breathed, trying to force her way out of his arms. "Stop. Please."

Either he didn't hear her or had completely ignored her in his current state. There was only one thing she could do...

"Red!" she gasped. "Red, Christian! Fucking red!"

His arms fell away almost immediately and she rolled away from him, sucking air greedily into her lungs. Once her breathing returned to what could be considered normal, she looked over at him. He was standing beside the bed, his eyes wide in fear, his mouth open in shock, his complexion paler than she'd ever seen it.

"Ana," he said hoarsely, dropping to his knees beside the bed. "Oh god, Ana, I'm so sorry."

Once she had full control over herself again, she immediately rolled towards him, dropping down beside him, and holding him against her chest. "Shh," she coaxed, rocking back and forth. "Christian, it's okay. I was just trying to get through to you, that's all. I'm okay, baby."

"When's this going to stop, Ana?" he asked weakly. "When are we going to be able to live normal lives? Why can't they just leave us alone?"

"Baby, I've been asking myself that for a very long time... I wish I knew the answer."

Much to her surprise, Christian stood up, lifting her in his arms, and laid her back on the bed. Without letting her go, he settled down beside her, his head still resting against her chest. It was much to her surprise when she realized he'd actually fallen asleep, but she didn't press the issue, closing her eyes, praying sleep would take her soon.

* * *

When she woke the next morning, Christian was still draped over her body, still deeply asleep. For the first time, probably ever, she wished he wasn't. Her bladder was filled to the point that it actually hurt and she knew from experience it would be nearly impossible to push him off of her. Still, if she didn't try, Gail would have her hands full washing their entire bed linen set. It took a fair bit of squirming and pushing, but she finally managed to get out from under him. Without hesitation, she bolted for the bathroom, making it just in time. Just as she was finishing, she heard shuffling in the bedroom.

"Ana?" Christian called out sleepily. Another moment and he had jumped to his feet, landing on the floor with a _thud_ , and his tone had taken on an edge of desperation. "ANA!"

"I'm in here, Christian," she called back, flushing the toilet and moving to the sink to wash her hands. She looked up into the mirror and he was standing in the door, looking lost, confused, and relieved to have found her. "Just had to pee..."

He nodded warily. She turned around and walked towards him, sliding her arms around his waist. "How are you feeling this morning, Mr. Grey?" she asked, resting her cheek against his chest. His heart was beating at a frantic pace from his scare.

"I'll be okay," he murmured, wrapping his arms around her. He took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her hair, something she knew comforted him more than almost anything. "We've got a big day ahead of us, Mrs. Grey."

Her brow furrowed slightly; all thoughts that hadn't had anything to do with Christian, Teddy, or their recent troubles had been driven from her mind since last night. Then it hit her: today was the day of the paternity test. "Right," she muttered.

"Come. Let's get ready and we can have breakfast before we have to leave."

* * *

Once again, they were in the car, on their way back to Dr. Greene's office. And once again, both of them were complete and utter nervous wrecks. Christian hadn't said anything more about what had happened last night, even though he knew damn well Ana wanted him to. It was all becoming too much too quickly. How much more could one man take before he really, truly snapped? He made a mental note to schedule several intense sessions with Flynn, if Ana hadn't done it for him while he was in the shower.

He would not be going to work today. His empire could survive one day without him; his family needed him more. The only thing he had on his schedule after this appointment was a visit from his father to discuss Hyde's upcoming trial and the lawsuit. As desperately as he didn't want to deal with any of that right now, it needed to be done, and he needed to show Ana he wasn't broken after the things he'd learned over the weekend. The thought of the crack whore's pimp with his hands on his son, his leering gaze on his wife was enough to set his blood boiling, but as Carrick had told him Friday evening, they finally had the bastard where they wanted him and he would finally pay for everything he'd ever done to Ella, Christian, Ana, and Teddy. It was the first time in his recollection that he'd actually wanted justice for the crack whore who had abandoned him. Flynn had spent years trying to convince Christian that his birth mother had had an illness; that the pimp had kept her supplied with her drug of choice, and she hadn't been able to care for her young son. Ana had tried to convince him he really had cared for his birth mother, despite his anger towards her. Whether Christian would ever actually admit this aloud was still questionable, but now he realized she'd been a victim, just as he had, even if his involvement was much less voluntary than hers.

Before he knew it, he and Ana were, once again, sitting in the waiting room of Dr. Greene's office. They wouldn't be seeing the good doctor herself, only a nurse and nurse's assistant to administer the test. The wait today was only a few minutes before they were being escorted into a tiny room where the nurse's assistant rattled off several questions, the answers to which the young blonde woman scribbled on her clipboard. Both Ana and Christian had to sign a multitude of papers and waivers, and only after Ana's blood pressure and heart rate had been taken to ensure the health of both her and the baby did the nurse enter with a selection of needles and vials to contain their blood.

Ana was first. Christian took her free hand as she was instructed to make a fist as the nurse's assistant wrapped a piece of rubber tubing used for a tourniquet around her arm. She was then told to pump her fist a few times in order to make a vein pop up. Christian had to look away as the needled was shoved into his wife's arm—he'd always had an aversion to needles and as a child had been known to raise quite the fuss when it was time to get shots of any kind. She hissed slightly through her teeth, but it was over quickly. They withdrew a few vials of her blood and announced they were all done.

Christian knew what was coming. The only thing keeping him in that room was the woman sitting beside him and her desperation for answers. She gave him a small smile. "It wasn't that bad," she assured him.

He nodded tersely and rolled up his sleeve, allowing the nurse and her assistant to repeat the process they'd used with Ana on him. Keeping his eyes locked on his wife's, he forced himself not to flinch away from the touch of the unknown people beside him. Ana started talking about utterly mundane topics such as what they would be having for dinner that night or how they wanted to decorate the baby's room, anything she could think of to keep his mind off the needle that would soon be inserted into his vein. And damn if it didn't work. Somehow he'd forgotten how easily she could set him at ease with just a few words or a look.

"All done," said the nurse cheerfully.

Christian blinked, looking down at his arm where a small bandage had already been placed over the hole. He hadn't even felt the needle go in, much less anything else. He smiled in both relief and gratitude at Ana. She winked at him. "So how long before we know the results?" Ana asked the nurse as she replaced her shirt sleeve.

The nurse glanced down at her clipboard, presumably checking what the test was for. Christian saw her eyebrows dart up very briefly. "Well, with something like this it could be three days to a week," responded the nurse.

"Isn't there any way to speed things up?" Christian asked. The look on Ana's face was that the wait might well kill her.

The nurse pursed her lips as she looked sternly at Christian. "Not if you want accurate results," she said tartly, clearly aware that he was suggesting monetary incentive for rushed results—he briefly wondered if Greene had warned her staff about him. "These things take time, Mr. Grey. Better to get this right rather than rushing, don't you think?"

With a brief smile to Ana, the nurse left the room followed closely by the assistant carrying the blood vials.

"I think that's another one for the anti-Christian Grey fan club," Ana said teasingly.

Christian mock-glared. "You and that smart mouth, Mrs. Grey... One of these days, it's going to get you in quite a bit of trouble."

Her smile only widened. "Promises, promises, Mr. Grey... Come on, lunchtime..."

* * *

On the drive home, the skies opened up and the rain began to pour—a typical autumn day in Washington State. Due to this, it had been decided that what remained of the day should be spent with their son, curled up as a family on the couch under blankets, watching movies and eating junk food. Christian only agreed because his wife was insisting it was the baby's idea, and even if it was just junk food, at least Ana would be eating.

Hours later, Teddy was fast asleep on the other end of the couch from where his parents were curled up together, watching the rain through the large window in the family room. Christian couldn't recall the last time he was this content just lazing around doing absolutely nothing productive.

"Have you decided which room you want to be the nursery?" Christian asked softly against Ana's ear.

Ana shrugged sleepily. "Room across from Teddy's?" she suggested. "It's the one that makes most sense; it won't take long for us to rush in there for middle of the night diaper changes and feedings."

Christian groaned. "Forgot about all that," he grumbled. "Remember how happy we were the first time Teddy slept through the night?"

She snorted a laugh. "Baby, we were too exhausted to be happy. As I recall, we both passed out in bed on top of the blankets, still fully clothed and shod."

Christian laughed softly.

Ana turned slightly in his arms to look at him, her face serious. "This will be a good thing for us, right?" she asked reluctantly. At his confused expression, she went on. "I mean, we're making the right decision, aren't we? Keeping this baby? I know right now you're saying how you're not going anywhere and you'll support me through anything, but what if down the line—"

He did the only thing he could think of to stop her talking: he crushed his lips to her, begging her to believe in him and in them. "I don't want to hear you talking like that again, Anastasia Grey," he told her sternly when they eventually broke apart. "I spent a year praying that one day you'd come back to me and we could get on with our lives." He placed a hand on her belly. " _This_ is our life, Ana. I want this life with you and I will never, no matter what happens, resent it, you, or this baby. It won't be long before we have Jack Hyde and the pimp out of our lives forever, and after that, we will never look back. Is that clear?"

She nodded meekly before smiling shyly, biting her lip. He laughed slightly. "Stop biting your lip," he growled, gently pulling her bottom lip from between her teeth. "You know what that does to me..."

"I do," she confirmed. "But I also know you're not going to do anything about it while your son is sleeping at our feet."

"Is that a challenge, Anastasia?" he asked coolly. With one move he was over her, his hands on either side of her head. She continued to smirk at him and he narrowed his eyes in a glare. Just as he started to close the distance between their lips, he felt Teddy being to stir.

"Mommy? I'm hungry."

Ana bit her lip again, this time to keep herself from laughing at the indignant, playfully outraged expression on her husband's face. "As I said," she whispered, her voice shaking in amusement, "you wouldn't dare..."

"Later, Mrs. Grey," he threatened quietly before rolling off her onto his feet. "All right, baby boy, come on. I think Mrs. Taylor might have saved us some macaroni and cheese..."

* * *

The rest of the day went smoothly. Even Carrick's arrival to discuss the most depressing subjects in their lives couldn't take away from the calmness that had overcome their home. The discussions were brief, as none of them could manage to keep Teddy from running in and around Christian's study for any real length of time. Afterwards, Christian decided to order pizza for dinner, inviting his father to stay and join them; Carrick accepted, since Grace would be working late that evening any way.

It was as close to normal as they had ever been before Ana had left, and it was the first time Christian truly believed they could fight their way through the darkness and make it to the other side in one piece.

After Carrick left, Teddy was tucked into bed, read a story, and kissed goodnight. Christian and Ana teased each other back to their bedroom, laughing against each other's lips, tearing at each other's clothing. Despite his earlier threats, Christian took his time with his wife, exploring every single inch of her until they were panting, sweating, and sated. It was nearly three in the morning when they finished, and Christian happily lay on his back, Ana's head resting on his naked chest as she drifted off.

"Still awake?" he murmured, nuzzling her hair.

"Hmm," she responded. He wasn't sure if that was a yes or no.

"Thank you for a lovely day," he whispered to her. "I can't tell you how much you mean to me..."

He faintly felt her smile against his skin. Sleep followed soon.

* * *

The next several days went by quickly and easily. There had been no further mention of Roger or the crack whore, or any of it. Christian, much to Ana's surprise, hadn't suffered any nightmares following his recent discoveries; she'd expected to feel him flailing around the bed in terror at least once. She wasn't sure how Christian had managed to push aside something that normally would have sent him over the edge without hope of return, but she wasn't sure she wanted to know. What she did know was that he was seeing Claude Bastille again and had scheduled several sessions with Dr. Flynn. It seemed Christian was, for once in his life, handling bad news in the healthiest ways available to him, and she would support him through this however she could.

In the meantime, she was perfectly happy not to mention Roger or Jack Hyde or lawsuits or upcoming trials. Christian came home most nights in a very decent mood, exhausted but determined to spend his evenings with his family rather than locking himself in his study, working. He still got broody from time to time, but if he didn't, he wouldn't be Christian Grey.

Much to Ana's surprise, Kate was spending a lot more time at the house this week. She claimed it was because Elliot had apparently taken a leaf from his younger brother's book and had decided she needed to rest as her pregnancy progressed. The pregnancy seemed to be taking a toll on Kate; she was more tired than Ana had remembered being when she was this far along with Teddy. Her doctor had encouraged her to start maternity leave early, and Kate couldn't stand the thought of spending all her days alone in her and Elliot's house.

Ana knew this was part truth. She also knew that a lot had happened in her life and Kate was probably desperate to get the details, but that was just how Kate operated. It didn't mean she cared any less than when Ana was living a drama-free life, but it did mean Ana would be faced with the infamous Kavanagh-Grey inquisition at Kate's earliest convenience. Luckily Teddy was having an active morning, so the two women had to save any and all adult-type conversation for his naptime.

Naptime arrived much more quickly than anticipated and Ana suddenly regretted letting Teddy run out all his energy so quickly that morning; chances were high that he would become a nightmare by dinnertime. She tucked him into his bed, kissed his forehead, murmured an _I love you_ against his skin, before heading back down to find Kate. Her best friend was tucked into a corner of the couch in the family room, flipping through channels on the obscenely large television Christian had bought despite his aversion to actually _watching_ television.

Ana flopped down across from her, reaching over for a handful of potato chips in a bowl sitting between them. "Where in the world did you find these?" she asked around a mouthful.

"Stashed in the pantry behind a box of granola bars," Kate replied with a grin. "Don't ever underestimate a pregnant woman's ability to smell junk food."

Snorting a laugh, Ana took another handful, keeping in mind Kate wasn't yet aware of her condition, and she wasn't certain whether she was ready to share. "Been there," she reminded Kate. "By my seventh month with Teddy, Christian had given up trying to get me eating healthy and just let eat whatever I happened to be craving that minute. He knew better than to even question it if he wanted to sleep in the same bed as me."

"Nice," Kate sniggered. "Big, bad Christian Grey brought to heel by the mean pregnant lady."

"You're telling me Elliot isn't terrified of your mood swings?" Ana asked skeptically.

"Didn't say that, Steele," replied the other woman, smirking. "Honestly, I don't know whether I'm having more fun with the mood swings or coming up with ridiculous, hard to find late night cravings just as he's falling asleep." Ana laughed loudly in appreciation. Kate's amusement disappeared quickly. "So are we going to talk about what happened at the park last week?"

"Depends," Ana replied. "Are you asking as Kate Grey, my best friend, or Katherine Grey, Reporter?"

Kate's eyes narrowed. "What do you think?" she asked evenly.

Ana glared at her for a moment before relenting, rolling her eyes. "I'm sure whatever Grace told you was the truth."

"Was he a friend of Hyde's?" Kate asked bluntly.

Sighing heavily, she knew she wasn't getting out of this conversation, no matter what she did to distract her friend. "I don't know if _friend_ is the right word, but yes, they were... acquaintances. And yes, I knew him from my time away, if that's what we're even still calling it. No, he never touched me. Yes, I do believe he would have taken my son that day at the park. Whether it would have been a revenge ploy against me or Christian, I'm still trying to decide. Christian was livid and immediately cancelled his very important business trip to come home. And we had pot roast for dinner that night."

Kate's brow was furrowed. "Why would it be revenge against Christian?"

Ana felt her eyes close, letting out her breath slowly. Naturally that was the bit of information Kate clung to. "Don't worry about it," Ana pleaded.

"You can't just let something like that drop then clam up, Steele," Kate admonished.

"Look, if it was my information to share, I'd tell you," Ana responded. "But it's not. It's about Christian and it's not something he would like me sharing with anybody."

Kate blinked rapidly. "Did Christian know this Duncan fucker?"

Ana laughed. "You've spent too much time with Christian..." Kate's lips pursed, refusing to give up. "A long time ago, yes." Ana pinched the bridge of her nose.

"A long time ago as in... contractual long time ago?" Kate ventured.

"No!" Ana said loudly in exasperation, sighing heavily again. "A long time ago as in before Grace and Carrick adopted him, a long time ago."

Kate's eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. "Oh," she breathed. For the first time in Ana's memory, it seemed all the fight for information had left Kate. "Right. Sorry."

Her brow furrowed, Ana recalled the times Christian had mentioned that he and Kate had become closer over the last year and she had been his confidant. "Has Christian told you about that time?" she asked quietly. Though she hated to admit it, even to herself, she could feel her jealous side poking out its ugly head to think Christian had told anybody the things he'd told her. Well, her and John Flynn...

 _Well, if you'd been around for him to confide in, he wouldn't have had to go to Kate, would he?_ sneered her subconscious.

"No," Kate responded quickly. "God no! But Elliot's got his theories that he's formed over the years and he's shared them with me. Some border on ridiculous, while others, considering what little I do know about him seem more likely."

Ana sighed in relief, both due to the fact that that Christian hadn't confided some of his worst memories to Kate and that Kate seemed to understand Ana wasn't going to say any more on the matter. "Since you do know a little about Christian," Ana said quietly, "you'll probably also know that it would be very much in your best interest to never mention this subject to him. Ever."

Nodding quickly, Kate mimed zippering shut her mouth and turning a key at the corner. "No worries, Steele," she assured her friend. They fell into silence for several minutes before Kate rested her head against the back of the couch, looking at Ana with raised eyebrows. "So. Pot roast?"

Ana's lips twitched as she nodded.

"Any chance there might be some left?"

Both women laughed and Ana was reminded of the easy camaraderie that had drawn her to Kate to begin with. Kate left before Teddy woke from his nap, giving Ana a bit more free time to do as she pleased. Just as she was considering heading for the library, Gail entered the kitchen through the garage door.

"Oh, hi, Ana," Gail said, looking up and smiling distractedly. Ana quickly walked over to help her with what looked to be Christian's dry cleaning. "Thank you."

"Don't mention it," Ana replied, laying the bags on the counter. "I'll take them upstairs with me when I go to wake Teddy from his nap."

Smiling gratefully, Gail gave her a friendly pat on the back then made her way towards the refrigerator. "How does beef stroganoff sound for dinner?" she asked.

"Perfect," Ana replied, smiling at the prospect. There was a stack of mail sitting on the counter by the door that Ana began flicking through.

"Oh, on the bottom of that stack is a certified letter for you, Ana," Gail said, kicking shut the fridge door. "Sawyer signed for it, and passed it off to me when I arrived home."

Immediately, Ana felt herself on high alert, setting aside all the regular mail. It only took a matter of seconds to figure out what she was looking at, what it meant, and she felt her good mood knocked right out of her. "Gail, I'm going to lie down for a bit," she heard herself say faintly, gripping the envelope until her knuckles were nearly translucent.

She lay down in bed, tracing every letter on the outside of the envelope with her eyes, feeling her heart drop half an inch with every one. She clutched her stomach, willing herself not to be ill as she realized it was the moment of truth and she was both desperate for Christian to be home and dreading his arrival.

Everything was about to change. Again.

And only now did she realize just how much she hated change.


	17. Chapter 17

When Christian arrived home, he fully expected to walk into the dining room to find his family halfway through dinner. Though he'd hoped to make it in time to eat with them, he'd gotten caught up in some last minute paperwork that couldn't wait until morning. Tonight he had every intention of locking his phone away in his desk and spending time with his wife and son. He'd been thoroughly enjoying his home life lately, much more than he could remember enjoying it in years, and he had every intention of keeping up with whatever it was he and Ana had been doing lately to make their lives so enjoyable. They hadn't argued in days, he hadn't walked into a room to find she'd been crying, any anger he had was directed far away from her, and he was happy.

He had no idea where the change had come from—whether it had been from him or from her. Most likely it was a combination of the two of them. Flynn would have all the answers, of course, but when it came down to it, Christian thought it might be best not to dig into it too deeply. Ana was pregnant. There would be a new member of their family and Christian found he was looking forward to this more than he could have ever imagined he might. Yes, there were still issues to be sorted out, and despite what he'd told his wife, he was concerned about the parentage of the child in her belly. He'd be a fool not to be concerned. But his concerns were more focused on Anastasia and how she would handle yet another blow if they did find out Hyde was the father. Her guilt over the last year was already overwhelming her—this could only push her over the edge.

Shaking off the thought, he entered the dining room and raised an eyebrow to find the room was empty. It only took a moment to register the giggling coming from the kitchen and he smiled as he changed his direction. Teddy sat at the kitchen bar in front of his dinner, talking to Gail. Ana was nowhere in sight.

"Evening, Mr. Grey," Gail said, smiling as she stood up. "Can I fix you a plate?"

"Sure, Gail," he responded. "Where's Anastasia?"

Gail gave him a sympathetic look. "She wasn't feeling well," she explained quietly, "so she went to lie down."

"Oh," Christian responded, crossing the room to greet his son with a hug and kiss. "In that case, could you hold dinner for a bit? I'll go see if she's up for joining us."

Teddy looked up to him with a toothy grin. "I drew a picture of you today, Daddy!" he exclaimed.

"Did you?" Christian responded, beaming at his son. "Where is it?"

"In my room," Teddy responded, turning back to his dinner. "Mommy and Aunt Kate helped me."

"Well, you'll have to show me after you eat." Christian ruffled his son's hair and winked at Gail's fond smile before leaving the room and heading up to search for his wife.

The bedroom door was closed and the blinds were drawn, leaving the room in complete darkness. He could just make out his wife's curled up form on the bed. "Ana?" he asked softly, removing his shoes and jacket in order to crawl up the bed to curl around her. "You awake?"

The moment his arms wrapped around her, one hand rubbing her belly, he felt her stiffen. "You're home," she stated shakily.

He smiled a little, nuzzling her hair out of the way so he could kiss her neck. "I seem to be, yes," he responded, rolling her onto her back. His face fell and his good mood evaporated as he caught sight of the tear tracks on her face. "What's wrong?"

She shifted a little and he heard something crinkle beneath her. Automatically he reached around, finding the source, and pulled a large white envelope out from under her. "What's this?" he murmured, reaching over her to switch on the bedside lamp. Very slowly she pushed herself into a sitting position, eyeing both the envelope and her husband with anxiety, but didn't reply. He read the address three times before it clicked in his brain and he sucked in a sharp breath as he met Ana's eyes again. "Is this..."

"The results," she said in a tiny voice.

He nodded slowly, not taking his eyes off her. "And have you opened them?" he asked in a whisper, swallowing hard.

"No," she whispered, shaking her head slightly, looking ill. "I can't."

Christian took a deep breath. "Would you like me to...?" He shook the envelope a little. She nodded; he nodded back. "Okay."

He could do this. It was just a fucking envelope with papers inside. He'd opened envelopes with papers inside a million times or more in his life and this wasn't any different.

 _Only it is different, Grey_ , his mind told him. _This envelope has the probability to change everything and as much as you claim you don't give a fuck about the results, you know it's a fucking lie, don't you?_

His breaths were coming in quick succession and he couldn't ever remember being so nervous and scared in his life. But glancing at his wife, he knew he had to keep it together, for her sake. And he still needed to give her an out. "Ana, we don't even have to open this," he told her, reaching out to tuck her hair behind her ear. "We can take this envelope to my study right now and throw it in the shredder and we'll never have to know."

She shook her head. "I need to know," she breathed.

He felt a small part of him shrivel up at the pain in her expression. She said she needed to know, but he couldn't recall ever seeing her like this. "Okay," he agreed. "Just let me remind you one last time that whatever happens, it will never stop me loving you, Ana Grey. This baby," he placed his splayed hand possessively across her belly again, "is mine. _You_ are mine. Okay?"

Again, she nodded, her eyes filling with tears.

Taking a deep breath, he made quick work of opening the envelope, removing its contents, and tossing it aside. With one final glance at his wife, he began to read.

* * *

Ana chewed on her lip, twisting her fingers in her lap as she waited for any sort of reaction from him. His expression was expertly blank, not giving away a single clue to what he was thinking or feeling as his eyes rapidly scanned the words in front of him. Her nausea was at an all-time high and she felt like she might actually crack if she didn't have an answer soon. She desperately needed to know that the baby she was carrying belonged to her husband, and she knew it would break his heart to find out otherwise, regardless of what he'd been saying.

It felt like a lifetime before he finally lowered the papers from his eyes, folding them automatically and placing them in his lap as he stared at nothing. She scrutinized every inch of his face and body for some sort of emotion from him; Christian was an expert at hiding anything and everything from the outside world and this situation would be no different.

Five minutes later, he still hadn't said anything or moved and she thought she might drop dead from anticipation. "Christian?" she whispered. "Please talk to me."

Very slowly he turned his gaze on her and she knew what his answer was going to be. All she wanted to do was run and hide from him. She couldn't do this. But she stayed put, knowing if she moved even a little, she might get sick. "What does it say?" she asked desperately.

He licked his lips briefly, taking in a deep breath, and clearing his throat. Her heart had stopped as she waited for his response. His expression slowly changed from blank to shocked. "Me," he breathed without moving his lips. If she hadn't been listening with every fiber of her being, she'd have missed the response.

"What?" she asked, hardly daring to believe she'd heard him correctly.

A small, disbelieving smile began growing on his face. "Me, Anastasia," his voice cracked as tears welled in his eyes. "The baby is mine. Well and truly mine."

She let out a sound that was a cross between a gasp, a sob, and a shriek of joy before launching herself at her husband. He laughed, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closely to him, kissing every inch of her exposed skin. She was almost hysterical with happiness and relief, and he held her tightly to his chest, holding the back of her head against his neck as he rocked her gently, murmuring soothing words against her hair. It wasn't until she felt the dampness on her shoulder through her shirt that she forced herself to pull away and look her husband in the face. If she hadn't seen the positively radiant smile on his face, she'd think someone had just died with all the tears streaming down his cheeks.

Laughing slightly, she raised shaking hands to wipe away the wetness before cupping his cheeks. "Why are you crying?" she asked through her own tears. "I thought you didn't care about the results."

He sucked in a shaky breath, resting his forehead against hers. "I might've lied," he whispered.

Within seconds they were laughing together, crying together, and before she knew what was going on, she was lying on the bed and Christian was stretching out above her, and she had no idea how or when either of them had lost their clothing, but it didn't matter; it was them, and for once, they'd had something good happen to them, and this was how they celebrated.

* * *

Christian woke and automatically turned to face his wife, smiling at her messy hair, swollen lips, and the way the sheets had managed to wrap around her body so tightly that he could make out every curve. He shifted, eyes darting to Ana, and laid his head just below her breasts, resting his hand on her belly. Somewhere on the floor were the paternity results and he still felt slightly dizzy as he recalled the words he'd read (below the spreadsheet that was filled with letters and numbers that he couldn't have even begun to interpret at the time were the words he'd been hoping to see: _The probability of Mr. Christian Grey being the father of Mrs. Anastasia Grey's unborn fetus is 99.9999%. Therefore, it is practically proven that Mr. Christian Grey is the biological father of Mrs. Anastasia Grey's unborn fetus_.), followed by the reaction on his wife's face just before she launched herself at him. The memory of the things that followed were less clear, but equally incredible.

He traced shapes on her skin through the sheet, directly over the place where their baby was growing and desperately hoping this wasn't some magnificent dream. Looking at his wife, sleeping deeply and beautifully as always, he decided if it was a dream, fine, as long as he didn't wake anytime soon.

Ana's breathing changed at some point, but he made no move to cease his activities on her belly. She stretched a little and he smiled when he felt her fingers running through his hair. "Been awake long?" she asked sleepily.

Finally he shifted just enough to turn his head and meet her eyes. "Not long," he responded softly.

A shy smile appeared on her face as she apparently recalled the events that had gotten them to this specific point and time. "You look happy," she commented.

"So do you," he replied, moving to rest his head on the pillow beside her. "How'd you sleep?"

"Pretty well," she told him, her grin trying to grow despite her biting her lip.

He softly reached out to free the lip from her teeth before placing a gentle kiss on her mouth. "Me, too," he breathed against her, meeting her lips again.

"What time is it?" she asked after they broke apart.

Raising his head, he glanced at the alarm clock on her side of the bed, snorting a laugh. "Just after midnight," he said, smirking. "And here I'd planned to have a nice dinner with my wife and son..." He shook his head in mock-sadness. "Gail made beef stroganoff."

Ana giggled, widening her husband's grin. "I'm sure she's saved us some. Though she probably deserves a raise for us ditching her with our son. Again."

Chuckling, Christian managed to pull himself from his wife and get out of bed, searching for the clothes he'd discarded hastily. "Come on, baby," he urged when he looked over his shoulder and found her watching him with a glazed expression. "My wife and unborn child need sustenance."

He watched her battle to not roll her eyes, but eventually she gave in and got out of bed, slipping into her own clothes. "Yes, I remember this," she muttered. "You're going to be worse than ever with my eating habits, aren't you?"

Christian grinned. "Absolutely, baby," he promised.

As they suspected, the house was dark and quiet when they ventured out of their bedroom. Teddy was fast asleep in his bed, and his parents took turns kissing his forehead before wrapping their arms around one another in order to head towards the kitchen. "Sit," Christian commanded, gesturing at a stool at the bar. "What would you like, Mrs. Grey?"

"Surprise me," Ana replied, resting her cheek against her hand. "Preferably something sweet."

He fumbled around in the walk-in pantry for a few minutes, trying to make sense of the organizational system Gail used when she stored their food. It felt as though he was on a high right now, unable to feel anything but delirious happiness. Everything was flooding back to when Ana was pregnant with Teddy and how he felt once he'd accepted the idea of becoming a father—he'd been all nerves, excitement, fear, and anticipation. He looked forward to each and every visit to Dr. Greene and had oftentimes rearranged business trips so he wouldn't have to miss the opportunity to see the sonograms or hear his child's heart beating from within his wife.

Typically, Ana had gone into labor a few days after the last appointment with Dr. Greene, while Christian was out of the state and on the opposite side of the country from her. The memory of those hours was still fresh and clear as though it had only been yesterday. He'd been in a meeting at the time, frustrated with how long it was taking to finish simple negotiations, and Taylor had slipped into the room silently, his jaw tense, his eyes wide and alert. He'd met Christian's eyes immediately and gave him a very brief, stiff nod, and Christian had known immediately what had been going on. All thoughts of negotiations had left his mind at that moment as he'd forced himself into a standing position, stumbling towards Taylor.

" _Ana?" he'd breathed, his heart racing._

" _Yes, sir," Taylor had responded. "Mrs. Grey is currently en route to the hospital with Sawyer and Gail. Your mother is meeting them there. The plane is on standby and your luggage is already loaded in the car."_

" _ETA in Seattle?" Christian asked, trying to maintain his brisk, in-control façade._

 _Taylor sighed, giving Christian a look that suggested he knew what would be coming the moment he answered this question. "Six and a half hours, sir, depending on flying conditions. The pilot has been instructed to treat this flight as highest priority and will do everything possible to cut the time without sacrificing safety."_

 _Growling under his breath, knowing there wasn't anything he could do to change the circumstances, Christian had retrieved his phone from his pocket and quickly dialed his wife's phone. He sighed in relief when she'd picked up on the second ring, then realized she'd probably been waiting for his call._

" _Christian," she said, sounding breathless. "Where are you?"_

" _On my way to the plane, baby," he'd responded, willing himself to keep his voice calm and unstressed. "I'll be there as soon as I can. How are you?"_

" _Other than the contractions, I'm okay. I want you with me when I deliver, Christian," she told him, her voice tense and pleading._

 _He ran his free hand through his hair. "I know, baby," he told her quietly. "So do I. You just take it easy and do your breathing exercises, and I'll be at your side before you know it. I love you."_

" _I love you, too," she replied. He could tell by the tightness of her words that she was clenching her teeth to get through her contractions. "Fly safely. I need you in one piece when you see our baby for the first time, Christian Grey."_

 _He felt large smile grow on his face—our baby. He definitely liked the sound of that. "Yes, ma'am, Mrs. Grey," he replied. "I'll see you soon."_

 _She'd forced some sort of goodbye before hanging up, and he knew she was trying not to let him hear her in pain, knowing it would only make things worse for him. He had spent the rest of the drive to the airport cursing himself for scheduling a business trip so close to her due date. But they still had another week or so before they were supposed to be doing this and she'd assured him it would be fine, that she and Little Blip would still be there when he returned. He should have known better; that had been his first lesson of fatherhood: children were often unpredictable and rarely did what was expected of them, regardless of such careful planning or desperation on their father's part to maintain control over every aspect of their lives._

 _When he'd eventually landed at SeaTac, he immediately switched his phone back on and called his mother, knowing Ana was probably not in the mood for a phone conversation. His mother had assured him that Ana and the baby were doing just fine, that Ana hadn't given birth yet, that they seemed to be waiting for Christian. Sometime between leaving the plane and driving to the hospital, things had changed. He had entered Ana's hospital room finding it full of doctors and nurses, all of whom were surrounding his wife. His mother had come in behind him and he jumped when she touched his arm, spinning around to see her._

" _What's going on?" he demanded fearfully, his eyes darting between his mother and the place where he knew Ana was being hidden from his sight. "Is she all right?"_

" _She's fine, Christian," Grace had told him soothingly. "Her blood pressure is a little low and we're concerned with whether she will be able to deliver naturally."_

" _Why?" Christian snapped._

 _Grace had hesitated before answering. "Because she's lost consciousness," she eventually answered. "It's been happening since her arrival—she'll go out for several minutes then awaken again. We're not entirely sure what's causing it, but Dr. Greene is insisting a C-section may be necessary."_

" _So do it!" Christian said loudly, wondering why the fuck they were waiting when his wife and child were clearly in some state of distress._

" _We need you to sign some paperwork first, Christian." Grace was probably the only person in the world able to keep her tone patient and calming when Christian was so near to losing his temper. "None of us had the authority to authorize her for surgery, only you."_

 _Fisting his hands in his hair, he nodded. "Fine, give me the fucking paperwork, I'll sign. Just take care of my family." His voice had cracked on the last word, and for once Grace didn't admonish him for his language. "Please, Mom. I'll do anything."_

 _Moments later, she had ceased to be his mother and had gone into professional mode, barking orders at nurses to bring her the necessary paperwork, barking orders at others to have the operating room prepped and ready for Ana's arrival. It was only then that he'd gotten his first glimpse of his wife. He had felt himself tearing up at the sight of her ashen face, closed eyes, and ragged breathing through the oxygen mask over her mouth and nose. With no regard to anybody else in the room, he had crossed to her immediately, taking her hand in his, rubbing his thumb across her knuckles._

"I'm here, Ana," he whispered as he leaned down to kiss her forehead. "I'm here. Everything will be all right. Next time I see you, our son will be here and we'll be a family."

" _Mr. Grey, I have to ask you to step aside and change into hospital scrubs if you wish you remain by your wife's side," Dr. Greene said. Christian hadn't even seen her until now, but nodded at her words, allowing his mother place a pair of scrubs in his arms and direct him towards the bathroom._

 _That day had been both the best and worst of his life—on the one hand, his son had finally arrived, his beautiful, perfect son; on the other hand, there had been a point that he might lose both his wife and child. Ana had yet to regain consciousness and the baby was in distress, and despite her assurances that he could remain with Ana throughout the surgery, Dr. Greene had asked that he leave the room after the first half hour. He didn't know what had happened, only that he could hear the edge of panic and sense of urgency in the tones of the nurses and Dr. Greene herself. He had spent the next few hours pacing the corridor outside the room, snapping at anyone who dared approach him without news on his wife's condition. Finally, Greene had come in search of him. She looked tired but pleased as she informed Christian that everything had gone smoothly, that his baby son had arrived healthy and happy, and that Ana, still rather out of sorts due to the epidural, was staring at the boy in absolute awe._

 _There hadn't been a moment when Anastasia had looked more beautiful than when he entered her hospital suite. She was very understandingly exhausted, but managed a heart-stopping smile when she laid eyes on him. In her arms had been a tiny bundle of blue blankets. Christian hadn't been able to recall actually crossing the room to get to her side, but he did recall sitting on the very edge of her bed, just looking at her for several moments before he leaned over to place lingering kisses on her forehead, between her eyes, the corners of her mouth, and finally her lips._

" _Hello, Daddy," she whispered tiredly._

 _He had let out a sound that was somewhere between a laugh and a sob. "Hello, Mommy," he murmured against her skin. With a deep breath he tore his eyes from hers and looked at the blankets, feeling his heart stop dead, all the breath in his lungs disappear, and his eyes water. Familiar blue eyes stared back at him under a soft layer of copper hair. "And hello to you, too, Little Blip."_

" _Are you ready to hold your son, Mr. Grey?" Ana had asked him._

" _More than ready, Mrs. Grey," he responded quietly, still staring at his son. Ana very carefully transferred their son into Christian's arms, and he was immediately lost. This was his family. This was his reason for being. This was the reason he did and would continue to do everything within his power to keep them safe and happy. That day he vowed to never feel as he had earlier when he thought there might be a chance he might lose both of them. After all, that was a father's job, wasn't it? To ensure the happiness and welfare of his family despite the world's attempts to do the opposite? Nothing would get between him and his family, nobody would break them apart._

He'd failed on all counts, letting Ana walk away from them, letting Hyde keep her from them. This was his second chance—his _family's_ second chance—and he would not fail them this time.

"Are you lost, Christian?"

He jumped at the sound of Ana's voice, realizing he was still standing in the pantry, searching for an appropriate late night snack for his wife and unborn child. "Sorry, baby," he called back. "Lost in my thoughts."

With a selection of breakfast cereals, popcorn, and other suitable junk food items, Christian rejoined Ana in the kitchen. "What thoughts were those?" she asked quietly, almost nervously.

Christian smiled reassuringly at her, carefully setting down his armful of food on the counter. "The day Teddy was born," he told her, silently debating on whether he wanted to burst their little bubble of happiness with his other thoughts. In the end, both Ana and Teddy were happy and healthy, and that was the most important thing. "One of the best days of my life."

She smiled her shy smile that always somehow made him fall even more in love with her. "Mine, too," she told him. Beaming, he leaned across the counter, meeting her lips in a deep kiss that he hoped conveyed every last detail of feeling he had for her. When they broke apart, Ana reached for the box of raisin bran. They ate mostly in silence, glancing at each other out of the corners of their eyes every few seconds, grinning like a pair of besotted teenagers.

Eventually, they returned to bed, holding each other in their arms and whispering to one another until they finally fell asleep.

* * *

Three weeks had passed since the arrival of the paternity test results and life was good. Stress and frustration was minimal; drama was nearly nonexistent; and arguments were conducted in a joking, lighthearted way. Christian and Ana, though they wanted to share their happiness of expecting their second child with their family, had kept the news pretty quiet—only Grace and Carrick were aware that Ana was pregnant. After a visit with Dr. Greene, during which Ana had disclosed information about the pregnancy she had terminated last year, they had decided to wait longer than what they really wanted. Greene had warned Ana that getting pregnant so soon after an abortion may have adverse affects, namely the increased chances of miscarriage. When the doctor had instructed Ana to keep her stress levels to a bare minimum, she'd very nearly laughed out loud at the near impossibility. Christian, however, had kept his mouth in a tight line, clearly thinking about ways to keep his wife stress free. The last thing either of them wanted to do was inform their family about the baby, only to lose it later; Ana wanted to wait until she was either five months or showing enough that she couldn't hide it any longer. Christian had abided by her wishes, joking about the prospect of keeping Ana and their baby to himself as long as possible; inwardly, he was terrified of the possibility that she might miscarry, knowing anymore bad news in their life, especially bad news of that sort of caliber, would all but destroy them.

As much as they wanted to ignore all the bad things going on around them and continue leading their blissful lives, they were still forced to deal with Jack Hyde's upcoming trial. A date had been set for the beginning of November, and in the interest of getting everything over and done with, Carrick had managed to convince the District Attorney to address the lawsuit Hyde had filed against Christian at the same time.

"He's not going to win this," Carrick had told Ana and Christian one evening over dinner. "His lawyer is some piece of shit ambulance chaser who wouldn't know a winning case if it bit him in the ass. You've got nothing to worry about."

Ana disagreed. The very idea of facing Jack Hyde again, even in a controlled environment such as a courtroom, was enough to skyrocket her blood pressure. It seemed the more she settled into her old life and routine, the more she let her fears get to her. She hadn't realized how much she'd been repressing her emotions while she was away, unable and unwilling to let Hyde see exactly what he had been doing to her—she hadn't wanted to give him the satisfaction of seeing her suffer. Missing her husband, missing her son, fear of what Jack might do to her or her family if given half an excuse, fear of what he would continue to do to her, just because he could. She had been able to minimize those feelings in order to keep from losing more of herself than she'd already done, just by leaving Christian and Teddy. The only thought that comforted her was the idea that not only would several people be around with the sole intention of keeping Hyde from getting anywhere near her, Christian included, but after this the next time Hyde would come anywhere near leaving a prison cell would be when he was carried out in a body bag.

She still strongly maintained that she needed to face Hyde in court, no matter how uncomfortable it would undoubtedly make her. Considering all the pain Hyde had put not only her but her family through, she would consider it nothing short of failure if she was unable to follow through. In order to prepare for the inevitable encounter, Carrick had suggested putting her through a practice run. Neither she nor Christian was entirely sure what this might entail, but Ana had agreed to it nonetheless. If it would help her nerves and make everything go that much more smoothly, she'd do it.

As time was going on, Ana was relaxing more and more, letting her guard down in a way she hadn't done in over a year. And naturally, that was when the shit had once again started hitting the fan.

She'd been sound asleep beside her husband, exhausted from hours of lovemaking and slight kinky fuckery—Ana still couldn't quite bring herself to do some of the things they had done in the past, mostly anything related to being tied down for any long length of time. Christian had always been a light sleeper; unless he was experiencing one of his nightmares, he tended to wake up seconds after Ana had begun to regain consciousness. He had always been the first to hear cries over the baby monitor when Teddy had been small, fully aware and alert. So it hadn't been even the slightest bit of surprise when Christian had awoken so quickly and thoroughly after hearing a very soft knock on their bedroom door.

"Hmm?" Ana grumbled sleepily as she roused when she felt Christian pull away from her.

"Shh," Christian whispered. "Back to sleep, baby."

Not having to be told twice, Ana immediately forgot about Christian getting out of bed. She had no idea how much time had passed between then and when the bedroom light had switched on suddenly, forcing her to pull the duvet over her eyes in annoyance.

"Ana, I need you to get up," Christian said calmly. Even in her state of not quite sleep she could hear the tone of urgency in his voice. She ignored him at first, her muddled mind assuming he was in the mood for some late night encounter with her. There was a slight growl before she felt the blankets being removed from her body.

"Christian, I'm not in the mood," she whined, reaching for the blankets again.

"Ana. You need to get up. We have to leave."

She blinked rapidly before her eyes opened. They narrowed against the light in the room and fought to focus on her husband. "What?" she asked, pushing herself up on her elbows. Christian looked back at her, the epitome of cool, calm, and collected; the only tell he gave that something was going on was the way his hand trembled ever so slightly as he ran it through his hair. "Christian, what's the matter?"

His gray eyes flashed briefly in anger, presumably at her lack of obedience. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Anastasia, please," he said quietly in strained patience. "Just get out of bed. Pack a bag for a few days. Meet me downstairs. _Now._ "

It hit her suddenly that her husband was absolutely terrified over something. She nodded slightly, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. "Okay," she said, trying to placate him. "What about Teddy?"

Clearly relieved that she was following direction finally, Christian answered her question with as much patience as he could manage. "Gail is waking him and getting his bag packed. I need to speak with Taylor. Hurry, Ana. Please."

"Okay," she responded, barely getting the word out before he left the room.

Her mind was whirling as she pulled out a suitcase from her closet, quickly packing a few sets of clothes for both herself and Christian, hardly even looking at what she was reaching for. After grabbing their toothbrushes and a few other toiletries, she changed from her pajamas into jeans and a sweatshirt, and grabbed the suitcase by the handle, dragging it behind her on its wheels. When she reached the foyer, she immediately located Gail who was holding a sleeping Teddy, two suitcases waiting beside her.

"What in the world is going on?" Ana asked bewildered.

Gail shook her head, looking exactly how Ana felt. "I don't know. Jason got a phone call about twenty minutes ago, cursed, and jumped out of bed to find you and Mr. Grey. Apparently we're going somewhere."

"That's about as much as I came up with myself," Ana muttered, reaching out to gently take her son from Gail's arms, kissing his temple as he settled on her shoulder. Before either of them could say another word, Christian and Taylor appeared, their faces grim.

"We're leaving now," Christian informed the women, reaching for the handle of Ana's suitcase. Taylor took the ones Gail had packed, presumably one for her and Taylor, and the other for Teddy. Without further preamble, the five of them left the house and entered the dark, cold night. Sawyer was waiting at the SUV, his eyes scanning the area very carefully. He nodded a brief greeting at the group, then quickly walked around to help load the luggage before climbing into the passenger seat. Ana, Gail, and Teddy climbed into the backseat first, Christian sliding in beside his wife.

Checking in the rearview mirror that everyone was settled and buckled, Taylor waited for a nod from Christian before putting the car into gear and speeding down the driveway and into the night. The car was filled with a tense silence for several minutes. Ana distracted herself from her nerves by running her fingers through her son's hair, darting her eyes between her husband and Sawyer who, though he was trying to be covert, was glancing out windows and mirrors every few seconds, clearly checking to see whether they were being tailed.

Unable to deal with the silence any longer, Ana looked at Christian. His jaw was tense, his mouth a hard line, his fingers pressed into his lips. "Christian?" she asked tentatively, resting a hand on his thigh.

He grunted in response, though she wasn't sure if he was telling her to go on or dismissing her entirely.

Taking a deep breath, she decided to take her chances. "Where are we going?"

Christian's body stiffened, his eyes darting between her and Taylor's eyes in the rearview the only thing giving away the fact that he had heard her at all. "Airport," he bit eventually, probably unable to come up with any real excuse to not tell her where they were headed.

Ana blinked rapidly at him, exchanging a shocked expression with Gail—it was nice to see she wasn't the only person in the car who was utterly clueless at the moment. "And why are we going to the airport?"

His eyes closed slowly and she knew he was counting to ten to keep his temper in check. "Not now, Anastasia," he growled through clenched teeth.

Much as she wanted answers, she looked at the front seat just in time to see Taylor shake his head minutely at her. The message was clear: _don't push it, Mrs. Grey. Not worth it._ So she kept her mouth shut, allowing the overwhelming tense silence to return. There was only one reason for Christian to suddenly pack his family in the middle of the night without even the slightest bit of explanation: they were running. She couldn't possibly imagine what could have happened to scare him so thoroughly to act like this, but whatever it was, it was starting to absolutely terrify her. It didn't escape her notice of all the times something like this or similar had happened, Christian had never involved Gail in it. He always made absolutely certain she had gone somewhere safe, often giving Taylor instructions and funds to ensure this, and the thought that something had scared Christian enough to completely evacuate their home set Ana on edge.

Within an hour, they arrived on the airport tarmac where the GEH jet waited for them. Taylor and Sawyer wasted no time jumping out of the car and herding the Greys and Gail onto the plane, only returning to the car for their luggage once they were on board. The jet's door closed and the engines were running before Ana had even finished buckling Teddy into his seat and she had to rush to settle in her own seat beside Christian, who still hadn't said a word since his growled warning.

 _This is not good..._ said her subconscious grimly.

Ana inwardly nodded her agreement, reaching out again to grasp her husband's hand. He immediately closed his fingers around hers, his eyes darting sideways at her. For the briefest of moments, Ana saw raw emotion in his expression—it was the absolute terror of a lost little boy. Before she could really process this, his face reverted to its normal cold, calm, controlled state for when he was worried about something. As the plane took off, Ana rested her head on his shoulder, knowing without a doubt he would protect her and their family with every fiber of his being. Her only wish was that, for once, he wouldn't have to.

"Christian?" she whispered.

"Yes, Ana," he replied tonelessly.

"Will you at least tell me where the plane is headed?"

He let out a shaky breath before replying in the same tone, "Aspen."


	18. Chapter 18

" _Aspen?_ " Ana asked in an incredulous whisper.

Christian sighed, letting his eyes close briefly as he fought to maintain any slight semblance of control of his life. The tentative grasp he'd had on it since opening his bedroom door to find Taylor fully dressed and looking as panicked as Christian had ever seen him was slipping away with every second that ticked on. Initially he'd felt fear as he informed his wife that they would be leaving their home. But after leaving her to her packing, the fear was replaced by anger at the people who were doing this to them, chasing them from the one place in the world they should feel safest.

Ana deserved answers and explanations, and he wanted to give them to her. But Dr. Greene's words about keeping her stress levels down throughout her pregnancy rang loudly in his ears; this situation would be the exact thing to put her into that danger zone they'd been warned about.

It wasn't until they'd reached their flying altitude that Christian finally decided to come clean about everything, realizing that keeping it from her wouldn't help her stress levels either. "Take Teddy to bed," he told his wife, his lips against her hair. "And if you really want to know what's going on, I'll tell you."

She looked up at him, blinking rapidly. "Okay," she agreed quietly. He waited for her to unbuckle their son from his seat and disappear in the back of the plane before he got up himself in search of Taylor.

His number one was towards the front of the plane, his arm around his own wife as Gail apparently slept on his shoulder. Christian softly cleared his throat and Taylor immediately looked around at him. "Sir?" he questioned softly.

Christian didn't reply out loud, only gesturing with a nod of his head for Taylor to follow him. He turned away, heading back to his own seat while Taylor extricated himself from his wife and seat in order to join his boss—Sawyer, who looked to have fallen asleep himself, was with him when he reached Christian. "When Anastasia returns," he told his security team, "I want you to give us a full brief on what's happened. Tell her everything."

For the briefest of moments, Christian thought Taylor might actually argue the instructions; resignedly, Taylor nodded. "Of course, sir."

The three men sat in silence until Ana joined them, glancing at Sawyer and Taylor curiously. "Sit, baby," Christian murmured to her, patting the seat beside him. She did so, immediately snuggling into his side. Whether this was for her comfort or his, he wasn't sure. Not that it mattered; just having her in his arms calmed him more than anything else in the world could have. "I want you to know everything that happens around us, Ana. You of all people deserve to know everything. But I need you to promise me that you'll let me handle this and try your damndest not to stress yourself more than you have to. I will do everything in my power to protect you and Teddy, and I will not let anything get to you."

Swallowing hard at his words, Ana nodded, the fear in her eyes prevalent. "I promise," she whispered.

Sighing in relief, he looked over at Taylor, nodding himself. "From the beginning, Jason," he said briskly.

"Yes, sir," Taylor murmured, looking between the Greys uncertainly. "I received a call about an hour and a half ago now from an old buddy of mine who is now employed at the King County jail about a security breach." Christian felt rather than heard the sharp inhalation through his wife's teeth.

"What sort of breach?" she asked fearfully.

Taylor hesitated, but nodded at Christian's narrowed eyes. "An escape, Mrs. Grey."

Christian increased the grip he had around his wife's shoulders in an effort to stop her trembling at Taylor's words. "Jack?" she whispered, hardly able to get the word out.

"No," Christian mumbled against her hair. She tensed against him and he wasn't sure if she was relieved that Hyde was still in police custody or if it was worse because she knew exactly who was out of it.

"And why are we running?" she asked after a few moments of trying to keep herself calm. "I thought you said we were safe at home?"

Though deep down he knew this wasn't an accusation, the words cut Christian to the quick. He'd sworn to keep his family safe, thought he'd done everything possible to guard their home against outside intruders, but here they were, fleeing.

"Mrs. Grey," Taylor said when he apparently realized Christian had no words. "We don't know why Duncan has escaped, nor do we know how. We have theories—my contact at the jail thinks it may have been an inside job. But given past experiences, it would put me at ease knowing you're not at the house in case he does show up. I don't believe there are any gaps in our security measures, but I'm not willing to leave a thing like this to chance."

Ana nodded slightly, burrowing deeper in her husband's arms. "What about the others? Christian's parents, Elliot and Kate, Mia and Ethan..."

"Other members of the security team have been sent to their homes, ma'am," Sawyer informed her. "They're as safe as can be, and if that changes, they will be evacuated as well."

"I fully expect to land in Aspen and have several annoyed voicemails and text messages from them," Christian said, attempting a joking tone. "If Kate's pregnancy is anything like yours at the end, she will not appreciate being woken like this."

Ana gave him a forced, shaky laugh. With a glance, Christian dismissed Sawyer and Taylor, both of whom immediately stood and went back to their seats to give them some privacy. He didn't know what to say to his wife—yet another reassurance that he would keep her safe seemed redundant and the more he said it the more hollow the words sounded even to his own ears. Luckily, she didn't seem to expect him to say anything right now and was perfectly happy to have him hold her.

Several minutes passed before Ana took in a shaky breath pulling herself out of his arms. "I'm going to check on Teddy," she told him quietly.

He could only nod at the blank expression on her face as she slid past him and headed towards the bedroom at the back of the plane. During her absence, Christian was able to wonder how his life had become... this. From the very beginning of his relationship with Ana, for every good thing that happened to them, that took them to the height of impossible happiness, there was always something waiting in the wings to drag them viciously back to the earth. Whether it was an ex-sub, Christian's own dark past, Ana's fears, Elena Lincoln, or Jack fucking Hyde, nothing allowed them to just be together without worry. The high they'd been on since receiving the paternity results had been shattered into a million pieces within a matter of hours.

On the seat across from his was a manila folder. He reached for it and opened it finding a photo of Adam Duncan aka Roger, and wondered where it had come from. His only explanation was that he'd been so lost in his thoughts that Taylor had brought it to him, then decided to leave him be.

For most of his life, he'd been able to forget about the pimp who had abused him as a child. The only real lingering effects were the recurring nightmares he experienced far too often for anyone's liking and his fear of being touched. When Ana had come into his life, even those things had fallen by the wayside. But he'd never given any real thought to where the pimp was, what he was doing, whether he would ever find Christian again. It hadn't mattered. He'd had his family. He'd had his company. He'd had his own slice of happiness.

So why, after all this time, had the pimp decided to make a return? However he'd become acquainted with Jack Hyde, Christian was sure they'd discovered a mutual hatred of all things related to Christian Grey and his family—Hyde's reasons were clear: Revenge. Roger... Well, the only real reasons Christian could come up with for why Roger would want to come after him was because of the crack whore. He probably blamed Christian for her death. Wanted some sort of reimbursement.

 _And why the fuck would he hold onto that for almost three decades?_ he asked himself. _It couldn't have been that hard to go out and find some other young woman he could get addicted to drugs and put out on street corners every night. It's Detroit, after all..._

His disdain for the city of Detroit had only grown over the years, and as far as he was concerned, the entire city could be sucked into the ground and the world would be better off.

With a heavy sigh, Christian pushed himself out of his own seat, slowly following his wife's footsteps to the bedroom. He found her just has he'd expected he would: curled up in the middle of the overly-large bed with their son. Doubting she was sleeping, he took off his shoes and slid in beside her, gently reaching out to place a hand on her hip.

"Hi," she whispered, not turning to look at him.

He shuffled a little closer, resting his head right beside hers. "Hi," he replied. "Are you okay?"

"What do you think?" she asked.

"I think you're handling this better than I thought you would, and I think this will all die down pretty quickly," he told her, despite knowing it had been a rhetorical question.

She didn't reply, but he hadn't expected her to. They lay in the darkness for what could have been hours, not saying a word. Eventually she shifted so that she lay on her back, still holding Teddy against her. Through the dark, he could still see her red-rimmed eyes, evidence of spent this entire time crying silently. He longed to end her tears, her fear. More than anything, she deserved to live happily ever after, and to live the best years of her life without worry. But he kept bringing this shit back to them. Everything traced back to him—Hyde, Elena, the pimp...

"Stop it," she whispered firmly.

He raised his eyebrows in surprise. "Stop what?"

"Thinking that you're the reason for all of this and that everything is your fault."

He grinned slightly, wondering how she managed to read his thoughts—something she'd claimed for years he did to her. "You have to admit that without me you wouldn't be fleeing from your home in the dead of night," he told her. "If I were a better man, I'd leave you and Teddy to your own devices, make sure you were fully provided for and move to the opposite side of the planet." He placed a finger over her lips to silence her protests. "Unluckily for you, my love, I'm not a better man. I am a selfish man who cannot bear to be parted from my family for longer than is absolutely necessary. And I am sorry to have brought you all of this drama, sorrier than I will ever be able to tell you. It's not fair to you or Teddy, or our little invader in here." He slid a hand under her sweatshirt, resting it possessively on her belly. "I don't know what Roger wants and I don't know why he can't just leave us the fuck alone, but we'll figure this out."

Ana rolled her eyes; he let it go, given the circumstances. "You have such a way of setting my mind at ease, Mr. Grey," she muttered sarcastically. "And would you please watch your language in front of our son?"

Christian smirked. "Teddy's dead to the world, Anastasia," he murmured against her lips. "He won't hear a fucking thing."

He felt rather than heard her giggle just before he closed the distance between them, but before he could do anything to distract their minds, yet another knock on a door interrupted. Christian growled, pulling away from his wife. "I'm going to kill Taylor."

Ana giggled again as he rolled to the edge of the bed. "No you won't," she said with utmost certainty.

Shooting a look over his shoulder that told her not to count on it, Christian stood from the bed, opening the door a crack. "What is it?"

"We'll be beginning our descent soon, sir," Taylor told him. "I've been asked to tell you it's time to return to your seats."

"Of course," Christian sighed. "Thank you, Jason."

Taylor nodded and left again. When he turned, Ana was already getting out of bed, carefully picking up their son so as to not wake him. Christian wondered idly how long he'd been in here; he was certain the trip to Aspen usually took much longer, then reasoned that it was entirely possible that they'd fallen asleep, even with everything on their minds. "I'll take him," Christian offered softly, reaching out for Teddy.

Ana shook her head. "I've got him," she replied.

He nodded silently, realizing holding onto Teddy was a comfort to her, and he'd be nothing short of a total bastard if he took that away from her right now. As she stepped past him to get at the door, he placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to pause and turn back to him with a questioning raised eyebrow. Without a word, he pulled his wife and son into his arms, partaking in the one thing in the world that comforted him in times like these. Ana reached around his waist with her free arm to return his embrace. Only when Teddy squirmed, muttering some sort of wordless protest about being squished between his parents did they pull apart. Christian took her hand and led her back to their seats.

* * *

By sunrise, the Greys, Sawyer, Taylor, and Gail had arrived at the house in Aspen, greeted as always by Mrs. Bentley. Teddy had woken in the car and was now being fawned over by the caretaker, confusion evident on his little face at how he'd come to be here when he'd fallen asleep in his own bed in Seattle. For the moment, his questions were forgotten as Carmella ushered everybody into the house, then into the dining room where breakfast awaited them.

"This is lovely, Carmella," Christian said appreciatively, pulling out Ana's chair for her. "I know this is all short notice..."

"Nonsense," Mrs. Bentley scoffed, waving him off as she served Teddy eggs and bacon. "It's no trouble at all. We're always happy to have company here."

Breakfast proceeded in a lighthearted manner that Ana knew was forced for Teddy's sake. About halfway through, Taylor suddenly excused himself, reaching for his phone as he left the room, and the atmosphere thickened almost immediately. Christian exchanged a glance with Sawyer that suddenly reminded Ana that they weren't in Aspen on vacation. When Taylor eventually returned, he cleared his throat, nodding his head at both Christian and Sawyer, signaling for them to follow him; they did so immediately.

Mrs. Bentley's eyes followed them out of the room uneasily then just as suddenly, she smiled brightly. "Well, why don't the three of you get settled?" she suggested cheerfully. "I imagine you're still tired from your plane ride..."

Gail jumped up to help clear the table, but Mrs. Bentley waved her off, insisting that she go upstairs and unpack. Ana laughed at the almost putout expression on the other woman's face; clearly Gail wasn't used to being waited on, but she knew Mrs. Bentley wouldn't take no for an answer. "Come on, Gail," Ana said. She put an arm around Gail's shoulders, turning her around. "I'll show you where you'll be sleeping..."

Teddy led the charge through the large house, up the wooden staircase, and into the bedroom he usually occupied during his stays here. Ana gave Gail a brief guided tour, pointing out the closed door of the study—probably where their husbands were currently talking—then one of the spare bedrooms. Their belongings had already been brought up, probably by the men as they retreated into the study. Ana stood a little awkwardly just inside the door as Gail had a look around her room. She almost felt as though she should apologize for what had happened that morning, but she had no idea how she should even begin. The number of times Gail had been dragged into whatever drama was going on in the Greys' lives was almost staggering and it really was a minor miracle she'd stuck around this long.

In the end, she'd left Gail to unpack in peace and headed down the hallway to her and Christian's bedroom. The second she entered, every memory of their visits here came flooding back from the very first time with Elliot, Kate, Ethan, and Mia to the most recent about a year and a half ago. Despite maintaining that skiing was far too dangerous an activity, Christian had taught her during one of their visits a few months after Teddy's birth. Like everything they did together, Christian was patient and attentive, and it had been one of the best days she'd ever had. At some point, they'd ended up in the snow together, giggling like children as they kissed and ran their hands across each other, desperately trying to feel something through their layers of jackets. That night they'd lay in front of the fire with cups of hot chocolate, just talking and holding one another, exchanging the things they dreamed would be their future together. It had been bliss.

She still wasn't sure when things had gone from that to what it had become before she'd left. All she remembered was waking up one morning and wondering when she and Christian had gone from the fiery passion of being so completely in love to merely existing around one another. That's not to say there wasn't passion in their lives, but those moments had become less and less frequent. Christian had become more moody, more likely to snap at her for little to no reason. Ana spent much of her time during the day caring for their young son and thoughts about them drifting apart the way her mother and Ray had were becoming more frequent. Though she would never admit it to Christian, especially not after the last year, she had seriously considered, more than once, leaving him. Once she'd actually gotten so far as packing a suitcase for her and Teddy, but by the time she'd reached the top of the stairs to leave, she'd lost her nerve and had very quickly unpacked.

Now she thought about it, she wondered whether the security team had seen exactly what she'd done that afternoon, and if they had, whether they'd told Christian. Considering Christian had never mentioned it, she doubted it. And if he had known, the only conclusion she could come to was that he hadn't cared enough at the time to try and stop her; perhaps he'd been having the same thoughts...? She recalled his words about how her leaving last year might have been inevitable. Had that been what he was referring to?

 _Enough_ , her subconscious snapped at her. _Even if it had crossed his mind, the fact that he'd desperately tried to find you last year means he realized what he would have lost. He's not going to let you do that again._

Just as she finished unpacking her and Christian's belongings, her husband entered the room looking as though the lack of sleep from the night before had caught up with him. They stood watching each other for a few moments before Christian crossed the room, pulling her into his arms. Whether this was just because he wanted a bit of affection or because the situation was starting to get to him didn't matter; she immediately returned the embrace, allowing him to walk her backwards towards the bed and pull her down with him. She half-expected him to start kissing her and try to get her clothes off as quickly as possible—sex was after all his favorite coping mechanism. It surprised her when he pulled away, one arm under her cradling her head, the other hand resting on her hip.

"What did you find out?" she asked softly when minutes went by and he still hadn't said a word. She was fully prepared for the patented Christian Grey brush-off, knowing his temper was probably bubbling just below the surface with everything that had been going on, and the last thing she wanted to do was fight with him in the midst of all of it.

It took her by surprise when he took a deep breath, letting it out shakily and met her nervous gaze with an uneasy one of his own. "There was a riot at the jail," he told her hoarsely, absentmindedly reaching up to tuck a few loose strands of hair behind her ear. "And during aforementioned riot, Roger made his escape. You heard what Taylor said: his contact at the jail thinks it was an inside job. If that's the case, then someone helped Roger out of there."

Ana felt her eyes widen in horror. " _Why?_ " she asked incredulously. "Why would anyone bother helping him? I'd have thought if anyone was going to ever break out or receive outside help, it would have been Jack."

Christian shrugged one shoulder. "Jack Hyde is under heavier security at the moment. Roger is a threat to us, but Hyde was the one who started all this shit, and he's the one we've had all our focus on. Taylor is still working on who the inside man might be, how he's being manipulated enough to break that piece of shit out..." A growl entered Christian's tone and Ana prepared for the inevitable angry Christian to make his appearance. Again, to her surprise, Christian managed to subdue his emotions, meeting his wife's eyes with determination. "Whatever happens, he will not get to you, Anastasia. He will not get to Teddy."

Ana nodded. "I know," she whispered. "I know he won't. I know that because I know you will do everything in your power to protect us. And I love you for that." She hesitated. "Just, please, Christian... While you're looking out for us, look out for yourself too, okay?" Christian blinked in confusion, and Ana immediately knew that his well-being hadn't even crossed his mind until now. "I'm not the only one with a history with this bastard, Christian. Yours goes back way further than either of us wants to think about, and I know you don't want to discuss it, but I know you well enough to know revenge has crossed your mind at least once, and you have a habit of doing some really reckless shit when you've got only one thing on your mind... Why are you smiling?"

Christian let out a snort of laughter and leaned forward to kiss her forehead. "You," he replied simply. He didn't expand, leaving her slightly confused, even though by now she should be used to his mercurial moods.

Rolling onto his back, Christian brought Ana with him, holding her against his chest. For a while, they just lay quietly while she listened to his rhythmic heartbeat and thought through everything he'd told her. During that time, she only came to one uneasy conclusion: "This makes no sense," she whispered.

"Hmm?" Christian replied, sounding sleepy.

She pushed herself up slightly to look into his half-lidded eyes. "Why would someone go through the trouble of breaking out a low-level pimp from Detroit?" she asked.

Christian sighed. "I don't know, Ana," he answered, the expression on his face suggesting it actually physically pained him to not have explanations for her. "See, this is exactly why I insist on not telling you things until I've got more of the story. Now you're going to sit around worrying about it the whole time."

Ana shook her head, smiling slightly. "No, Christian, I won't." He raised a skeptical eyebrow at her; she rolled her eyes. "Okay, I might worry about it, but I really do prefer knowing these things as they come rather than when the shit hits the fan and you're on the edge of a meltdown."

"Meltdown?" he repeated indignantly. "Sweetheart, you haven't seen me have a meltdown."

Smiling indulgently, Ana rested her head on her husband's chest again. "Keep thinking that, Grey," she muttered.

She could imagine the look he was giving her—a mixture of annoyance, amusement, and confusion—but after a moment, he sighed and let his head fall back to the pillow in defeat. Ana inwardly smirked in success at having silenced Christian Grey under such conditions.

"I know the conditions are far from ideal," he whispered some time later. "But maybe this is a blessing in disguise. You need the chance to relax some, so do I. We've got relative privacy here, plenty of things to do with Teddy... He's wanted to visit here for over a year and I've been denying him, because I couldn't stomach the thought of coming without you." Ana sucked in a sharp breath, suddenly feeling like she had been kicked in the chest. Christian sighed, pulling her closer to him. "I didn't mean it like that, baby... I just meant I'm happy we're here again—together, as a family."

Ana could only nod. There hadn't been any real mention of the last year—not by Christian, and certainly not by her—but there were still moments when one of them would mention something, whether a place or a time or an experience, that reminded them of the year they'd lost, and every time Ana was hit with a wave of guilt.

"Hey," Christian said quietly, hooking his fingers beneath her chin and forcing her to meet his eyes. "If I'm not allowed to sit around thinking this is all my fault, then you're sure as hell not allowed to sit around hating yourself for what happened last year. We agreed, Anastasia, that there were a number of mistakes made on both our parts, and we're still working through that. You went through hell and I haven't been particularly sympathetic to that. Regardless of what happened, you can't focus on that, especially not now; if you do, they win."

She didn't have to ask who _they_ were. Sighing in defeat, Ana snuggled further into her husband's side, taking solace in his strength, protection, and love. Again, they fell into silence and the next time Ana started to say something, she noticed Christian's even breathing. She looked up to find his eyes closed; he was fast asleep. Stifling a giggle, knowing if she tried to move he would wake, and god knew he needed his sleep, she resigned herself to once again falling asleep in his arms.

 _What a tragedy..._

* * *

 _He stops what he's doing when he hears the laugh, his eyes widening and his tiny body shaking. For a moment he is frozen, unable to run and hide like he knows he needs to do, but when he hears the heavy footsteps of the boots, he drops the army man his mommy found for him and runs fast through the apartment and practically dives underneath the little bed in the back bedroom where he crawls on his belly to the farthest corner from the door. He's just in time; he jumps a little when the door to the apartment is slammed open and he puts two dirty hands over his mouth so he doesn't scream and give away his hiding place._

 _There are voices. He recognizes one immediately as Mommy, another as Mommy's Friend. But he doesn't recognize the other one. Still, he knows that very soon he'll hear his mommy making other noises, noises that make it sound like somebody is hurting her. He wants to help Mommy every time he hears these sounds, but he's always too afraid of Mommy's Friend._

" _Ow! What the fuck!" Mommy's Friend shouts. "Where is he, Ella!"_

 _His eyes widen and he pushes himself farther into the corner under the bed, knowing what is coming._

" _The little shit can't even be bothered to keep his fucking toys somewhere I won't step on them!" Mommy's Friend's voice is getting closer. "Someone's got to teach him some fucking manners. You just go do your fucking job!"_

 _The bedroom door is thrown open with such force that it bounces off the wall and Mommy's Friend is forced to slam it open with his hand to keep it from hitting him. He smells the sticks Mommy's Friend always has in his mouth and begins to shake, still watching the heavy boots draw nearer to the bed. Mommy's Friend walks very slowly, very deliberately, and he has only a moment to make himself small before the arm appears reaching and grasping for him._

 _He begins to whimper in fear, tears rolling down his face as he watches strong fingers open and close, trying to grab onto any part of him they can. One finger brushes his pant leg and he knows he's caught when he hears the triumphant laugh. Mommy's Friend drops down to his belly and finds him immediately with his cold, scary eyes and twisted grin._

" _There you are, you little shit," he growls, reaching out once more. The moment Mommy's Friend's hand closes over his ankle, he disappears._

 _Trembling, he waits for the man to return to exact the usual punishment, but when long minutes go by and he can't hear any of the voices anymore, he thinks maybe they left again. Very slowly and cautiously, the little copper-haired boy slides out from under the bed, aware that the scare made him wet his pants. It has happened before and he could always change his clothes before Mommy came home so she wouldn't be upset at his accident—he was a big boy after all and big boys peed in the potty._

 _When he pushes himself to his feet, he is Christian Grey, CEO of Grey Enterprises Holdings, Inc, father of one, soon-to-be two, husband to a beautiful and incredible woman. He is a man who fears nothing aside from the well-being of his family. He looks around the dirty, cluttered bedroom in disgust, taking in the dirty dishes, the pile of clothes, the familiar scent of poverty before he walks slowly from the bedroom and down the hallway._

 _A cry from the front room makes him jump and his heart race. It was a cry of pain, and at first, he thinks it's his own. When he arrives in the front room, he sees another man standing over a tiny boy who is curled in on himself, his hands over his head while the man kicks out at him, shouting incomprehensible words at him. A floorboard creaks, and the man pauses mid-kick, while the boy—a small, dirty, thin, copper-haired boy looks up hopefully._

 _Christian feels his heart drop to his feet. As much as the boy looks like him, he knows immediately it isn't—this little boy is his son, Teddy. He feels anger boil in his veins towards the man who is hurting his son. This man would die for even considering touching Teddy and would feel every ounce of pain Christian himself had endured as a child._

Christian...

 _He lifts his eyes, his fists clenching and unclenching as he looks at the monster that harmed him and his son._

Christian...

 _His eyes widen when instead of seeing the pimp, he sees himself._

Christian, wake up...

 _His face is hardened and cold, his lips sneering at both him and the whimpering boy on the floor who is still curled into a ball in an attempt to protect himself._

" _No," Christian begs in a whisper as his eyes dart between himself and Teddy. "No, I'd never..."_

" _It's only a matter of time," growls the other Christian. "Can't escape your past, you little shit."_

Christian, please...

" _You can deny it all you want, try to repress the urge, but the fact of the matter is that you are a monster. All that anger and fear has to be channeled somewhere. And this..." he gestures at himself, "is what you'll become. Look at what you've done to her..."_

 _Frozen in place, it takes several seconds to turn his head to where he knows the couch is located. He even knows what he will see before he does, but that doesn't make it any easier. A young, brown-haired girl lay on her side, her blue eyes open but glossy. One of her hands hangs limply over the edge of the couch while the other is bent at the elbow and pulled against her chest. It isn't his birthmother; it isn't any of the string of girls he had once taken into his playroom to whip into submission. It is his wife. It is his Anastasia._

" _Oh god," he cries, falling to his knees._

Dammit, Christian... It's a fucking nightmare...

" _I'm sorry," he whispers through his tears, directing his words at both his wife and son. He realizes vaguely the other Christian has disappeared and he makes a move towards Teddy first. Immediately the little boy's dirty, tear-stained face snaps up at him and stares at him in absolute terror as he tries to scoot himself backwards in an effort to put more distance between them. Christian looks at Ana who looks straight through him, not even seeing him with her hazy eyes. He curls in on himself, much the way Teddy had during the attack, wracking sobs shaking his entire body as the realization of what he has done to his family hits._

 _He looks up slowly to find Ana's eyes locked on him, hatred and accusation filling her expression. Before both she and Teddy fade into nothing, only a lingering whisper remaining as she asks, "Why?"_

* * *

Christian woke with a start and sat straight up in the bed, greedily sucking in fresh air. Only then did he realize Ana was on top of him, straddling his knees, her eyes wide with fear—fear of him?

"Ana?" he breathed weakly before wrapping her tightly in his arms, crushing her body to his, and sobbing into her shoulder. He felt her arms cautiously return his embrace and he sighed in relief to find she was there, with him, whole and healthy. "I won't let it happen." Even to his own ears he sounded like that lost, scared little boy from his dream. "I won't, Ana, I won't let it happen."

"Shh," she murmured against his ear, one hand rubbing his back while the other ran slowly and softly through his hair. "I know you won't..."

They remained in their embrace for what could have been weeks; he didn't want to let her go, fearing the moment she left his arms she'd disappear like she had in the dream. They remained this way until they heard a soft clearing of someone's throat and Ana pulled away just enough to look over her shoulder. "Everything all right, Mrs. Grey?"

He felt Ana nod. "Everything's fine, Taylor," she replied softly. "Thank you."

Christian opened his eyes just enough to see Taylor and Sawyer both standing in the doorway of the bedroom, both of them with their hands resting at their lower backs as they watched the Greys warily. After a moment or two, they reluctantly left, closing the door softly behind them.

"Teddy?" he eventually managed to croak out. Suddenly the urge to find his son was nearly overwhelming.

Ana only held him more tightly against her, refusing to let him go. "He's okay, baby," she whispered soothingly. "He's asleep. I just checked on him a few minutes ago."

Christian relaxed slightly at her words, even though the images from his nightmare were still burning in his brain. He tried to convince himself it was just a byproduct of everything that had been happening recently, that there was no reasonable justification for it. And despite what his subconscious was trying to tell him, he could never, not in a million years, ever treat his wife and son like he had in the dream. He could never be anything like Adam Duncan. Still, there was part of him that reminded him of the things he'd done in the past to all those little brown-haired girls. Those actions had been justified as therapeutic; he was taking his anger for his birthmother out in a way that pleased both him and them. Looking back, however, he realized some of his behaviors could be seen as abusive and the very thought made him feel like the monster who had tortured him as a boy.

 _I'm nothing like him_ , he thought firmly to himself.

"Christian?"

Looking down at his chest, he found Ana's nervous, concerned blue eyes watching him. "Yes?"

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Can you tell me...?"

His eyes closed; he knew the question was coming, even if he hoped it wouldn't. If nothing else, his wife was always eager for information. There were times he hated that about her.

 _Bullshit, Grey,_ his mind scoffed. _There isn't a damn thing you hate about her._

Well, that was true enough... Maybe if he gave her just enough details to satisfy her, she'd let it go for the moment. "It was me and the pimp," he said, flinching inwardly at his sharp tone. "And my birthmother."

Ana sighed as though she expected this. "It wasn't real," she whispered, sounding uncertain. Though Christian had gone through great pains over the years to let her into his past, there were only a handful of truths that he'd been able to give her about that time in his life. She knew more about him than anybody, but he still feared telling her every last detail would send her running for the hills. Whenever he tried to tell her about his nightmares, she really couldn't tell whether they were something that had actually happened or something his mind had twisted into exaggeration.

"I know," he heard himself whisper. His eyelids were growing heavy again and he rested his lips against Ana's hair. "Sleep now, beautiful girl."

* * *

Next time he woke, he was on his side and Ana was curled against him, her back to his chest. He hadn't known what time it was earlier after his nightmare, but he assumed it was now hours later, possibly the middle of the night judging by the darkness through the bedroom windows. Ana was sleeping soundly and much as he hated to leave her, he couldn't stay in this bed any longer. Carefully, he pulled his arm out from under her, pausing only to kiss her temple.

Out in the dark hallway, his first order of business to ensure his son was still there, still safe. His boy was curled up in the middle of the big bed and for a moment the images from his dream returned—how Teddy was curled up and trembling in fear of his father. He shook off the thoughts, smoothing out his son's unruly hair with trembling fingers and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, Theodore," he whispered against his son's skin. "No one will ever hurt you."

Stealing one more look, Christian left the room, closing the door softly behind him. He glanced into the dark study, confirming both Taylor and Sawyer were elsewhere in the house, probably asleep, before heading down the stairs. The only light in the house was that of the lights above the kitchen cabinets, dim enough not to be harsh to the eyes in the middle of the night, just bright enough to allow someone to move around without running into anything.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when the backdoor opened and Taylor entered. "Christ, Jason!" he gasped loudly. "You scared the shit out of me!"

If he didn't know any better, he'd say Taylor smirked at him. "My apologies, Mr. Grey," he murmured, closing the door and removing his jacket.

"What the hell were you doing?" Christian grumbled as his heart rate returned to normal.

"Checking the perimeter," Taylor told him, reaching into the cabinet for a glass then filling it with water from the tap. "I don't expect anything to happen, but when the moment you let your guard down..."

Christian nodded his understanding and approval. As he moved around the kitchen, going for his own drink, he could feel Taylor's eyes trained on him, watching every little move he made as though waiting for him to reach out and strike. "Something the matter, Taylor?" he asked when this began to become slightly annoying.

"Are you feeling better, sir?" Taylor responded, still staring at him unashamedly.

Raising an eyebrow, Christian nodded. "Yes, thank you," he said stiffly. "I think the stress is becoming a bit too much."

"I know the feeling," was Taylor's murmured response. Christian rather got the impression the other man hadn't intended to speak out loud. "You should know, sir, there's been no further word from the jail. Local and state authorities are searching for Duncan and assure me they're doing all they can, but they agree our decision to leave might be for the best for the time being."

Christian nodded broodingly. "In your expert opinion, Jason, why do you think Duncan ahs escaped? Aside from the fact that he was in jail facing any number of charges, and who the fuck would want to be in jail..."

"Revenge, possibly," Taylor replied thoughtfully. "Clearly he and Hyde have taken issues with both you and your wife. They don't seem to have anything else to lose anymore. Either they do what they intend to do or they spend their lives in prison. And honestly, Mr. Grey, knowing they have nothing to lose is a much more frightening prospect."

"I agree," Christian said exhaustedly. "We should both get some sleep, Jason. I'll want a briefing with you and Sawyer before breakfast and after that, I think I'll take Ana and Teddy out into town. Take the day off; spend some time with your wife. We might as well take advantage of the time away and try to enjoy ourselves for a change."

Taylor raised an eyebrow. "You're sure that's wise, sir?" he asked cautiously.

Snorting a laugh, Christian shook his head, finishing off his glass of water. "No, Jason, I don't. But we're all wound far too tightly and if we stay that way, it's going to end up blowing up in our faces. I'll keep in contact throughout the day and if anything comes up, I expect you to call me immediately."

Rather than arguing, Taylor nodded. "Of course, Mr. Grey," he replied dutifully. "Good night, sir."

"Good night, Jason."


	19. Chapter 19

When Ana arrived at the breakfast table the next morning, she received quite a shock. Christian was seated at the head of the table with Teddy right beside him and Gail, Taylor, and Sawyer sat in their own chairs, all of them chatting happily and laughing as though this had been a planned family vacation and they hadn't a care in the world. For a few moments, she lingered in the doorway, smiling softly at the way all the stress and age seemed to melt away from her husband's face and body. This was something she hadn't seen in far too long and she almost went in search for a camera to try to capture the moment.

It wasn't long, however, before Christian sensed her gaze; he looked up and met her eyes immediately without having to search for her. His boyish smile lit up his face at the sight of her. "Well, good morning, Sleeping Beauty," he said, his tone teasing while his eyes darkened with something that sent shivers up and down her spine.

"Morning," she said back, holding his gaze as she crossed the room to sit in the empty chair beside her husband. She smiled at the others at the table as she did so and watched as Christian took it upon himself to fill her plate with eggs, pancakes, and bacon.

"Guess what, Mommy?" Teddy said excitedly between bites of his breakfast.

"What, Teddy?" Ana replied, smiling indulgently.

"Daddy's taking us to a zoo!"

Ana widened her eyes in an attempt to give Teddy the surprised reaction he was clearly looking for. "Is he now?" she asked, her eyes drifting over to Christian who was grinning at his son's excitement.

"He is," Christian confirmed with a nod. "Thought it might be nice to get out for a bit, do something fun for a change."

"Sounds wonderful," Ana told him sincerely. He beamed at her in response. The good mood in the room was broken slightly as Ana glanced around the table to find the terse expressions on Sawyer's and Taylor's faces. She wondered briefly whether they disagreed with Christian's suggestion to take his family out into the wide open where they were exposed to any manner of threats. Shaking off all these unwanted, uninvited thoughts, Ana enjoyed breakfast with her family, chitchatting with Gail about some of the things there were to do in Aspen, suggesting things she and Taylor might enjoy.

By the time the breakfast dishes were cleared, Christian was eager to get a start on the day, tapping his foot impatiently as Ana changed into clothes more suitable for the chilly autumn day. The Greys waved goodbye to the others as Christian pulled their SUV out of the driveway and onto the road. Ana zoned out for much of the drive, only listening with half an ear as her husband and son chatted away about what they would see on their outing. Christian's good mood was quickly rubbing off on her and it didn't take much effort to pretend their lives were free of drama and threats. For all he was outwardly concerned, they could have been back on _The Grace_ where it had just been the three of them on the water, without a care in the world. She was suddenly grateful to her husband and his mercurial moods. Her fears were still present, but she was able to push them to the back of her mind in order to enjoy this time with her family. All last year she'd clung to memories much like this one that she'd taken for granted, thinking she'd never have those feelings of contentment and belonging again.

Despite everything they were going through, Ana swore to make the most of this time. She knew it would only be playing into the hands of the people trying to hurt them if she sat around dwelling on questions of why she and her family couldn't just be left alone. By the time they reached the zoo in Denver, nearly a four hour drive from Aspen, she was fully relaxed and enjoying herself, teasing her husband and son. The few times Christian looked away from the road and met her gaze, she could see triumph and relief in his expression, and she knew this was exactly why he'd planned this outing.

"Couldn't have found something a little closer to the house?" Ana teased Christian as they made their way to the front gates. Teddy was sitting atop his father's shoulders bouncing in excitement while Christian held onto his legs to keep him from falling.

Christian smirked. "That's what Taylor asked," he replied. "Grace and Carrick used to bring us here when we were kids. It was one of the first vacations we went on after I came to them, and I've always remembered how much fun I had wandering around the place, watching all the different animals. Elliot could barely stand still for more than three minutes at every exhibit, and more often than not, Carrick would take him off to wherever he wanted to go next while Grace and I stayed behind until I was ready to move on. I still wasn't talking, but Grace would rattle off everything she knew about whatever animal we were watching. It's one of my favorite memories from back then; I felt part of the family."

Ana smiled softly at him and slipped her arm around his waist as they walked. No matter how much she learned about his early childhood, after coming to the Greys, she still enjoyed hearing any little tidbit he felt like sharing, and she reveled in the thought that he hadn't ever shared these things with anybody else.

The zoo was enormous, but Christian seemed to know the layout of it without needing the map they'd gotten when they bought their tickets. Their pace was unhurried, controlled by Teddy and which exhibits interested him the most, or bored him. He was absolutely enthralled by the different animals, listening intently as his parents read the placards about them. Ana thought she spent more time watching her son's face light up with excitement every time they reached a part of the zoo than she did actually looking at the animals.

They bought lunch and had their own little picnic beneath a large tree, laughing and joking just as a carefree family should. After they ate, Teddy played a little, leaving his parents to their own devices, though they kept a close watch on him.

"This is how our life should always be," Christian murmured against his wife's hair. "We'll have to come back in a few years when the baby is old enough."

Ana nodded her agreement, resting a hand on her belly. "I'd like that," she told him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for this, by the way."

"You don't have to thank me, baby," Christian admonished gently. "I never thought I'd have the sort of life where I took my family on daytrips to the fucking zoo." He snorted a laugh. "I never thought I'd _have_ a family to take to the fucking zoo. You've given me that, Anastasia, and so much more, and despite everything, I'm the one who should be thanking you. And since you clearly disagree," his lips twisted in a smile at the objection she was forming, "how about we say we are each mutually grateful to the other and enjoy the rest of our day."

Sealing the deal with a brief kiss, they called their son back to them and continued on their exploration of the zoo. By early evening, Teddy was showing signs of tiredness and they decided to head back to Aspen. Teddy was fast asleep and lying completely limp against his father's shoulder when they reached the car and Ana smiled fondly to herself as she watched her husband gently and lovingly buckle their son into his car seat. It never ceased to amaze her how incredible a father Christian had become. All his fears and reluctance from before Teddy had been born were long gone, replaced with eagerness to see his son grow and be happy. And despite everything that had happened over the last year, she knew without a shadow of doubt that he would be exactly the same when it came to their second child, perhaps even more so considering what they had gone through to get where they were today.

The drive back to Aspen was filled with comfortable silence. Christian kept hold of her hand as he drove, occasionally bringing her fingers to his lips for a gentle kiss. They chatted about meaningless subjects, teasing each other as though they hadn't a care in the world. For a brief few hours, she'd nearly forgotten how they'd fled from their home in the middle of the night, and she wasn't reminded until they were half an hour from the house; Christian let go of her fingers, wrapping his own around the steering wheel so tightly his knuckles turned white.

Tension filled the car. Ana watched with trepidation as her husband's face gradually shifted from carefree and content to cold and hardened. She knew there was no point trying to reassure him that everything would be okay, because she wasn't sure she believed it herself.

Finally they arrived back at the house. Ana gratefully opened the door once Christian switched off the ignition. With Teddy in his arms, Christian led the way to the front door, but almost the moment they walked up the stairs, Taylor opened the door himself, his face drawn and tense.

"Sir," Taylor murmured, looking between them. "Ma'am."

Christian practically froze mid-step at both the look on the other man's face and the formality of his tone. "What is it?" he asked mildly.

"A word in private, Mr. Grey?"

Ana felt her heart beat a frantic pace, then stop completely. Something had happened and judging by the look in Taylor's eyes, it wasn't good. Christian looked at her as though asking permission to go off with Taylor. This was enough to practically knock her off her feet and make her forget _why_ Christian would be going off to speak with Taylor in private. Frantically scanning her mind, she couldn't recall a single time in their relationship that he'd asked her permission for anything and certainly never for something in regards to his family's security. Realizing both men were staring at her, Ana nodded quickly.

Christian gave her a tight smile as he carefully passed Teddy over to her, kissed her lips briefly, and walked briskly into the house with Taylor. Ana remained rooted on the spot for a few moments, shaking her head dumbly. "Daddy always seems to throw me off kilter, Teddy," she whispered into her son's hair. "Every time I think I've got him pegged, he does something like this to remind me nothing about him is predictable."

* * *

By the time Christian, Taylor, and Sawyer finished their business in the study, dinner had been served, eaten, and cleared, and most of the house was dark. Christian's brain was hazy and full of surprising information, and he wasn't entirely sure how to react to what he'd learned. Rather than try to process it alone, he decided, for once, to seek out his wife, tell her what was on his mind, and see what she made of it. She had to have some brilliant insight, some advice for how he should be feeling right now. Normally, he might place a late call to Dr. Flynn, try to explain the situation as best he could, and wait for Flynn to help sort out his thoughts. But he'd made a decision to do everything possible to be open and honest with Anastasia this time around; he would never risk losing her again by not treating her as his equal and telling her everything she needed to know.

Downstairs, he found his love stretched out on the couch in front of the fire, reading and waiting up for him. He silently crossed the room towards her, not wanting to disturb her when she looked so relaxed with one hand holding open her book and the other absentmindedly rubbing her abdomen. As always seemed to be the case, she sensed his gaze and looked up to meet his gaze, smiling cautiously at him.

"Hi," she said quietly, her eyes scanning his face carefully in an attempt to read his mood. Almost immediately she closed her book, dropping it carelessly over the side of the couch as she sat up. "You're so pale. What's wrong?"

He sighed shakily as he walked around to sit beside her on the couch, reaching over to pull her into his lap; she went to him without hesitation, their arms expertly tangling around one another before she snuggled into his chest, waiting for him to start talking at his own pace. The longer he held her, the better he felt. The fog in his brain was slowly lifting; he could think rationally and identify his emotions. She'd had this effect of him from the very beginning, even if it had taken him an age and repeated sessions with Flynn to realize it. In the beginning, it had made him feel uneasy—never before had he had this sort of connection with another human being. The closest he'd ever come had been with Elena, but as Ana had led him to realize, his perspective of his and Elena's relationship was frighteningly warped.

Ana, though... There was nothing warped about her—at least not until she got to know Christian a little better—and it had been one of the many things that had drawn him to her. There had been such an innocence surrounding her, and more than once he'd second guessed himself, wondering if it was at all appropriate to be in her life at all. But as he'd said so many times over the years, he was far too selfish to keep away from her for too long, and that opinion had only strengthened since she'd come home to him. She deserved the very best in life, which included having her husband share with her everything that was happening around them. Full disclosure.

He sucked in a shaky breath, letting it out slowly. "There was a sighting late last night," he began quietly, practically whispering the words against her ear. "Roger."

Instantly she pulled away from him to meet his gaze and he saw every single emotion he'd felt when Taylor had briefed him on her face, and he knew all the same thoughts he'd had were currently going through her mind. Before she could voice them, he continued, "Our family is fine. But Roger managed to get onto our property, we believe by way of the water."

"Security caught him?" she asked almost pleadingly.

"In a manner of speaking," he said evasively. Apparently old habits die hard. His determination to keep her safe and carefree was overriding his promise of full disclosure and he had to work hard to quash the urge. "It was a while before security realized he was even _on_ the property. Somehow he managed to kill the power to the house, which in turn killed the power to the CCTV until the emergency generator kicked in. In that time, Roger gained access to the house and spent some sweet time wandering about getting to know the layout."

Ana was pale as a sheet, shaking slightly. Or perhaps that was him. "How do they know he was just wandering the house?" she asked quietly.

"Some of the cameras we have setup have their own power supply should the main power fail. The moment the generator kicked on, security was able to access the video feed in an attempt to discover what caused the failure to begin with. When they realized Roger was in the house, they, of course, went in after him. Roger anticipated them; he was hiding out in..." he trailed off, desperately not wanting to finish his sentence. Not only would it upset Ana, but Christian was already expecting a vast array of new nightmares from this.

Ana placed her hand against his cheek and he leaned into the touch instinctively, closing his eyes in contentment. "Tell me," she commanded quietly.

"He was hiding in Teddy's closet," Christian heard himself say. Horror was naturally written all over her expression, just as it had been on his when he'd been informed, and he held her more closely, unable to think of a better way to comfort her right at that moment—there was still so much to tell her. "He ambushed Reynolds, knocked him out cold before trying to make his escape. He got as far as the backyard when the other security team members at the house caught up with him. There were guns involved." As he said it, he couldn't hold back the disgust he felt towards firearms, though now wasn't the time to get into that. "Roger drew first, fired a few rounds—apparently there are a few holes in the side of the house. Evans fired back and hit his mark." Christian took a deep breath, willing himself to speak the words he still couldn't quite believe himself. "Roger is dead, Anastasia."

Ana stared at him in shock for long minutes, unable to speak. "Dead?" she repeated in a whisper.

Christian nodded slowly, still processing it himself. "Yes. I'd rather not get into the gritty particulars at the moment, but in the interest of full disclosure, I thought you at least should know that much. By the time we arrive home, all the evidence will have been cleaned up—Elliot's team is working to fix the damage to the house so we won't have to stare at it every time we're out there."

He realized his wife was staring at him with wide eyes. Initially he thought it was in fear, but the longer he watched her watching him, he realized it was concern. "Are you okay?" she asked in a whisper, turning in his lap just enough to take his face in her hands.

Christian's eyebrows rose, uncertain why she was questioning how he was feeling. "What do you mean?"

The next expression she gave him was one that silently begged him to not be deliberately obtuse; he hadn't realized he had been...

"Christian, even if you don't want to discuss it, I was there during your nightmare the other night. The entire house heard you screaming, I saw you thrashing around in the bed—it looked like you were dying, Christian." Instantly he wished he were anywhere else to keep from having to listen to this or imagine the reactions of the other inhabitants of the house, even if they were staff. But he knew better than to assume that Anastasia would give up this line of conversation anytime soon. "And you can sit here and tell me until you're blue in the fucking face that this man's death doesn't affect you in the slightest, but we both know you'd be lying. The very thought of him terrifies you—"

Christian tensed at her words, arranging his features into a glare. "Ana," he said warningly. "Don't go there."

It seemed she wasn't to be dissuaded so easily though. "It's understandable, Christian. It's natural. That bastard tortured you as a child. He may not have actually touched me last year, but I was terrified of him. And that day in the park with Teddy, before I knew who he really was... I've _never_ been that scared, Christian."

"Why are you pushing this?" he asked through clenched teeth, trying to subdue his temper. "What fucking difference does it make, Anastasia?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe none," she replied, not backing down. "But you've spent so much time telling me I need to share with you how I'm feeling, because this can't work between us if we're not honest. Yet here you are getting pissed off just because I'm trying to get into your head a little."

"I'm not getting pissed off," he lied. He wasn't even entirely certain what they were disagreeing about. Was it because he refused to talk about his nightmare from the other night? She knew how he hated talking about the things that had happened to him as a child, and after the first encounter with Jack Hyde blackmailing him by kidnapping Mia, when he'd opened up to her more than he had with any other person, she'd seemed satisfied enough. There had been other discussions about it over the years, but he'd always managed to shut them down before they got too involved. He should have foreseen this—of course having the pimp back in his life was going to trigger these sorts of questions. "Yes, Anastasia, it's affected me. He's been haunting my nightmares since I was four years old. He was part of the conspiracy Jack Hyde constructed to break us apart. He touched my son and terrorized my wife. So if you really want to know how I'm feeling right now... I'm happy he's dead. He finally got what he deserved. And my only regret is that I wasn't the one to pull that fucking trigger."

Her blue eyes widened in surprise, and possibly fear, at his words. "You don't mean that," she whispered.

"Don't I?" he retorted. "After everything, Anastasia, how could you possibly expect me to react any differently? There is nothing in the world that would have made me feel better than to have been the person to end him. I feel the exact same way about Hyde. It doesn't matter, though; he's dead and gone, and he's not going to bother us ever again."

She stared at him as though she'd never seen him before in her life, like she was only now getting a true glimpse into his fuckupedness. He didn't back down from her gaze, didn't apologize for how he felt—she wanted the truth, she got it, even if it wasn't something he'd ever planned on sharing with her. The longer she remained quiet, the more nervous he was becoming. After everything, he couldn't bear it if this was the thing that shook sense into her and made her realize she couldn't handle him after all.

Finally, after what felt like hours, days, weeks, months, her expression softened and she relaxed in his arms, nuzzling her forehead into his neck. He released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, tightening his grip around her. "I love you, Ana," he murmured into her hair. "And there is nothing in the world I wouldn't do to keep you and our family safe."

He felt her nod. "I know," she whispered. "I love you, too."

"Well," he said quietly after several minutes of sitting together in front of the fire, "it's been a very long day for all of us. Perhaps it's time for some sleep?"

She pulled away from him and he felt himself gasp at the look in her eyes and the way she was biting her lip; clearly the last thing on her mind right now was sleep. "I'm not really all that tired, Mr. Grey," she practically purred.

He felt his pants begin to strain at the tone of her voice and look in her eyes, and he stood suddenly, clutching her to him, practically running through the house and up the stairs with both of them stifling their giggles to avoid waking the rest of the house. He loved that it was like this with her: that even though he'd shared with her news that might bring a lesser mortal to their knees, they could still end up like this, tangled up with each other in bed with no other concern than maximum pleasure for the other. So they were both rather surprised when, as Christian reached down to take off his jeans, they both felt the vibration of his cell phone stored in his front pocket. Ana gasped slightly at the sensation, as it was pressed against the apex of her thighs, and Christian grinned slowly, making a mental note of her reaction for future purposes. He pushed himself up onto his knees and removed the phone from his pocket, intending to switch it off and toss it to the other side of the room, but his eyes automatically glanced at the caller id. He groaned in annoyance.

"Fucking Elliot," he growled, moving into a more comfortable position to take the call. "This had better be really fucking good..." He trailed off as his brother launched into high speed, slightly panicked speech. "Elliot! Relax, what's going on?" Again, Elliot repeated whatever it was he was saying, but this time Christian was able to pick up a few keywords and work out why his brother was phoning so late at night. Despite having his plans for his wife thwarted Christian felt himself grinning, almost laughing. "All right, we'll be there as soon as we can... Yes, I know, I'll call Mom when we land." Elliot said something else that Christian couldn't quite make out before hanging up.

Chuckling, Christian met his wife's questioning, concerned gaze. "Looks like we're flying out again," he told her regretfully, leaning forward to kiss her lips briefly.

"Is everything okay?" she asked, all intention of sex being wiped from her mind.

"Other than the fact that Kate and Elliot have the worst timing in the fucking world, yes," Christian responded. "It seems Kate has gone into labor."

* * *

The flight from Aspen back to Seattle was much less tense than the flight _to_ Aspen. In a moment of unusual kindness, Christian had all but ordered that Gail and Taylor remain behind at the house for a couple of days to have some time to themselves while Sawyer took over the main security duties. For a moment, Ana had thought Taylor might actually argue with Christian, but he'd rather quickly backed down and accepted the offer graciously. Again, Teddy was fast asleep in the bed, leaving Ana to wonder how much more the little boy could handle being moved so suddenly in the middle of the night, going to sleep in one place and waking up in another, but now the threat from Roger had been lifted, she didn't see this becoming a habit.

She still wasn't sure how she felt about going home to the place where somebody had been killed. It was slightly irrational—the incident had occurred outside in their backyard—and she didn't dare mention her concerns to Christian. She had no doubts whatsoever that if she told him she was uncomfortable going back there he would purchase a new home and have their belongings moved so quickly it would make her head spin.

So instead of bringing up issues that were out of her control for the moment, she curled up in her seat with Christian's arms around her as they discussed mundane topics. And much as she wanted to discuss everything else, her husband seemed, for the first time in far too long, relaxed.

 _And just what is there to discuss?_ asked her subconscious tartly, rolling her eyes exaggeratedly. _Roger is out of your lives and it won't be long until Hyde is somewhere that he won't be able to breathe in your direction, let alone get anywhere near you. For once, just let it go and enjoy your life._

Ana sighed inwardly. She didn't know why she felt the need to beat some of these topics to death, though she suspected it was something to do with the fact that she had spent a year unable to discuss her fears and concerns with anybody, and now she wanted to take advantage of that opportunity. Christian had never been that type of person; if he discussed a topic that troubled him, he would do it once and that would be the end of it in his mind. The more she tended to bring up, the more frustrated and irritable he became. And she knew this would be no different.

So she kept her peace, eventually falling asleep in her seat with Christian's arms around her. It seemed only minutes that her husband was gently shaking her awake, trailing little kisses across her jaw and chin. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes to find him smiling at her.

"We've landed," he murmured against her skin. "I've already spoken to my mother; Kate is still in labor, so we haven't missed anything."

Ana nodded tiredly, hardly registering the fact that Christian had stood up and headed to the bedroom to retrieve Teddy. She and Sawyer unboarded the plane first, with Christian and Teddy on their heels, and walked briskly to where an SUV waited. One of the newer members of the security team, whose name escaped Ana's sleep-addled brain, was in the driver's seat. Sawyer waited for the Greys to climb into the back before getting into the passenger seat. Teddy was still fast asleep, resting against his mother's chest until Christian gave her a look that told her to buckle him in his seat, despite how cute the image was. She did as she was told, wondering if holding her child would ever grow tiresome. Resting a hand on her belly, she decided it wouldn't, and she couldn't wait to hold her niece and eventually her second child.

Halfway to the hospital, a though popped into her mind. "I thought Kate's due date wasn't for another couple weeks," she said quietly to Christian.

He sighed, nodding. "She is early, but I don't think it's too early that we have to be concerned." His brow furrowed in thought, possibly his own concern, but he shook it off quickly.

The moment they arrived at the hospital, Christian reached over to unbuckle their son and pull him into his arms as he got out of the car. Once Ana had joined them, Christian took her hand in his and they walked inside, quickly finding out where their family was waiting. They were all sitting in chairs inside a private waiting area—Carrick and Grace, Mia and Ethan, and Kate's parents; only Elliot was on his feet, pacing the room with a nervous look on his face that Ana had never seen before. She glanced up at Christian, finding a small, amused smirk on his face. Clearly this wasn't a side of Elliot shown often.

There was a wave of greetings, hugs and kisses, while Grace quickly ran down what was happening. For the moment, Kate was sleeping peacefully and her doctors had asked Elliot to step out of the room for a little while to ensure Kate wasn't distracted from much needed rest that she would need when the time came to deliver her baby. Elliot scowled at his mother, obviously not pleased at this directive. Christian built a makeshift bed for Teddy between two chairs and laid him down, covering him with his suit jacket before coming to sit beside Ana.

Time passed relatively quickly, all of them amusing themselves watching Elliot. Ana leaned over to Christian to whisper, "Were you like this when I went into labor?"

Christian tensed, his eyes darting over and away from her in a split-second. "No," he said softly. "I was worse. Of course at the time, I was most concerned with whether I'd see you or our son at all." Ana closed her eyes slowly, mentally kicking herself for speaking without thinking. How could she have possibly forgotten the circumstances surrounding Teddy's birth? She'd been unconscious at the time and therefore unaware of the troubles until sometime afterwards when Christian had reluctantly come clean about just how close it had been. Though nobody had ever spoken out loud about it, Ana believed most of her family was under the impression that the injuries Jack Hyde had inflicted upon her when she was still newly pregnant had had something to do with the difficult labor.

"Besides," Christian replied in a whisper she supposed was meant to lighten the mood, "I never would have allowed doctors to keep me out of that room."

She giggled and tuned into Grace and Mia's conversation about the baby, looking forward to the moment she and Christian would tell them about their own.

* * *

It was hours before there was any real news about Kate. Fortunately for everybody, the doctors had put Elliot out of his misery and allowed him to reenter Kate's hospital room. Christian couldn't remember if he'd ever seen his big brother so excited and nervous. Elliot was normally so confident and composed, and seeing him like this truly was amusing. Most of the others in the waiting room were dozing on and off; even Mia had finally stopped bouncing off the walls and was now sleep against Ethan's shoulder. Ana had moved across the room to be with Teddy, and Grace was reading to pass the time.

Just before sunrise, Carrick glanced up at Christian, seemingly surprised to find him still awake. With a glance around the room, he carefully extricated himself from his spot beside his wife and stood. "Coffee?" he whispered to Christian, nodding his head at the door.

Slightly bemused, Christian nodded and followed his father out of the room. He gestured to Sawyer, who sat in his own chair against the wall, to remain where he was, and they silently navigated the hospital corridors towards the cafeteria. Carrick ignored his son's protests and bought them each a large coffee and a couple of bagels before they made their way to a corner of the cafeteria.

"Never a dull moment around here," Carrick grumbled dryly, sipping at his coffee.

Christian snorted a laugh, nodding. Despite his words, Christian could see the joy in Carrick's eyes at the prospect of meeting his first granddaughter.

The men sat in silence for some time, drinking their coffee and eating their breakfast. Carrick was the first to break the silence and it wasn't long before Christian realized the real reason for his father's desire to get him away from the rest of the family. "I heard about Duncan," Carrick said quietly, watching Christian's reaction closely.

"Did you," Christian asked, trying to seem nonchalant about the subject.

"Are you all right?"

Sighing, Christian sat back in his chair, wondering why everybody seemed so fucking concerned about his reaction to the death of the pimp. "I'm fine," he said shortly. "Relieved that my family wasn't at the house, naturally."

Carrick nodded distractedly. "I don't suppose you know how he managed to escape?"

"Not much," Christian told him. "Taylor has a contact at the jail who told us a riot was started and during that, Duncan managed to get out. He also believes it may have been an inside job."

Carrick was silent, deep in thought. Though Christian wasn't exactly close with his father, he could still tell when something was on the older man's mind, something troubling.

"Dad? What is it?" Christian eventually asked.

Carrick sighed heavily. "There have been whispers," he began hesitantly, "about just how big this whole thing is. Despite appearances, I don't think Jack Hyde is the ringleader. While I don't doubt he may have been at the beginning, I think there is still quite a bit we don't understand."

"Like what?"

"Like how it was possible for a lowlife like Hyde to keep such close tabs on Anastasia over the last year without watching her constantly. It can't have been an easy thing to manage, especially given the lengths you went to in order to find her, and the only way to have kept her hidden was if there was somebody else matching your financial contributions."

Christian's brow furrowed as he slowly shook his head. "I'm not sure I follow. We know Elena Lincoln was involved—she told me herself—and though admittedly I've not been privy to her financial situation, I'm sure she would have contributed..." He trailed off when Carrick shook his head.

"I don't think it was Elena," he responded. "Though you're on the right track." He sighed heavily. "Look, Christian, I'm done beating around the bush trying to avoid dragging up old skeletons... I know about your relationship with Elena—I may not know quite the extent, but I know enough."

Mortification rolled over Christian in waves. This was a subject that hadn't been brought up since before his and Ana's wedding; by silent, mutual agreement, he and his parents let it fall by the wayside. _Until now_ , Christian thought bitterly.

"I've also taken some time to think back to those years when you and Elena..." Carrick glanced away, rolling his hand to say the words he couldn't quite form himself. "I remember when Elena landed in the hospital after being badly beaten. And how upset you'd seemed over it. And how none of us ever saw Linc come to visit her."

Christian's heart stopped beating for a moment. He knew where his father was going with this conversation and it certainly wasn't something he wanted to share at the moment. Or ever, for that matter.

"I helped Linc draw up the divorce papers," Carrick went on. Christian frowned; this was news to him. "All he would tell me about his reasons for ending his marriage with Elena was that she'd been having an affair. He never mentioned names or circumstances, but thinking back, it's awfully coincidental..."

 _Fuck, he's worked it out_. "Where are you going with this?" Christian asked stiffly.

"I won't force answers from you, son. But if I'm correct in my assumptions, Linc will have been very angry with you. I recall you saying something about him being the one to post bail for Jack Hyde after Mia's kidnapping. I also recall how suddenly Linc's business tanked after that."

"Are you saying you think Linc might have something to do with all this?" Christian asked, his mind whirling, his anger building.

"It's a possibility," Carrick responded, shrugging. "Considering Elena's involvement and how quickly Duncan managed what seems to be a carefully constructed escape, we have to start thinking about how this has happened."

Christian felt himself sinking down into his chair, suddenly feeling exhausted from all the stress from the last few days. "And do you have any idea where to find Linc?"

Carrick shook his head regretfully.

With a sigh, Christian finished off his coffee. "He hasn't got the balls to try anything himself," he told his father darkly. "With Duncan dead and Hyde going away for life, all his chances for exacting revenge or whatever the fuck he's trying to do have gone down the drain."

"That may be true," Carrick conceded, "but don't drop your guard just yet. At least not until the end of the trial."

Christian nodded his resigned agreement, and they sat in silence for several minutes in their respective thoughts until their cell phones vibrated almost simultaneously. After pulling out his phone, he found a text message from Ana:

 ***Where the hell are you? Kate had the baby! Ax***

* * *

 **A/N:** Thank you for the patience. I'm getting chapters up as quickly as I can. Thanks for reading and reviewing! More soon.


	20. Chapter 20

Sitting in a chair beside Kate's bed, Ana stared happily at the sleeping newborn baby girl in her arms while she and her best friend, who was fighting sleep, talked. Ava Grey was now twelve hours old and in that time, she'd been held by every member of her family, had fed four times, had her diaper changed by her reluctant, clueless father, and had taken a brief nap against her Uncle Christian's chest. Ana had been the one to walk in on this last scene and she'd nearly cried at how picture perfect it had seemed. It was almost effortless to recall the early days of their relationship when Christian couldn't bear to be touched by anybody. Eventually he'd made an allowance for Ana, a bit more for his mother, and eventually the rest of his family. The latter had come a few months after Teddy's birth.

Ana had apparently taken for granted her ability to touch her husband in any way she pleased, so when their son was born, she hadn't thought twice about encouraging Christian to lie down bare-chested so she could place Teddy against his heart. When he'd realized her intentions, she'd thought he might actually have a panic attack—all the blood had drained from his body, his eyes had widened, and his breathing was heavy and erratic. It had taken days for her to convince him he could do this, that their son loved him unconditionally and couldn't harm him. Once he'd given it half a chance, Christian had relaxed significantly and afterwards took every opportunity to snuggle up with their son. She'd believed she had fully understood what had been weighing on her husband's mind, assuming it was his old fears resurfacing. Three months after Teddy's birth, Ana had been in the nursery, sitting in the rocking chair beside the large window, just staring out at the dark night. She had been humming absentmindedly, gently rocking back and forth with her son in her arms when she felt her scalp prickle, the telltale sign that Christian was in the room, watching her.

"I was afraid," he'd told her hoarsely. She froze in her chair, still looking out at the window while she tried to figure out what her husband had been speaking about, and she didn't dare move for fear he'd stop talking. "It wasn't because I believed a little baby like Ted could hurt me—I knew when Carrick and Grace brought Mia home that babies were harmless. She was the first one I let touch me, and I never thought twice about it, because she was so tiny and sweet-looking and perfect. I think I might have gotten a bit stricter about the touch thing when she got a little older, but I always gave her much more leeway than I did the rest of my family. Even then, though, I think I knew there was something... _off_ about me. I remember thinking how lucky she was to have Carrick and Grace as such wonderful parents from the very start of her life. I remember being jealous of her sometimes, almost angry about it. I don't think our parents ever noticed, but there were times I snuck into her room at night while everyone slept to peek over the bars of her crib. I thought how easy it would be for her to get hurt." Ana was still frozen in place, staring wide eyed and openmouthed through the window. When he spoke next, she could hear the disgust in his voice. "How easy it would be for _me_ to hurt her. It was after that when I started getting protective of her—I felt it was my duty to protect her from everyone, including myself. And I never forgot those feelings, Ana. They were part of the reason I panicked the way I did when you told me we were going to have a child. I'd never be able to live with myself if something happened to Ted. That's why I've been so reticent about holding him anywhere near the no-go zones. I was afraid of my reaction if I started panicking, and it was safer if I just kept him away."

Finally Christian entered the room slowly, standing just behind the rocking chair and placing his hands on Ana's shoulders, squeezing gently. "Logically, I know I could never hurt our son," he said quietly. "I have absolutely no desire to hurt him—quite the opposite, actually. But there are just things about me I can't seem to shake no matter how hard I try."

"I trust you," Ana whispered sincerely, closing her eyes in contentment as Christian started massaging her neck and shoulders. "I know you could never hurt Teddy, just like I know you could never hurt me. You're not a monster, not even a little bit, and eventually you'll figure that out." She opened her eyes and tilted her head back to look at her husband's beautiful face. He looked back warily, uncertainly, and she knew if she didn't stop this line of thinking he'd torment himself about it for months and years to come. "Now would you be so kind as to remove your son from my arms before they cramp any further?"

It took a few minutes for Christian to shake the troubled expression on his face, but in the end, he'd cracked a small smile and walked around the chair, gently picking up Teddy, kissing his soft little forehead, and looking every bit the besotted father. After that, there had been no further mention of Christian's fears, and if he was still worried, he hid it all very well.

"Are you planning on sitting there for the rest of your life?"

Ana looked up from her niece's face to find Christian sitting beside her, smiling fondly. "When did you get here?" she whispered, glancing at the wall clock. He'd gone into work for a few hours after seeing Ava and briefly socializing with his family.

"Couple minutes ago," he replied, reaching out a long finger to caress the baby's soft cheek. "What were you thinking about?"

She knew better than to tell him the truth in this circumstance, knowing it would ruin his mood thoroughly. "Just about how much I'm looking forward to holding our second child in my arms," she told him, briefly glancing up to check that Kate was still asleep. She and Christian had agreed now wasn't the time to share their news with the family—this was Kate and Elliot's moment, and they didn't want to take that from them.

Christian smiled softly at her as though he'd been having similar thoughts. "Where's Teddy?" he asked after a few minutes.

"Your mom took him home. He was getting bored and for some strange reason she didn't think a hospital was the place to try and keep him entertained." She smiled wryly and Christian chuckled and nodded in agreement. "She's also invited us over for dinner tonight, though the way she put it, it wasn't so much an invitation as a demand."

"I got the same call," he responded. "Though mine had the added bonus of the demand that we stay the night as well."

Ana raised a cautious eyebrow. "Why?"

Christian sighed. "Because while everything at our home has been cleared and cleaned, my mother has taken it upon herself to deem it unsafe at the present time," he recited dryly. "Just between us, I think it's an excuse for her to spend more time spoiling her grandson."

Fully aware her husband was making a hell of an effort to lighten the tension that had built up at the mention of their home, Ana forced herself to crack a smile and ignore how Christian's shoulders seemed to sag in relief at how she didn't pursue her line of questioning. Naturally, though, it made her all the more curious as to what he might be keeping from her.

They remained in the hospital room with a sleeping Kate until Elliot arrived from wherever it was he'd been, said their quiet goodbyes, and left, meeting Sawyer out in the front of the hospital. Christian was silent and distracted during the drive to Bellevue, staring out the window with the fingers of one hand running across his top lip while the other mirrored the action on Ana's knuckles. She wanted to ask him what was wrong, but decided, given everything that had happened, to let it go for the moment. Regardless of any agreements made between them about full disclosure, he still had a right to some amount of privacy. Besides, if his thoughts were anywhere on the same track of hers, he was reluctant to return to their home so soon after what had happened there yesterday.

Ana hated feeling like this towards the one place in the world where she'd once felt safest. She still felt that safety, but so much had happened there—Hyde breaking in the year before and threatening her; repeated intrusions from Roger; the incident a few weeks before with the intruder apparently hired to scare her and Christian; now a bloody death and the knowledge that the bad guy had been hiding out just feet from their son's bed. There wasn't much in the world that could manage to shake the unshakable Christian Grey, but Ana was fully aware that the thought of having someone in their home, someone with intent to harm them, was at the very top of the list. She felt very much the same, though she knew better than to say anything aloud to her husband; knowing him he wouldn't hesitate in purchasing a new home just for her peace of mind.

Their evening in Bellevue was enjoyable. The mood after the birth of Ava Grey completely overshadowed the things that had been happening, making light conversation and laughter easy. Christian was relaxed again, leaning back in his chair at the dinner table with a glass of wine in his hand as he and his father discussed sports, the news, and whatever else they came up with. Grace and Ana were at their own corner of the table, Teddy in his grandmother's lap with heavy eyelids—he'd be asleep in minutes. Before any of them realized, it was ten o'clock. Carrick and Grace offered to tuck Teddy into one of the guest beds, leaving Ana and Christian to finish their drinks.

With some amusement, Ana realized her husband had drunk nearly half a bottle of wine on his own since dessert and seemed to be falling asleep himself. "You're drunk," she teased, reaching over to run her fingers through his hair.

He gave her a lazy smirk. "Maybe a little," he slurred, his eyes darkening on her. "You going to do anything about it?"

"Like what?" she asked innocently. She was fully aware of the meaning of his words, but she was enjoying this carefree side of him too much to give in so easily.

Turning his head into her hand, Christian placed gentle kisses on her fingers, his smirk widening when she gasped. And when she tried to remove her hand from his reach, he reacted with lightning fast reflexes that shouldn't have been possible in his current state and continued to kiss the skin of her hand, making his way downwards to her wrist. She swallowed hard as she felt his tongue poke out from between his lips. "I think you've got the idea," he murmured, his eyes locked on her as he continued his actions.

Though it probably shouldn't have surprised her by now, when her breathing stalled and turned erratic, she knew he had her exactly where he wanted her. She didn't resist when he tugged on her hand to pull her into his lap to straddle him in his chair. He rested his hands firmly on her hips, pulling her closer to him and causing them both to gasp at the friction between their hips. And when he pulled her face towards him in a slow, gentle kiss, she was lost completely. Her hands were tangled in his hair; his hands were gripping her hips tightly, holding her against him firmly, and it wasn't until she remembered where they were that she had any inclination to stop him.

"Christian," she breathed against his lips. When his only response was to take the opportunity to kiss his way down her neck, she tried to push him away. "Christian, we can't do this in your parents' dining room."

She felt him smirk against her neck. "Everyone's asleep, baby," he replied. "Besides, the thought of getting caught just adds to the excitement."

"Not for me it doesn't," she replied dryly, pushing against his arms so he would release her. He did so reluctantly, a huge grin on his face as she stood and backed up. "I do realize you're eager to pick up where we left off before Elliot called, but I'm exhausted. Rain check?"

" _Rain check?_ " he asked incredulously. It was her turn to smirk at the putout expression on his face. "You've got to be fucking joking. Baby, I've had a hard-on all fucking day and now you're telling me you're too tired?"

"Would you prefer if I told you the baby is too tired? It's been a rather eventful day, after all," she replied, knowing this would immediately calm down his insatiable libido. "And while I also realize it wouldn't be the first time we've had sex in your parents' home, somehow this seems less appropriate than all the other times."

This only made him smirk again. "Would you prefer it in the boathouse?" he asked huskily, nuzzling her neck again.

He continued on like this for minutes until Ana felt her resolve cracking as she planned the quickest way for them to do this right here, right now without waking the entire house and alerting them of their activities, but just as quickly as it started, Christian stopped. "Up you get," he said briskly, placing his hands on her hips again, though this time it was to help her onto her feet. She blinked in surprise but stood, feeling slightly confused and more than a little frustrated by this sudden change in her husband. "My baby and my wife are tired," he explained patiently, standing as well. "I would be the world's worst husband and father if I ignored this merely for my own satisfaction."

 _It'd be for my satisfaction too, you know_ , she wanted to snap at him. But she kept silent as he finished clearing away the table and switched off the remaining lights. Christian wrapped his arm around her shoulder, leading her up the stairs to his old bedroom where they changed and prepared for bed, and by the time they were climbing beneath the sheets, Ana truly was exhausted from the recent days' events, finding nothing felt better than curling up in her husband's arms and feeling his soft even breathing against her forehead as he whispered _good night_ and _I love you._

* * *

The next evening, after Christian finished at work, he placed a quick phone call to his wife informing her they wouldn't be staying with his parents again that evening. She took that to mean they were going home. The thought of it both excited and scared her. Could she really go back there?

 _Doesn't matter,_ her subconscious told her, rolling her eyes. _It's your home. End of story._

When the black SUV pulled up into the driveway, Grace carried Teddy while Ana carried their bags. Christian jumped out of the driver's seat and quickly made his way to his wife to take them from her, shooting her a look that told her he didn't approve of her carrying things while pregnant. Ana rolled her eyes at Grace discreetly but smiled as she buckled her son in his car seat. After brief goodbyes, Christian opened the passenger side door for Ana, closing it once she'd buckled herself, and returned to the other side of the car.

For most of the drive, Christian and Ana chatted about meaningless things—she had a feeling her husband was trying to distract her from her thoughts—and Teddy rambled on and on about their trip to the zoo. It all seemed so normal, just a family out for an evening drive, a family that didn't have a care in the world. And she would have done anything to have kept it that way.

 _Soon,_ she thought to herself. _Once Jack is permanently behind bars, we can put all this to rest and just exist peacefully for a change._

It soon dawned on her they were headed in the wrong direction to get home. Glancing over at Christian, she found his jaw tense and his lips in a firm straight line.

"Christian?" she ventured.

"Yes, baby?" he asked, sounding resigned.

"Where are we going?"

His eyes darted at her from behind his aviator sunglasses in what she thought might be nerves. "Escala," he answered eventually.

Her eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Oh."

"I talked to Elliot today and he said there's still a little work that needs to be done on the back of the house," he explained cautiously, "and I just thought another night or two away from the place couldn't hurt anything."

"Oh," she repeated, her voice weak.

He looked at her again. "Is that okay?" he asked uncertainly.

She rested her head against the back of the seat and thought. Over the last year or so, thoughts about Escala had crossed her mind hundreds of time, recalling every moment she'd spent there with Christian in almost perfect clarity. Since she'd gotten back, neither she nor Christian had talked about the apartment or the playroom within said apartment, though she knew he probably thought about it as much as she had. The red room of pain. She smiled at the thought. So much had happened there, good and bad, and she found she actually missed the place.

"Yes," she answered quietly. "It's okay."

A shy smile in place, Christian reached over to take his wife's hand in his own, lifting it to his lips to place gentle kisses on her knuckles. "Good," he said simply. "Gail and Taylor won't be back from Aspen until tomorrow, so it's just the three of us. I thought we'd order takeout and watch a movie or something. Family time."

Ana returned his smile, resulting in his smile becoming more confident . Family time was perfect. Her favorite time of all. Well, other than the times when Mommy and Daddy put Teddy to bed and had their own sort of fun...

She squirmed slightly in her seat, glancing briefly at Christian to see if he noticed—his eyes were fully focused on the road; he was oblivious. _Cool it down, missy,_ ordered her subconscious sternly. _Just what do you think is going to happen in that apartment with your son just down the hall?_

It certainly wouldn't be anything they hadn't done before, but Ana grudgingly agreed. The playroom was soundproof to keep sound in but with the downside of keeping it out. Neither she nor Christian had ever been fully comfortable to not have the ability to hear their son if he needed them, regardless of what they were doing.

"What are you thinking about, Mrs. Grey?" Christian asked almost musingly as they stepped onto the elevator.

"Can I hit the buttons, Daddy?" Teddy asked excitedly from his father's arms.

Ana smiled fondly as Christian told their son which numbers to push, watching her husband smile more widely every time Teddy hit the correct button. Once the elevator was moving, Christian moved to lean against the opposite wall, watching her appraisingly.

"You didn't answer my question, Ana," he reminded her with a slight smirk. Something told her he had been having the exact same thoughts as she was and wanted nothing more than to hear her admit it aloud.

Ana fought her blush, managing a smirk of her own to match his. "I was just thinking about how long it's been since I've destroyed you at pool, Mr. Grey," she told him sweetly.

Christian snorted a laugh. "Right," he muttered, shaking his head a little and narrowing his eyes on her as the elevator reached the penthouse. He set Teddy on his feet as the doors opened and they watched as their son ran through the apartment as fast as his little legs could move, yelling just to hear his voice echo. "You know, if you'd told me five years ago that there would be a carbon copy of me as a little boy running around this place, I'd have booked you a room in the best Seattle psychiatric hospital money could buy."

Smiling, Ana allowed her husband to lead her into the apartment and she found herself scanning every detail and surface for any changes since she'd last been her. In vivid clarity, she recalled her very first impression of Christian Grey's castle in the sky: big. That particular opinion hadn't changed much—really, what did one man need all this space for when he only occasionally had a sub staying with him on weekends? But this place had been the place where she'd given him her virginity, where he'd initially proposed marriage, where they had had endless amounts of amazing, mind-blowing sex. There was every possibility Teddy had been conceived here—she'd never actually sat down and done the math. Over the years, Escala had become a place they visited only occasionally, usually when they were out late and were too tired to drive all the way home, or when one of Christian's business deals had required him to be nearer to the office than normal. Their use of the playroom had been sporadic, unlike the early days of their relationship, but no less incredible for that.

Sensing her husband's gaze, Ana looked over at Christian. He was watching her with a slightly glazed expression. "What?" she asked rather shyly.

"Nothing," he murmured, leaning in to sweetly kiss her lips. "Just watching you."

Uncertain what she was supposed to say to that, all she could do was watch as her husband grinned at her then took off after their son, chasing him around the apartment until they were both worn out.

* * *

Though he knew he should be fast asleep beside his wife, Christian found himself wandering the halls of the apartment in the middle of the night. Ana had fallen asleep almost immediately following their shower, during which they'd indulged in each other, then again when they got to the bed. He was on edge, and he wasn't certain why. Teddy was sleeping peacefully in one of the guest rooms. The apartment was quiet, dark, and locked up. Roger was dead and out of their lives forever. He had a beautiful niece that he intended to spoil absolutely rotten. He should have been content with life.

Not until he reached the security team's office did he realize what was on his mind. This was the first time he'd set foot in Escala since Ana had been home. And the first time he'd set foot here since Ryan had been murdered. A sharp pang of guilt flashed through his chest. With everything that had been happening around that time, he hadn't really paid Ryan's death any proper attention. He'd spoken with Ryan's father and younger brothers, telling them that Ryan had been a very valued member of his team, that he would be missed. He'd attended the funeral with Taylor and Sawyer. And that had been it. Granted, he wasn't entirely certain what else he was supposed to do. It wasn't like he knew Ryan as well as some of the other security team members, despite Ryan having been under his employ nearly as long as Sawyer. Ryan had been quiet. He did his job efficiently and went about his business.

Ten minutes later, Christian found himself staring at the closed door to the office. He reached out and turned the doorknob, pushing open the door and staring into the dark. Taking a deep breath, he switched on the light and looked around, not knowing what it was he was looking for. From what Taylor had told him, Ryan had been seated behind the desk when he was shot. Unsurprisingly there was no sign of anything out of the ordinary; that was the benefit of having unlimited cleaning budgets. The desk, chair, and computer all looked new, as did the carpet.

Christian crossed the room and sat behind the desk, automatically firing up the computer. He glanced over his right shoulder to where the panic room was hidden by an innocuous closet door and recalled the day he'd decided to have it installed. Yet another reason to hate Jack Hyde. Of course that train of thought led into the only time it was ever used—he'd been in New York on business, leaving Ana home, essentially on her own. She'd gone against her word and had joined Kate for a drink at a bar after work. While they were out, Hyde broke into the apartment with the intention of kidnapping her. Ryan had raised the alarm, sent Gail into the panic room, and caught Hyde himself. Christian hadn't known any of this had been going on; all he knew was that his wife had broken a promise to him to stay in the apartment that night, and that he was fucking pissed. He remembered with painful clarity how he'd felt when he and Taylor had landed in Seattle in the middle of the night and switched on their cell phones only to find dozens of voicemails, missed calls, and text messages for each of them. He'd been so focused on the fact that Ana had put herself in danger by going out that by the time he realized she would have been in far worse danger if she'd stayed in, he couldn't remember ever being more confused. He was still pissed at her and pissed at Kate. One part of him had wanted to punish her worse than he'd ever punished her by going against her word, while another had dropped to its knees in relief that she was safe, unharmed, and that Jack's plan hadn't been accomplished that night.

He had been afraid to be left alone with his wife for much of the time following that situation, until he'd taken her into the playroom. His control hadn't so much been lost as it had been blown into a million tiny pieces, and his temper was quickly approaching thermonuclear the more he'd sat around thinking of all the possibilities of what could have happened if Ana had gone straight home rather than to the bar the night.

 _Nothing's changed, you know,_ his mind told him. _She proved that last year. She still doesn't believe you can keep her safe..._

Shaking off these thoughts, knowing they would only lead him down a dark path, he pulled up Taylor's work email account. Welch had sent him video from the house when Roger had broken in and Christian hadn't seen it yet.

Just as the video began, he looked up at the door, finding Ana standing there half-asleep. For a moment, he just watched her expression change from slightly panicked to relieved. "What're you doing up, baby?" he asked, pausing and minimizing the video.

She didn't answer as she crossed the room to sit and curl up in his lap. He held her, rubbing her arm as she relaxed against his chest. "I woke up and you weren't there," she murmured to him. "Took me a minute to figure out where I was."

 _Nice, Grey._ He knew immediately what had happened. She'd probably had a bad dream, one of her flashbacks, and had woken up to reach out for him, only to find herself alone. It was probably a scenario she'd experienced dozens of times last year—he'd done the same. "Sorry," he whispered into her hair. "I couldn't sleep."

She nodded a little and they sat in silence for several minutes before she looked over at the computer screen. "What're you doing?"

Christian sighed. If he was right about why she'd woken up, he doubted it would help matters for her to see what he had been about to do. "Just checking on a few things..." he told her evasively. She wasn't buying it and he knew it. He sighed again when she pulled away to give him a _tell me what's going on_ look. "It's the video of Roger in the house from the other night. Welch sent it to Taylor, but I haven't seen it yet. Call it morbid curiosity."

"Oh." She was now completely awake, looking between him and the computer screen. "Well, are you going to watch it?"

Christian's eyebrows rose. "Are you sure _you_ want to watch it?" he asked skeptically.

"Might as well," she said, feigning nonchalance. "It's not like we have to worry about a repeat offense from him, is it?"

"No," he said slowly. "But the person wandering our home in the dead of night wasn't exactly there with friendly intentions. We don't know what he would have done if we had been there." Bile rose up in his throat at the thought of what _could have been_ , just as it had that morning he and Taylor had checked their voice messages upon arrival from New York.

He looked up when Ana tilted his chin up to meet her gaze. "We weren't there," she reminded him softly. "You got us out of the house and we're fine, Christian. You kept us safe."

With a slight, uncertain nod, Christian kissed her briefly before turning her on his lap to face the computer screen. "You're sure you want to see this, baby?" he asked in a low voice against her ear, resting his chin on her shoulder.

"Yes." Her voice shook a little, but he knew better than to question her any further when she was so determined to do this.

"Okay," he sighed, reaching over to open the video again and press play. There were four different feeds—the front gate, the back of the house facing the water, the entryway, and the upstairs hallway. For the first few minutes, there was nothing to see, then one by one, each camera went black. "He cut the power," he whispered to Ana. She nodded slightly, her eyes locked on the screen.

When the video returned, the view had gone from in color to black and green—night vision which only kicked in when the power was out. Ana tensed and gasped when they saw Roger climbing the stairs to the hallway that led to the bedrooms. He moved slowly, a gun with what looked to be a silencer attached to the end hanging at his side. Roger checked every room quickly, moving on when he didn't find anybody occupying them. He disappeared into Christian and Ana's bedroom for several minutes, doing god only knew what before emerging and going back down the hall to Teddy's room. He froze for a moment, staring down the hallway, apparently listening intently to something. The black and green image changed back to full color again, signaling the return of the power thanks to the generator.

Without further hesitation, Roger ducked into Teddy's room, disappearing from view. They watched silently for the next couple minutes until the security team could be seen rushing into the house from the front door, splitting up, some heading towards the kitchen and other rooms downstairs, the others headed upstairs. The ones going upstairs bypassed Teddy's room completely, obviously not seeing Roger entering. Once they disappeared into the master bedroom, Roger slipped out of Teddy's room and carefully made his way down the stairs and through the house, managing to avoid every member of the security team in order to sneak out the kitchen door.

The next clear shot was from the camera mounted above the backdoor, facing the water. Roger was sprinting through the yard, looking over his shoulder every few yards, then stopped suddenly, turning around and pointing his gun back towards the house—

"No more," Ana said urgently. Without hesitation, Christian reached up to close the video before they had to witness the gunshots that resulted in Roger's death.

"Are you okay?" he asked, pulling his wife back against his chest.

She nodded shakily. "Yes," she whispered. "I just didn't want to see..."

"I know." He held her closer, wanting to tell her again that Roger wouldn't be bothering them again, but of course she knew that. Instead, he whispered that he loved her and when she turned around to kiss him, he returned it with everything he had. And when she whispered her plea for him to take her back to bed, he did so immediately, knowing both of them needed to be able to lose themselves in each other again, if for no other reason than to divert their thoughts for a little while.


	21. Chapter 21

"Mommy, when are we going home?"

Ana looked up from where she was cooking dinner to find Teddy sitting on the floor against a counter playing with some toy cars he'd found in a toy box in his room. That morning after Christian had left for work with Sawyer, she and Teddy had gone to the hospital after Taylor and Gail returned from Aspen to visit with Kate and Ava. Teddy had been utterly fascinated by his new baby cousin and had begged to hold her. Once he was seated very firmly in his chair and had stopped bouncing, Ana had shown her son how to hold his arms and placed the baby in his lap. Teddy had held Ava for nearly an hour, and neither Ana nor Kate could remember the last time he'd sat so still for so long. Before Kate took the baby back for a feeding, Teddy had placed the sweetest little kiss on Ava's forehead, nearly causing Ana to burst into tears from cuteness overload.

"He'll be a great big brother one day," Kate hinted while Teddy colored in the corner.

Ana smiled a little, but didn't comment. When they'd gotten back to the apartment, it was time for Teddy's nap, leaving Ana with time for herself. At first she'd wandered the halls, reacquainting herself with Escala then found herself outside the locked playroom door. Briefly she considered going on a hunt for the key and taking a trip down memory lane, but settled on heading to the library to read until her son woke. Now with about half an hour before Christian and Sawyer walked back into the apartment, Ana had decided to give Gail another night off and make a meal for her and her family.

"Soon, baby," she finally told Teddy, kneeling down to meet his eyes. "You miss home?"

"Yeah," he replied, pushing his cars around the floor. "I miss my bed."

She smiled, reaching over to ruffle his hair a bit. "I miss mine, too, baby boy." She hesitated briefly. "Did you enjoy holding the baby today?"

Teddy beamed at her. "Yeah," he replied. "She was really small."

"Yes, she was," Ana agreed. "You used to be that small."

Teddy's little brow furrowed as he processed this information as though wondering whether his mother was teasing him or not. Eventually Teddy's focus went back to his little toy cars. "Can you and Daddy have one, too?"

Ana stared dumbly at her son. The question had been so matter-of-fact and innocent, and it hadn't been one she had expected to hear from Teddy. She and Christian hadn't quite worked out how they were going to tell their son he was about to be a big brother—Christian, on the occasions they discussed it, nearly went into panic mode when Ana brought up the possibility that this could open up the entire _where do babies come from?_ conversation. Clearly he wasn't yet ready to have that talk with his son. "Maybe one day," Ana answered her son's question. "Would you like that?"

Teddy nodded eagerly.

Trying not to laugh at her son's face, Ana returned the nod and started to stand to continue on with dinner. It wasn't long before she heard the elevator door open and Teddy's excited exclamation of "Daddy!" as he ran across the apartment to greet his father. Ana remained at the stove, listening with one ear as Teddy went into a fast-paced account of his day. She only looked away from the stove when her son's voice grew louder and clearer and found Christian leaning against the kitchen bar with Teddy in his arms as he listened very intently, nodding seriously in parts as Teddy rambled on, playing with Christian's tie.

When Teddy paused for breath, Christian took the opportunity to greet his wife with a far too brief kiss. "Hello, Mrs. Grey," he said quietly, smiling. "I missed you today."

Feeling proud for some reason, Ana smiled back. "Did you now?" she replied airily, turning away to take the chicken she'd been making for dinner from the oven.

"Yes, I did."

It was a moment before she realized Teddy wasn't in the room anymore, and she smiled more widely when Christian slipped his arms around her waist to rest his hands over her baby bump then began kissing her, nipping at the skin between her neck and shoulder. His hands moved lower down her hips and Ana gasped when his fingers brushed lightly between her hips. "Christian," she admonished, trying desperately to regulate her breathing and reaction. "I'm in the middle of making dinner and our son is wide awake and running around."

She felt Christian smirk against her neck. "And?" he shot back smugly, pressing closer so she could feel his growing erection against her back.

"And..." She wondered if she should bring up her thoughts right now. _Fuck it..._ "And I spent several minutes this afternoon standing outside the playroom, then another hour or two imagining what you might do to me if you took me back in there."

She hadn't been certain what reaction she'd been expecting from him, but this certainly hadn't been it. Christian's entire body tensed and she felt his arms drop from around her, immediately feeling cold. Confused, she turned around to find her husband had moved back to lean against the bar again, his face wary and slightly afraid. Her heart skipped a couple beats.

"Christian?" she asked softly, tentatively moving forward a few steps towards him. He watched her every move as though waiting for her to attack him and when she stopped directly in front of him, he swallowed hard. "What?"

"Ana..." he whispered, sounding lost. "The playroom... I can't."

Her brow furrowed deeply and she felt more confused than ever. "I don't understand."

The next moment he took a deep breath, stood up straight, and ran his hands through his hair. He was back in control and she knew exactly what to expect next. "Drop it, Anastasia," he told her coldly. She stumbled back a few steps in surprise at the sudden change of his mood. Would she ever stop reacting like this to his mercurial personality? "I have to speak with the security team, bring Taylor up to speed on a few things. Let me know when dinner is ready."

And with that, he swept out of the kitchen leaving his wife feeling dazed and hurt at his words and actions.

* * *

Dinner was tense. As he'd requested, Ana informed Christian that their food was on the table and he'd responded with a slight nod and soft, almost apologetic smile, though she hadn't been prepared to accept any apology. Since the day she met him, she had been experiencing Christian's mood swings. They were often frustrating and confusing and generally difficult to deal with at the best of times. If Teddy or the new baby inherited even a fraction of their father's personality, their teenage years were destined to give her a run for her money. And as always seemed to be the case, Ana had no idea what could have triggered this particular mood swing. They'd been teasing and flirty one second, and the next...

Was this because she'd mentioned the playroom? Did he think she was only bringing it up to please him? Even if that were the case, there had been no reason to react like _that_.

"Ana?"

Ana froze as she rinsed off the dinner dishes to place in the dishwasher, but didn't respond to her husband's soft, cautious tone.

She heard him sigh as he entered the kitchen. "You're upset with me," he said resignedly.

"Why would I be upset with you, Christian?" she asked dryly. "Just because you change moods so fast that you give me whiplash..."

Again, he sighed, now leaning beside her against the counter. "Baby, I'm sorry," he said, sounding genuinely contrite. "You surprised me is all. I wasn't expecting you to bring up..." He swallowed hard, " _that_ , so soon."

Her brow furrowed as her mind whirled. He looked uncomfortable and turned on and afraid all at the same time, and she couldn't quite work out why. It hadn't escaped her notice that since she'd been home, their bedroom activities hadn't really exceeded basic vanilla. Not that she was complaining; she enjoyed every moment with her husband. But their presence in the apartment made her realize how much she'd missed Christian's kinky fuckery. _Their_ kinky fuckery. And as irrational as she knew it to be deep in her mind, her first reaction was to think he didn't want her in _that_ way anymore. That something between them had been irreparably broken after the last year and he didn't think she could satisfy him in that way.

Taking a leaf from her husband's book, Ana decided anger was the first line of defense. "Forget it, Christian," she said sharply, fighting back both her blush and the sudden inclination to burst into tears. "It doesn't matter. I'm sorry I brought it up."

Without another word to him, she left the kitchen in search of her son.

* * *

Christian had the overwhelming desire to beat his head against a wall. Things had been going so well between him and Ana over the last few weeks, despite all the drama, and in one fell swoop, he seemed to have brought that progress to a screeching halt. He had his reasons for not bringing up the playroom or letting her see his desire to take her in there, but he wasn't entirely sure he could explain those reasons without her getting even more upset with him than she already was.

Deciding distance from the situation was probably best, at least for now, he retreated to his study and sat behind his desk, reflecting on his conversation with Taylor. He'd had to bring Taylor and Sawyer up to speed about his father's theory about Linc. Welch was currently doing everything he could to search for the man, but was coming up empty, a fact that made Christian and his security team very uneasy.

"If he's hiding, he's up to something," had been Taylor's opinion on the matter. "And if he really is involved in this shit, he's not going to give up easily."

None of them could quite work out what exactly it was that Linc might want. If he wanted money, he could have gone that route at any time. Christian had no doubt that Linc hadn't worked out the exact nature of his and Elena's relationship. At any time, Linc could have blackmailed Christian for all he was worth. The press would without a doubt take the story of billionaire CEO Christian Grey being a sadistic Dominant and run with it, easily demolishing everything Christian had ever worked for. Christian hadn't faced quite this scenario before, though he had dealt with rumors and threats of reporters trying to dig a little further for dirt. Every time a threat surfaced, Christian's team quickly took care of it, all without involving giving into demands for money. For the most part, Christian kept himself unaware of how ends justified means, knowing ignorance was bliss more often than not. But with Linc, Christian would be involved in every decision on how it would be handled.

The only reasoning behind Linc's actions could be returning the pain and humiliation Elena and Christian had undoubtedly caused him with their affair. It might have taken him years to realize what his wife was up to behind his back, but Linc had never been a particularly stupid man. His intention was clear: Christian had taken his wife from him, so Linc had reciprocated by taking Ana away from her family. The fact that he refused to give up after Hyde's arrest meant he was desperate, and despite the fact that Roger was dead, Christian expected another move against him and his family soon.

With this disturbing thought in mind, Christian abandoned his study and went in search of his wife, needing more than anything to set things right between them. More time than he thought had passed; the apartment was dark again, Teddy was in bed, and he found Ana in their bed, curled up on her side, facing the large window overlooking Seattle. How many times had he come into this room under these circumstances, desperate to seek comfort and forgiveness? He knew without even looking at her face that she was wide awake, probably with tears streaming down her face at his poor treatment of her.

Silently, he undressed, found his pajama bottoms waiting for him at the end of the bed—he smiled at the thought that even as pissed off at him as she might be, Ana was still wearing his shirt to bed—and changed before slipping under the blankets beside her. He lay on his side for a few minutes, just watching her, thinking he'd never tire of looking at her. With a sigh, he slid forward a bit, tentatively wrapping his arms around her middle, and when she tensed but didn't push him away, he was confident enough to pull her into his arms, resting his cheek against her temple.

"I'm sorry," he breathed into her ear. She sniffled in response. "I'm so sorry, baby."

"You're always sorry," she whispered huskily. "And you always do this, Christian. You snap at me, you get angry with me then you turn around later and apologize and promise it'll be better and that you're trying, only to do the same thing a week later."

He closed his eyes in pain, hearing the pain in her voice. "I know, baby," he told her. "You deserve better."

"We've been through this, Christian." The exasperation in her voice almost made him smile. "I just want you to treat me as your equal. I understand you're stressed out about something, and as curious as I am to know what else is going on right now, I just want to feel like yours again."

It was Christian's turn to tense up. "What are you talking about, Ana?" he asked, trying not to panic. "You are mine. You've always been mine. And you will always be mine."

"And yet..." she whispered through her tears.

Now he really was panicking. He'd only ever heard her like this one time before: right before she'd left him after the belt incident. "Ana..." He shuffled back a little in order to roll her onto her back and look into her eyes. She looked lost and rejected, and he had no idea what to do to make her feel better. _Because she won't tell me what's wrong._ "Please tell me what you're thinking, baby. You're scaring me."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly. "Why don't you want to go into the playroom?" she asked in a tiny voice that he had to strain his ears to hear.

A wave of relief hit him and he let out a sobbing laugh. "Is _that_ what this is about?" he asked her, smiling.

She returned the smile with a scowl. "Why are you smiling?" she demanded, trying to pull away from him.

He licked his lips trying to smother his smile. "I'm sorry," he said again, pretending he didn't see her rolling her eyes at him. He pulled her against his chest, letting her rest her head against heart. "I just thought it was something worse than that..." He sighed. "Ana, please believe me when I say I would love to take you back in there. But I'm just afraid of pushing you too far too fast."

"What do you mean?"

Sighing, he tried to organize and vocalize his thoughts in a way that wouldn't drag them back into darkness. _Don't think there's a way to avoid that one, Grey..._ "Considering what you've told me about the last year, I just don't want to do anything that might make you uncomfortable. No matter how much you insist that you're doing better and recovering from what you went through, you've not gotten over it. We both need to make some adjustments and I really believe this is one of them. I can't stand the thought of doing anything that might make things worse for you."

As he finished speaking, he opened his eyes, unaware that he'd closed them in the first place, and found his wife had pushed herself up enough to look him in the eyes. Even in the darkness he could see love and appreciation shining back at him. "You really are an idiot sometimes, Christian Grey," she told him fondly.

He blinked at her several times, wondering if he'd heard correctly. "I beg your pardon?" he asked indignantly.

She giggled, making him crack a smile. "How many times have we discussed you trying to protect me without telling me that was what you were doing? And how many times has it come back to bite you in the ass?"

"Too many to count," he said with a mock-dramatic sigh. "And yet it still doesn't sink in..."

"Clearly," she shot back, grinning. Her smile faded bit by bit then she rested her cheek against his shoulder. "As much as I hate to admit it, you're probably right about the playroom. On paper, there isn't a downside—almost every time we've been in there has been..." She trailed off and even if he couldn't see her face, he knew she was blushing. "Wonderful."

"Wonderful?" he repeated, chuckling. "Baby, if wonderful is the best adjective you can come up with for our time in the playroom I haven't been doing something correctly..."

She looked up at him sharply, her eyes shining mischievously. "Maybe my memory's a little off and I need a reminder," she replied teasingly, intentionally biting her lip and letting it slide through her teeth.

Despite his demands that his body not respond to this obvious goading, Christian heard himself groan. Ana grinned in triumph, squealing when Christian quickly reversed their positions so she was on her back and he was looming over her, her hands held over her head by one of his while the other trailed down the side of her face and neck. "A reminder, you say?" he repeated huskily. She was grinning again, looking a little breathless as she nodded.

 _You're getting off track again, Grey..._

Christian paused half an inch from his wife's lips, frustrated with his mind. "We haven't finished talking," he murmured resignedly.

Her eyes shot open incredulously and her mouth began moving silently, probably cursing him for stopping. "Seriously?" she grumbled when he rolled off her.

He smiled in apology. "Once we finish this discussion, we can get back to other activities. Besides, you're always accusing me of distracting from important conversations with sex and here you are doing the same thing."

She raised an eyebrow as she considered this for a moment. "Fair point well made, Mr. Grey," she said musingly. After a few moments, she met his gaze again, all amusement lost. "If I'm honest with myself, I don't know what might happen if we go into the playroom. I think as long as I can see you and can have some amount of mobility, I'd be all right, but I will admit that the thought of being held down by anything but _your_ hands might send me straight into a panic attack."

She paused briefly, letting her words sink into Christian's mind. He thought he understood: anyone else's hand holding her down was a paralyzing concept, but she trusted him implicitly to let her go if she needed. Along with the familiar anger, disgust, and hatred for Jack Hyde, he felt a sudden surge of love and gratification from his wife.

"More than anything, Christian, I want things the way they were before," she went on quietly, her voice starting to crack slightly. "I never had any real reservations about the playroom in all the time I've known you, and I know how much you enjoy being in there, even if you won't admit it. And ever since I've come back, I feel like every step I've made to improve my self-esteem to a level that made me believe I could be enough for you has fallen out from under me. I want to be what you need, Christian. I want to be myself again."

Christian felt his breaths coming in more rapidly than normal, heard the rush of air through his ears, and he knew his temper was about to bubble over. "How many times are we going to have this conversation, Anastasia?" he bit out. He was trying desperately to soften his tone, but judging by the look on Ana's face, he was failing miserably. "You are what I need. You are what I want. I couldn't give two fucks about that goddamn playroom. You, our son, and this baby," he rested his hand possessively on her belly, "are the only things in this fucking world that matter to me. I don't want to hurt you. I don't want to scare you. Yes, I enjoy our time in the playroom, but only when you enjoy it as well. That isn't something we can rush into; if we do, and you have a bad experience, it will ruin it for us forever. I don't want that." He stopped to take in a breath, feeling his body relax again. "Baby steps, Ana. We'll get there eventually. In the meantime, we both just have to be patient."

"Right, because we're both so very good at that," she replied sarcastically, smiling.

"You and that smart mouth, Mrs. Grey," he murmured, rolling her onto her back again. "Whatever shall we do about it?"

The next several minutes were silent save for increased breathing and soft moaning. Christian ran his hands from his wife's ankles up to her thighs, pushing his t-shirt out of his way as he kissed every inch of her soft skin, losing himself in the sweet taste of her. By the time he reached her lips, both of them were desperate for more. Ana twisted her fingers in his hair, holding his mouth against hers as she kissed him as though her life depended on it.

These were the moments Christian cherished the most. He'd gone without her for so long that now she was with him again, he'd found a new appreciation for everything she gave him. During those horrible five days back when she'd left him, back before _more,_ he hadn't believed it possible to feel any more strongly about showing her every day just how much she meant to him. That time didn't even hold a candle to the last year. More than once, he'd thought back on several of their conversations since she'd come home again, and realized that with the way things had been going, even without Jack Hyde's intervention, the time was approaching when she would have decided to leave him on her own. And he would have had nobody else to blame but himself.

Looking back, the lack of communication and level of misunderstandings were what would have led to their relationship being destroyed. He thought they were doing better now and they would continue to grow as a couple; he wouldn't ever risk losing his wife again, for any reason.

He had a brief thought that if it hadn't been for Jack Hyde he and Ana wouldn't be doing as well as they were, but he quickly banished it as he entered his wife, gasping at how incredibly ready she was for him and how fucking amazing this always felt. Her eyes were wide and dilated as he started to move inside her so very slowly. He could feel every little bit of her and he committed every feeling to memory. Ana's legs wrapped around the backs of his thighs, pulling him deeper into her while her hands roved his back, arms, neck, and face before finally fisting in his hair, silently begging him to pick up the speed a little.

When they came, they did so together, quietly and no louder than a strangled gasp as Christian fell onto his wife, holding himself on his elbows to avoid pressing too far against her stomach. Rolling off her and gasping at the loss of contact, Christian rested his head directly over his wife's heart, and as they fell asleep, he knew this was where he belonged and he would do whatever it took to get them back to the happiness they'd shared so long ago that it almost felt like a past life.


	22. Chapter 22

The next evening when Christian finished with work, he called his wife to inform her they would be returning home that night. She seemed both excited and nervous about the prospect, and Christian thought he could sympathize. He was almost tempted to buy a new house just so they wouldn't have to return to the place where a man had been killed. When it came down to it, though, he knew such action would only show weakness and give the enemy what they wanted—to disrupt his family's life. All he wanted was the chance for his family to live normally, without the threat of constant fear. More than anything, he hated seeing Ana suffering, especially after everything she'd been through in the last year. She deserved happiness and relaxation. And of course with the pregnancy, it was more important than ever that she have that.

When the SUV pulled up to Escala, Sawyer was already there with the Greys' luggage, and Ana and Teddy were stepping off the elevator. Despite everything, Christian couldn't help but smile at the sight of his family. They were perfect and wonderful, and he still couldn't think of anything he'd done in his life that was good enough to deserve them.

"Well, hello, Mrs. Grey," Christian said when the backdoor of the car opened.

She smiled back at him. "Hello to you, Mr. Grey," she responded. She helped Teddy into the back and Christian made quick work of buckling him into his car seat, then tickled his belly for good measure, earning a high-pitched giggle that made both his parents smile. "How was your day?"

"Much better now," Christian told her, leaning over to kiss her lips briefly. "And yours?"

"Uneventful," she reported. "Teddy and I played, napped, and played some more."

Christian's smile widened. "Sounds picture perfect to me."

As they drove, Christian thought back on his day. It had been filled with the usual mergers, acquisitions, and plotting to purchase new companies, but it had also been punctuated with thoughts of Linc—where he was, what he was doing, what he wanted, and why. The man was untraceable, which did nothing more than piss Taylor off; an untraceable target is a dangerous one. There hadn't been any further information about Roger's escape. Taylor thinks they're starting to zero in on the inside partner at the jail, and once they have, they'll be able to question whoever it was and get to the bottom of this mess.

What Christian was having the most trouble understanding was why Linc was going to such lengths for revenge. Christian and Elena's relationship had been over for years before the first incident with Hyde, and while Christian could understand the desire for some form of payback, he didn't get why it's taken this long. True, it could have been about more than Elena; Christian had practically destroyed Linc's business, after all, and had taken away his livelihood. What lengths would Christian go to if the tables had been turned and Linc had somehow brought down everything Christian had worked for in his life? Not that Linc actually had the means to do such things...

 _And don't forget_ , said the small voice at the back of Christian's mind, _at one point, Linc really did love Elena. He blames you for losing his marriage. Not to mention, you were right at the center of things the night she was killed._

Christian's brow furrowed as he wondered whether Linc was aware of who pulled the trigger on Elena that night. It would be almost impossible for him to have missed it—it was all over the papers the next morning—but chances are, the news of her death overshadowed all else. Linc wouldn't be helping Hyde if he knew Hyde had been the one to kill Elena.

 _But how much is Linc actually helping Hyde? It wasn't Hyde who escaped from the jail, which could have been the case if Linc was really determined to help the fucker. Hyde and Roger were just pawns for Linc, disposable pieces in whatever twisted game he's playing right now._

His son's giggle drew him out of his ever-darkening thoughts and he reminded himself to live in the moment. He could worry about everything else later.

* * *

As expected, the moment they pulled into the driveway of their house, Teddy's excitement level reached an all-time high and he barely waited for Ana to unbuckle him before he jumped out of the door.

"Teddy, wait for us!" Christian called after him, helping Ana out of the car. When he next looked, Teddy was bouncing impatiently at the front door.

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say he missed being home," Ana said with a smile as Christian closed the car door behind her.

Christian snorted a laugh and rolled his eyes. "It's only been a few days," he reminded her exasperatedly.

"Maybe," Ana agreed, standing on tiptoe to kiss her husband's lips. "Would it be too pathetic if I said I missed home too?"

Christian smiled against her lips. "No, my love, it would never be pathetic for you to say that. In fact, I love knowing you miss our home when you're not there. It means you won't leave me again."

Ana sucked in a breath, knowing the jab was unintentional. She wondered if she'd ever stop feeling her heart break whenever she was reminded of her year away. Then she hoped she wouldn't, because she never wanted a repeat of being away from Christian that long again, and it was a constant reminder. She gave her husband a tight smile as Christian realized what he said and his face fell. "Come on, we should let Teddy in before he breaks down the door," she said in a falsely cheery voice.

"Ana..." he said, tugging on her hand as she started walking away from him. "Baby, I didn't mean it like that."

Ana smiled tightly. "I know," she said sincerely. "It's fine. Really."

She knew he knew she was lying, but now wasn't the time to deal with that. They needed to see their home and reassure themselves that though something terrible had happened there just a few days ago, it was still _their_ home. Ana heard her husband sigh as he followed her and she knew he was beating himself up for making her feel guilty again. Again. She truly wasn't upset with him and vowed to prove that to him before the night came to an end.

"Okay, okay," Christian said patiently as they reached their bouncing son. "I'm opening the door. Teddy, before you go upstairs—" His sentence was cut off as he turned the doorknob and opened the door: Teddy wasted no time squeezing through the small gap and running through the house. Ana entered the house just in time to hear her son's pounding footsteps going up the stairs.

"You probably should have finished your sentence before opening the door," Ana said, sniggering at her husband.

He turned, staring at her with his mouth half-open. "Are you laughing at me, Mrs. Grey?" he asked incredulously.

Ana grinned. "And what if I am, Mr. Grey?"

Christian turned to face her fully, trying to maintain his cold, stern expression while knowing perfectly well his wife wouldn't be fooled by it, and closed some of the remaining distance between them. "If you are laughing at me, Mrs. Grey," he said quietly, "then I will be forced to take action against such behavior."

"And what might that entail?" she asked innocently, cocking her head to the side in a way she knew made Christian's desire for her grow.

He closed his eyes and Ana inwardly smirked triumphantly; whatever game they were playing, she had just been declared the victor. "I never disclose my plans," Christian eventually responded. "You'll just have to wait until our son is tucked up into his bed."

And as always, she mused as his own triumphant smirk appeared on his lips and he turned to walk away from her, he managed to effortlessly turn the tables on her.

* * *

Ana was very careful to avoid thinking about what had occurred in her home a few nights ago. She hadn't been in the backyard to see whatever might be left of the gunshot holes in the side of the house. Christian assured her Elliot and his team had fixed it to the point of making it good as new, but she knew no matter what they did, she knew she'd always be reminded of the incident. She focused all her attention on Teddy, until Gail arrived in the house to prepare dinner, then joined her in the kitchen. She didn't know how much Taylor had told his wife, but judging by Gail's darting eyes towards the backyard, Ana was sure she was aware of just enough to make her uncomfortable.

They chatted about anything they could think of that had nothing to do with intruders and gunshots, and between the two of them, dinner was on the table by the time their husbands emerged from Christian's study. To Ana's surprise, Christian invited the Taylors to join them while they ate; normally he was strict about becoming too friendly with staff—Ana and Gail's relationship seemingly being the exception to the rule—but Christian's behavior over the last few days had been a little off anyway, so Ana, rather than saying anything about it right away, filed it away for later.

Dinner was very pleasant. As a rare treat, Taylor was actually relaxing, undoing a few buttons of his shirt, slouching a little in his chair, smiling more than Ana had ever seen him do at any one time, and cracking jokes that had the other adults rolling in their chairs while Teddy looked between them like they were crazy. It occurred to Ana as she and Gail went to the kitchen for dessert that Christian might be trying to distract her from something. Her husband was relaxed for a change, but every so often when conversation lulled, Ana glanced over to him to find his brow furrowed and his jaw tight. She desperately hoped he was simply stressing about some deal at work, though she knew better than to expect the drama in their lives had just faded away while Christian was at work today.

Finishing up the dishes in the kitchen, Ana jumped as she felt a pair of arms encircle her waist, relaxing again as she heard Christian's husky chuckle against her ear. "Sorry," he whispered without actually sounding it. "I asked Gail and Taylor if they minded keeping Teddy until his bedtime..."

Ana raised an eyebrow, bending her head back to rest on her husband's shoulder. "Did you?" she asked, trying to sound disinterested. "And why would you do that?"

She felt Christian's grin against her neck as one of his hands slowly traveled up her belly, grazing her breasts lightly before traveling back down just as slowly between her legs. "Why do you think?" he asked, teasing her through her jeans.

She bit her lip against a groan, instinctively pressing back into his hips. He sucked in a sharp breath at the contact, using the hand still around her waist to hold her in place. "Couldn't begin to think of a reason," she said, her tone breathy as he continued to stroke her.

"No?" he asked thoughtfully. "Well, I seem to recall a certain errant wife laughing at her husband. That husband also promised retribution."

"Is that so?" Ana responded, knowing full well her token protest was pointless; she was bucking her hips into his hand, grinding her backside into his erection.

Christian's teeth scraped across her neck. "It is," he murmured against her skin. "And with our son occupied for the next hour or so, I think we've plenty of time to execute aforementioned retribution."

Ana's breathing stalled briefly as Christian nipped at the skin between her neck and shoulder. "What happens if I refuse?" she asked, inwardly wondering why they were even still having this conversation at all. Or how, for that matter...

Without warning, all contact between her and her husband was broken. Ana's eyes snapped open and she reached out to balance herself on the kitchen sink. It took a moment to regain her bearings enough to look behind her to find Christian standing near the door, smirking at her. "Well, if that's the case," he said matter-of-factly, "I will have no other choice but to respect your wishes, Mrs. Grey. If, however, you change your mind, I will be upstairs running a bath."

She stared after him dumbly as he retreated, following through on the threat to go upstairs. Once she was certain her legs would support her, and she finished cursing her husband for leaving her like this, Ana followed his footsteps up to their bathroom.

* * *

Despite the aching hard-on he was currently sporting, Christian managed to reach the bathroom without returning to his wife to take her right there in the kitchen. He had a plan and he needed to follow through with the plan. So while he waited on Ana, he stripped off all his clothes, sat on the edge of the bath, and started the water. Just as he was adding a bit of her favorite jasmine-scented bubble bath, he heard her enter.

"Took you long enough," he called out, smirking.

She didn't respond, but he could hear her moving around the bedroom so he went on with his preparations. He lit a few candles, turned on some mood-setting music in the background, and waited. Then waited some more. "Ana?" he called out, realizing he hadn't heard her footsteps in a few minutes. "Baby, you okay?"

Again, no response. Panic was starting to set in. He shoved himself off the bathtub edge, paying no mind to the fact that he was completely naked, and headed towards the door he'd left ajar for her. Pulling it open, his wide eyes scanned the bedroom carefully, finding no sign that his wife had even come up here. "Ana!" he called out, part of him resigned to the fact that he was overreacting. He'd gladly allow his wife to laugh at his reaction if it meant she was okay.

He strode across the room towards the door leading to the hallway and froze, fear and anger building inside him. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he asked in a growl.

The other person only smirked and the last thing Christian saw was a flash of light, the last thing he heard was a loud _bang_ , and the last thing he felt was fear for his family's safety.

* * *

Ana waited just long enough to give Christian time to do whatever preparations he had planned before eagerly leaving the kitchen. She sighed in frustration when she heard her cell phone ringing from where she'd left it in the family room. Glancing at the caller id, she debated letting her mother's call go to voicemail, as she didn't know how much longer her body could hold off the inevitable spontaneous combustion from Christian's earlier teasing, until she realized she hadn't really had a proper conversation with her mother since her return home.

Sighing, knowing Christian would come looking for her and would give her a ready-made excuse to end the call if it came to that, she answered. Naturally Carla, after demanding to know why there had been a lack in communication, dove straight into what she had been doing since they last spoke. This worked out well for Ana; she still hadn't decided how or when she was going to tell her mother about the pregnancy, though she did know she needed to tell her before too long or risk her mother's hurt feelings. Ana had spent a year without speaking to her family and if her mother was to discover the pregnancy from anybody but Ana and later than the rest of the family, it would do nothing but cause pain.

They talked about the more lighthearted things that had gone on over the last several weeks—Kate giving birth; Christian and Ana taking Teddy to the Denver zoo. In turn, Carla told Ana about her latest business venture: something to do with scrapbooking. As they talked, it occurred to Ana that Christian hadn't come searching for her yet, even though they'd been on the phone nearly twenty minutes. After promising a longer call the next morning, which would include speaking to her grandson, Carla reluctantly agreed to hang up. Shaking her head and smiling to herself, Ana set aside her phone again and continued on her path to find her husband. The tingling anticipation had returned as well as the dampness between her legs—though it was quickly turning into a flood—and she sped up her pace.

Reaching the bottom stair, she looked up in confusion at the sound of her husband's growling voice. She was just about to call out to him, ask him if he was okay and who he was talking to, since she knew that tone wasn't directed at her, when she heard the all too familiar sound of a gunshot followed by a bright flash of light.

Ana was rooted on the spot, staring up the stairs in horror, her voice lost somewhere in her chest. She couldn't call for help, she couldn't run to find Taylor. Christian was hurt, she knew it, and she knew she was in danger, since whoever was up there with him couldn't have escaped without running past her. To her surprise, she didn't even flinch when the front door flew open and hit the wall opposite, but her frozen state of shock was broken when Sawyer ran past her at top speed, barely missing knocking her over.

"Taylor!" she gasped, feeling tears streaming down her face.

Taylor barely acknowledged her with a glance. "Mrs. Grey, please stay downstairs," he shouted urgently, following Sawyer. Two or three more men ran past her, but she couldn't be bothered to identify them as they disappeared up the stairs.

She listened in horror at the shouting, grunting, and scuffling, wondering what she should do or if she should do anything. The only thing running through her mind was the image of her husband lying somewhere above her, hurt, bleeding, dying. Who had gotten in their home? _How_ had they gotten in their home, especially after everything that had happened only a few days ago?

"Somebody call a fucking ambulance!"

Ana's eyes widened. She thought it had been Taylor's voice that called out, but as he did so, Ana heard sirens out front, and she was finally able to snap out of her terror. She ran to the still open front door finding four police cruisers, two ambulances, and a fire truck—why is there always a fire truck even when there's no fire?—had pulled up. EMTs were pulling stretchers from the back of their ambulances and jogging up the front walkway.

Somehow Ana managed to direct them up the stairs and told the police the intruder was still in the house, probably subdued by the security team. After that, everything passed in a flurry of activity. She was desperate to find out her husband's condition, but knew better than to go against Taylor's word just now. Besides, her involvement would only distract from the emergency responders. Instead she managed to find herself on the phone, calling Grace and Carrick and told them in a surprisingly calm tone that Christian was possibly hurt and would be taken to the hospital. Grace promised to be there waiting when they arrived and Ana hung up just in time for the EMTs to start down the stairs with a stretcher. Her knees nearly buckled at the sight of her husband pale, covered in blood, face contorted in pain, and unconscious. There was an oxygen mask over his nose and mouth, his neck wrapped in a brace.

"Oh god," she breathed.

"Mrs. Grey."

She looked over at Taylor, finding him looking back with a mixture of remorse, anger, and sympathy. "Yes?"

"You should go with him," he told her gently.

She nodded, looking back at her husband. "Teddy," she whispered.

"Gail has him. She'll take care of him."

Another nod. She started to follow the stretcher out the door, feeling once again like her world had turned upside down in only a matter of minutes. She wanted answers desperately, but resigned herself to waiting until she reached the hospital to demand them. All that mattered right now was her husband.


	23. Chapter 23

Ana sat amongst the Greys in the very same chair in the very same waiting room she'd occupied only a few short months ago when Christian had been injured after the incident at Elena's. The big difference between the two situations was that there was every possibility that Christian wouldn't make it through this hospital stay, while before he just needed time to recover.

The ride to the hospital in the ambulance had been long and terrifying. At one point, she believed she was going to watch her husband die in front of her—the EMTs had used the defibrillators on him several times when no luck. Only when Ana was at the beginnings of a panic attack did his heart restart. Upon reaching the hospital, Christian was rushed off to an operating room, leaving Ana standing frozen in their wake until she felt Grace's arms around her shoulders. Ana was led into this waiting room and within the hour, Elliot, Kate, Mia, and Ethan had joined her, Grace, and Carrick. Taylor and Sawyer were in and out of the waiting room, checking if anyone needed anything. Once or twice Carrick stepped out into the hallway to speak with them, to find out what they'd learned, and each time he returned looking more disturbed and angry, but he didn't seem able to share with the rest of the family. It wasn't until Kate and Mia dragged Elliot and Ethan to the hospital cafeteria at Carrick's pointed urging that Ana started to get any answers.

She sat between her in-laws, Grace's hand entwined with hers as Taylor and Sawyer entered the room and sat down across from them. "Who?" It was the only word she'd spoken since filling in the family on what happened to Christian, and she was barely able to get that out.

Taylor glanced at Carrick, possibly seeking permission; Carrick nodded slightly, his jaw tense. "David Lincoln," Taylor said quietly, looking only at Ana.

It took her a minute to wrack her brain, trying to figure out who this person was and why Taylor seemed to think she would know exactly who he was referring to. When it clicked, she gasped, barely noticing the almost painful grasp Grace on her hand. "Linc?" she whispered incredulously. "Elena's ex-husband?"

Taylor nodded fractionally. "The very same," he said grimly. "The police are still questioning him, but from what we've worked out so far Linc is responsible for Hyde's actions as well as Duncan's. We knew years ago that Linc bailed Hyde out of jail, which led to him kidnapping Mia and your hospitalization, Ana. It seems he pulled the same thing last year, pulling strings for Hyde's early release. We're not yet sure how Linc came to be in contact with Duncan or if Hyde introduced them, but Linc orchestrated everything that led to your leaving." Ana flinched at the words, still sensitive to the accusations. "It was all a way to get back at Christian for his relationship with Elena Lincoln and destroying his business."

 _Of course it was..._ "How did he get into the house?" asked Ana, managing to find enough strength to project the words.

Taylor hesitated, glancing at Sawyer. "Of that we're still uncertain," Sawyer commented. "We did a full sweep of the house before you set foot there and we found nothing. All of the security camera software has been upgraded after the most recent incident and was functioning correctly. We think there might have been a blind spot in the house somewhere and Mr. Lincoln might have been hiding somewhere we couldn't detect him."

Ana paled. "Are you telling me he might have been in the house when we got home?" she whispered, horrified. "My son was playing alone in his bedroom..." She trailed off, unable to finish the unthinkable scenario.

"You and Teddy weren't his targets," Taylor informed her gently, not that it went far in comforting her. "He was specifically seeking Christian."

 _This is a nightmare_ , Ana thought to herself, closing her eyes against tears. _Just a very bad nightmare that will end and I'll wake up in my bed with my husband beside me uninjured._ No matter how much she repeated the mantra, she knew this was her reality right now, and there was no escaping it.

The others continued to speak, Taylor giving the Greys a rundown of what little he'd learned so far, but Ana couldn't focus. When was it going to end? How many more people are going to come out of the woodwork to try and hurt them? Part of her brain reasoned that this was the price for marrying a man like Christian Grey. He was a constant target for nut jobs and had probably ruthlessly pissed off a large portion of the Pacific Northwest. Even if Christian hadn't liquidated Linc's business after bailing Hyde out of jail before Mia's kidnapping, there was still the affair Christian had with Elena all those years ago, as well as Elena loaning Christian her husband's money to start up his business. Linc had a long list of reasons to hate Christian, and they'd probably only scratched the surface of just how deeply that hatred runs.

And really, the last thing on Ana's mind was revenge plots. Her husband was in surgery, had been for hours, and there was no word on whether he'd come through it alive. Grace's pull in the hospital surprisingly only went so far. She'd been flat out denied her request to be in the operating room with her son, considering he'd nearly died in transit, and none of the doctors or nurses had left the room since he was taken in.

Around sunrise, Elliot announced he was taking Kate and Ava home. The baby had been surprisingly quiet throughout the night to the point Ana had forgotten she was there at all. She was starting to get fussy and her mother was exhausted. Carrick promised to call them the moment they had word about Christian, and they left. Mia and Ethan left shortly after.

"Ana, you should eat."

Ana looked up to find her mother-in-law carrying a brown paper bag. It smelled good enough, though she didn't think she'd be able to keep anything in her stomach. The only reason she accepted the bag was imagining the reproving look on her husband's face that she wasn't looking after herself and their baby, despite it having only been about twelve hours since she'd last eaten. Ana picked at the blueberry muffin and managed to choke down half a container of granola and yogurt, despite feeling nauseous with every bite. It wasn't nearly enough to satisfy Christian's normal eating demands, but it would have to do for now. Grace and Carrick had both stopped supplying her with platitudes about their son's condition; as the minutes dragged on, their own concern only mounted and Ana didn't think they could form the words or whether she could even accept them at this point.

At long last, there was a soft knock on the waiting room door. Ana's heart jumped into her throat and skipped several beats as Christian's surgeon entered looking exhausted himself, and fresh out of surgery. He shook hands with Grace and Carrick, then with Ana, before gesturing for them all to sit again. He sat across from them.

"The surgery went well," he told them first. "Christian is currently asleep in an ICU recovery room. We removed two bullets from him—both of which hit him at close range. One was lodged in his shoulder and shredded the muscle in his upper arm. The other was in his chest, less than an inch from his heart. Had it been closer, he wouldn't have survived. There was severe internal bleeding, as I'm sure you can imagine, but miraculously, nothing vital was irreversibly damaged. He lost quite a bit of blood on his way here and his heart stopped not only in the ambulance, but once in the operating room early into the procedure. Both times we were able to revive him. Currently his heart rate is faint, but present. He is very far from being out of the woods and at the moment, I can't give you a probability of recovery or survival; everything hinges on how he does for the next twenty-four hours or so."

Ana managed to find her voice first. "Can I see him?" she begged faintly.

The doctor looked at her sympathetically. "We'd prefer you didn't until he's been stabilized. The moment he is, you will be the first to know, Mrs. Grey."

Ana slumped back into her chair. Not only was her husband on the brink of death, but she wasn't permitted to see him. Somehow that made everything ten times worse. She tried to pay attention to the questions Grace and Carrick asked the doctor and his answers, but the words were jumbled in her ears. At some point, he left. Ana wasn't really paying attention anymore. In order to get away from her in-laws' concerned glances, she stepped out into the hallway to call Gail and check on Teddy. They'd been taken to Grace and Carrick's home in Bellevue. It was a relief; Ana suddenly wanted nothing more to do with their home on the Sound. Too much had happened there, too many tainted memories, and she couldn't face the thought of actually going back there to live. When Christian recovered enough, she would talk to him about the possibility of moving. Somehow she didn't think he'd have any problem with that.

Near lunchtime, Mia and Elliot arrived—Kate and Ava were asleep, and Ethan had to be at work—with food and a change of clothes for everyone. For a moment, Ana noted the glimmer in her sister-in-law's eyes as she handed over Ana's clothes and she had the feeling Mia noticed the size change in Ana's wardrobe. As she changed into a sweatshirt and pants that accommodated her slowly growing belly, she wondered vaguely how long it would be before Mia pulled her aside to ask about it. Mia was probably the only person she knew who could work out a secret pregnancy just by rifling through someone's clothes, and it actually put a small smile on Ana's face at the thought.

Just as they were finishing up their lunch, Christian's doctor entered to inform them that they could see the patient. It was decided quickly that Ana would visit him first, and she was being led down the hospital corridor to a private suite. The doctor warned her to be prepared for Christian's condition; she nearly changed her mind about seeing him, uncertain whether she could handle it after a night of no sleep, stress, and fear. Regardless, she was pushing open the door and entering the room alone. The first thing her brain registered was the steady beeping of a heart monitor and low hissing of an oxygen tank followed by slow, almost inaudible pumping of a life support machine.

Steeling her nerves, Ana entered the room, her knees nearly buckling at the sight of her husband. If she hadn't known this was undoubtedly his room, she'd have wondered whether the doctor had made a mistake in directing her here. Normally when Christian slept, he had an angelic quality about him. He was peaceful, his face relaxed. Now his brow was crinkled, whether from pain or bad dreams, she wasn't sure. There was a tube in his mouth, taped to the side of his face. He had an oxygen tube in his nose. His hair was mussed in the usual just-fucked style, though Ana knew for once that wasn't the cause. His arms were above the blankets covering him, immobile at his side. Bandages covered his right shoulder and disappeared below the covers, and though she couldn't see them right now, she knew there were more covering his chest.

 _More scars,_ she thought vaguely, swiping the tears from her face as she shakily crossed the room to reach his side. She stood beside his bed, reluctant to touch him in case he really was in pain and she hurt him more than he was already hurt. She finally settled on placing her hand over his left, finding a small amount of comfort in the feel of his wedding ring against her skin.

"Christian," she whispered. "You have to wake up. I know it hurts, but you can't let them win. We need you too much—me and Teddy and the baby... I spent a year without you and I haven't gotten my fill of you yet. I don't think I ever will." She swallowed hard, finally sitting in the chair beside him. "You're stronger than this. You're smart enough to have worked out exactly what Linc's involvement in this was, and I know you're going to try blaming yourself for what Jack did to me. Please don't. Yes, your past keeps coming back to haunt us, but I don't care anymore. I want to move on from this. I want us to be happy. The only way we can do that is if you fight to get back to your family. I'm not afraid to admit that I'm weak and I need you, especially when the baby is born—our baby needs a father. We need you to keep us safe.

"I know the past year hasn't been easy on any of us, and my biggest fear was that when you found out about what Jack did, you'd turn me away. For a while, I thought you had. I thought just looking at me disgusted you. We spent so much time avoiding one another that I wondered how long it would be before you just didn't come home. I'd started preparing myself for that possibility. I don't know what it took for you to change your mind about what happened to me, but I'm so happy you did. And I swear I will never do anything even remotely like I did to you again. It would have been so easy for you to just write me off altogether. I was a broken shell of the wife you had before and I felt like a burden more than anything else. I knew you loved me, but I watched you shut yourself away from me...

"That weekend we had on _The Grace_ meant more to be than you'll ever know. We opened up to each other in a way we've never done before and it was an incredible breakthrough for us. I felt like your wife again.

"Christian, I know you're tiring of hearing it from me, but I'm sorry for putting you through the last year. The fact that I didn't trust you to keep me and our son safe will haunt me for the rest of my life. If I had gone to you, told you about Hyde, I never would have thought I had to leave and you wouldn't be lying here right now." She smiled slightly. "See, you're not the only one who places too much blame on themselves. Christian, this entire nightmare is almost over. Once Hyde is locked away, we won't have to worry about him anymore." She knew better than to say there wouldn't be any further threat somewhere down the road. "But let me tell you this, Grey. After everything we've been through together, you don't get to give up just when we're starting to find ourselves again. I love you. I've always loved you. And I will always love you. If you love me at all, you'll come back to me."

Perhaps her words weren't fair, but if it snapped him out of this, it would be worth it. She'd have given anything for him to open his eyes and glare at her, to accept her challenge to prove his love for her. Suddenly she felt like she had for an entire year without him—lonely, miserable, and desperate. It was a mixture of emotion she hoped to never feel again and she felt herself starting to get angry with him for doing this to her.

Anger allowed her to push aside all her other feelings. It was actually comforting. Was this how it was for Christian? The way he hid his fears and insecurities and other emotions that might make him seem weak behind anger. For the first time in so long, she had a new understanding of her husband. She only hoped he would wake up soon so she could show him this new understanding.

* * *

Nearly a week had gone by since Christian had been shot. Ana had flat out refused to leave the hospital for more than a couple hours—the reason being Teddy's demanding requests to see his parents. Since he couldn't see Christian in his current state, Ana would leave long enough to spend some time with her son, even though her mind was only half present at the best of times.

To her surprise, Ana hadn't been cornered by Mia demanding to know the reason for her growing waistline. She had a suspicion it had been close several times, but Grace had pulled her daughter aside to keep her from actually ambushing Ana whenever they saw each other. She knew she wouldn't be able to keep her pregnancy secret much longer, especially if her waistline kept expanding, but she didn't want to have the conversation with her family until Christian could have it with her.

As the days wore on, his condition was improving. Much of his color had returned. His injuries were healing as they should have been. There hadn't been any further internal bleeding. Nobody could explain why he wasn't waking up, though. The doctors said it was a coping mechanism for the pain; Christian retreated into his mind to get away from feeling anything and until some of the pain receded, he'd remain unconscious.

Outside the hospital, life was going on as normal. In only a few weeks, Jack Hyde's trial would begin. When Carrick approached her one evening after she tucked Teddy into bed, it had been almost like a slap in the face. There had been plans to prepare Ana for her day in court with Carrick questioning her as Hyde's defense lawyers would. She still wanted that preparation, but she didn't know if she could take the added stress that would undoubtedly bring. Hell, she wasn't sure she could even go through with testifying unless Christian was recovered and at her side. What did that say about her? She'd spent a year believing she was growing stronger and now she couldn't even think about facing Hyde again without her husband.

Carrick assured her that Christian should be her number one priority and that he wouldn't request something of her that she couldn't handle. Part of her appreciated his assurance; part of her resented it. It made her feel weaker than she already felt. She chided herself, knowing that hadn't been Carrick's intention, but it didn't change the fact that she had a decision to make and only a short time in which to make it.

Much to her surprise, Elliot had become a constant at her side since Christian's hospitalization. With Kate on baby duty with Mia's assistance, Grace's need to return to work, and Carrick's busy schedule, she spent much of her time alone with Christian. It was becoming stressful to be alone in the room with him being so unresponsive. She remained by his side as often as she could telling him what was going on in the world during his absence, reminding him how much she and Teddy loved him, and that he needed to wake up soon, because she was running out of stories.

Elliot, when he joined her at the hospital, always had incredibly delicious takeout from various restaurants, a joke or two, and several comforting words. He even aimed several of his jokes at Christian as though he hoped to provoke a response from his younger brother. Ana was finally starting to smile more since Elliot had started spending time with her. She'd missed him over the last year—the way he could mercilessly tease Christian and walk away laughing whenever Christian threatened him for said teasing. He always had a smile on his face and he seemed to live for making others laugh or to see them even a fraction as happy as he was most of the time.

Ana mused often about how difficult that must be for Elliot to keep up that level of energy all the time. She hadn't really ever seen him upset or angry—aside from the night Christian and Teddy went missing—and she knew that had to take its toll on him somehow. At some point all that happiness and energy had to stop, right?

"You know, if you keep frowning like that, you're going to get wrinkles," joked the man himself from the other side of Christian's bed. "Then again, if you haven't gotten wrinkles after all the shit my brother put you through you're going to be young forever."

Ana cracked a smile, blushing slightly. "Shame you don't have the balls to say that to his face," she remarked.

Elliot raised an eyebrow, grinning. "Really? Well, I'm pretty sure I did just say it to his face. The fact that he's unconscious isn't relevant—they say coma patients are able to hear you, right?"

Ana flinched at the term coma patients. Somehow she'd avoided using that in terms of her husband, had even avoided _hearing_ it until now.

Elliot paled and closed his eyes when he realized what he said. "Ana, I'm sorry," he said contritely. He stood up and walked around the bed to sit in the chair beside Ana. "Look, I've known Christian for a long time—longer than I'm willing to admit some days—and one thing I've learned is that he's one of the strongest sons of bitches I've ever met. I only know a fraction of what he went through before Mom and Dad adopted him and to say it's impressive that he's turned that horrible experience into what he's turned it into is an understatement."

He grinned and put an arm around her. "The night I found out about you—the same night I met Kate—I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Finally some girl had attracted my stiff, overbearing, control freak little brother, and he fought me going with him to that bar. There was no way in _hell_ I was going to miss laying eyes on the girl who snapped him out of his perfect little world to the point he was running out of his hotel room at ten o'clock at night to find her. Of course, Kate distracted me from giving him any shit that night for taking a girl he hardly knew to his room, but it didn't make it any less fascinating and gossip-worthy.

"Then that first dinner at my parents' house..." He shook his head in wonder. "Ana, I've never seen my brother like that with anybody, let alone a girl. I know my mom's probably told you a million times how much it meant to her that he found you and you brought him out of his shell, but I don't think I ever told you what it meant to me. I love my brother, Ana, and there isn't anything in the world I wouldn't do for him, but you brought out a whole new side of him I didn't even know existed. He smiles, jokes around... Acts like a man in love whenever you're around. And I know him. He loves you more than anything. And there is no way in hell he's going to sit in that bed for the rest of his life while you're sitting here pining for him. He's not going to let you wallow alone. He's going to wake up and you're both going to cry and kiss and be happy." Elliot's smile turned soft. "And you're both going to be over the moon when that baby of yours is born. Don't look so surprised," he smirked when Ana's face turned indignant. "Seriously, the two of you act like the rest of us are completely clueless. Everyone knows, so you can stop worrying about how you're going to break the news to us."

"How..." Ana stared at him at a loss for words.

"How'd we find out?" Ana nodded. "Sweetheart, it's kind of obvious when you're avoiding foods you always devoured or the way my mom fawned all over you the way she did when you were pregnant with Teddy and Kate was pregnant with Ava. All the signs were there; we just didn't want to burst your bubble."

Ana rolled her eyes, trying to bite back a smile. "Thanks. Real considerate of you," she muttered sarcastically.

"Any time," Elliot responded with a wink, pulling Ana into another hug. "All I'm trying to say is that Christian is too fucking stubborn to just stay asleep for the rest of his life. So don't give up, got it?"

Ana nodded, resting her head on Elliot's shoulder. "Got it," she muttered, feeling her eyes close. "Thanks, Elliot."

Before Elliot had a chance to respond, a croaking voice spoke. "Elliot, I swear to god, if you don't get your hands off my wife, I will fucking kill you."


	24. Chapter 24

Consciousness returned slowly. He had been aware of parts of his surroundings, but not enough to have actually responded to them. There had been moments he fully understood his current predicament and he tried to return to where he belonged, but exhaustion always seemed to overtake him before he had much of a chance. A pattern had formed when he regained the most clarity—when Ana held his hand; when Ana talked to him; when Ana pushed his hair off his forehead. Generally anything to do with Ana gave him his moments of clarity. She was upset and he wanted to open his eyes, pull her into his arms, and never let her go again. Unfortunately until now, that hadn't been an option.

He hurt everywhere. His muscles felt as though they were on fire; his limbs were heavy; and he feared any movement would only exacerbate his injuries. The memory of what had brought him to this was fuzzy—he'd been preparing a bath for himself and his wife; she was taking her sweet time joining him; he thought he heard her and had gone in search for her; he opened his bedroom door and found Dave Lincoln standing there, gun in hand and pointed directly at his chest. Naturally, Christian's first instinct had been to swat away the gun. The first bullet tore through his shoulder. Now on the ground and preparing to charge his assailant, Linc had taken advantage and shot him once more, this time in the chest. The pain had caused him to black out almost immediately. His last thoughts were of Ana. He was terrified Linc, once finished with him, would go searching for his wife, and he was in no position to save her. He'd fallen into black nothingness believing he'd failed her again, and that this time his failings would result in losing his wife for good.

With no reference of time, he had no idea how long he'd been lying here, unable to respond to Ana's pleading for him to wake up. More than once he imagined he had sounded much like she did when their roles had been reversed years ago and it had been Ana lying unconscious and unresponsive after the incident with Hyde. That had been among the worst feelings he'd ever experienced, not knowing if he'd ever see her bright, beautiful, blue eyes again. Knowing he'd been a world-class bastard to her after she'd told him she was having their baby. He wanted her to open her eyes so he could apologize to her, beg her for her forgiveness, beg her not to hate him. The day she finally had...

He was once again listening to voices, two of them talking quietly. It took him several moments to identify them as belonging to Ana and Elliot. Somehow he found enough strength to force open his eyes and the sight that met him would have had him jumping out of his bed and beating the shit out of his brother if he'd been capable of it. He'd had to settle for a threat.

The looks on the faces of his wife and brother were a mixture of shock, relief, and amusement. Both of them jumped up at almost the same time, Elliot saying something about retrieving nurses and doctors while Ana only stared at Christian, her hands over her mouth, tears rolling freely down her face. In the brief moments they were alone, Ana let out a sobbing gasp and leaned over him, careful not to touch him in case she furthered his injuries, and kissed him. In that one kiss, he felt her sadness and joy, her fear and relief. He wanted to pull her on top of him and kiss her for the rest of his life. Aside from being unable to move, it wasn't long before they were interrupted by nurses. Ana pulled away from him reluctantly to allow them to check him over, test his reflexes. Throughout all their questions, he answered mechanically, but didn't look away from her. She was biting her lip, hugging herself, and clearly fighting to keep the tears building in her eyes from falling.

It seemed like hours before the doctors and nurses left them alone again, and the moment the doors closed, Ana had crossed the room into his weakly awaiting arms. He fought through the agonizing pain, knowing the medicine the nurse had put into his IV before leaving wouldn't allow him to remain conscious for much longer, to hold her as best he could while she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shh, baby," he murmured into her hair, kissing any part of her he could reach. "I'm here. It's okay."

"I thought you were going to die," she choked out through her sobs. "We all did."

Somehow, Christian managed a chuckle, albeit a weak one. "Baby, I'm too fucking stubborn to die," he said hoarsely. "Besides, I just got you back; do you really think I'm going to give that up so soon? We've got nothing but good days ahead of us." The medicine had begun to take effect and he already felt himself fading away from her. "You... Me... Teddy..." His eyes closed slowly, despite his attempt to fight it. "Our baby."

He felt Ana whisper an _I love you_ against his lips before kissing him, and he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

Though it was the very last thing she wanted to do so soon after Christian woke, Ana finally felt comforted enough to leave his side. She headed out of the room in search of updates and found Elliot and Taylor talking quietly not far away. The moment she approached them, she felt her stomach drop; the look of relief that had been on Elliot's face when his brother woke up had been replaced with grim anger. Taylor didn't look much better. And it didn't help that they both stopped talking as she drew nearer.

"What?" she asked reluctantly.

Taylor sighed. "We've just received word that Hyde's trial is being moved up in light of recent events. We need Linc's testimony to put the bastard away for good and the DA is eager to get him behind bars ASAP."

Her brow furrowed. "So when's the trial?"

Elliot looked at her apologetically. "Monday."

And it was now Thursday. Feeling panic rising quickly, Ana stepped back until she hit the wall, sliding down as she wrapped her arms around her knees. Elliot was at her side in an instant, rubbing her back to help calm her down. It was a ridiculous reaction and she knew it. But the thought of having to face Jack fucking Hyde in a courtroom knowing Christian wasn't nearly well enough to leave his hospital room let alone travel across town and spend all day dealing with this trial was terrifying. There was nothing for it: she'd have to face this without him.

"No, I can't do that," she whispered, not intending to say it out loud.

"Ana, listen to me," Elliot said quietly, but with sternness she was certain he'd learned from his younger brother. "You're not alone in this. You've got all of us to lean on and none of us have any intention of leaving your side."

She shook her head. "Elliot, I need Christian," she said miserably. "He's the only one who knows everything and I can't look the rest of you in the eye without him."

Elliot's brow furrowed at her words and she knew damn well he didn't understand in the slightest. "No one is going to look at you any differently, Ana," he assured her. "We know Hyde's sick bastard. You don't have to give us details for us to realize that. And yeah, the trial is only going to bring things to light that you might not want us to hear, but we'd all be going regardless of whether Christian can or not. We're Greys, sweetheart, we look after our own and we are not going to let that prick hurt you again."

Knowing he couldn't possibly understand the weight of what he was saying until he was sitting in that courtroom listening to a blow-by-blow account of what went on between Ana and Jack during her year away, Ana could only nod in acknowledgment of his words. She hated how one second she was on top of the world, then in the next, her whole world fell apart. It was happening more and more as of late, and she had to wonder how much more she could take before having an actual mental breakdown.

"Dad's on his way to start prepping you for Monday," Elliot told her gently. "If you want, I can tell him you're not feeling well and you can't do this today. He'll understand."

Taking in a deep, shuddering breath, Ana shook her head. "No," she said, trying to find strength she wasn't sure even existed right now. "If this is happening on Monday, I need to be ready."

Elliot's eyes crinkled in concern for her, but he nodded. "Okay, then," he said resolutely, pushing himself to his feet and reaching out a hand to help her up. "You're stronger than you know, Ana. I know you can do this."

She managed a shaky smile. "Thanks, Elliot." Turning to Taylor and finding him looking like he wanted to turn away from her, she got herself under control. "Jason, will you call me if he wakes again?"

"Of course, Mrs. Grey," Taylor says softly. "Let me know if you need anything."

Nodding, Ana followed Elliot down the hallway to where they could now see Carrick exiting the elevator looking at once angry, apologetic, and nervous. "How's Christian?" were the first words out of his mouth.

Ana smiled genuinely for the first time since leaving her husband's side. "Asleep again," she told him. "Pain-killer induced. But he was aware of his surroundings when he woke," Elliot snorted a laugh and she grinned at him, "and seemed almost normal."

Carrick nodded in relief. "That's great news," he said sincerely. "I assume you've been brought up to speed on the new developments?"

Ana could only nod, her throat feeling too tight to actually speak.

"We should get to work then," Carrick said. "I won't keep you long—I know you want to be with Christian—but we've put this off as long as we could."

With a sigh, Carrick led them towards Grace's office for privacy. Before they entered, Carrick turned and looked between his son and daughter-in-law. "Ana, it's up to you, of course, but do you want to keep this private for the moment?"

Glancing at Elliot, Ana nodded resignedly and apologetically. He understood. "No worries, Ana," he assured her with his trademark grin. "I should get home and check on Kate and Ava anyway." He hesitated. "You'll be all right?" Uncertain whether it would be truth or not, Ana felt herself nodding and trying to smile confidently. He saw right through her defenses, but didn't call her on it, thankfully. "I'll pop back in this evening to check on the lazy lump I call my brother. Call if you need anything."

"Thanks, Elliot," Ana said quietly.

With a wink, he left the room, closing the door behind him.

Carrick was chuckling and shaking his head. "My sons seem to have a protective streak when it comes to you," he said fondly. Ana smiled slightly self-consciously. "Not a bad thing, of course, even if my eldest seems to be trying to protect you from me at the moment." They sat together on a loveseat across from the door and Carrick opened his briefcase to retrieve several folders. "Now. What I'm most concerned about preparing you for is your emotional response to everything that will be discussed. You've been traumatized and terrorized, and it's understandable that those feelings will only be brought further to the surface, but you have to be able to keep all that in check during the trial. Everything is on your side at the moment and I honestly don't see that Hyde has a hope in hell of succeeding. That includes his ridiculous lawsuit against Christian. I know he's explained the broader spectrum of what that will cover, but you need to be aware of everything. Hyde is claiming the two of you had a romantic relationship spawned by the failure of your marriage." Ana flinched at Carrick's words as much as his professional tone. "He says you went to him willingly and the two of you fled Seattle to get away from Christian's influence. The fact that it seems as though you left willingly only lends conviction to this claim. And I know you left because you felt your family was in danger and probably rightly so, but since nobody knew of this before you left, it's difficult to prove his threats."

Ana sank into the couch cushions, feeling wave after wave of shame flooding her. It always came back to her not trusting her husband or the rest of her family to keep her safe. She'll always be looked upon as the woman who abandoned her family through fear and didn't have the sense to end things before they got to this horrendous point. If Carrick was aware of her growing uneasiness, he didn't let it show.

"Furthermore, he's claiming emotional damage for the abortion you had. If people believe the relationship between the two of you was consensual, it might help him win that bit of it."

"But it wasn't consensual!" Ana blurted. "Not in the way they believe!" She wasn't sure who _they_ were, but at the moment, it seemed to include every single person who surrounded her. "If I didn't give in to what he wanted, then—"

"Ana, I know," Carrick said quickly, raising a hand to stop her. He'd switched from ass-kicking lawyer who takes no prisoners to concerned father-in-law almost immediately. "I'm only telling you the way it will seem if you haven't prepared yourself for what you'll face. That is why you've got me here. To prepare you."

Taking a deep breath, Ana nodded. "Okay," she said quietly. "What else?"

Carrick eyed her closely, checking her mood before nodding to himself. "The fact that he kidnapped Theodore, then held Christian hostage and killed Elena Lincoln will be enough to send him away for good. Of that, I have no doubt. Just as I told Christian when this lawsuit came to light, Hyde isn't getting very far, especially considering his past record. His history of stalking and harassing you, Christian, and the rest of us is well-known."

"So why do we even have to go through with this?" she asked almost angrily. "If his record speaks for itself, why do I need to testify against him to keep him away from us?"

"Because your testimony will prolong whatever sentence is handed down to him," Carrick says without hesitation. "Without you, he could have the chance of getting out of prison in thirty years. You are the victim in his, Ana. Not him. You spent a year under his torturous rule. You experienced your son's disappearance knowing what Hyde would be capable of if you didn't find them in time. You watched your husband being beaten. Sweetheart, you have all the power here."

 _And yet, I've never felt more powerless..._ "What about Linc?" she asked evenly. "Why is his testimony so important?"

"He's attempting a plea bargain. In exchange for everything he knows about Hyde and Duncan and everything he arranged as far as your disappearance, he's looking for a lighter sentence. I know the DA personally, though; he can word his agreement so Linc believes he's getting his deal while in reality, he's put away just as long as Hyde."

Ana's eyes widened. She didn't think she'd ever heard Carrick Grey sounding so cold and vindictive.

"I never liked the bastard to begin with," Carrick growled. "You have no idea how satisfying it will be to see him suffer."

* * *

Hours later, after several intense questionings from Carrick, who was pretending to be Hyde's defense attorney, Ana felt drained in every way possible. If this was how she would be cross-examined by Hyde's actual attorney, she thought it very possible that she would take up drinking after the first day of the trial. Carrick did everything to reassure her that she did excellent and that Hyde's attorney wasn't even half as intelligent as he needed to be, then sent her back to check on Christian, telling her he'd check in with her that evening.

As she approached his room, feeling exhausted and spent and in desperate need of her husband's physical comfort just now, she felt renewed panic fill her body at the sound of raised voices behind Christian's hospital door. She couldn't make out what they were saying, but considering the news she received only a few hours ago from Elliot, she didn't think it could be anything good. Had his condition taken a downward spiral while she had been with Carrick? It wasn't until she cracked open the door that she realized one of the voices belonged to her husband who seemed to be shouting at the top of his lungs about something. Sawyer and Taylor were trying to calm him down along with the help of several nurses. Clearly, he wasn't having any of it. Not until his wide, angry eyes found her did he falter in his shouting. As though a switch had been turned off, Christian's anger drained from his body, replaced by pain from the exertion of his tantrum.

"What's going on?" she asked quietly, trying to smile.

Christian flinched as he settled back into his bed. "I woke up and you weren't here," he said, sounding like a pouting little boy. "I panicked."

She finally managed her smile, though it was filled with little conviction. "Well, no more of that," she scolded gently. "I'm here now. I'm sorry; I didn't realize you'd panic if I wasn't nearby."

"Another one of those tantrums," scolded the older nurse tending to him, her tone not gentle in the slightest, "and you're going to rip your stitches, Mr. Grey. You must remember you've been seriously injured and to take care of yourself."

Christian frowned at her and Ana knew a biting retort was on the tip of his tongue, but considering the nurse was in control of his pain medication, she silently communicated to save whatever argument he might have for the time being. The nurse finished up checking Christian's vitals and refilling the pain medication in his IV, then glared at her patient for good measure and left the room with her colleagues. Sawyer and Taylor were standing against the wall opposite Christian's bed, clearly wanting to leave the Greys to themselves, but uncertain whether they should.

"Everything okay, Mrs. Grey?" Taylor asked pointedly, ignoring the dismissing glare Christian was sending him.

Ana looked over at them with a small smile. "We're fine, Jason," she said quietly. "Thanks."

With a glance between her and Christian, Taylor led Sawyer out of the room. "What the fuck was that?" Christian demanded. "They don't take orders from me anymore?"

Ana raised an eyebrow at him. "Not when you're throwing tantrums and delusional from pain medication," she said coolly. "Speaking of which... Why the panic?"

Looking exhausted, Christian settled against his pillows, immediately grasping his wife's hand. "Bad dream," he muttered, staring at their fingers. "When I woke and you weren't here, I was afraid they got you and I'd never see you again."

Logically, they both knew his nightmare wasn't likely, considering their tormenters were all either dead or behind bars, but Ana could understand without a doubt where his concerns stemmed from. She still had trouble setting nightmares apart from reality at times, particularly in the dead of night when she rolled over to find Christian wasn't beside her like she thought he would be. "I'm here," she told him quietly. "I'm safe."

Christian nodded. "I know that now," he said. "But where were you?"

She tried not to notice the slightly accusatory edge of his words. "With Carrick," she responded. "We were in your mother's office."

This was obviously the last thing he expected her to say. "Why?" he asked, eyes narrowed.

Ana hesitated. The last thing she needed to do was tell him the truth and have him get upset to the point he hurt himself worse than he was already hurt, but at the same time she didn't want to lie to him. As luck would have it, the medication in Christian's IV took that moment to kick in and make his eyelids heavy. He'd be out cold in a second and she wouldn't have to do either yet. It didn't help, though, that the last words he spoke before slipping into consciousness were, "Full disclosure, Ana."

* * *

She'd intended to spend a couple hours with her son that evening, but Ana didn't want to risk leaving Christian's side again only to have him wake up with another panic attack. She compromised by calling and checking in with Teddy, reassuring him for what had to be the hundredth time in the last week or so that Daddy was okay, just sick, and he would come home soon. The more time went on she had to start wondering how long it would be before her too smart for his own good son suspected his mommy was lying to him.

She reentered Christian's hospital room wiping away her tears and wondered how, with everybody telling her she was far from alone in what was happening, she'd never felt more lonely. Not even over the last year had she felt quite like this, and she'd had some very rough moments. When she'd returned home, she thought she had returned stronger, more confident, but it was moments like this one when she was looking at her husband, normally so strong and in control of everything in his world, weak and small, that she realized how drastically she'd changed in that year. She was more afraid now than she'd ever been before and she realized she hadn't for a moment believed Christian wouldn't be at her side while she faced Jack Hyde for what she desperately hoped to be the last time.

It was hours before she fell asleep in a chair beside Christian's bed, her head resting on his mattress, her arm draped over his belly, and her dreams restless and confusing.

* * *

A low murmuring of voices woke her and it was quite a bit of time before she realized she was not in the position in which she'd fallen asleep. Her back was resting against something hard and warm while her side was pressed into something soft. She shifted sleeping positions slightly and opened her eyes to find herself looking into a pair of bright gray smiling eyes.

"Good morning, beautiful," murmured a sleepy, husky voice.

She managed a smile. "Good morning, yourself," she replied, lifting her chin enough to kiss Christian's lips. "How did I get here?"

"Well, I woke up in the middle of the night and found you lying like this, looking incredibly uncomfortable, and I started to pull you up here myself, but Sawyer wandered in to check on us, so I let him move you," he said, not sounding overly pleased at the idea of another man, least of all his security personnel, touching his wife. Or perhaps he was annoyed that he hadn't been strong enough to do it himself. "Is that how you've been sleeping all week?"

Her smile widened slightly at the sternness in his tone. It seemed he was feeling better. "No," she told him. "But last night, I just wanted to be near you."

His eyes softened and he used the hand protectively resting on her baby bump to cup her cheek. "I do appreciate that," he said quietly, "but you need to be looking after yourself."

Ana nodded, but couldn't respond; a soft clearing of a throat interrupted her and she looked over to find Kate on the other side of Christian's bed, watching them with a smile. "Oh, hi," she said, pushing herself up on her elbows to better see her friend. "Been here long?"

"Hour or so," Kate said. "Thought I'd pop in and see how you two were doing."

"Where's Elliot?" Ana's brow furrowed at the slight growl Christian emitted at hearing his brother's name, but didn't acknowledge it.

"At home sleeping," said Kate. "He was going to come back; Ava and I slipped away before he woke up."

"And where is my niece?" Christian grumbled.

Kate smiled. "Grace is showing her off around the hospital. I'll have to go find them soon; I'm sure Ava's getting hungry. Do you two need anything? Change of clothes, maybe, Ana?"

"I'm good, actually," Ana told her. "Taylor brought me a bag the other day, so I've got enough to hold me over."

After promising a return visit soon, Kate left the room in search of her daughter, leaving Ana and Christian alone, and this time, Ana didn't think they would be interrupted by well-timed medication kicking in and throwing off his questions. "Why were you and my father alone together in my mother's office?" he asked the moment the door closed behind Kate.

Ana sighed heavily. Of course that would be the first thing he asked once they were given a bit of privacy. "We were preparing for Jack Hyde's trial," she admitted resignedly.

Christian's brow furrowed. "Ana, that's still weeks away," he reminded her.

Shaking her head, Ana braced herself. "They moved it up. It's happening on Monday."

It took a moment for the words to sink in. "What!" he shouted, sitting straight up and regretting it instantly as he grasped his shoulder and chest in pain.

"Christian, relax!" Ana said loudly. "You're going to hurt yourself!"

"Fuck that!" he hissed through his teeth. "Why in the fuck would they move it up?"

As calmly as she could manage despite her husband's unsettlement, she told him everything she knew about what was currently going on. Somehow she kept her composure, even with his soul-piercing gaze that told her he knew everything she'd felt in the last twelve hours and exactly how terrified she was at the thought of what was to come.

"I'll be there with you," he said, his voice determined and steady.

Ana smiled sadly. "You can't, Christian," she told him quietly. "You're not going to be well enough by Monday morning and I'm not going to let you risk hurting yourself worse just for this."

"Just for this?" he repeated incredulously. "Ana, I'm not going to just sit here while you're across town listening to the bullshit that bastard spews! And who the hell are you to _let me_ do anything?"

Feeling as though she'd just been slapped, Ana got out of her husband's bed. "Who the hell am I?" she whispered, her eyes filling with tears, uncertain why his words make her feel like this. "I'm your _wife_ , Christian! I'm the woman who's been at your side every minute for the last week until you finally woke up!"

"So then why don't you want me at your side during the fucking trial?" he snapped.

"I do want you there!" she shouted. "But I need you in one piece and not crippled for the rest of your fucking life because you're too goddamn stubborn to sit back and recover! Do you have any idea how close you were to dying? Hell, you did die—at least twice, and once in front of me. I've been scared out of my mind for a week, Christian, because I didn't know if you were ever going to wake up. So no, I'm not letting you go to that trial. You're going to sit here and get better so that when Jack and Linc are both away for good, you and I can get back to our lives as normal."

"Maybe if you'd been a little smarter, we wouldn't have to deal with this shit," he sneered. "If you'd just fucking come to me when you should have, I wouldn't have got shot."

Part of her mind was telling her it was the pain and frustration and medication making him say these things to her, to make him act so coldly to her, but the rest of her felt herself cracking under the strain of everything and she suddenly couldn't stomach being near him. "Fuck you, Christian," she whispered, turning away and striding purposefully and blindly out of the room before he could see her crying.


	25. Chapter 25

"You know, for such a smart guy, you can be a real dumbass sometimes."

Yanked from his brooding and anger, Christian forced himself to look away from where he'd been staring out his hospital room window since Ana had walked out on him hours ago in order to glare at his older brother. "Fuck off, Elliot," he growled.

"No." Elliot didn't even bother looking like he was thinking twice about interrupting Christian's thoughts. "I just left our mother and our wives at my house. _My_ wife was holding onto _your_ wife while _your_ wife was in hysterics. You're fucking lucky I managed to convince Mom she needed to stay with them or it'd be her in here, slapping the shit out of you."

"Stay out of it," Christian threatened. "It's none of your fucking business."

Elliot stared at him as though he'd never seen him before. "None of my fucking business?" he repeated incredulously. "Did you not just hear what I said? Your wife can barely string two words together because she hasn't stopped crying since Taylor dropped her off a couple hours ago. All we've been able to get out of her is that you said something to her, but she won't tell us what. What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Bristling, Christian braced himself for a fight, but the image of his Ana crying because of him and the things he said to her took that fight out of him. The things he had said had seemed to come from somebody else, not him, but he had felt the emotion behind the words and knew he'd said those things to her. He couldn't stop her rushing out of the room and didn't think she'd even return to him if he tried. At least she wasn't on her own; at least she had Grace and Kate with her.

"Christian, what happened?" Elliot asked tiredly, dropping into a chair beside him.

With a sigh, Christian threw his head back onto the pillow and stared at the ceiling. "She told me about the trial," he said quietly. "And I flipped out on her. She said she wasn't going to _let me_ go with her and started giving me all this shit about almost dying."

"All this _shit_?" Elliot repeated loudly. "Dude, that wasn't shit! Your heart stopped beating on the way to the hospital. Ana was with you, she saw everything. It happened again while you were in surgery! That girl has been beside herself for a fucking week. I've never seen her like that. She shut all of us out, refused to leave your side, even though your son has been begging her to come home every time they talked, and now she's got more to deal with on top of you being an asshole." 

"She shut all of you out, did she?" Christian asked, feeling that unreasonable anger returning. "Didn't look like that when the two of you were snuggled up nicely right next to me."

Elliot just stared for a minute or so before laughing. Actually fucking laughing. It only incensed Christian further. "You have got to be fucking joking!" he barked. It was a moment before Elliot realized his brother wasn't sharing in on the amusement; he went from laughing to angry so quickly Christian wondered if there was some way they could be biologically related after all. "God, you're a dick! Ana's been pretty much alone since you got here and for one moment of comfort, you're seriously going to try and accuse of her of having a fucking affair? _With me?_ No fucking wonder she left your sorry ass! That girl just went through the most horrifying, painful year of her life and all you can do is sit here and yell at her. Because, really, as long as Christian _fucking_ Grey is happy and content, who cares what anyone else is going through! And I get it, you got shot. You're in pain, but that's no fucking excuse, Christian. For a year, I watched you flounder around, not knowing which way was up. I almost watched you die after that overdose of yours. Every time we talked, all you said was how much you wanted your wife back and how nothing else mattered. When you finally got her back, you all but ignored her for weeks when she needed you more than she ever has before."

Christian could only gape at his brother. For as long as they'd known each other, Christian couldn't ever remember Elliot yelling at him like this, with true anger and rage. And the fact that Elliot was using that anger and rage to tell him how horrible a husband he was being to Anastasia only made it worse.

"Christian, you didn't see her when we told her the trial had been moved up," Elliot said, his tone softening just a touch. "I thought she was going to faint. She was terrified. And the first thing out of her mouth was how she didn't want to go through this without you. I don't know whether she thinks she has something to prove to herself, to you, to the rest of us, but she spent hours in a room with Dad going through every fucking detail of what she went through with Hyde and she has every intention of seeing this through, with or without you. And yeah, maybe you are too ill to be there with her, but god knows she's going to need you to lean on every night when we get done there. So maybe instead of sitting here feeling sorry for yourself and alienating your entire family, you ought to start thinking about how to try making this easier for her. That woman fucking adores you, practically fucking _worships_ you, and you treat her like shit from almost the moment you wake up from a fucking coma. Get over yourself, man, or you're just going to lose her again."

Feeling as though he'd been shot all over again, Christian could only stare at Elliot. There were no words to describe what he was currently feeling and he couldn't remember the last time—if ever—someone had spoken to him in that manner. He certainly understood where Elliot was coming from—he was being protective of Ana and clearly had taken up that role with aplomb in the last week. And of course Elliot was right; the moment things stopped going down Christian's chosen path, everyone suffered. Ana just happened to be the unlucky target for that suffering.

 _Hasn't she suffered enough, though?_ his mind asked. _You know goddamn well she hasn't told you every last detail of what happened last year, probably to keep you from losing your temper and she's still suffering from that._

"Elliot, I'm sorry," said Christian quietly, unable to think of anything else to say as his brother glared at him expectantly.

Elliot sighed in exasperation, running a hand through his hair. "It's not me you need to be apologizing to," he said tersely. "And I can't even guarantee she'll want to come back her anytime soon."

Panic. Cold. Darkness. All the feelings he had when Ana had left him were flying back. Could she be using his beyond appalling behavior to run from him again? "Can you try?" Christian rasped desperately.

Half-shrugging, Elliot's expression softened with a twinge of sympathy. "I'll try," he agreed. "But it's got to be her choice. I'm not forcing that girl to come back here for your sorry ass unless that's what she wants."

It was probably the best Christian could ask for; he nodded resignedly, feeling tired and miserable and in pain. "Thank you."

"I should go," Elliot said quietly after several silent minutes. "I've got to pick up diapers and dinner. Feel better, Christian. We all need you in one piece."

Christian could only nod again as his brother left the room and it wasn't long before he was slipping into unconsciousness again.

...

By Saturday evening, Ana believed if she wasn't prepared for Monday morning after the last couple days, it would never happen. Aside from more meetings with Carrick to run through whatever he thought necessary for her to know, Kate and Mia had dragged her out for most of the day Saturday to get her a whole new wardrobe for the trial. Why she needed a whole trial wardrobe was beyond her, but they were insistent. Along with clothes shopping, the three girls had their hair and nails done as well as indulged in massages. They were doing all this, so they said, to make her feel more confident about facing the trial; Ana thought there might be more behind it, though—that they were treating her to all this pampering because Christian had been such an asshole the other night. She hadn't told anybody exactly what he'd said mostly because she maintained the belief his actions were motivated from a combination of painkillers, pain, and stress. At the same time, though, she hadn't been back to the hospital to visit him. Her excuse was that she was exhausted, but it was just that: an excuse. Whatever his reasons for saying the things he had, she couldn't get the words out of her mind and she wasn't ready to face him yet. She couldn't deny the hurt she'd felt at the expression of anger and disgust on his face as he blamed her for his hospitalization.

It was no secret that Elliot had paid Christian a visit Thursday evening. He hadn't told anybody what they had discussed, nor did he urge Ana to visit him if she wasn't yet ready. Ana knew damn well Elliot had confronted her husband, even if he didn't completely know why he was doing aforementioned confronting. She also knew he'd done it because he'd gotten almost as protective of her as her husband, and since her husband was the one she needed protection from, at least in Elliot's eyes, he'd done that for her. She certainly appreciated it, but part of her wondered whether Elliot's hospital visit might have only made Christian angrier at her. Perhaps he wondered if Ana had put him up to it. This theory only strengthened when Christian hadn't made any attempt to contact her since she left. With Monday morning looming ever closer, Ana knew she couldn't keep avoiding her husband; on top of everything she was about to face, she didn't believe she could handle having Christian angry with her as well.

There was still time to make her decision. And in the meantime, she had plenty of distractions: her parents were flying in Sunday morning to support her at the trial and it would be the first time she'd seen them since the first week of her return. The thought of them being in the courtroom with her was both a comfort and frightening thought. Carla would be positively horrified and disgusted at how her daughter had been treated, and understandably so. But there was a real possibility that easygoing, taciturn Ray might be driven to real violence. Again, very understandably so. She was tempted to pull them aside to brief them so they weren't completely blindsided during the trial.

When she did have a quiet moment, usually when she finally escaped the rest of the family to go to bed, of course her mind was with her husband. It had only been two days since she'd seen him, but it felt like week. Thinking about it, it really _had_ been a week. He'd only been conscious a matter of hours when she stormed out of the hospital room. Before that, she'd spent that time desperately hoping he would wake up and look at her again.

 _Well, I got what I asked for,_ she thought gloomily as she turned over in Christian's childhood bed.

Part of her understood his outburst. Since finding out there would be a trial, there had been no question between them that Christian would be at her side the entire time. Past experience told her he was angrier at himself for having poor foresight and getting shot, thus forcing him to rethink his plans than he was at her or anybody else. Now he probably hated himself, especially after alienating her and the rest of his family. She hated thinking of him hurt and alone and felt her resolve cracking. She knew what she had to do.

...

Christian woke suddenly on Monday morning with the feeling of being watched. It wasn't a feeling he ever took lightly and he was on high alert as he opened his eyes. He heaved a sigh of relief when he saw Ana standing feet away from him against the wall wearing a simple dress he assumed was for the trial today.

Fuck. The trial...

At the moment, the trial didn't matter, though. His wife had come to see him when he had convinced himself he'd gone too far and had driven her away for good by being his bastard self. There were so many things he wanted to say to her, things he'd been forming in his head since his talk to Elliot on Thursday, but he couldn't seem to find a single one right now. She looked tired and worried and afraid and he could even see a trace of anger in her eyes, however small it might have been. He wanted her to yell and rage at him, to tell him how much he had hurt her with his harsh, cruel words. He wanted her to take out her frustrations on him. He wanted her to do anything but stare at him impassively with her arms wrapped protectively around her belly—their baby.

"Hi," he whispered, desperate to break her from the cool stare she was giving him. "You're here."

She sighed. He relaxed. At least there was some sort of response. "Hi," she whispered back, her voice barely audible. "Yes, I am."

Wincing, he pushed himself up further on the bed, trying to see her better. "I didn't think I'd be seeing you again," he told her bleakly, letting his fears be known. "I thought I'd hurt you and that you'd hate me and as soon as you could, you'd be packing up and leaving me—"

"Will you just stop already?" she demanded angrily. "God, Christian, why is it every time I'm angry with you it makes you think I'm going to just up and fucking leave? I realize my track record is terrible in terms of staying power, but knowing you have zero confidence in me doesn't exactly help matters." Christian only gaped at her. This was what he'd wanted, for her to let her anger go on him, and he sure as hell wasn't going to stop her now. "Every time I think we've finally gotten to the point that I believe you're starting to forgive me so that I can start forgiving myself, you throw it back in my face. And yes, I am fully aware that something happens that brings it all back to the surface, but you can't keep doing this to me. It hurts too fucking much, Christian, and it's really becoming difficult to come back from it. I know I fucked up, I know I hurt you by not trusting you, and I am beyond sorry for that. I'll never be able to make that up to you." Her shoulders sagged and Christian knew she was only moments away from tears, but he also knew she'd been bottling this up for too long to stop her now. "I need you, Christian. I need you on my side, especially today. The last thing I ever wanted was to face that bastard without you, but I don't have a choice in the matter. You're not well enough to leave and we all know whatever happens in that courtroom is going to piss you off and impede your recovery.

"The last week has been absolute fucking hell for me, Christian. Thursday was both the best and worst day I've had in a very long time. The thought of having to face Jack without you..." She shook her head despondently. "There's nothing we can do about it right now. I'm not going to sit in here and hide from him because you can't be with me the whole time, as much as I may want to. If I were to do that, he'll win. He'll know he's got power over me and even though I know he won't get away with what he's done, he'll still win. I'm not giving him that satisfaction. I'm sorry, but I'm going through with this."

Christian remained silent for several minutes, waiting to see if she was finished. Once he was certain she was, he took a deep breath. "Ana, I am the one who is sorry," he said quietly, forcing himself to hold her gaze despite how much it hurt to see how much pain she was in because of him. "The things I said to you were horrible and cruel, and you didn't deserve that. I love you more than you could ever know and instead of supporting you as I should have, I tore apart every bit of progress you've made since coming home. When I found you in Omaha, you were broken, a shell of what you had been before you left. Over the last few months, you've come back to me, stronger than ever. I'm so proud of you, Ana. I'm beyond happy to have you back in my life. And I cannot wait until this shit is behind us and we can live our lives again. I'm sorry that I continually throw what happened to you back in your face. There is no excuse for that and I want nothing more than to go back in time and take back every hurt I've ever dealt you. I know this isn't easy for you and I'm beyond proud that you're brave enough to face this without me. I'm sorry, Anastasia. Even though I don't deserve it, please forgive me."

She was still watching him impassively. He had no idea what was going on in her head; only that this could go either way—she could accept his pleading and forgive him, or walk away and never look back. Finally, the shutters were lowering in her eyes and he saw the vulnerability returning full force. With what looked like relief and regret, she stumbled across the room and he managed to catch her as she fell into his chest, sobbing. He vaguely noted the pain of his injuries had receded and he was fairly sure it had to do with the girl in his arms.

"It's okay, baby," he whispered into her hair. "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. Ever."

At some point, Ana had kicked off her shoes and curled herself onto the bed beside Christian. He didn't release his hold on her, wanting to maintain their contact as long as they could before she undoubtedly had to leave for the trial. "I'm sorry I left the way I did," she murmured into his chest. "I just couldn't—"

"Don't apologize," he told her gently. "You reacted just as you should have to my words. Though according to Elliot, your reaction was less than I deserved."

She lifted her head to meet his eyes, a tiny smile on her lips. "What _did_ he say to you?" she asked curiously. "Kate and I tried finding out, but he was surprisingly tightlipped."

He winced again, this time at the memory of his dear brother's words. "He did what he's best at," he told her. "Gave me a verbal bashing that rivals the ones of our parents and forced me to face a few truths about myself."

"I'd apologize," she said, her eyes belying her words, "but you probably deserved it."

Christian narrowed his eyes at her, though he knew she was far from intimidated. "You're probably right," he conceded, brushing his lips against her temple. "I missed you."

Her smile widened against his neck. "I missed you, too," she admitted. "Teddy and I are staying with Grace and Carrick, and they've put me in your old bedroom. I have to admit, it's not the same being in there without you."

"I can imagine," he responded wistfully. "It's been lonely in here. Mom's visited a couple times, but I've gotten the distinct impression she's not exactly pleased with my behavior and as such, her normal sweet, sympathetic disposition has been replaced by undisguised annoyance."

"Good," Ana said. He chuckled and held her more tightly against him. "My parents are in town."

He nodded slightly. "I heard. How's that going?"

"I had to tell them more about what happened with Jack," she whispered. "I didn't want the first time that they hear about it to be when we're in a very public setting." She winced. "They're annoyed that I didn't tell them before."

"I can imagine," Christian said. "That can't have been easy."

She sighed. "No, not in the slightest. But I think I evened it out by telling them I'm pregnant."

Christian's eyebrows shot up. He'd been under the impression they had been waiting to tell their family about the pregnancy, but he certainly couldn't blame her, all things considered, for doing so. "How'd they take that?"

"Very well," she said. "Mom was over the moon, crying, hugging me... the whole bit. Ray was happy as well. I think he was more pleased that you and I are recovering relationship-wise. He didn't say as much, but he was asking me how things are going between us."

Christian swallowed hard. "And how _are_ things going between us?" he asked reluctantly.

Ana pushed herself off his chest, resting on her elbow as she looked at him thoughtfully. "Up and down," she admitted quietly. "More up than down. And getting better every day that we're communicating and being open with each other." She sighed. "I hate being separated from you, Christian. Especially after the last year, and I have no intention of letting either of our stubborn personalities get between us. But I need you to do the same. No matter how difficult it might be, we can't truly move forward until you can start letting things go. I want to help, but I can't if you won't tell me what you need me to do."

Christian silenced her by pressing his lips against hers. Their kiss was soft, slow, and hesitant. The longer it went on, though, the more Christian wanted and before he could stop himself, he'd moved so she was on her back and he was raised over her, kissing her with everything he had. When they finally separated, they were both panting and desperate for more. "Much as I want to continue this," he told her, breathing his words against her neck, "I'm not sure we have time." He reluctantly glanced over at the wall clock. "I'm sure you'll need to leave soon and my pain medication is wearing off."

Her eyes widened in concern, so he smiled at her, trying to communicate their actions hadn't hurt him. It wasn't complete truth, but he refused to let her leave thinking she'd caused him further pain. Eventually, she nodded, biting her lip. Reflexively, he reached up to free it. She smiled in return. "I'll be back this evening," she promised, slowly sliding out of the bed. "Try not to worry too much?"

"Not possible," he told her. "Especially today. But don't worry about me, baby. Make sure that fucker goes down for good then come back to me."

"Always," she whispered, leaning down to kiss him far too briefly. "I love you."

He smiled again, trying to hide his trepidation about her leaving. "I love you, too."

And with that, Christian once again watched his wife walk out of his hospital room, though unlike the last time, she looked back at him and he saw her love for him in her eyes. If anybody could face what was to come, it was Ana. And there was no doubt in his mind that she would handle this just like she handled everything else: with utter perfection.


	26. Chapter 26

Ana stared out the window as the SUV pulled around to the back entrance of the courthouse. The anxiety she he was feeling at the thought of having to face this mess only increased at the sight of the crowd of media she caught a glimpse of out front. Kate squeezed her hand comfortingly and she had to remind herself she wasn't alone. Taylor pulled into an underground garage and into a spot before turning off the ignition and turning to face her.

"Take your time, Ana," he told her gently, his eyes bent in sympathy. "We're in no rush right now."

Ana nodded, trying to fight down the wave of nausea in her belly. After her morning with Christian, talking, sorting things out between them, and ending with a kiss that would keep her squirming in her seat for the rest of the day, her strength was starting to wither again. As much as she wanted to believe she could be a strong, independent woman without her husband at her side, this was one situation where that wasn't the case. She knew logically she wouldn't be alone in a room with Jack Hyde, that her family would be with her throughout the entirety of this nightmare, but when it came down to it, she knew she would only see one thing in that room, and she wasn't foolish enough to believe he wouldn't try some sort of intimidation technique on her, silently or otherwise.

They would also be hearing Jack's counter-suit against Christian, the one where he tries to make himself out to be the victim when that couldn't have been any further from the truth. Again, logically, she knew Jack's lawsuit wouldn't hold any water in court and with everything that's happened since her return home, everyone would see what a manipulative monster he truly is.

"Okay," Ana whispered, taking several deep breaths to steel her nerves. "Let's go."

Taylor nodded once before jumping out in the car to pull open Ana's door and helping her out, then helping out Kate. The three of them made their way quickly to the elevator, Taylor looking over his shoulder until the doors shut. Ana wasn't sure what he thought might happen then she realized she probably didn't _want_ to know what it was he was looking for.

The elevator stopped and the doors opened, revealing what looked to be a back hall. "Employee entrance," Taylor explained as they head towards the left. "Thought it would be better if you didn't have to walk through the place publically."

Ana nodded, smiling at him gratefully. "I agree," she whispered, her hand still held tightly in Kate's. The moment they turned a corner, Ana knew something was wrong. Carrick was pacing the corridor, phone pressed to his ear, and he looked almost frantic. Grace, Ray, and Carla stood watching him with uneasy looks on their faces. And the uneasiness only deepened when they laid eyes on Ana.

"What's going on?" she asked quietly, now seeing Elliot and Reynolds talking quietly and fervently.

"We're not sure," Ray told her. "Carrick got a phone call about half an hour ago and he's been like this ever since."

Taylor excused himself to go speak with Elliot and Reynolds, and Ana watched them closely. Taylor's expression went from concerned to furious in a matter of seconds. "And you didn't think to call us?" he said loudly to Reynolds.

Reynolds flinched and replied at a volume at which Ana couldn't hear what he was saying. Elliot told him something to take the focus off Reynolds, but Taylor only shook his head and took out his phone, walking a little farther down the hall for privacy.

Finally Carrick hung up with whoever he was speaking with and approached his family. "Ana, we need to speak privately," he said softly.

"What happened?" she breathed, feeling her body tensing in fear.

Carrick silently held out his arm, gesturing for her to follow him. Immediately Kate, Carla, and Ray offered to go along with her, but Carrick waved them off. Inside a small room, he pulled out a chair for Ana and gestured for her to sit while he leaned against the table beside her. "There's been a catch in the trial and it's been postponed until tomorrow," he told her quietly.

Ana's brow furrowed. "What catch? I thought they were eager to get this over with."

"They are," Carrick said, nodding. "But something has come to light this morning that can't be ignored." Ana shook her head, not understanding. Carrick sighed heavily, sliding into a chair beside her. "A safety deposit box belonging to Jack Hyde has been discovered and it is full of DVDs."

All the blood drained from Ana's body. "What kind of DVDs?" she whispers. What could they have possibly found that would delay a trial hours before it began? The possibilities were endless and the fear were rebuilding.

The hesitation evident on her father-in-law's face wasn't helping. "Though we haven't looked at all of them, at least two of them depict encounters between you and Hyde."

She felt faint and sick and mortified. This just kept getting worse and worse, and the thought that Jack had actually recorded the things he'd done to Ana was beyond anything she'd ever imagined. There had never been any indication that those times had been documented and now people have watched them and know without a shadow of a doubt what happened between Ana and Jack. "Who is going to see them?" she whispered, staring at the table.

"The judge, the DA, the lawyers on both sides. And a few people on Christian's security team who found the videos to begin with."

"Christian?"

With another sigh, Carrick reached over and took her hand. "He received the email shortly before your arrival," he said reluctantly. "The security team contacted him first, before contacting me. So yes, he's seen them. Or at least enough to know of their contents."

A strangled sob escaped Ana's throat and she blindly reached into her purse, digging for her cell phone. If Christian had seen the videos, he would have contacted her to see if she was all right at the very least. But there was nothing from him—no calls, no texts, no emails. There was no attempt to find the logical side of this one: he'd seen the videos. He was disgusted by what he'd seen. He wanted nothing more to do with Ana. Carrick's arms were around her as she sobbed into his shoulder. Everything was falling apart again, just when she believed it was the beginning of the end of this nightmare and she and her family would have the chance to move on and have their own happily ever after.

"What now?" Ana asked in a wavering tone as she pulled away and accepted Carrick's handkerchief to wipe away her tears.

"Now the videos will be thoroughly reviewed," Carrick told her gently. "They will be admitted as evidence in the trial and I will tell you now that once it has been, there is no doubt in my mind that Hyde will be convicted immediately. Your testimony is incredibly important, but he can deny, deny, deny, and come up with his own version of how things went. With documented evidence such as this, he can't refute the charges."

 _Well, that's an upside_ , Ana thought grimly. "Will I still have to speak at the trial?" she asked quietly.

"At this point, I think it would be better if you didn't," Carrick said. "Having said that, I want to sit down with you and prepare a victim impact statement."

"A what?"

"Victim impact statement," Carrick repeated. "Essentially, it is a statement about how what you've been through has affected you and your life. They are incredibly effective in helping to cement how a jury feels about a conviction. It's everything you would have said while on the stand, but you won't be caught in any cross examination. Honestly, we should have gone this route from the very beginning. I know you've still got reservations about talking about all this publically, and I cannot blame you for that, Ana. The fact that you've stuck to your conviction of facing Hyde head on is admirable, but I don't want to see this have adverse affects on you."

Ana felt herself relaxing for the first time since she came into this room. She had no idea there was an option that would allow her to speak about what had happened to her without having to face Jack and everyone else. "Is it something I write?" she asked tentatively.

"You could write it," Carrick said, nodding. "But having a video diary of sorts would be better. We can film it privately and make you feel as comfortable as possible, and it will be played back during the trial. You can either attend the trial or stay behind the scenes, whichever you prefer. It's entirely up to you, Ana."

Breathing was becoming easier. "Okay," she whispered to Carrick. "We'll do a video. When?"

"As soon as I hear when the trial will continue," Carrick said. "I will be at your side, asking you questions, and at any point, if you need to stop, we will stop. The sooner the better, though."

Nodding, Ana felt better. After a few more minutes to allow her to collect herself, Carrick stood up, leading her back out into the hall where the family was congregated and waiting for them to emerge. Immediately, they pounced on Ana, asking what was going on, why she was crying, and dozens of other questions she couldn't hear. Her ears prickled as the elevator at the end of the hall opened and she turned around, her eyes widening in complete shock and relief. Christian was exiting, looking deathly pale as he was pushed through the hall in a wheelchair.

"Ana," he whispered, forcing Sawyer to stop the chair so he could push himself to his feet. Several people tried to stop him from standing but he fought them off, his eyes locked on his wife. In an effort to keep him from hurting himself worse, Ana broke away from Carrick and her mother, and closed the distance between them, gently pushing him back into the chair, and kneeling in front of him. "Are you okay?" he asked, his voice thick with concern and pain. "I got here as soon as I could."

Before Ana could respond, Grace had joined them. "Who let you leave?" she asked in a menacing voice that reminded everyone she was a doctor and mother of three.

Christian's expression flickered, apprehension appearing momentarily. "Um, nobody," he answered, sounding so like a chastised teenager that Ana cracked a real smile. "But you couldn't expect me to stay in that place when my wife is here dealing with this..."

"What is she dealing with?" Ray demanded. Ana froze, her hands on Christian's knees. It hit her that only a handful of people knew about the DVDs.

"Some new evidence," Carrick said evasively. "I'll explain when we're not in public."

All Ana could see was her husband and the mixture of regret, intense sadness, and anger she knew inherently wasn't directed at her in his eyes. Carrick made a few more brief phone calls before announcing they would be leaving the courthouse. Christian fought against his mother's insistences that he go back to the hospital, that he needed to be with his wife right now, and to everyone's surprise, Carrick whispered a few words into his wife's ear and she relented. Silently, they returned to the elevator and down to the parking garage. Ana and Christian rode with Taylor, Carrick, and Grace, while the others went back to Bellevue to wait on word of what would be happening next. During the ride, Ana realized what her husband had done by leaving the hospital to come to her aide. His face was taut with pain, but he had a determination in his expression that made her regret her thoughts about how she believed he would react to finding out about the videos. After everything they'd been through, she still didn't have enough confidence and faith in her husband and their marriage to believe he'd be by her side through anything and everything.

Once Christian was in bed, medicated by his mother to lessen his pain, Ana lay down beside him, just needing to be close.

"Are you okay?" she asked, reaching out to push some of his hair out of his eyes.

He was slowly regaining some of his color as his pain began to recede, though he was clearly fading into unconsciousness. "I'm fine," he whispered, his eyes scanning her face. "What about you?"

She swallowed hard. "Better now," she admitted honestly. "Why did you leave the hospital?"

"Because I knew you needed me," he said promptly. "And I knew you would start doubting things if I didn't get to you soon enough."

Smiling sadly, she blinked back a few tears. "You know me too well," she whispered. "How much did you see?"

Anger returns to his expression briefly. "Enough," he bites out. "Ana, I owe you so much of an apology that I don't know where to begin. Despite everything we've talked about today and every other time you shared what happened to you, I didn't truly understand it until I saw it with my own eyes. I'm sorry, baby, so fucking sorry that you went through that hell. That fucker is going to pay and if he doesn't meet his end in prison, I'll do it myself. He will not get away with what he did to you."

Tears stream from Ana's eyes, both at the fact that Christian finally seemed to understand what happened to her and how badly it affected her, and his promise that Hyde would get what's coming to him, one way or another. "I didn't know there were videos, Christian," she whispered, tucking herself against his uninjured side. "I had no idea. And I'm sorry you had to see it."

"Don't apologize to me for this, Anastasia," he told her firmly, pressing his lips against her temple. "This was not your fault. He's an animal and a monster, and he will never hurt you again."

Christian held her as she cried until they both fell asleep.

* * *

Hours later, Christian awoke in confusion. He knew immediately he was no longer in the hospital and when he looked down to his right and found his wife curled up with him, his memory returned full force. During the short time between Ana leaving him and her arrival at the courthouse, he'd begun receiving phone calls and emails from Sawyer, Barney, and several other members of his team, all of whom relayed the same information: a safety deposit box in Jack Hyde's name existed and its contents included several DVDs that were unlabeled. The DVDs were copied by the people searching the box then sent to Carrick to use them how they should be used. Christian unknowingly opened one of the videos on his laptop as he was checking in on his work, and he'd nearly thrown the laptop across the room. He'd seen things no husband should have to see—his wife being used and abused over and over. Hyde was pawing at Ana, ripping off her clothing, muffling her protests... He couldn't even think of the rest without wanting to break everything around him.

Sawyer arrived at the hospital, knowing how Christian would react, and got him out of the hospital to his wife's side as quickly as he could. He knew she would think the very worst about him and herself, and he needed to cut this one off at the pass or it would only get worse. The moment he laid eyes on Ana, he knew he'd been right; the look of absolute shock at seeing him had wrenched at his heart and all he'd wanted was to get out of that fucking chair and take her into his arms. It only pissed him off more to realize his injury was impairing that desire.

Ana was sleeping deeply and he needed to get out of there before he woke her. Slipping out of bed as carefully as he could, he found the wheelchair he'd been transported in waiting for his use. Curling his lip at the sight of it, he sat down, wheeling himself out of the bedroom. His parents were sitting in the kitchen with Taylor, all of them talking quietly.

"Anything new going on?" he asked, approaching them.

Grace pursed her lips at him in disapproval of being out of bed, but held her tongue, probably only because he'd had the sense to use the wheelchair. "Not yet," Carrick answered. "The DA is in the judge's chambers right now explaining the situation and we should know his decision in a few hours."

Christian nodded, accepting his mother's offering of water and pain medication. "Do you think these videos will be admissible?"

"Yes," Carrick said firmly. "There is no doubt the people in the videos are Ana and Hyde, and evidence is evidence. This just strengthens everything Ana has told us about that year. We're going to take care of her, Christian. She will be protected from anything that might hurt her even further, I promise you that. I just need you to trust that I know what I'm doing."

Again, Christian nodded. "I do trust you," he said quietly, staring at the floor with a furrowed brow. "But I've done enough to hurt her that I don't want to see anyone else doing the same thing, no matter how well-intentioned that person might be. She deserves better than this and I just want us to get past this. She should be worrying about nothing more than the birth of our second child; instead she's scared and angry and embarrassed that this entire situation has become so public. I am positively terrified how this will affect the pregnancy. Dr. Greene told us over and over to try to keep Ana's stress levels down—this is not the way to do it. If something happens to this baby..." He trailed off, unable to finish the sentence.

"Nothing is going to happen to the baby, Christian," Grace assured him, taking his hand. "She is our number one priority. As are you. And speaking of which, you're lucky I don't tie you to your bed. Do you have any idea the damage you could have done to yourself by doing what you did this morning?"

Christian smirked inwardly at his mother's words. Oh, if she knew the truth about him... Well, she'd probably go running, screaming from him as quickly and loudly as possible. "I'm sorry," he told her sincerely. "I know I worried you, but I hope you understand why I did it."

His mother's eyes softened. "Of course I do," she replied. "But Ana needs you in one piece right now. You need to work on your recovery."

Duly chastised, Christian promised his mother he would get plenty of rest after he and Carrick discussed what would be happening next. When Ana finally surfaced, she looked much better than she had at the courthouse, though still slightly confused and embarrassed to be faced with four pairs of inquisitive eyes.

"The trial has been postponed until Wednesday," Carrick informed everyone as Taylor went to pick up dinner. "We need to prepare that statement, Ana, and soon. You and I can do it privately, or you can call Kate to sit with you. It's your choice."

Fiddling with her fingers, Ana glanced at Christian. "Can Christian be there?" she whispered. Christian looked at her in surprise, a smile growing on his face at her words. Not so long ago, she'd have been terrified to talk about the things she would undoubtedly have to face in front of him for fear that he would get angry with her or disgusted by the things he heard. He felt so much between them had improved over the last few months and that Ana was proving it right then by requesting he be with her while her statement was being filmed.

"Of course he can, Ana," Carrick said quietly, smiling between the two of them. "Let's eat dinner, and we'll get this over with."

* * *

Wednesday morning arrived far too quickly. There would be no more delay, not from anybody. This would be the day that Jack Hyde was punished for what he had done. Despite all arguments from the rest of the family, Christian refused to remain in Escala while the trial proceeded. Ana was more than relieved that he was being so stubborn about it. For the first time in months, she could see their happy ending waiting in the wings. She and Christian had spent hours talking the night before about what they wanted to happen once all this was over. He had been the one to suggest they begin looking into a new home.

" _I love that house so much," he'd told Ana, whispering the words into her hair, "but lately, the bad memories have overshadowed the good and we'll never be at peace in a place where all this has happened to us. I want a new beginning for all of us. I want our baby to come home to a place where we all feel comfortable and don't have to worry about what ghosts might come back to haunt us. We'll find something that is absolutely perfect for all of us. I promise."_

Currently, the judge was in his chambers with the lawyers on both sides viewing and discussing the videos that had been discovered. Jack wasn't yet present and wouldn't be until their return and with every little noise or opening of a door, Ana was filled with a slight panicked jolt. Christian sat beside her, his arm around her, kissing her hair and murmuring comforting words to her. It was nearly two hours before they surfaced into the courtroom and a side door opened, revealing Jack Hyde, complete with orange jumpsuit, shackles on his ankles, and handcuffs around his wrists. Both Ana and Christian tensed at the sight of him—Ana in fear; Christian in anger—and they watched silently as his eyes scanned the courtroom before settling on them. His eyes glimmered and a little smirk appeared on his face at the sight of Ana. He even had the balls to wink at her, and it took Elliott's hand on his brother's uninjured shoulder to keep him in his seat. Not that it took much effort; he could barely stand on his own, let alone cross a courtroom to beat the shit out of Jack...

Ana did everything possible to keep her eyes from darting at Jack and for the most part she was successful. The judge explained the purpose of the trial, what Jack was being accused of, and revealed that there was video evidence to support the accusations. Carrick stood up and explained to the jury what they would see when it was their turn to watch the videos, something that was inevitable if they wanted a guilty conviction. He then directed everyone's attention to the television that had been rolled into the room.

"In order to make the victim of these horrendous crimes feel safe," he told the jury and courtroom, "a statement has been recorded to answer all questions about what happened, when it happened, and the aftereffects. Mrs. Anastasia Grey would prefer not to face her alleged tormenter—"

"Alleged, my ass," Christian muttered under his breath. "There's nothing alleged about what he did, not after those videos."

Ana squirmed in her seat. Christian only held her tighter to him.

"—and as the victim, that is her right. But she felt it was necessary that her story be known."

Nodding for the bailiff to begin the video, Carrick took his seat behind the table and they all settled in to watch.

On the screen, Ana watched herself fidget around in Christian's desk chair, one hand off-screen, the hand her husband held in his own. She introduced herself at Carrick's prompting and began describing what had prompted her leaving her husband in the first place—how Jack had gotten into her home while she and her young son slept; how he'd threatened her family if she didn't go along with his demands. How she feared him so much after the last time he'd attempted to hurt her and her family that she'd accepted his terms. She told them how she'd lived for a year of her life, cut off from her family, her husband, and her son. Every second of fear she'd experienced during that time as she waited for circumstances to worsen for her. And worsen they did; she explained how the abuse had begun and how it had escalated.

Around the time of the video where Ana was discussing her pregnancy, she felt a shiver up her spine and turned her eyes slightly to find Jack Hyde watching her unabashedly. No one else seemed to notice and she refused to draw attention. He wanted her to panic, to turn away from him. It would give him the satisfaction of knowing he could affect her and she wasn't willing to give him that, even as she kept half an ear on the video statement.

" _Ana,"_ _she heard Carrick's voice saying gently to the video version of her, "how have these experiences affected you since your return home?"_

 _Video Ana sighed. "I had nightmares almost every night," she said. "At times, violent ones where I strike the person who tried to wake me up without knowing I'm doing it. I've gone to therapy twice a week every week since my return. My trust for others has diminished. I'm afraid nobody would understand, that they would be disgusted by what I went through and I'd lose my family again."_

" _Can you tell us why you felt you couldn't contact your husband or anybody else for help when you were so clearly in need of it?"_

 _Video Ana glanced off-screen at Christian, hating that she was forced to relive the misery of having to admit she hadn't trusted her husband. "Because I was afraid if I did, my husband and son would have been hurt," she said quietly. "Jack insisted he had connections and they would be dead before I could blink an eye. I believed him. And when Christian showed up where Jack had forced me to move, I was terrified about what might happen to him and our son."_

 _She then recalled what happened when she and Christian returned to Seattle—the discovery that Teddy had been kidnapped while his parents were in the air; everything that transpired with Elena Lincoln and Jack Hyde and David Callahan; everything that happened afterwards with Adam Duncan and David Lincoln._

 _As the statement was wrapping up, Carrick asked Ana one last question, one Christian had argued with him not to ask. "There was another aftereffect to what you suffered with Jack Hyde," Carrick begins so quietly that the courtroom as to strain to hear. "After you terminated the pregnancy that was forced upon you, you found out there was a chance that future pregnancies might be in jeopardy. Is that true?"_

 _Video Ana nodded. Real Ana kept her gaze locked on Jack as his brow furrowed at what he was hearing. "Yes," she said quietly._

" _And currently you are pregnant. It must be difficult to face this sort of thing in your condition."_

" _Yes," Ana said, her voice gaining strength as though she had known Jack would be seeing this and that it would be angering him. "All I want at this point is for my family to live in peace. It's all I ever wanted. I want us to be able to put this nightmare behind us without having to fear something else happening to us. I spent a year living in constant fear and I've forgotten what it's like to live without that. I want to be able to give birth to my child knowing we're safe. That's it. That is what I want."_

 _Video Ana looked directly at the camera now, her face void of the fear that had once been so prevalent, replaced with determination._

Christian leaned over to whisper in Ana's ear. "You're going to have that," he said. "I promise."

Ana nodded. "I know."

And for once, it wasn't a lie. She knew Christian would do everything in his power to give her that and she knew she'd never be afraid again.

* * *

"Will you hurry the fuck up!" Christian roared from the backseat of the SUV as Taylor had to slow down to turn a corner.

"Sir, we're going as fast as we can," Taylor tried to say soothingly, knowing there was every chance Christian would threaten to fire him any second now.

Christian slammed himself back into the seat, hands fisted in his hair as the fear and anxiety built. Three months had passed since the trial and this was the first time he was left feeling anything remotely similar to what he had during the week-long ordeal. Ana's statement and the video records Hyde had kept had almost guaranteed a guilty verdict. The jury had only deliberated four hours before returning. Jack was sent to a maximum security penitentiary and wouldn't even be considered for parole for thirty years. By that time, if he hadn't been killed in some prison yard fight, he'd be too old to cause any trouble. Nevertheless, the moment he was up for parole, he would be turned down. Christian would make certain of it.

David Lincoln was sentenced similarly. He would be left to rot for attempted murder charges, kidnapping, conspiracy to murder... The list went on. All Christian knew for certain was that he and his family wouldn't have to be afraid anymore. And that was worth everything to him.

After only a few weeks of searching, Christian and Ana found their new home. It wasn't far from Christian's parents' house in Bellevue, and they'd fallen in love with it only the instant they laid eyes on it. Like the old house by the Sound, there was a large backyard, beautiful view of the water, and everything they could have ever wanted. Also like the old house, their move-in date fell during the last month of Ana's pregnancy. Christian hadn't wanted to put her through another move like that, especially considering this pregnancy hadn't been without its difficulties, but she had been insistent that they be moved in completely before the baby was born.

Christian had, however, put his foot down when it came to how much Ana would do to help along the move-in. Only after Dr. Greene had no other choice than to place her on bed rest following a series of fainting spells due to heightened blood pressure did Ana actually force herself to relax and let everyone else do the work.

More than once, Ana had nearly lost the baby. It wasn't anything she'd done or hadn't done. It was more what the doctors had labeled post-traumatic stress disorder. Following the trial and the closure of knowing Jack Hyde was gone from their lives, every bit of fear and stress had nearly overwhelmed her. The nightmares had returned. She had anxiety attacks whereas before she'd never experienced a single one. Most of them occurred in the middle of the night when Christian was working late or out of town on business. Kate had taken to spending those nights with Ana to help cut down on some of the stress.

It made what should have been a carefree time in their lives almost unbearable to endure. And now Christian was speeding towards the hospital after receiving a phone call from his sister-in-law that Ana had been rushed there by ambulance and no one seemed to know what was going on. For all he knew, his wife and daughter were dying—or _had_ died—and he hadn't been with them.

Daughter. He and Ana were going to have a daughter. Teddy was going to have a sister. The day they found out the sex, Christian nearly had a panic attack of his own. It didn't take much for him to accept the idea and the more time that had gone on, the more excited he'd become. A beautiful little girl who would be her mother's clone. Just as Teddy was his father's. The ultrasound picture had pride of place on his desk at work and he stared at it every chance he got.

"We're here, sir."

Christian's head snapped up to find they had indeed arrived at the hospital. Taylor had opened the backdoor and stepped back so Christian could slide out and rush through the building. He reached the maternity ward and found his parents, Kate, Elliot, Mia, and Ethan waiting in the hall. Since it was so close to Ana's due date, her mother had flown out to help keep an eye on Teddy so Ana could get the rest she needed.

"Well?" Christian demanded, his eyes locked on his mother.

Grace stood up slowly, her expression grim, and if it hadn't been for Taylor's arm around his waist at the precise moment he needed it, Christian would have fallen to the floor. He knew what that look must mean. You don't grow up as the son of a doctor and not know how that doctor delivers bad news. He could already feel the wracking sobs building up in his body. Grace began speaking, but he couldn't hear a word of it. After everything that had happened, everything they'd been through and overcome, he'd lost it all. How was he going to tell Teddy? How was he going to go on? And he hadn't been with Ana during her last moments; he'd been in a boardroom where all outside communication was banned until a decision had been made.

"...resting comfortably..."

Christian returned to the moment, the two words reengaging his mind. "What?" he said hoarsely.

His mother was knelt in front of him on the floor, a smile on her face. "I said, your wife and daughter are fine and they are resting comfortably," she told him gently. "Ana went into labor very suddenly this afternoon and by the time she reached the hospital, it was in the best interest of her and the baby to proceed with the C-section. There was some concern about whether they would be okay, but I assure you, there is nothing wrong with either of them. And your daughter is so beautiful, Christian..."

Devastation changed to joy beyond anything he'd ever felt. "Where are they?" he asked weakly, allowing Taylor to help him off the floor. He paid no attention to the rest of the family. All he wanted was to see his wife and his baby.

Inside Ana's hospital suite, Christian leaned against the wall and just stared for several minutes. Ana's eyes were closed as she lay in bed and there was a pink bundle of blankets resting on her chest. She was pale and exhausted, but she was incredibly beautiful and he wondered if life would ever be more perfect than it felt right at that moment.

And then it was, because Ana's eyes fluttered open and turned to look at him, a smile growing on her face. "Hi," she whispered as he crossed the room to her.

"Hi yourself," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her lips, placing a hand on the blankets to confirm they were real. "How are you?"

"Mmm," she murmured with that same smile on her face as he pulled away. "Sleepy."

Christian chuckled softly. "I can imagine. You've been very busy today, Mrs. Grey," he whispered. His eyes darted at the blankets again. "Are you going to introduce us?"

Ana giggled quietly. "Of course, Mr. Grey." She squirmed around slightly, adjusting her arms, and pulling away the blanket to reveal the pink face of their daughter. With that one look, Christian felt himself falling in love completely. The only thing he'd seen as perfect as this little baby was on the day Teddy was born. His daughter had a soft fuzz of brown hair on her little head that he knew would grow to match her mother's exactly. "Christian, this is your daughter Phoebe," Ana said quietly. "Phoebe, this is your daddy."

With another strangled sob, this time from happiness, Christian took his daughter into his arms for the first time. "Hello, Phoebe," he whispered, pressing his lips softly to her tiny forehead. She stirred at the touch and Christian gasped when her tiny eyes opened. He was right. Phoebe was the exact clone of Ana. And if he didn't know any better, he'd swear she actually smiled at him.

"She's beautiful, Ana," Christian whispered, smiling through his tears. "Thank you for her. And for Teddy. And for loving me. And for everything else I should be thanking you for. I love all of you more than you'll ever know. And I will never let you go again."

Ana joined in on the smiling tears. "We're never going anywhere, Christian. We're yours."

Christian sat down on the edge of the bed beside his wife, placing one arm behind her and moving Phoebe so they could both see her clearly. "Mine," he whispered. "Always mine."

* * *

 **A/N:** This is the end of Found. Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed, complained, and commented! I'll start posting Back to Us soon!


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